Someone: *yells*
My traumatized ass:
noise dept.
$LAYYYTER
todays bird
we're not kids anymore.

⁂
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oozey mess
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izzy's playlists!
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@maladjustedmind
Someone: *yells*
My traumatized ass:
I find such solace in venting in the moment, but no one ever gets it. They try to be nice, but ultimately I always regret the vulnerability I gave for no emotional return.
One of the things about childhood trauma is that when it comes to relationships, a lot of the time you get stuck wondering “What do you want from me?” when people are kind or nice. It is hard to wrap your head around or trust that someone could possibly be nice to you for no reason because the people who were meant to care for you and love you the most treated you like shit.
It becomes hard to relax with people and everything feels like some form of manipulation to a greater end.
Eventually though, its possible to find someone who your traumatized brain can trust and believe that maybe they do just like you. It takes a while, but it is possible. Trust after childhood trauma is possible, even if it may be hard.
Dissociation is basically like
When you’re busy doing something with your hands and you notice that you’re slightly bleeding. You don’t really know where it’s coming from and you don’t know when it started or what caused it. You’re just sort of like “oh ok...” and then you notice you’re shaking and the cut starts to sting a little and you’re amazed that you managed to not feel anything until you saw it, and now you can’t ignore it anymore and you need to put all your attention into cleaning and fixing it...
But over the span of many years.
“There is no logical or natural limit to how fragmented a dissociative patient can become. The more helpful question is What is the integrative capacity of the patient? The lower the capacity for the challenges the patient faced as a child and still faces in the present, the more dissociation will occur as an ongoing coping strategy.” – Treating Trauma-Related Dissociation
Splitting dissociated parts is a very complicated, confusing topic–it can be difficult to determine when, why, and how it happens. As such, it’s perfectly okay to be unsure of whether a new part has split or not. Some things to know:
Splitting is a coping mechanism in response to stress
Not all stress causes splits
The same stress that causes a split in one person might not cause a split in someone else
The same stress that didn’t cause a split in the past may cause a split later; it all depends on the current coping ability of active parts
Some splits happen quickly; some can take much longer
Keep in mind this infographic pertains to people who already have DID/OSDD (you can learn what causes DID/OSDD [here.])
[Check out my DID/OSDD Casually Explained masterpost for sources and more infographics!]
something traumatic: *Happens*
me:
Types of triggers
Here is a list of 12 categories of triggers, taken from the book The Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder Sourcebook Second Edition, by Glen R. Schiraldi, PhD. Having a list of a bunch of different categories of triggers can make them easier to conceptualize, and it certainly serves as a good reminder that a trigger can be anything that reminds you of a traumatic event (even if you cannot see the connection between the trigger and your trauma yourself).
Here's the list(note: the list itself is taken from the book, however the examples are my own [save for #12]):
Sight (visual): Seeing someone with red painted nails might bring up memories of an abusive family member who also wore red nail polish.
Sound (auditory): The sound of fireworks might remind someone if gunshots.
Smell (olfactory): The smell of a specific perfume or cologne might remind someone of an abusive partner.
Taste (gustatory): Eating a steak might bring up memories of family dinner time, and family dinner time was always filled with tension.
Body (physical):
Tactile/touch: Being hugged might feel similar to being forcebly held.
Internal body sensations: The heart pounding fast might remind one of a traumatic time when their heart beat in a similar fashion.
Kinesthetic/proprioceptive means the sensation of movement, tension, or body position. For example, I once put my head under my pillow and closed my eyes, which triggered a flashback about an abusive time where my body was in that same position.
Pain: Nausea might remind someone about a time when they were severely sick.
6. Significant dates or seasons
Anniversary dates of the trauma or other significant dates: Halloween, Christmas, RA/SRA. Someone could become distressed on the birthday of a family member that they cannot visit due to safety reasons.
Seasons of the year with their accompanying stimuli (temperature, lighting, colors, sounds): If something bad happened to someone during fall, they might have emotional or full flashbacks during fall. The crunching of the leaves, leaves changing their colors, and the cold breezes may be unwelcome intrusions.
7. Stressful events and arousal: Sometimes your brain may interpret any stress signal as a recurrence of the original trauma, due to changes in the brain (yep, trauma changes your brain!). Sometimes, seemingly unrelated events are triggers. Here are some examples:
•Arguing with your partner may trigger memories of family members arguing.
•Having to give your college teacher a reason for being late to class may feel similar to your family's strict household, where you couldn't be late for anything.
•A friend rolling their eyes may be reminiscent of a condescending family member.
8. Strong emotions: Feeling lonely can remind one of being abandoned. Feeling scared can remind one of times when they were scared before and things did not go so well for them.
9. Thoughts: If you do something that you perceive as upsetting someone, you may have the thought "I am a bad person", which triggers the same thought that occurred when you were abused at a young age.
10. Behaviors: Playing a shooting game might remind a veteran of the war.
11. Out of the blue: Sometimes intrusions occur when you are tired, or relaxing. A thought or something you're not aware of could elicit symptoms; so might the habitual act of dissociating during stressful times.
12. Combinations: Often triggers contain several memory aspects at once.
An important thing to note here is that you may not be aware of what triggered you. You may just suddenly be flooded with memories. You may not even be flooded with memories, you may "just" feel bad (emotional flashback), without clearly knowing why. Often, you are only subconsciously aware of your triggers, at least at first. That isn't the case with everyone though, and certainly not all the time. Triggers are manageable with some practice and coping skills and you can triumph over them. We'll hopefully be making a post on that sometime in the future.
jd means so fucking much to me i cant even explain it. i love him so so so very much...
Source: Reddit BPD thread. A collective list of symptoms common amongst borderlines that are hardly ever discussed.
bpd things should talk about more
sooooo i haven’t seen a lot of posts about these symptoms (i use this loosely, i am not a doctor) but these are some things I experience, let’s chat
• hearing voices
• feeling as you though you have another “personality”
• BLACKING OUT when dissociating
• how bad the anger gets…how it burns; wanting to destroy and rip everything to shreds
• the guilt for the things you say/do when you think you’re about to be abandoned
• doing everything to avoid disappointing someone you care about bc they will leave you
i crave physical intimacy so bad, yet whenever someone touches me i feel the urge to scream and tear off all the skin on my body