I’m So Sorry For My Page Off Mobile

21. He/him. Call me Max, I LOVE Opossums! This is my personal blog, so don’t expect a specific theme: I occasionally post nsfw topics. I also tend to forget to tag normal reblogs, although, don’t be afraid to send me an ask or message if there’s something you’d like me to tag! I only use tumblr on mobile, so I’m sorry if my page looks bad off of it! <3

[manximillion]

[flamingopuuuunch]

Fullmetal Alchemist?

[roselalonde]

you are like an empty tip jar

[niklas-sagara]

Ready to be filled!

[roselalonde]

BECAUSE YOU DONT HAVE ANY CENTS!!!

[jordanbolton]

'16 Scenes of You and Your Dad in Cars' - Jordan Bolton

My first book ‘Blue Sky Through the Window of a Moving Car’ is out now! Get it here - https://smarturl.it/BlueSky

[animentality]

[wifehaver103947]

imagine cloth mother and wire mother in family court competing for custody of the baby monkey

[clothmotherofficial]

I Have Softness For You

[officialwiremother]

i have milk for you

[babymonkeyofficial]

Stop.

[kingsolomonofficial]

Cut the baby monkey in half

[tsalala]

When it was discovered that Zalim (ironically meaning, cruel) was in the company of two very young cubs, those at Ranthambore feared the worst: that, as an adult male, he would kill them. Instead, he surprised naturalists with his “motherly” behavior when he took in his twin daughters following the death of their mother.

At this time, science stated that tigers were only as social as mothers and cubs could go and that tiger fathers rarely interacted with their offspring. Zalim changed that when he was witnessed, month after month, caring for his daughters and teaching them how to hunt. Their relationship eventually ceased when the two girls were shifted to Sariska Tiger Reserve and Zalim went on to father another litter with the then-dominant tigress Sundari, the so-called Lady of the Lakes. When she too mysteriously disappeared, Zalim unsurprisingly took care of their cubs as well.

Ranthambore National Park, India Photograph taken via camera trap

[vehiculartheyslaughter]

let’s subvert gender norms with papa!

[kosmogrl]

[what-even-is-thiss]

No I’m not attracted to you. Quit your evil putting your finger under my chin to make me look up at you. I know I’m your nemesis and all but we really need to set some boundaries when you’ve got me tied up like this.

[what-even-is-thiss]

No look I get it. You’ve got your evil plan, you’ve gotta get me out of the way but you also want to see me suffer as I watch the world burn, I know. But like, I’m not into this. Sexually or otherwise. Wait, you thought I was doing this because I liked you? I’m trying to stop you from using a death laser. No I don’t think death lasers are sexy what on earth are you talking about

[what-even-is-thiss]

Wait. That’s why you dress like that? I thought that armor was impractical. No I don’t find our relationship to be homoerotic I find it to be tedious. Look, man. We all keep trying to get you into therapy. No I’m not kink shaming you I’m saying you’ve completely misinterpreted this relationship. I actually do think you should answer for your war crimes. Yes, really. No you’re the one not listening to me in this situation. Yes that is the alarm the others will have cut all your wires and called in the fbi by now.

[what-even-is-thiss]

What do you mean you thought we had something special? I have other enemies. You’re not the only one. No I’m not doing kinky things with them either I blow up their nefarious devices. Speaking of which, you might want to move like… ten feet to your right.

[what-even-is-thiss]

No, enemies to enemies. And then still enemies.

[what-even-is-thiss]

Cannot stress enough how lovers will never be part of this equation even a little bit

[yellowhollyhock]

The henchmen in the tags who have been assuring the villain since the beginning that “of course he likes you back, why else would he keep coming to destroy your death lasers”

[what-even-is-thiss]

The henchmen have been reading too many romance novels.

[xxshadowcasterxx]

Awfully defensive are we? I think the henchmen are onto something.

[what-even-is-thiss]

You know I didn’t intend for this character I made up to be aromantic but this whole post has turned into being arospec at a family reunion simulator

[littledemon55]

@i-suggest-aro

[i-suggest-aro]

"cannot stress enough how lovers will never be a part of this equation even a little bit" is how i feel explaining every single one of my stories

[cowpokeredeemed]

[vocabulary-altering-posts]

PHRASE ADDED!

"Taste the god particle you rat"

CHARACTER ADDED!

The Gnome That Makes Snow Angels In Your Kitchen (Deceased)

[fruitsaladchewits-deactivated20]

Palestinian lady collects gas bombs fired by Israeli army. She grows flowers in these bombs.

[ilovespike]

What the AP photo story neglected to show was that this garden is in memory of Bassem Abu Rahmah, killed by Israeli forces with a tear gas to the chest in 2009 in Bil’in. The garden was planted and is maintained by Bassem’s mother.

[kirjavas]

The conclusion the story comes to is that, our duty, it seems to me, is to increase the presence of Dust in the world.

— Philip Pullman

[memeuplift]

[draconym]

I think this is the year I learn to process acorns. The world is covered in food and I'm finally well enough to hike again. Now all I need is someone willing to eat things I found outside with me.

[draconym]

No worries, I have plenty of forged acorns too.

[jackietastic]

A house down the street has one of those 12 foot skeletons up in their yard year round, but his head fell off

So they improvised

[homunculus-argument]

Alright y'all, as promised, here it is:

Recipe of Nothing Soup

aka potion of involuntary naptime

Today we are starting with three onions, six large potatoes, four big carrots, a slice from a small cabbage, two packets of chicken noodles, 150 grams of pre-cooked shredded chicken (optional), three cupped handfuls of rice (exact measures unclear, my boyfriend measures with his heart), and oregano, pepper, salt and bouillon cubes to taste.

Chop vegetables as illustrated. Find your biggest pot, fill it with water, and put it on a heat source (stovetop, open fire, idk how you live your life. do not microwave though, I will kill you). Put all ingredients save for noodles into the pot as the water heats to a gentle boil. Add the spices and stock cubes as you see fit. Let the soup boil for about 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Once 10 minutes are up (15 if the root vegetables are still tough instead of well-boiled), crush up the noodles and sprinkle them into the pot. Let cook for 5 more minutes.

Enjoy, and consume responsibly: Potion of Eepy.

[bgm05]

wow players having to stand in lines for a quest because a relevant npc can only talk to one player at a time. is the funniest image on the planet

[bgm05]

i need to correct this: wow classic doesn’t have any npcs that can only talk to one player at a time. these lines actually formed for a quest npc that players had to kill to complete the objective. knowing that i think this image is even funnier.

[thediscossessed]

Literally this

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

My favourite is the guy saying, “This is like being at the dmv”