I love my job, but reblogging employment jelly for someone else I love.
One Nice Bug Per Day
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@theartofmadeline

Origami Around
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"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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I love my job, but reblogging employment jelly for someone else I love.
A Real Scandal of the Birth of God (Christmas poem)
A Christmas Poem by Kaitlin Hardy Shetler
sometimes I wonder if Mary breastfed Jesus. if she cried out when he bit her or if she sobbed when he would not latch.
and sometimes I wonder if this is all too vulgar to ask in a church full of men without milk stains on their shirts or coconut oil on their breasts preaching from pulpits off limits to the Mother of God.
but then i think of feeding Jesus, birthing Jesus, the expulsion of blood and smell of sweat, the salt of a mother’s tears onto the soft head of the Salt of the Earth, feeling lonely and tired hungry annoyed overwhelmed loving
and i think, if the vulgarity of birth is not honestly preached by men who carry power but not burden, who carry privilege but not labor, who carry authority but not submission, then it should not be preached at all.
because the real scandal of the Birth of God lies in the cracked nipples of a 14 year old and not in the sermons of ministers who say women are too delicate to lead.
+++
Kaitlin posted the poem on FB on 12/16/2019 and it was shared thousands of times within the first time.
I found many images online of Mary breastfeeding baby Jesus, dressed in all sorts of attire. This is one of my favorites.
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‘The Nursing Madonna’ is a figure/icon that goes back at least to the 3rd century.
The oldest known image of the Virgin Mary is from a third-century fresco in a Roman catacomb that shows the infant Jesus suckling at her exposed breast.
Christmas’ missing icon: Mary breastfeeding Jesus https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/on-faith/christmas-missing-icon-mary-breastfeeding-jesus/2012/12/10/b9a25316-4313-11e2-8c8f-fbebf7ccab4e_story.html
Same article but with more art: https://www.huffpost.com/entry/mary-breastfeeding-jesus_n_2274119
Also see https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nursing_Madonna
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Artist: Circle of Gil de Siloe Title: Virgin of the Milk (Virgen de la leche) Date: c. 1500
Reminders for new ao3 users (in no particular order):
- filter your searches like you would on a library website or in an online catalogue
- don’t post placeholders, fic searches, or recommendations as fics. DON’T! It’s against ao3 TOS
- there is no algorithm. ao3 sorts by date posted/updated unless you filter with specific search criteria
- ao3 is a non profit. that means it doesn’t sell ads to make money — it only survives on donations. this is why it can show you so many fics without ever flashing an ad or pop up at you!
- report fics that break TOS when you see them (I.e., placeholder fics, searches) to help other users navigate better
- the tag “dead dove, do not eat” doesn’t equate to gore/awfulness automatically. it is a complementary tag that enhances current tags. E.g., if the fic is tagged “gore” and “dead dove, do not eat” the author really wants you to mind the gore tag
- most fandoms have a variation of “no beta, we die like (x character)” and they all link back to the “No beta” tag
- publishing a new fic sometimes means it won’t show up in the fandom/pairing tag for a few minutes
- subscribers receive update emails at different times, depending on when you update/publish your fic. there’s no good way to predict when an e-mail will be sent — it can be in 30 seconds, or two hours later
- some fics are restricted by authors to those with ao3 accounts only. if you see a blue lock in the upper right corner, that fic is only visible to logged in ao3 users
- you can block commenters now! this didn’t use to be a thing
- updating a fic just to stay at the top of the pairing tag/fandom tag is a dick move. unless you’re legitimately editing or adding chapters, this just annoys readers and fellow authors, and people will skip over your fic
- make sure that you tag your ships correctly, both romantic and platonic. Putting an “&” between a pair of names means that the ship is platonic. Putting a “/” between the characters means its romantic. For example: “Greg & Steve” = platonic. “Greg/Steve” = romantic. They are NOT interchangable.
