Secrets - Jacob Black
“No, Y/N! Move!”
You felt as though all the wind in you got knocked out as you flew backwards. There was a deep throbbing sensation before it all went dark.
When you awoke, you could tell from the sounds and the smells that you were in a hospital. You took a while to open your eyes knowing the glare from the fluorescent ward lights would sting. Your throat felt dry and your skin tight. Slowly you pushed yourself up into a seating position to fully take in your surroundings. The ward was relatively empty, just you and another person who chose to close the curtains around their bed. Porters were walking up and down the corridors pushing carts of food and the occasional patient. One of the nurses popped her head through the doorway and nodded with a smile, acknowledging you were awake. You looked to your side to see an empty chair. There was a faint indent of someone's behind etched into the seat letting you know that, until quite recently, you had a visitor. You rifled through the cabinets on either side of your bed hoping to come across your handbag or your phone, hell even your clothes just to make sense of why you were lying in a hospital.
“Ms Y/L/N, good to see you finally awake”
You looked up to see the face of Carlise Cullen.
“I- what happ-” You asked slightly groggily.
“I’m glad you’re awake” He repeated, shining a light into your eye.
“How long was I out for?”
“You came in 5 days ago, we kept you sedated for 3 before weaning you off.”
“What the fuck happened?”
“You were brought into the hospital unresponsive. We completed scans of your body and found that you had a slight fracture on your t8 vertebrate and increased pressure in your brain. We conducted a ventriculostomy where we drilled a small hole in your skull and inserted a plastic pipe to drain out the excess cerebrospinal fluid and restore adequate blood flow to your brain.”
“How-”
“All they told me was you hit your head, hard.”
“Who’s they?”
“What is the most recent thing you remember, Y/N?”
You closed your eyes and tried to think back to your last moments but all you could remember was waking up and getting ready for your day.
“The last clear thing I remember is getting up to brush my teeth”
“And what time would you say that was?”
“Around half 8 in the morning?”
“Some short-term amnesia is expected, I’m afraid I can’t give you a definitive time frame for when you’ll remember, or if you’ll remember, but you were brought to the hospital at 3.40 pm by Sam Uley, Seth Clearwater and Jacob Black.”
“And where are they?”
“Sam and Seth stayed until you came out of surgery, Jacob stayed the entire five days, he left a short while ago for a shower and a change of clothes.”
“Do you know when I can go home?”
“I need to run some tests just to make sure that your brain function is normal and to check on your spinal fracture and once those are fine, you’ll be free to leave. Would you like me to call your mother?”
You nodded.
“Great, ill be back in a few moments to take you up to radiography.”
Your scans and tests came back normal. Your mum dealt with your discharge paperwork and prescription while you got changed into the clothes she brought for you. Carlise prescribed some pills to keep the swelling on your spine down and to manage the pain and, strict bedrest for the rest of the week to make sure you didn’t damage your spine further. You hobbled your way out of the hospital and to the car. The drive home was silent, you could tell your mum was itching to say something but she held her tongue. She silently helped you up the stairs and into bed.
“Bella came by yesterday to drop off your bag and your phone. I’ve plugged in an extension cord and left it on your bedside table. Try not to move too much. I’ll be downstairs if you need me.” She said, fluffing your pillows and making sure you were comfortable.
You mumbled a small thanks before turning your attention to your phone. It was dead so you plugged it into the charger and let it charge for a while until it switched on. You were greeted with a flurry of text messages from your friends asking about your whereabouts and sending you well wishes for your recovery.
Ignoring those, you typed out three text messages to the three boys involved in your ’accident’, “What the fuck happened to me?”. Sam and Seth’s replies came almost instantaneously at the exact same time, consisting of the same message, “Ask Jacob.”. Growing increasingly angry as you read over each text a few more times, you called Jacob’s phone. To no one's surprise, you were met with his voicemail. You cut the call and called again, only to be met with his stupid voicemail greeting for a second time. On your third ignored call you decided to leave a message. “I don’t know what happened in the 8 hours before I turned up in the hospital, Sam and Seth have told me to ask you, my mum is acting weird and I don’t know why. I don’t know what you did but I want answers and I want them now, so grow some fucking balls and give me them”. And then you waited.
