Fester/Blank🔻 It/ip/ul🔻aporagender ply gay loveless alloaro faggy femme🔻disabled🔻nondysphoric🔻jewish🔻half latine🔻dirty commie About, DNI, and other info can be found here
chewing on drywall thinking about how many people never pursue phalloplasty because of transphobic misinformation about functionality & appearance & the belief that anything less than the Platonic Ideal of Human Penis is completely worthless
My mother tells me it's not an option for "Someone like me", but I was a little interested in the concept as a potential procedure to look into. Do you have any links where I could read up on it?
I was told that no one who gets phalloplasty feels it, there's no nerves there, the ability to feel pleasure is completely gone, and that there is a high risk for mistakes. I never really believed any of the stuff people told me about it, but I have no other sources to get truthful resources.
Yes! phallo.net is a good resource for information. They have a ton of articles explaining all different parts of the process (including stuff for nonbinary people) and have resources on finding surgeons. (There's also metoidioplasty.net for people interested in meta!). r/phallo on Reddit is another good place to check out. There's a lot of discussion about the process & different experiences, & people post photos ranging from "day after first surgery" to "fully completed, healed and tattooed." You can also check out Finley Games, who has extensively documented his experience with phalloplasty on his blog and in his memoir.
Its not true that phallo means you won't have any nerves or be able to feel pleasure. Nerves are taken from the donor site and connected to the nerves in the pelvis (like the clitoris), & they regrow so that the new penis develops sensation. The most common type of phalloplasty (RFF, where the skin is taken from the forearm) has high success rates. Dr. Blair Peters is a queer surgeon who specializes bottom surgery & has done a lot of work focusing on sensation; they were the doctor who did the study that found out how many nerves are in the clitoris. He has written a lot of articles looking into improving sensation in bottom surgery & their team at OHSU has a guide on how to improve post-op nerve rehab.
Phallo.net has a page on the risks & complications here. It is nowhere near as bad as people will make it out to be (it is extremely unlikely that it will become necrotic, despite how much people love talking about that). From what I know, most complications come from urethral lengthening, which is what is done to allow people to stand to pee. Phalloplasty is much more complicated than top surgery, but its not a butcher job & it has been shown to have a high satisfaction rate despite this. A good doctor will ask you what you want to prioritize and avoid in your bottom surgery, & work with you to find out the best course to take.
in the interest of combating misinformation about phalloplasty, uhhh, i heard there's a whole erective apparatus one can get installed that sounds entirely unappealing for me to have but afaik it's the only option
was i lied to? do i actually not have to have foriegn objects jammed in (to me) uncomfortable places to get an erection?
Until the day comes that we can recreate erectile tissue, erectile devices are the only way to create an erection with phallo. They use the same things people with natal penises use when they have erectile dysfunction. However, there is company working on making products specifically for trans people, though they aren't available in the US yet.
There are ones that are external, and then the internal ones you are describing. There are two different types of internal EDs: a semi-rigid rod that (in the words of my friend) you can move around like a pipe cleaner, and a pump which allows you to go from soft to hard. You should also check out phallo.net's How Penile Implants Work to get a sense of the process and the differences between types.
I would recommend reading people's experiences with EDs to get a better sense of whether or not an implant is something you would want. r/phallo is a good place for that, and you can also read Finlay Games post on his experience 9 months post-op. The implant is definitely not a requirement for getting phalloplasty.
(note: this was originally coined by pawkips / rotcoric, on a blog which has since been lost. the archive is here. this post will only contain plaintext.)
(New flag | Old flag with symbol | Old flag)
Absrose
Someone beyond, between or removed from aromantic / alloromantic and asexual / allosexual dichotomy.
ID/the first flag is a rectangular flag of 7 uneven stripes, sizes go three medium, one small, and three medium. The colors go from top to bottom as dark teal, muted teal, light muted teal, black, grey, medium grey, and dark grey.
Second and third flags are identical rectangular flags of 5 even stripes, the colors go from top to bottom as dark blue, teal, black, light grey, and dark grey. The second flag has an arrow symbol overlaid on a circle and the third flag is blank./end ID
None of the commenters are gonna see this, but! If anyone’s interested in meta or phalloplasty but is kind of on the fence because they’ve only heard Terrible Wretched Things about the surgeries and results, you should try to find a copy of Hung Jury by Trystan T. Cotten! It’s a collection of testimonials from FtMs who have had bottom surgery, including their reasons, details about some of their procedures, and individual satisfaction ratings, and it includes testimonials from several trans men of color!