- if your fic includes original character/s or reader insert or y/n or etc, then TAG THOSE IN THE CHARACTER TAGS. Not just in the relationship tags!! They are characters in the story, so include them in the character tags. Failing to do so means people who want to find fics with those tags won’t be able to, and people who want to exclude fics with those tags won’t be able to.
- NEVER EVER EVER ADD A LINK TO A PATREON OR KO-FEE ACCOUNT OR ETC. Ao3’s entire legal protection hinges on the fact that no one is making money from fics. If you start commissioning fics or linking to a monetary platform, you are in breach of the Ao3 terms, risking legal action, and risking ao3 as a whole. There are loads of authors/companies who WILL sue if they think you’re making money off their intellectual property.
- seconding what OP said about Dead Dove Do Not Eat. It doesn’t automatically mean “gore”; it just means “heed the tags.” It means “Hey yeah when I tagged this as [thing] I was NOT fucking around, ok? Only read this fic if you’re OK with reading [thing].”
additions from someone who has posted way too much on this site please listen to me:
there are no best times to post but generally sunday and monday are a good zone for traffic
you must double check and make sure the publication date matches the day a chapter is posted or it won’t show up on the first page of updates. sometimes you have to physically edit the posting date multiple times for this to be fixed.
on that note: artificially editing your publication date so your fic shows up at the top when you haven’t added a chapter is the dickest of moves and will make you a pariah. do not do this. yes everyone will notice.
editing existing chapters doesn’t count as updating a fic and won’t change the publication date.
ao3 usually adds weird spaces after italics if you copy and paste in your writing pre-formatted. it doesn’t add these until after you’ve saved a draft or posted so you have to re-edit.
check the “add space after paragraph” option in your word precessor of choice to avoid having to delete an extra space between all your paragraphs on ao3.
when you add a second chapter to a one chapter fic, your original start/end authors notes will now be appended onto the notes of every chapter unless you move them to the now extant first chapter notes sections. this is confusing, but you’ll see what i mean.
to post on anon: add your fic to the anonymous (anonymous) collection. it’ll take up to fifteen to minutes to show in the tag once posted. it’ll show up (to you) as AUTHOR NAME: fic title. no one else sees it this way. it will never show up on your own dashboard unless you go to your stats page. if you ever de-anon, all your subs will get an email about it as if it were just posted.
if you update multiple fics at once, ao3 will group the updates into one email.
to transfer a fic to a new ao3 account: make a new account, make the new account a co-author, remove the old account as co-author.
you cannot mention money changing hands for fic on ao3, ever. don’t say commissions. say a fic was requested if you must say anything. your fic can get taken down for this.
reply to comments or never complain about engagement in fandom.
per that: EVERY TIME YOU EDIT A COMMENT, THE AUTHOR GETS A NEW COPY OF YOUR COMMENT IN THEIR EMAIL. we can see all the edits. be aware.
tagging is both a warning and an enticement, do so accordingly. you really don’t need to tag things that fall outside that unless you want to.
on that note: please don’t do the “short fics for 300 different fandoms in one fic” thing. no one wants to scroll past that. i mean you can but it just makes it harder for people to find the thing you’ve written that they want to read.
if you are really bad at summaries just think of it as a movie tag line and don’t say you’re bad at summaries. don’t neg your own fic.
re all the questions i saw in replies: fic searches are people looking for specific fics. i don’t know what the fuck a placeholder fic is but these aren’t fanworks and you can’t post them. you can’t post discord links or rp requests or complaints about fandom. you can post fanart and meta essays. that’s allowed.
“Read by Author” tag is not a tag to say that you proofread the fic. It is specifically for podfic, saying that the fic is read outloud by the author
Remember the Block and Mute feature. Block means that someone cannot interact with your works. Mute, however, means you will not see the person’s works in the search. If you don’t want to see fics by a specific author, mute them.
Basic html works in comments. If you want to add an image, use <img src=“URL”> with the image url replacing URL. Keep the quotation marks.
Comments are not for critique. Unless the author specifically asks for critique, you are a jerk if you start pointing out everything you dislike. It doesn’t matter how vile you think the content is. If you don’t like it, just back out without saying anything.