For the entirety of your bedrest, you waited for Jacob to call back but he didn't. You waited to hear his heavy footsteps coming up the stairs but you didn't. Bella and Edward had visited a couple of times. Angela came almost every day after school to catch you up on the gossip of Forks high, and to make sure you didn’t fall behind. Paul and Quil dropped by while your mum was at work, somehow managing to nimbly climb in through your window to avoid you moving around. They avoided the topic of Jacob completely, chalking his disappearance down to him being ‘busy’. You knew better than to press on the subject so you dropped it, deciding to wait until you were able to move before you ran up on him.
“Rise and shine, you’ve got your freedom back today” Your mother sang, pushing open your curtains and pulling off your duvet.
You rubbed your eyes as you stretched out. “What time is it, Jesus”
“6”
“Mum, I don't have to leave for school for another couple of hours” You groaned in annoyance as you pulled the duvet back up and over your head.
“You haven't washed your hair in days. The sponge baths only did so much. I love you, but you’re smelling a bit ripe”
She had a point, deodorant, bodyspray and dry shampoo could only do so much. You reluctantly got up from your bed and went into the shower. You could still feel a slight dull ache in your back but Carlisle said that was to be expected. Any discomfort you felt immediately dissipated when you felt the hot water hitting your skin. You scrubbed the build-up of grime that had accumulated from your scalp, massaging it lightly. Although it was a quick shower, you were sure you had never felt so clean before in your life. You got out of the steamy bathroom and went back into your room. Your mum had kindly left some toast, a banana and a mug of tea on your bedside table so you tucked into your little breakfast whilst quickly checking your texts.
Angie: so excited 2 have u back in school
Y/N: just happy 2 b free :’)
Angie: gotta catch u up on gossip
Y/N: LOL, ttyl need 2 get ready xo
You quickly finished your breakfast before applying some moisturiser to your damp skin. There was only just enough time for you to dry your hair before you grabbed your school bag and your car keys and left.
Your first day back was filled mostly with your classmates asking you what happened and you responding and telling them you had no idea. As each person asked you, the anger you had burning inside you for Jacob only grew stronger. You could have potentially died that day yet you had no answers for what exactly happened. Not knowing a single detail about something that could have derailed your entire life was infuriating. From your third period, all you could focus on was getting out of school and driving to the reservation. Your friends tried to stop you from leaving so soon, insisting that you needed to celebrate your freedom but you fended them off, promising to celebrate your freedom another time.
As you drove out of the school car park, you slowly drove past Bella and Edward making sure to initiate eye contact with both of them. They knew what happened, it was obvious, and just like everyone else, they were leaving you in the dark. You parked your car behind Billy’s truck and slammed the door shut.
“Jacob Black you get your ass out here right now” You shouted, stomping your way to his house.
Billy was the first person to come out and assess the commotion. “Y/N-”
“Usually, I’d be happy to see you Billy, but right now I want your cunt of a son to come out and stop ignoring me.”
“He’s in the barn, working on his bike” He muttered with a small smile.
You nodded in thanks and angrily walked over to the barn. You took in a deep breath to centre yourself before you practically busted the door down. Jacob’s head snapped up in surprise at the intrusion. “Y/N”
“Embry, Quil, get out.” You ordered. They both looked to Jacob who nodded before getting up off their seats.
“We’re really glad to see you’re okay Y/N” Embry mumbled as he walked past.
Once you heard their footsteps retreat, you turned to face Jacob.
“How fucking dare you?” You screamed, brandishing a spanner that found its way into your hands.
“Y/N-”
“No! How DARE you treat me like this.”
