His fingers against Charles' temple set his skin on fire like the whiskey had burnt in his throat, and he was helpless against the tide of undiluted want that scorched his veins and settled into the pit of his stomach like an explosive waiting for the slightest touch to set it off. It became clear to him that whatever would happen this strangest of nights he could no longer deny that he was desperately in love.
He hated himself that moment too; hated that Charles' tears of dread invoked such passion within him, that his vulnerability only fanned Erik's desire to take him, to devour him until all that was left were these little cries and whimpers, until they too were silenced in the night.
"A serene memory?" His laughter sounded hollow in his own ears and he tilted his head to the sky, seeking the cold light of the stars to douse the fire within. It were his impulses that had caused Charles this distress; first, the text message, second, the involuntary flight. Third, he's wont to notice how I feel right now. It made him slam every defense against the telepath he could muster in place.
But he had to try. Even if everything between them turned  to ashes, he should at least attempt to calm Charles down, to provide him some sense of safety before Erik repaired the wheel and have  it bring them down.
A serene memory? His childhood had been cut short and after that everything was darkness - an oozing wound of rage and hate and pain. There was no happiness to be found there for sure. In truth he had never been happy, not until he had met Charles. It had been Charles who had pulled him out of the fight against Shaw, who had shown him a better way to live, a future to look forward to.
And that was how he found what he was looking for.
"I'm sorry." He whispered almost inaudibly as he lowered his eyes to meet Charles' tearful gaze. He trembled slightly in fear of what this precious memory might cost him. "This is all I have."
It was one of those perfect autumn days. The trees painted the landscape with brightly coloured leaves, splashes of red, orange and yellow in the dark green grass of the little meadow at the far end of the estate. They had been cooped up for days sorting through the books of the enormous library and Charles had led them down the half forgotten path after he decided  they sorely needed a break.
The sun was still warm but the wind was blowing sharply from the north, and his friend had been wearing a ridiculous long knitted scarf over his coat that kept blowing in his face while he vehemently argued the validity of a theory he'd wanted to propose, apparently mistaking Erik who had long since been convinced for his less enlightened colleagues.
When they'd reached the clearing however, Charles had abruptly fallen silent, entranced with the simple beauty of the autumnal landscape. His mouth had fallen slightly open in a surprised 'o' as he drank in the sight, his freckled cheeks red from the cold and his eyes such a bright blue it seemed they were two shards that had broken off  the sky.
And as Charles had looked out over the meadow, Erik had looked at Charles and for the first time in his life he'd seen a person he could irrevocably trust, someone he could allow himself to love. And from that moment on he had.