[mothurs]

[anarchetypalarchive]

i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second

anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and i’m doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that he’s got a new tool for helping people recognize when they’re using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk

and i’m like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because i’m a linguistic learner and whenever paul’s like here i have a tool for you to use it’s pretty much always an article or a book or something

paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.

i say, paul.

is that a nerf gun.

yeah, says paul.

i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.

he happily informs me that that’s really up to me, isn’t it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?

and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how i’m having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like i’ve forgone getting groceries for the past week and that’s so stupid, what a stupid issue, i’m an idiot, how could i–

a foam dart hits me in the leg.

i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.

i say, slowly, it’s– not a stupid issue, i’m not stupid, but it’s frustrating me and i don’t want it to be a problem i’m having.

no dart this time. okay. sweet.

so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldn’t you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and he’s very smug about it 

anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear what’s all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.

[aidankochii]

[pillowmaam-deactivated20170127]

Him Lil

[galpalactic]

this thread has me in tears right now

We were driving to a restaurant and wanted to see how long the wait was. My dad handed me the phone book and asked me to look up the number. I, for whatever reason, thought he said “get rid of this”. So I opened the window and chucked the phone book while we were going 70 MPH down the highway.

great

I stuck my hand in a bowl of soup simply because I hadn’t before.

same

When I was maybe 10-12, I threw one of my dad’s golf clubs that had no head on it like a spear down the hallway after telling my brother it would be cool.

absolutely

One time I was eating a lemon poppyseed muffin. The phone rang, so I reacted by shoving the entire muffin my mouth and eating it as fast as I could, nearly choking to death, and I didn’t even make it to the phone before it stopped ringing.

huge mood

Gave my sister a piggyback when she was giving my other sister a piggyback at the same time

thank you for your service

[oreotiger]

[394627486283962718494]

Stephen King legiterally looks like Cindy Lou Who’s dad

[xanderrific]

le….legiterally?

[destructoray]

You mock him because you know he’s right

[thundergrace]

He realiterally does wow

[martianonions]

me: *patiently waiting for talented people to start writing “fbi agent watching me AU” fanfics of my otps*

fbi agent watching me:

[charlubby]

mood: david mitchell on great british bake off

[vengeancect]

[borderlands-disorder]

I would be terrified

[uncle-whisky-deactivated2018081]

Can we confirm the safety and survival of the person who took this video?

[vengeancect]

no they’re dead

[asillyandrandomname]

Ok I cried

[liketwopeasinapod2-deactivated2]

This is gonna give me nightmares :(

[versacebeefcurtains]

B I T C H

[habibi243]

WHAT IS GOING ON???

[boochiebadass]

@bigyerchy

[p-nutonyourface]

[shaelab-deactivated20160923]

But like why though

forcing people to listen to my music when I’m driving

[metal-attack]

Pink Floyd performing live in Amsterdam in 1977.

[sacred-portal]

[jesusbeans]

Or it’s a jewellery box…

[ceeberoni]

what kind of jewelry box has usb ports. the truth is out there

[brylup-blog]

It’s a fucking mirror

[ceeberoni]

What kind of mirror has USB ports????????

[pro-gay-deactivated20170112]

confirmed

[exoqenises]

what the fuck happened here

[super-wolves-blog]

the truth

[princessdanhowell]

people are always like “are you a morning person or a night person” and I’m just like buddy I’m barely even a person

[spicy-chicken-nuggets]

When you’re trying to train a low level Pokemon and it faints so you gotta send the whole squad out for revenge

[kingofthehillcaps]

[honted]

i walked in on my 4 year old nephew sitting alone on his bed eating grapes in the dark and i didn’t even get a chance to say anything before he said “i don’t have answers”

[fencehopping]

I just love that this was a job.

[shyriadracnoir-deactivated20181]

First thought

[ohdogs]