“Let me-”
“NO, you’re going to listen to me first. I’ve spent the whole week knowing that I have hours of my life that I can’t account for. I don't know where I was, who I was with or how you, Sam and Seth were the ones to get me to the hospital. All anyone has asked me is 'how did it happen?’ and I’m just as knowledgeable as they are. Any time I’ve tried to get answers I get told to ask you. When I try and ask you, you ignore me. I want to know the truth. And I want to know it now”
“I can’t tell you the truth”
“Oh wow, you’re really going to hit me with this bullshit?!”
“I can’t, Sam would kill me”
“Read my lips, Jake, I don’t care. I want the truth.”
He stood silent for a few moments. “Fine, but we need to go somewhere first”
“Why?”
“We just do, but I promise you, you’ll get the truth”
You reluctantly followed Jacob out of the barn and towards the forest. The two of you walked in silence, you trailing a few steps behind him. Jacob had the advantage of being physically fit over you, allowing him to walk over the uneven forest floor and hop over the gnarled tree roots that spread across the muddy paths. It didn't take too long for your calves to burn as you tried to keep up with Jacob, both in speed and orientation.
“How much longer?” You asked, stopping and leaning on the side of a tree to catch your breath.
“10 minutes” He replied, turning his head over his shoulder.
“Are you serious? My legs are going to fall off”
“The more breaks you take, the longer it'll take”
You mimicked his patronising comment and began walking again, only to misstep and trip. You landed on the mud with a light thump.
“For fucks sake” you muttered, wiping the mud from your hand and slowly getting up.
“You okay?” Jacob asked, rushing to your aid. You could have sworn you saw his breathing speed up as if he was panicked.
“Just tripped, I can’t keep up with your long ass legs.”
Wordlessly, Jacob swept you off your feet, carrying you bridal style. “Now you don’t need to worry about keeping up with me” He smirked, looking down at you.
“Jake put me down”
“If I put you down we won't get to Sam’s until tomorrow”
“Why are we going to Sam’s?”
“You’ll find out in a bit”
“I’m so sick of being in the dark-”
“I told you, you’ll find out the truth soon”
“That's the - you know what, you won't understand, I give up.”
“I don’t understand what?”
“Nothing”
“No, tell me, make me understand” His steps became harder and faster, you could tell he was starting to get frustrated.
“ Don’t you think I’m scared? I have 0 recollection of what happened that day. There is this huge gap in my timeline and I can't come up with an explanation for it, I can't try to piece memories together and come up with some kind of explanation. On top of that, everyone around me seems to know what happened apart from me.”
Jacob’s lips parted as if to say something but he kept silent. The rest of your walk was filled with a sort of tension. It was an odd tension because despite how irritated you were by Jacob, you felt a sense of peace, some comfort being held by Jacob. If your younger self could’ve seen you at that point, she would've combusted on the spot. It was cliche really, crushing on your best friend, but you couldn’t help it. Jacob was the only one that you felt understood you. He was supportive and always knew how to make you laugh. When the rest of the guys would exclude you from games, he’d always try and find a way to get you back involved. For a while you were starting to think that maybe Jacob liked you too, he was starting to notice the little changes in your appearance and making more plans with just the two of you, alone. That was until Bella came to town. It didn’t take you long to realise where his affection was really directed.
“Well, get ready to get your answers,” He let you down gently and walked into the open front door. You trailed in behind him slightly cautious. You were greeted by Sam and another woman, she had a huge scar on the side of her face.
“You must be Y/N, I’m Emily, Sam’s fiance,” she said softly.
“I didn't know-”
“I like to keep it on a need to know” Sam stated, crossing his arms.
“I just baked some croissants, why don't you grab one”
You looked over at the dining table to see a plate piled high with glossy freshly baked croissants. Jacob took a seat and you followed suit. He poured himself a glass of orange juice and went to fill yours up. “Before you say anything, there are no bits”. You nodded and took a croissant, tearing a chunk off and tasting it.