This is the book that convinced a buddy of mine to go through with metoidioplasty! I pinky promise, the surgeries are way way way better and safer and more effective than we’ve been made to believe they are. If it’s a procedure you want/need for your health and happiness, it’s a procedure you deserve!
LITERALLY THIS!!!!!! ppl are just parroting what they hear and they’ve been saying the same shit for decades. news flash assholes!!!! if you actually do your research, you’ll find it has gotten better!!!! what you mean is that bottom surgery won’t make you cis, and that is not the fault of bottom surgery.
I'm sure it's progressed in 20 years but when I'm in multiple FTM trans groups and seeing multiple posts from guys who've been basically butchered, including several who have had it just straight up reject and fall off, you bet your ass I'm not spending thousands of dollars to get bottom surgery. It's just not worth it to me.
I highly recommend that anyone considering a phalloplasty checks out this site
Phalloplasty is a gender-affirming surgery that creates a penis using tissue taken from the forearm, leg, back, abdomen or hip/groin. Phallo
It goes into detail about everything from different types of procedures, to preparations, to recovery, and to risks.
I've found it extremely helpful while I was looking over my options because they don't just vaguely warn you about potential complications; they explain them in depth with the goal of informing you rather than dissuading you.
I think one of the most important takeaways I found here is this section:
The phalloplasty has come a really long way since it was first preformed (almost 100 years ago, I believe!) and complications are a risk with any surgery. Phallo has higher complication rates, sure, but it also boasts a very high satisfaction rate--higher than that of people who have undergone cardiac surgery. And regardless of all of this, shaming people or calling transmasc surgeries "butchering" or "invasive" or "dangerous" is kind of awful actually.
(There's also a similar site for people considering metoidioplasty too!)
”Don’t fuck up perfectly good parts” is so fucking transphobic you could have taken it right out of any given TERF’s larvae-filled, shit-encrusted mouth.
They’re NOT “perfectly good.” Not for those of us with bottom dysphoria. They’re parts that SHOULDN’T BE THERE. They’re parts that SHOULD BE DIFFERENT. And modern medicine can make that happen.
“Doesn’t even work” I can fuck both your parents with it one after another, shut the fuck up. You can piss with it. You can fuck with it. You can orgasm with it. What else do you want, a song and a dance?
“Doesn’t look like the real thing” if it’s like 2 months post-op maybe?? Babydoll there were SCADS of cis gay men biting their lower lips at my phalloplasty cock at the nude beach. One did an honest-to-god double take complete with jaw drop. And once I get my baculum (by which I mean erectile implant) in December, I’ll be able to put it in any damn position I please. Partner likes ‘em straight out? No problem! Partner likes an upward curve? Can do! Show me a cis man who can fucking do THAT.
BUT WAIT, THEY EXIST. Because phalloplasty and erectile implants and testicular implants are done for cis men, too. Do you think THEY’D rather have no dick instead?
You say don’t want phallo because it doesn’t give you a cis dick. I hear “I’d rather wallow in misery and self-pity because chasers and other transphobes have convinced me that I should not have my body altered from the parts they want to fuck.” I hear “I have been duped into parroting genital essentialist transphobic bullshit by cryptoconservatives.”
I love my dick. This is a $135,000 cock—I saw the bill. It’s QUALITY. And it fucking ERASED my dysphoria. Do I wish it worked like a cis man’s penis? Do I wish I had a foreskin? Of fucking course I do! But you know what I never fuckin’ find myself thinking after bringing myself off is “Gosh I sure wish my hand, pubes, genitals, and sheets were covered in rapidly-concealing jizz.” If it were possible to go back to my original configuration, there is no universe in which I would EVER consider doing that for a PICOSECOND.
The most common complication is a fistula. GUESS WHAT. THEY USUALLY HEAL UP ON THEIR OWN. MINE DID.
With a nebula-sized fuck-you to the transphobic cis gay who coined the term on LJ 20 years ago and discouraged the fuck out of me for ever getting bottom surgery, this “dick roll-up” is so much better than my OEM parts they’re not in the same fucking universe for comparison. They are on different levels of reality apart.