If you do not want a work attached to your account at all, you can Orphan it. When you Orphan a fic, you can no longer edit it or delete it. This cannot be undone. If you just want to be anonymous, use the Anonymous feature described above.
If you wish to make a collection of fic that includes all of the fic you have read, consider making a collection of your bookmarks instead. Not every author wants their work to be in a million collections, but you don’t have to ask permission to make a collection of bookmarks.
The “Inspired By” option is great if you draw inspiration from another author’s fic. And it helps give credit to other amazing fanfic writers.
Fic can be downloaded in many different ways. If you want to download a fic and use it like an ebook, go for the EPUB version. But all versions have their merits.
No fanfic author in existence is going to be upset that you made fanart.
Growing.
Remember when Ursula K. Le Guin called JK Rowling a nasty basic bitch back in like, 2004? We should have listened
“This last is the situation, as I see it, between my A Wizard of Earthsea and J.K.Rowling’s Harry Potter. I didn’t originate the idea of a school for wizards — if anybody did it was T.H.White, though he did it in single throwaway line and didn’t develop it. I was the first to do that. Years later, Rowling took the idea and developed it along other lines. She didn’t plagiarize. She didn’t copy anything. Her book, in fact, could hardly be more different from mine, in style, spirit, everything. The only thing that rankles me is her apparent reluctance to admit that she ever learned anything from other writers. When ignorant critics praised her wonderful originality in inventing the idea of a wizards’ school, and some of them even seemed to believe that she had invented fantasy, she let them do so. This, I think, was ungenerous, and in the long run unwise.“
i found the specific quote i was thinking of x
Q: Nicholas Lezard has written ‘Rowling can type, but Le Guin can write.’ What do you make of this comment in the light of the phenomenal success of the Potter books? I’d like to hear your opinion of JK Rowling’s writing style
UKL: I have no great opinion of it. When so many adult critics were carrying on about the “incredible originality” of the first Harry Potter book, I read it to find out what the fuss was about, and remained somewhat puzzled; it seemed a lively kid’s fantasy crossed with a “school novel”, good fare for its age group, but stylistically ordinary, imaginatively derivative, and ethically rather mean-spirited.
damn gurl :’]
the hand holding at the hospital IM FUCKING DYING IT KILLS ME EVERY TIME I CANT DO THIS! THE WAY HE CARESSES HER HAND WITH HIS FINGER WHILE SHE DOES THE SAME???? They were soothing each other... I CANT and the way after his initial surprise of her holding his hand HE grips it tighter???? I CANT
(yes I made this into it's own post)
you can only reblog this today
Healthy relationships are clearly better in real-life but fucked-up ones are way more dramatically interesting in fiction. In much the same way–indeed, in exactly the same way–that feudal monarchy is a hell of a lot of fun in fantasy and historical fiction novels, but complete shit to actually live under.
Feudal monarchy is so hilarious because it’s just like: “What if we based our entire sociopolitical structure on fucked-up family dynamics?”
‘don’t you want your favourite character to be happy???’ no? i want my favourite character to be interesting. i want me to be happy. which sometimes involves my favourite character being in exquisite agony
If you need to run, always imply that you'll return.
– Vanessa Len, Only a Monster
I support womens rights but more importantly I support womens wrongs.
“does it have to be queer”
yes, next question, unless the next question is “why”, in which case I am pulling the lever
Could it be more queer?
(To my personal assistant) Increase the sea salted wolverine’s budget
futbol heritage
I’m about to have a fun afternoon.
So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.
She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.
This should make for an interesting story.
So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.
Arrival:
So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”
Retrieval:
So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.
Delivery:
So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.
What a great day.
I was thinking about this story for no reason and decided I should grace you all with it again.
Fever is a hilarious immune response. Our bodies tell the disease “hey, wanna see which one of us dies of overheating first? No? Too bad.” and honestly they’re not even the winners a decent chunk of the time but it works often enough that we never evolved it away or anything. Fantastic work.
this reply is killing me