“These are insanely good, Emily” you gushed after swallowing your mouthful. She beamed back at you from the kitchen.
“So let’s cut to the chase. You want to know what happened last week.” Sam said, leaning against the huge kitchen island.
You nodded.
“what do you remember about those Quileute stories Billy used to tell us at bonfires”
“They can turn into wolves or something, like werewolves. They knew witches. What does that have to do with this? They were stories we were told as kids”
“What if I told you they weren't stories?”
“Werewolves don't exist”
“You wanna prove her wrong, Jake?”
Jacob sighed as he grabbed you by the arm and took you back outside Sam’s home. He took off his t-shirt and threw it to the side.
“I didn't want a strip show” You scoffed.
He scoffed and turned around, pulling his shorts down and throwing those with his shirt. He turned again to face you “All I’m asking is that you don’t run. I have more to explain but this part is easier shown.”
You nodded, trying to tear your eyes away from the bulge in his boxers. Jacob jumped off the deck and all of a sudden, you were met with a huge brown wolf.
“You’re fucking shitting me”
“Nope, clear as day. He's a werewolf, and so am I. So are Quil, Paul, Embry and Seth."
The wolf- Jacob, took a few tentative steps closer to the deck, you copied his actions stepping off the deck and meeting him in the middle. He jutted his head forward and you ran your hands over the soft fur on his head. Jacob pushed his head into your hand and you scratched the top of his head and under his jaw simultaneously. He panted happily, moving his head so you could reach the right spots.
“He's like a massive dog” You called out laughing.
Jacob growled in response and sat up.
“He told me to tell you to respect him, he's a wolf, not a dog.” Sam chuckled.
“How?-”
“Werewolf things, we can communicate telepathically.”
You looked from Sam to Jacob, bewildered.
“He’s gonna change back, you might wanna turn around if you don't wanna see his junk” Sam said, turning around to go back inside.
You stepped back and covered your eyes with your arm. It took a few moments but you heard a quiet zipping sound and dared to take a look at Jacob’s muscular torso.
“So this only explains a part of what happened. The rest is, well, complicated” Jacob followed sams lead and returned to Emily’s kitchen table.
“Uncomplicate it for me then.”
“Do you remember the stories of the ‘cold ones?’“
“Kind of?”
“Marble skin, ice cold, no need to eat or sleep, consume blood, more commonly known as-”
“Don’t fucking tell me there are a bunch of bloodsucking vampires running around here too”
“The Cullens”
“THE CULLENS? As in EDWARD Cullen? As in Bella’s boyfriend?”
Sam and Jacob nodded.
“That’s hilarious, you and Edward are both sworn enemies due to your nature and rival lovers”
“Shut up”
“Back to the topic, on the day in question, you came to the rez to see Jacob. Only Bella and Edward were there too, asking us for help to deal with some newborn leeches. Tensions are already high between the pack and the Cullens, so when they come on our land asking for favours, you can imagine how things go. Things got a bit heated between Paul and Edward, he can barely contain his anger on a good day so he phased. Jacob was stood next to him, so he phased too, to keep him in line”
“Cool story but where do I fit in here?”
“Somehow, during all the testosterone, you got too close. No offence but were all over 6ft tall, so it wasn't that hard for you to get lost in the crowd. When Jake phased, he hit you with his tail and you kind of flew backwards and hit a tree.”
An awkward silence settled over the three of you.
“Well, I can see why no one wanted to tell me the full story” You joked, cutting through the tension.
“This is something the two of you need to talk out, Em and I will be upstairs if you need us.”
“I think we’ll walk back to my dad”
Sam nodded. “I’ll see the two of you later.”
You gave a small smile and got up and left Sam’s home.
“Hold up, you’ll end up tripping again”
You refused to laugh at Jacob’s joke, choosing to face ahead rather than look at him.
“Are you going to ignore me now?”