Stop parroting TERF rhetoric to yourselves and your brothers. Not all of us have bottom dysphoria, but for those of us who do, BOTTOM SURGERY IS FUCKING AWESOME AS ALL HELL.
[id: a rectangular flag with 7 equally-sized vertical lines. colors in this order from top to bottom: grey-pink, black-pink, pink, light purple, pale blue, dark blue, darkish blue. /end id]
Transdox: a term for being trans and not being trans at the same time.
Making my own term similar to aphroflux but away from all the discourse stuff.
Atlantifluid - an intersex exclusive identity for where you can be fluid between transmasculine, transfeminine, transneutral, and/or transandrogynous.
Does not have to be all 4! Antlanti taken from Atlantius, Roman equivalent of Aphroditus/Hermaphroditus.
[Flag description: flag with 7 horizontal stripes with the colors from top to bottom being: purple, lilac, light steel blue, very light grey, pastel pink, pink, and a brighter pink. There is a light blue hollow circle outline in the middle of the flag. End of flag description.]
a gender modality related to transitioning in one direction and then another.
root word is “dromos” meaning “to run,” specifically from “anadromous” and adjacent terms which refer to patterns of fish migration. anadromous species include salmon and some species of sturgeon. these fish are born in freshwater rivers, swim down to the ocean where they mature, and then return to their freshwater home to lay eggs.
someone who identifies as transadromos may feel that they are transitioning “back” to a gender state that they previously left, or venturing to a new one.
ID: a 5 striped flag, with red as the top stripe, then white, light blue, blue-green, and dark blue-green. the symbol on the flag is an arrow that circles back on itself. the second image is the same thing minus the symbol.
This label is an intersex exclusive label for beings who cant figure out if theyre transfem, transmasc, transneu or any combination.
Its intersex exclusive because i want it to be :smile: dont try to recoin this to not be intersex exclusive, I will beat you up with the lamp i use to beat up intersexists.
boob warning. heres a real life example ft my own dog tag– though mine's on the more subtle side. theyre very common dont be afraid to add them in your drawings its cute!!!!
It has to do with the length of the scar. The further under your arms the incisions go, the more likely this is. It’s not a bad thing, but it can feel uncomfortable. If your surgeon is willing to take the time, they can modify the incision near your armpit if you’re more likely to get them.
You want someone that good? See Dr. Jeffery Morehouse in Albuquerque NM. He doesn’t standardize. Every chest is unique to the person AND he takes medicaid.
Compiling some terms/posts useful for people questioning if intersex
Note: If a definition in is in quotes, the source material it is quoted from is linked to by the relevant term.
Highly relevant terms
Extersex - "[A] term for those who do not know whether they are dyadic or intersex. It could be because one feels as though they might be some form of intersex, but are unable to medically confirm it, or cannot confirm what intersex variation it is. It may also be for those who have a variation that may be considered intersex, but are uncertain if they want to identify as intersex." - @themogaidragon
Quoisex - "[An] umbrella term for anyone who doesn't quite understand their sex or doesn't want to define their sex." - LGBTQIA+ Wiki
Note: I understand this as more general than extersex, and would include people questioning if altersex. See the wiki entry for subtypes (quoigonadal, quoichest, etc)
Altersex - "An umbrella term to describe having or wanting primary or secondary sex traits/characteristics that do not align with the binary sex model that a significant portion of society has adopted. It is primarily used by those who are not intersex and are trans+ and wish to or transition specifically to have a body that does not fit the aforementioned sex model." -@intersex-questions
Note: Being altersex does not make somebody intersex. I include it because many people questioning their intersex status realize this is what they're looking for.
Anisohormonal - "Aniso (unequal/uneven) + hormonal (relating to hormones). An individual who has an imbalance of hormones for any number of reasons. Such individuals may or may not also be intersex." - @sproutflags
Note: includes non-intersex variations such as diabetes.
Subtypes of intersex people
Note: In my experience most people questioning if they're intersex have a hormonal intersex variation like PCOS, so I'm skewing towards this accordingly.
