Not Your Enemy So Don’t Make One Out Of Me

Amanda • Twenty-Something • She/Her • Mobile-blogging gang Icon commissioned from the wonderful @Geothebio Blog Title credit: Lyrics from “Placebo” by Naomi Jon

[thememedaddy]

[morriganwarrior]

In high school economics class, we learned your rent should not exceed 1/4 of your income. So, at 50k that is 12.5k max, for the year's rent.

[wintergardenscribe]

you might be smooth but you’ll never be as smooth as Joe from The Princess Diaries sweeping the queen into a tango saying “you’ve been wearing black too long” in his most alluring voice

[makesoneteam]

you would think, like, "oh, we've already thought of all the metaphorical ways we can say penis/vagina. we've already come up with the full list of nicknames. we have exhausted the list of innuendos. there is nothing else new to be said about this" and then you'll open a random explicit fic and make the most improbable linguistic discovery of all time

[pochayun]

would you like to share with the class 🤔

[makesoneteam]

saw the term "gummy walls" last night and had to sit alone with god for a minute

[mercury-mage]

would you like to unshare with the class

[delinquentbookworm]

one time I went over to a friend's house and their housemate was making paper in the living room, and we saw this big tub full of water they were using to dissolve old scrap paper into a slurry, and everyone was immediately like "oh, you need scrap paper?" and started turning out their jacket pockets and producing expired coupons and bus tickets and crumpled receipts and old shopping lists and whatever else they'd been carrying round with them for no good reason, and passing it all to the paper-making housemate to make sure it was suitable before it got torn up and dropped into the tub, while people took turns stirring the slurry with a big wooden stick. it was strangely ritualistic, like presenting an offering to some kind of temple elder for inspection before placing it in a watery shrine to be devoured and reformed. pulp for the pulp god.

[morriganwarrior]

I have a friend, their roommate collected pop tabs (the figure 8 shaped thing on cans, to open them with) to make art stuff with. First time a few of us came over and our friend explained why her roommate had a shoebox sized box on the table, half-filled with pop tabs, suddenly everyone was running to their cars. Just about everyone had an empty can or two in their cars, in the trash, and were pulling the tabs for the roommate to have.

After that, her roomie was showing us all her art. She made all sorts of pretty things to hang from windows, necklaces, little statue thingies. She used the pop tabs, ribbon, glue, glass beads, and those marbles that are flat on one side. Really pretty stuff. But any time anybody visited after, they brought little baggies of pop tabs, some were colourful from energy drinks and dog food cans.

[straightboyfriend]

if it’s your birthday: happy birthday

if it’s not your birthday: reflect on why that is. 👆🏽

[blurds]

this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks

[luxshine]

The “Thunk” will always kill me.

[falconratesbirds]

14/10 doing his best

[littleguysdaily]

[halondrus]

[discreet45]

[fiztheancient]

i cant believe there are people who still havent seen this video

[the-haiku-bot]

i cant believe there

are people who still havent

seen this video

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[feralratbitesu]

can i be honest tho i kinda hate makeup bc i love licking my lips and rubbing my hands on my face like a cat or a fly annd i also love wiping my eyes like a sleepy infant all the time so basically i cant do it

[normal-thoughts-official]

ladies, if she

likes caviar and cigarettes

is well versed in etiquette

is extraordinarily nice

shes not your girl. shes a killer queen, gunpowder, gelatine, dynamite with a laser bean, guaranteed to blow your mind

[rapidashrider]

[paverics]

“my father is a boy and my mother is a girl so i’m mixed” is the funniest possible response to someone asking your gender and it came from 6’5 Viking footballer and notable weird little guy Erling Haaland on a Snapchat

[paverics]

comedians can only dream of writing something this funny

[fishing-princess]

[fishing-princess]

Back when I was a redditor (😔) I realized a strange phenomenon. No one cares about your original posts, but if you make the post on another site and screenshot it, people assume it’s a tweet from someone who is known/is funny/etc and the post would do way better

[unclefather]

you ever notice how covid cases have spiked since the cock destroyers split up? can’t be a coincidence 

[dangerousturkey]

since the what

[unclefather]

come here and sit down right now

[dangerousturkey]

Oh i’ve seen this before witch you wont get me

[oddarette]

Windex Xenomorph

Windex Xenomorph 💦

[bungerc0re]

it's called a ball python because it is a python(🐍) that ball(🟠)

[contemptible-scoundrel]

nothing in the rules says a python can't play basketball

[burins]

thinking fondly of this meme I made for a coworker years and years ago

[burins]

this is going around again and the tags are full of people talking about printing it out to put in their breakroom or cubicle or sending it to their coworkers, which fills me with great joy. vast diversity of professions represented also. zoos. labs. summer camps. restaurants. garden centers. libraries. schools. many reports from the brave warriors of assorted retail. a truth universally acknowledged: if there is a sign a customer will not read it <3 and they don't read emails either <3