You ignored him again.
“C’mon, Y/N, talk to me” Jacob grabbed a hold of your hand but you shook him off.
“Y/N, I’m being serious. Stop. Look at me.” He grabbed a hold of your forearm, using a bit more force and pulling you towards him. “Please, just look at me”.
You looked up and stared into his eyes. His beautiful chocolatey brown eyes. The eyes you would stare into as a child during staring contests; the eyes you would search for in a crowd of unfamiliar people; the eyes that would meet yours in serious moments that you weren't supposed to laugh in, making you both dissolve into a fit of laughter; the eyes that had been following Bella’s every move for the past couple of years.
“Hurts doesn’t it? Being ignored?” You said, quietly, not breaking eye contact.
“You know why I couldn't tell you”
“But you did tell me,”
“After I got Sam’s approval”
“How hard was it to get Sam’s approval while I was in the hospital?” You pulled away from him and continued walking.
“I didn’t want you to get hurt”
“So what, now that you’ve waited a few days the threat of me knowing the truth has just disappeared?”
“If it was up to me, you wouldn’t have found out until after we dealt with this newborn bullshit. I didn’t count on you showing up at my house, lack of foresight on my part I guess”
“I still don’t understand what this changes for me? Apart from me staying far, far away from the Cullens”
“They’re vegetarians, they only drink animal blood. But that's beside the point.” Jacob stopped and picked up a small log, snapping it into bits like it was a twig. “I’m not good with feelings, I don’t know how I’m supposed to explain this to you”
“Most of us first phased when the Cullens came to town. It's in our DNA, the smell of the bloodsuckers triggers the change. Forks had been free of vampires for the last few decades, so were the first shifters here in a while. The problem is, vampires are like an infestation, when you have one, you have a million more. We’ve been hit with threat after threat, first this woman trying to kill Bella, and now all of this newborn nonsense.
“Bella is just a human and she's stuck in the middle of all of this, this is what knowing does. It’s just not safe”
You felt your heart sink at his mention of Bella. “So you didn’t tell me because you didn’t want me to get in the way?”
“Yes-”
“Right, I see that I’m just an inconvenience now.” You scoffed.
“No, I didn't mean that. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to get hurt. I didn’t want you to get involved in all this. Not to mention, your mum forbade me from telling you unless it was necessary”
"My mum knew?"
"She's always known, you could say our families have some history,"
“Well despite what the both of you decided, not telling me got me hurt too”
“I know, and that's why I stayed away because I tried to protect you, I tried to keep you safe and I failed.”
“Wait, do you think that it was your fault?” You stopped walking for a second.
“Well of course it was. I threw you against a tree. You fractured your spine, they had to drill a hole in your head. You could’ve died.” Jacob turned to face you, his chest heaving. “I always thought the bloodsuckers were the monsters and we were the protectors. I nearly killed you, Y/N, so what does that make me?”
“Hey, now it's your turn to look at me” You rushed forward and held your hands to Jacob’s cheeks. “You are not a monster. It was an accident. I was in the wrong place at the wrong time and in the heat of the moment, things went sideways. And yes I could have died. And yes that is a very scary thought. But I’m not dead, hell, it's like nothing even happened. I know I'm angry, but I'm only angry because you kept it from me. Now that I know you run around with wolves in your spare time, I’ll call ahead before I come over. I’ll even buy some dog treats to keep in my car”
“I’m a wolf, not a dog, huge difference.”
“Tomato, tomato. I guess at the end of the day, you thought you were doing the right thing by keeping it from me”
“Why are you so calm about this?”
“I don’t know myself, it's like I just had to play with wolfy you and I felt better. I guess all that research into the health benefits of pets is right”
“So I’m your pet?”
“Whose a smart boy? You’re a smart boy” you patted Jacob on the head, messing his hair up slightly.
“That’s it” Jacob placed one muscular arm around your waist and hoisted you over his shoulder.