Dysgonadal - "[having] dysfunctional gonads. This includes agonadal (no gonads) and hypogonadal. Also known as gonadal agenesis/dysgenesis, dyssex and nullogonadal/asexed (null sex or avaginal/aphallia)." - @arco-pluris
Note: contrasted with eugonadal - "people with functional gonads (reproductive cells). Includes hypergonadal (hyperfunctional gonads)"
Interhormonal - "Someone who is intersex and anisohormonal and/or feels that being intersex has impacted their identity as anisohormonal in some way and/or that their identity as anisohormonal has impacted their identity as intersex in some way." - @sproutflags
Intermeer - "a term used to describe all intersex variations that are caused by an overproduction of horomones (testosterone, estrogen, or both.)" - LGBTQIA+ Wiki
Variations include: AES, FMPP, PCOS. Part of The Autre System for categorizing intersex variations.
Intermindre - "a term used to describe all intersex variations that are caused by a lack of horomones (testosterone, estrogen, or both.)"
Note: The wiki lists AIS and EIS as examples although they are not due to a lack of hormones, but rather a lack of sensitivity to them. Part of The Autre System for categorizing intersex variations. See the wiki for more subtypes. Thank you to anon asker who pointed out the AIS/EIS issue.
Mesosex - "[A] person who has an intersex variation, but one which does not conform to perisex (non-intersex) ideas of what intersex is. For example, people who have intersex traits that are considered "mild", or who have variations such as PCOS Hyperandrogenism and Poland Syndrome." - @ipso-faculty
Interdynamic - "a term for individuals whose secondary sexs [sp] characteristics do not match with the typical secondary sex binary." - @omegai
More intersex terminology
Intersex Terminology Masterpost by @intersexfairy
Edits:
- 2023-12-13: corrected AIS mischaracterized as lack of hormones, ty to anon for correction
- 2023-12-13: added interdynamic
flag id: two flags with 4 stripes. the left flag's stripes are medium dark red-orange, orange, yellow-orange, and light yellow-orange. the right flag's stripes are dark indigo, medium dark blue, faded pink, and light orange. end id.
banner id: a 1600x200 teal banner with the words ‘please read my dni before interacting. those on my / dni may still use my terms, so do not recoin them.’ in large white text in the center. the text takes up two lines, split at the slash. end id.
lesbutchgender: when being a butch lesbian is one's gender
[pt: lesbutchgender: when being a butch lesbian is one's gender. end pt]
for anon! the left flag uses colors from this butch lesbian flag and the right flag uses colors from this butch flag and the lesbian flag. the term is 'lesb' from 'lesbian', 'butch', + 'gender'!
a breakdown of my one week post-op appointment (after top surgery):
i came in wearing my mastectomy pillow around my chest because it makes walking more comfortable, and i was nervous about that because the social anxiety said it was weird to go out in public like that, even if it was just to the surgeon’s office. when the surgeon brought me into the exam room, though, she didn’t even mention it, so if you’re like me and get nervous about stuff like that, you can rest assured that they’re very used to seeing it.
i was also nervous about having my boyfriend record parts of the appointment, but she was super chill about that too. basically, whatever your social anxiety tells you is weird to do at these appointments to be comfortable or document it or whatever else, they’ve already seen it a million times and they don’t care at all.
for the past week, as we’ve been emptying my drains, we’ve been writing down how much fluid was in each bulb and when it was emptied on a sheet the hospital gave us. the first thing the surgeon did when we got in the office was look over those notes to see how much i’m draining and confirm that the fluid level is low enough to take my drains out.
the next thing she did was unwrap all the bandages and take all the padding off. she didn’t do the big reveal of my chest in front of a mirror that i’ve seen a lot of surgeons do, but i suspect that might be because she knew i already saw it when we had to send some pictures to her.
the only part of getting the drains out that i could feel at all was at the drain sites (the little incisions where the drains came out of my body). i felt a little bit of pain there when she cut the stitch on each side that keeps the drains in place, and a bit when she was bandaging the sites once they were out, but it was nothing bad. when the drains were actually getting taken out, i could feel some pulling on the drain sites, but i couldn’t feel the drains coming out at all. i thought she was still working on the stitches until i saw the full tube in her hand after. the pulling feeling wasn’t super comfortable and maybe hurt a little, but again, nothing nearly as bad as you’d think getting tubes pulled out of your chest would feel. the drain sites are definitely still sensitive now if something directly touches them, but i’m much more comfortable than when the drains were in.
