In the LGBT+ community, the word âphaseâ has become such a negative term. Some of us may have been told that our sexual orientation, romantic orientation, or gender identity is âjust a phaseâ and weâll âgrow out of itâ or, âget over itâ. In that context, that idea comes from ignorance, but there is another side to the story. You see, phases DO happen. They are VALID. Being gay, lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, transgender, or any and all other identities is not a choice. However, accepting yourself as that identity IS a choice. You canât choose how you feel, but you can choose to embrace it or refuse it. Itâs all a matter of how honest you want to be with yourself, or how honest you are ready to be with yourself. Itâs a process. Every single one of us, both within the LGBT+ community and outside of it, is in constant growth. Thatâs life. You live, you learn, you grow, you change. Thereâs nothing wrong with that.
Sometimes, certain identities are stepping stones. Before I came out as lesbian, I came out to a select few people as bisexual. I genuinely felt that way at the time. Later on, I realized my attractions had changed, and that is perfectly valid. Identifying as bisexual gave me a way to âdip my toe in the waterâ so to speak, and begin to accept the possibility of liking the same sex. It doesnât mean I was confused. It meant I was growing. Years later, when my gender identity began to change, I identified as queer instead of lesbian. I identified as gender non-binary, because I didnât feel like I âfitâ into the female or male categories. Two years after coming out as gender non-binary, Iâve come to accept myself as a trans male. Again, all of those identities are valid and countless people who resonate with them stick with it. Just because you identified as a certain thing for any amount of time, and donât now, doesnât invalidate those feelings.
I encourage you to do research. Speak to people with various identities, if possible. Everyone has a story to learn from. You never know what will be eye opening for you.
In summary, let yourself feel and experience the things. Allow yourself to try different labels, no labels at all, different pronouns, different names, etc. There is nothing wrong with trial and error. Give yourself time.
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