“Jacob put me down”
“No,”
“Jacob.”
“You’re slowing me down.”
“JAKE”
“I’m not listening to you”
You accepted defeat and let Jacob carry you back to his home. Once he let you back down, you stumbled slightly, feeling lightheaded from all the blood rushing down from your head. Jacob scrambled to hold you up.
“Are you okay?” He asked, frantically looking for any other signs you were hurt.
“Headrush, I’m okay” you responded, blinking.
“I see you’re both back” You both turned to see Billy sitting on the porch. “I assume you’ve told her?”
“Oh yeah, I know about Jake’s secret double life”
“And...”
“Dad-”
“What does he mean by and? What else were you supposed to tell me?”
“It appears I have put my foot in my mouth”
“Just a little bit, thanks dad”
“What-?”
“Let's go into the barn”
You sat down in your designated spot with Jacob flopping down directly next to you.
“Whoa, designated seats are out the window huh? Must be serious.”
He ignored your comment and tilted his head back and stared at the ceiling. “What do you think about soulmates?”
“Bit of a random question but I think they exist”
“Elaborate”
“I guess I feel like we all have that one person out there for us that allows us to be the best versions of ourselves. Someone you can laugh with one second, cry with the second and argue with the third.”
“Do you think you have a soulmate?”
“I’d hope so” You chuckled slightly. “what do you think?”
“I have one and I know exactly who she is. It's just complicated”
“Let me guess, she's in love with a vampire?” It was now Jacob’s turn to laugh.
“Actually, it’s not her. We have this thing called imprinting, in my world,”
“I’m sorry, ‘In my world?’ You sound like one of them old white guys telling strangers his war stories"
“It's a wolf thing, you kind of just look at her and you know it. It's like gravity just pushes you towards her. She becomes your entire world. Nothing else matters but her. You become overwhelmed with this desire to be close to her, to touch her, to keep her safe. You would go to the ends of the earth just to keep her happy. At first, I thought it was sappy bullshit but honestly, the entire world could be burning down behind me, but I wouldn’t care as long as she was with me.
“When I first phased I hoped it would be Bella. I tried my hardest to force it but I looked at her and I felt nothing. And then I saw Her, and I realised how stupid I was to ever even want Bella in the first place. She smiled at me and it reminded me of all the reasons why she was so perfect for me.”
While you were happy that Jacob was no longer pining over Bella, your heart still sunk at the fact that he was unconditionally, head over heels in love with a girl that wasn’t you. The realist in you had tried to convince the hopeless romantic in you that you and Jake were friends and only friends but there was a small part of you that held out hope that one day he would see what was right in front of him.
“I’m really glad you found her Jake, you deserve it.” You said, plastering a fake smile on your face.
“Do I? I nearly killed her”
“You’re on a bit of a hot streak, first me and now this girl” You joked, trying to lift the mood.
“It technically only counts as one”
“What do you mean, it's obvi-”
“I nearly killed my imprint when I nearly killed you,” He turned his head and looked at you with a small smile. “Suprise”
Upon processing Jacob’s revelation, you sat up straight and replayed his words a few more times in your head, just to be sure you were hearing correctly. Your entire body turned to face him “just to be clear, you imprinted on me?”
“Who's the dumb one now?”
“I’m being serious, it's me?”
“Yes, it's you. It will always be you”
“I’ve waited to hear you say that since we were 11″ You couldn't help but break into a genuine smile.
“You’re so beautiful when you smile like that”
“I’m not beautiful all the time, wow?” you hit him playfully on the arm
“No of course you are, you’re just especially beautiful when you smile, genuinely” He took your hand and pulled you closer to him.
“Hmm good answer” you muttered, resting your head on his chest.
“I was an idiot for not seeing it earlier.”
“How long have you known?”
“A year”
“A YEAR?!”
“I didn’t know how you’d react”
“You’re gonna have to make that year up”
“I intend to,”