once the drains were out she also peeled the steri strips off of my incisions, which was both the most painful part of the whole process and an incredibly weird feeling. the feeling of them peeling off my skin was decently painful, like a particularly stubborn bandaid coming off, but there was a band in the middle of that feeling where it was totally numb, because the skin around my incisions is super sensitive but the incisions themselves are numb. my boyfriend and dad were in the room with me and, as she was taking the strips off, i turned to them and said “that hurts but it also doesn’t?” that was the best way i could describe it in the moment. all in all, not awful, just like a bad bandaid with a weird strip of fuzzy nothing in the middle. the worst part was just that it caught me by surprise because i didn’t know they would be getting peeled off until she started doing it.
once the incisions were out in the open, she put some moisturizer on them, which felt even weirder. this time, instead of being strips of painful with a strip of non-painful, it was just a super weird liminal space where i was deeply uncomfortable and my brain reacted like i was in pain, but the only sensations i was actually feeling we’re super dull and barely there. doing that myself will definitely be…interesting.
up until this appointment, i had been wearing two ace bandages with two abd pads and gauze strips underneath. when she rewrapped me at the end, she just put the two pads over my incisions with no gauze around them and then put one ace bandage back on me. so my bandages are much lighter now, and it’s definitely more comfortable than before.
she had me make another appointment for two weeks from now (at 3 weeks post-op). she told me that, until then, i should limit my physical activity just as much as i have been so far, even if it feels like i can do more now. she also said that i can shower as long as the water doesn’t hit my chest directly, that i should change the pads every time i shower, and that i should switch to a clean ace bandage once a week (we didn’t have to buy extras, they were given to us). she recommended i get scar strips at some point between now and the next appointment, but said i shouldn’t start using them until she can take a look at my chest at 3 weeks and tell me if my skin is ready for them.
overall, it ended up being a much shorter appointment than i expected, although i’m honestly not sure what else i thought was going to happen. that being said, it didn’t feel rushed at all, and it was really nice to have her look at me and confirm that my chest is healing well.
Original Post Here [link] | Term Carrd Here [link]
NOTE: The Carrd site is not mobile friendly at this time. I plan on updating it soon to be more accessible for mobile platforms.
Everique is a term to describe when one views their entire identity as queer, and thus views all of their attractions as such. It can be used as a modifier alongside other labels or as a term on its own. There could be a multitude of explanations for this, some of which are (but are not limited to):
Being trans and having a complicated relationship/history with your sexuality because of that.
Being multigender and/or genderfluid and therefore experiencing queer attraction regardless of who you're attracted to.
Being non-binary and not fitting binary definitions of queer vs. not queer.
Being m-spec and feeling as though all of your attractions are queer because you are m-spec.
Being a system/collective where the line between individual identities is blurred.
Being angled a-spec and experiencing "straight" attraction through a queer lens due to being a-spec.
Simply being queer and resonating with the term's meaning.
Many, many more.
This term is meant to encompass everyone in the community. If you feel this applies to you, use it. There are no limits to this term. This term is inclusive of m-spec lesbians and gays, lesboys and turigirls, romeogirls/darcygirls and julietboys/bennetboys, multigender and genderfluid individuals, gaybians/velaurians, loveless individuals, non-traumagenic systems, etc.
The new flag is very reminiscent of the original, but with a few alterations and added meaning to the design.
The descending rainbow for each of the bigger stripes are supposed to resemble the whole of the queer community and how everyone is included under the label Everique.
The white is supposed to resemble the 'everyone inbetween'. The identities that are often left out of discussions and pride, the identities that are often forgotten, dismissed or attacked even by members of their own community.
The purple in the middle is to resemble unity and togetherness for all queer people, meant to be a nod to the chevron queer flag.
Everique has a new symbol, that being a rose. It symbolizes love, happiness, positivity and (again) unity. Each petal of a rose is still connected to the same bud of the flower, much like how all queer identities are still connected under the shared experience of being queer, regardless of their differences from each other.
Here are some transparent images of the term's symbol, but any rose can be used to symbolize Everique.
The love this term has gotten has meant the world to us, but it was our first term ever. The original flag, while cute and charming, was made with very little flag-making knowledge. None of the colors held significant meaning.
