Just getting a fresh start. They/them. Late 20s. Chronically ill, disabled, queer af. If I followed you, you probably know me from my old blog (siorai).
"we live in an uncaring universe." sorry the special planet full of beauty and animals and food literally growing out of the ground isnt good enough for you. i guess
I haven't talked much about B here yet. But they've really come to mean a lot to me. They're witty, funny, warm, and blunt. I never have to wonder what they're thinking or feeling, cause they'll just tell me. That's done wonders for my anxiety. Haven't put labels on it yet, just special to each other. We're morally and ethically aligned. I've never had someone so eager to listen to me ramble about whatever, and who will ramble right back. We trade facts and hypothetical questions, do lore drops and trade secrets. We share silly and fun bits.
We also talk so much about books, trade recommendations all the time. We've done a few buddy reads, and plan to continue doing more. They're also watching one of my favorite tv shows, just cause I like it and it'd give us more to talk about. We're kinda watching it together.
I dunno, just wanted to talk about them. Wr have tentative plans for them to visit in February, and it's something I'm really looking forward to.
Parts stuff is weird for me lately. We still very much exist seperately, but a lot of the time function like a well oiled team, handing over shifts smoothly and easily. Are there still holes in my memory? For sure. But they're mostly inconsequential. We don't argue much. The parts present regularly are pretty much on the same page or at least pretty similar pages.
I know I need to talk more, to work more on things, but things are quiet and mostly peaceful and I don't wanna fuck that up, even though I know it eventually blows up if I don't put in the work.
Pain's been real bad lately. Nerves screaming constantly. On the bright side, I've gotten a bunch of reading done and more crochet. I'm about 90% done with a crochet elephant for my sister and it is adorable.
I've read 69 books so far this year and am part way through 6 others currently. Which sounds insane. I've always been a one book at a time kinda person. But, hear me out.
1. Audiobook for listening to when I can't sit down and read with my eyeballs
2. Book to read with my eyeballs
3. Buddy read that I'm stopping every few chapters to wait for my friend to catch up so we can talk about it
4. Graphic novel
5. Book, technically a novella, that I'm recording myself reading aloud to send to a friend
6. Mythology book that my friend is slowly reading to me
Alwaya good to see you around. I'd like to hear your answers for 1, 2, and 6 on the DID asks! đą
Thank you for the asks, friend. đ§Ą
Answered 1 already.
2. How do you experience DID? Do you find your symptoms manifest more physically, emotionally, mentally, etc?
It used to be a more even spread, but I do think I experience it more emotionally now. Not necessarily in the same way I did before. I rarely get the big emotional swings I used to, but I would say it most heavily effects my emotions.
6. Are you, as a whole, in a relationship? How does romantic partnership work for you?
So I don't know exactly how this will look in the future. But, I will say that if one of us is involved with someone, then we're all connected. That's very much a group decision and I would not want to be romantically entangled with someone who wasn't generally well liked among all parts. Our current relationship is still very new and we're taking things slow, so I'm not 100% sure how that all will shake out. But generally, some of us might have different preferences in how we interact with someone we're with, but we will all acknowledge that that is a person we've decided to have close to us that we all care about, and we need them to be able to accept our parts. Our current relationship is with someone who doesn't know a ton about DID, but has been very sweet and willing to learn when we have shared some things and we're learning how to navigate that after all the change that has come about in our system in the last few years.
God, about a decade ago now? That feels crazy, but that's how the math works out. The how is messy and my memory is foggy about it now, but involves a lot of research and conversations with a trauma therapist.
14. What is your favourite sense to ground yourself with? Olfactory, tactile, auditory, etc?
Olfactory is my favorite. Tactile is most reliable.
25. Have you read books on DID? If so, what are some of your favourites? What are some books you would like to read in the future?
I've read bits and pieces of a lot of them, but don't remember enough to really recommend them. I want to do rereads of some of them and I have digital copies. I've just gotta take the time to do so. I'll probably post about my thoughts here as I do.
hey friend :) 3, 19, and 28 for the did ask thing? hope your day is being gentle <3
Thank you for the questions, friend. â¤ď¸ It was really helpful for me to answer these.
3. What does healing look like for you?
Stability. An easier time regulating myself. Limited internal arguments and healthy communication when disagreements come up. I've found a lot of that over the last couple years. So despite life kinda blowing up in my face, I'd say I've made really good progress healing.