You are still more than welcome to use the original flag if you feel it fits you best, but this is the one that has resonated with us the most and we feel encompasses what Everique is.
some thoughts about top surgery recovery, as of 3 days post-op:
when they say using your chest muscles sucks afterward, i never realized exactly how much was going to be be limited. coughing, sneezing, hiccuping, laughing — all of it is terrifying right now. even talking for too long starts to put that kind of stress on my chest, and my voice isn’t as strong as it usually is. it takes me forever to fully empty my bladder when i’m on the toilet because i’m totally relying on gravity to do all the work (and shitting was effectively impossible without a stool softener even though i haven’t taken the pain meds they said i would need them for)…and don’t even get me started on figuring out how to wipe (hint: back to front while sitting, using my dominant hand to push my non-dominant hand far back enough). using the computer is also harder — i was planning on playing lots of baldur’s gate after, but for the first couple days i could only really go for a few minutes before using my arms that way got too tiring. having a mastectomy pillow has been an absolute godsend when i’m using my phone because i can prop my arms up on it and not really have to use any muscles at all to hold them up.
the biggest piece of not being able to use my chest muscles right now, which i’m writing separately because it’s been such a huge thing for me, is that i cannot sit up or back by myself at fucking all. like, if i sit on the couch and lean back a bit to sit against the cushion, it hurts to pull myself back up to fully straight — and if i’m leaning back any more than that, i just can’t do it at all and i’m stuck there unless my boyfriend puts their hands behind me and pushes my dead weight back up. i totally get why some people sleep in a recliner now because i’m completely at the mercy of having someone there to help move me around once i’m at any sort of angle. sitting back is mostly the same as far as what i can do, and arguably hurts worse to attempt at all, but my ability to do it seems to be coming back faster than my ability to sit up. if you’ve never had your mobility limited to that extent before, prepare yourself: the first time you’re stuck somewhere and the person who normally helps you doesn’t answer immediately can be really fucking scary (i learned that the hard way).
the anesthesiologist warned me that i might have a sore throat after surgery from being intubated, but i was not prepared for what “sore throat” ended up meaning for me. you know that feeling of swallowing something that’s too big and you can still feel it in your throat even after it’s down? it’s like that times 20, and further down in my throat. the worst pain i’ve felt in the last three days wasn’t from the surgery itself, it was from trying to swallow pancakes when my throat was at it’s worst. today is the first day it’s even started to fade, and even now, it hurts just to swallow my own spit. i don’t know about you, but that’s not what comes to mind when someone tells me “you might have a sore throat”.
on that note, the incisions themselves have really been the least painful part in general, probably because the nerves there aren’t reconnected yet. the vast majority of my pain and discomfort at this point has been from the drains and bandages — the drain sites getting sore or just randomly starting to sting, waking up feeling suffocated by the ace bandages, etc. it’s not because anything is wrong with them — the drains weren’t placed wrong and the bandages aren’t too tight, they’re just a huge pain in the ass to deal with 24/7. i can’t express how much i’m looking forward to getting the drains out and being able to take binder breaks because it’ll make things so much more comfortable.
my incisions are connected in the middle because my chest tissue was all really close together, and the part where the incisions connect is really the only part where i’ve felt any pain so far. i suspect it’s because the swelling on either side is making that part of the incision push together and press against itself, and then the binder pushes on it even more. it’s not a severe pain at all, but i do sometimes lift the center of the bandage off my chest for a second to give that spot a bit of a break.
i’ve already started getting some of the weird sensations associated with nerves reconnecting, and it definitely is wild. so far, it’s been mostly tingly feelings, sometimes like chills and sometimes more like a limb falling asleep. (weird observation: taking a shit makes my ribs tingle? i’ve got no good explanation for that one.) i’ve gotten a zap on one side and some buzzing feelings too. it’s pretty mild right now, probably because it’s so early on.
i’ve also gotten what i would describe as phantom boob feelings, especially on the first night. specifically, when i close my eyes, sometimes i’ll feel like someone is touching or jiggling the boobs i don’t have anymore. definitely not a super pleasant experience, but i think being out of it from the anesthesia still really helped me not be too upset by the worst of it. i’ve gotten a couple little phantom nipple touches too, but those were just split second blips of sensation that were far less bothersome in comparison.
i never realized that the classic post-op hunch is caused more by the binder than by the body itself, but we had to take all of my bandages off the night after my surgery to send pictures of something to my surgeon, and i was shocked by how much straighter i could sit with everything off. i was definitely still hunched, but it was more like a natural slouch and less like i looked like i was using an invisible walker. with the binder on, it’s super uncomfortable for me to try to stand straight at all because it feels like the ace bandage doesn’t come with my body and just drags everything down, and i’m always holding my mastectomy pillow or my hands to my chest while i walk around to stop it from feeling like gravity is going make the bandage tear my chest open.
every so often, when things are getting especially painful or uncomfortable or just generally difficult, i do start to wonder if i made the right choice. not because i regret getting rid of those things — not by a long shot — but because it’s a fucking hard process to go through. this is probably the hardest thing for me to admit, but the rational part of my mind knows it’s natural to feel that way once in a while. all of this is temporary and the relief from dysphoria will be permanent, but right now? this is my entire world and it doesn’t feel particularly temporary and i do have moments of “why do i have to go through all this when other people get to just have the right body from the start? why couldn’t i just live with what i had? why can’t i just be living my normal life right now?” no matter how sure you are of your choice, no matter how proud you are of being trans, this shit is hard and it’s okay to feel that.
i’m going to put the pictures of my chest one day post-op under the cut, because i think it’s pretty rare to see pictures from that soon after the surgery. they’re not gorey at all — the actual incisions are totally covered by steri strips and everything around them is clean — but still, if you don’t want to see relatively fresh surgery results, don’t look under the cut.
for all the discomfort and pain and limitations and other weirdness of recovery, every time i look at these pictures it reminds me of exactly why i’m doing all of this, and i’m so glad i kept fighting for this for so long. some people might never understand why someone would choose to go through this whole process, but i know it’ll be worth it in the end.
here’s my chest one day post-op! i think it looks super good and my surgeon said it looks like it’s healing perfectly (as much as it can be healing at one day). for reference, my chest was a DDD/F before surgery. i know this isn’t how my chest will look in the end, but i’m already thrilled with how things are turning out! i’ve truly never been more confident in my choice of surgeon — like, come on! look at that! she did so good!
“ yeah i think labels cause more problems than they solve. yeah i want to keep coming up with more labels to describe myself. we exist”
- A good friend of mine
Hello aspecs who aren’t strictly aro and/or ace!
Ever feel alienated by the split between alloromantic-aromantic and allosexual-asexual? Ever feel like you place on the spectrum is a thing all of its own, rather than having to pick a ‘side’? Thought of the non-sam or neu label but found it limiting to omit their sexual and/or romantic orientation?
Well, as someone who’s sexuality, no matter how limited, is deeply important to me, and who is tired of swapping between the labels of non-sam, aroallo, and angled aroace, I decided to coin my own terms! Maybe a community will arise from this, because I know I’m not the only one who feels weird about the divide, and who have not found comfort in the terms neu or non-sam, and perhaps dialogue can arise from that.
ANYHOW.
The flags are all amalgations of the aroace flag by @aroaesflags In place of the orange (community and union) and yellow (forms of love outside of sex and romance) are shades of green for aromantism and purple for asexuality, the multiple shades representing community and diversity among aromantics and asexuals. The middle flag uses shades of grey in place of yellow and orange. The term grey is used for those who find themselves in between a lack of and presence of attraction (greysexual, greyromantic). As the blues represent a combination of asexuality and aromantism, those remain present, as does the white stripe for unity.
Aromid - Someone who is strictly aromantic, but not strictly asexual, while still being on the asexual spectrum.
Alternatively, someone who is strictly aromantic, but not strictly asexual or allosexual.
Amid - Someone who isn’t strictly aromantic or asexual, but on the spectrum of both asexuality and aromantism.
Alternatively, someone who is not strictly asexual, aromantic, allosexual, or alloromantic.
Acemid - Someone who is strictly asexual, but not strictly aromantic, while still being on the aromantic spectrum.
Alternatively, someone who is strictly asexual, but not strictly aromantic or strictly alloromantic.
EDIT: Slight additions to the definitions to adhere to different experiences/be more inclusive.
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📼✦﹐" HORRORBEiNG. “ — A genderabeing subtype . A gender connected to horror / being horrorific && a being ; A horrorbeing — a being of the horror genre / being who is horrorific .
"horrorbeing." - A genderabeing subtype. A gender connected to horror / being horrific and a being; A horrorbeing - a being of the horror genre / being who is horrific. /end PT]