19. How much internal communication do you have with parts? How do you, as a whole, prefer to communicate?
There's often some degree of running commentary. We rarely have a single part fronting alone, and there's usually a bit of back and forth between whatever parts are present. I used to be really good at making dedicated time for us to communicate, but a lot of that has fallen away. I'd like to get back in the habit, even if it doesn't feel as necessary now. Communication is mostly internal, but sometimes talking aloud or writing can help. It varies a lot on specifics. Sometimes just a vibe or a picture or an urge, sometimes whole full conversations.
28. In your experience, what are the hardest things about having DID in your day to day life?
The inconsistency. Especially as someone who thrives on routine. It can feel hard to settle into a routine when that can all fall apart if things inside change up. It also really bothers me how inconsistent I can be in my relationships, not remembering things I wish to, saying I feel a certain way and then that changing drastically, ect. And that tends to make me isolate and feel shame, which is something I'm working on. I'm also more consistent now in a lot of ways, but there's a degree of it beyond my control that really bothers me.
âwhy are you, as someone in their 30s, still on tumblrâ oh so you think youâre gonna be normal when youâre my age? you think youâre gonna be CURED?? you think the witchesâ curse will have been lifted by then?? cmon now
I wish it was easier to get my hands on copies of the weird little books I read as a kid. Sometimes I randomly remember a book I read that I loved and I want so badly to reread it, but they're so hard to find. I spent about an hour googling two different books to find just the name and author, and then found them, but can't actually get my hands on them.
One I don't remember a lot about, but there was some really cool/weird parallel universe stuff going on, combined with classical music? Different parallel universes moved at different speeds, so you'd have Red [character] who's 10 and Blue [character] who's 20. I remember them being color coded for some reason. There was also this epic scene where they are in basically a huge void and have to play specific notes on these massive violin strings to save the world or something? I don't remember. Ended up finding it. It's called Beyond Reflection's edge.
The other one was easier to find, despite originally apparently being a German book. It was about this famous pianist named Iris who's sick. I think it's MS, but I don't really remember. She decides to clone herself and raises the clone herself, despite knowing that her clone will face the same health issues she has. She basically does it as a way to prolong her career. She names the girl Siri, literally a reflection of herself. And it's all about this girl's struggle growing up to be anything more than an extension of her mother-twin.
Now I can't stop thinking about them and wanting to reread them.
It's been eleven years (wow) since the original 30 Days of DID ask meme was created, and there Still isn't one that is not largely parts-focused. So I made my own.
Some questions still pertain to parts but they are much more few and far between than the original ask meme. Answer what you want to, skip over what you don't like. This is all in the name of getting to know yourself better and sharing only what you feel comfortable sharing.
To be clear because unfortunately I have to be, this ask meme is for those with a complex dissociative disorder (so not just DID!) whose experiences with parts are inherently disordered.
When and how did you find out you have DID?
How do you experience DID? Do you find your symptoms manifest more physically, emotionally, mentally, etc?
What does healing look like for you?
Do you have a specific type of therapy that is your favourite and that works best for you? What types of therapy haven't worked in the past?
Have you shared your diagnosis with anyone outside of your care team? If so, who and why?
Are you, as a whole, in a relationship? How does romantic partnership work for you?
How long have you been in treatment for DID?
When did you first learn/hear about DID, if it was prior to your diagnosis?
What misinformation about DID irks you the most?
What are some ways that depersonalization and derealization appear in your day to day life?
Do you have a favourite model of dissociation (eg. BASK, ToSD, 4D model)? Why?
How do you keep track of your symptoms and experiences?
What was your last therapy session like?
What is your favourite sense to ground yourself with? Olfactory, tactile, auditory, etc?
What are some ways that memory gaps appear in your day to day life?
Prior to your DID diagnosis, had you been misdiagnosed with other conditions?
Do you have a favourite movie, TV show, book, or video game that has a character with DID, or one that you believe has DID?
How do you experience emotions in relation to your DID? For you, how are emotions affected by dissociation?
How much internal communication do you have with parts? How do you, as a whole, prefer to communicate?
What are some ways that identity confusion appears in your day to day life?
What songs or specific lyrics do you relate to your experience with DID?
Are you diagnosed with other conditions? How do those conditions affect your DID, and vice versa?
Where is the safest place you can imagine for yourself as a whole?
How do you experience passive influence? How are you able to identify passive influence now, vs. when you first discovered your DID?
Have you read books on DID? If so, what are some of your favourites? What are some books you would like to read in the future?
How do you experience denial in relation to your DID? How do you deal with it?
Do you experience variation in skill correlating to levels of dissociation? If so, what skills stand out as most affected by dissociation?
In your experience, what are the hardest things about having DID in your day to day life?
Do you have a common trait amongst parts, such as a trauma response (or if you want to be less personal, hobbies or interests, etc)?
What is something you feel should be written about that was not asked here?
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