i have been informed by literally every french speaker on earth that âune pipeâ is slang for blowjob
Sweet Seals For You, Always
i don't do bad sauce passes

pixel skylines

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JBB: An Artblog!

shark vs the universe

oozey mess
DEAR READER
I'd rather be in outer space đž
Aqua Utopiaïœæ”·ăźćșă§èšæ¶ă玥ă

#extradirty
Cosmic Funnies
wallacepolsom
Peter Solarz

ç„æ„ / Permanent Vacation

JVL
styofa doing anything

PR's Tumblrdome

@theartofmadeline
Three Goblin Art
seen from TĂŒrkiye

seen from Malaysia
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seen from United States

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@manxxworld
i have been informed by literally every french speaker on earth that âune pipeâ is slang for blowjob
why do customers think "we close at 6" means "you should start getting ready to leave at 6" and not "you should be out of the establishment by 6"
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Cats logic đ€·đ±đ
It's not that kitty is saying she can't make the wheel go. Kitty is saying she wants to do the wheel WITH her person. Much the same way many cats won't wat unless their person is eating at the same time.
This is a request for social togetherness and it's incredibly sweet
i have understood so many things about online leftist culture by the fact that when i said "your local community has people you will morally and politically disagree with but you cannot lock them out of accessing any tangible service youâre organising" one of the tags responding said "this isnât about proshippers in here youâre not welcome" like. folks. focus with me. some of us are homeless here.
There's a disconnect happening here because the primary function of social media for most casual users is to form a circle of friends around the usual things that friendships are built on: shared interests and lifestyles and ideas of what is important and what is unacceptable. When people are mainly doing leftism on social media, this encourages thinking of leftism as centered around establishing high-minded social clubs.
For anyone who still isn't getting it from someone who helps people IRL: There's a difference between whom you're helping to feed at the mealshare and whom you're choosing to hang out with for fun after the mealshare. You don't have to invite a hungry person with opinions you don't like to play board games with you, but you do have to help keep them from starving if you're serious about leftist organizing.
[Image ID: Tumblr reply with username blocked out reading: *volunteering at the soup kitchen, holding a bowl hesitantly to my chest* what do you think about age gaps in ships /End ID]
when youâre a gay lion and you accidentally tried to introduce your lesbian lioness friend to one of her own exes at a gay bar and she goes into the bathroom and bitches you out for not being able to tell her endlessly rotating cast of girlfriends apart which isnât really fair because first of all they all keep dyeing their hair different colors and second of all she keeps getting back together with different ones at different times and meanwhile youâve been âsingleâ for like 8 months but are spending a lot of time with one specific guy who works at your old co-op and were going to excitedly tell her about it tonight but now youâve ruined the whole subject of dating by trying to introduce her to her own ex at a gay bar (which is a watering hole. because youâre lions.)Â
Wet Beast Wednesday: mata mata
Buckle up, buccaneers, because it's turtle time. We travel to the swamps and streams of the Amazon in search of this raggedy reptile. The mata mata is truly the world's skrunkliest turt and it has carved out an interesting niche in the world.
(Image: a mata mata out of water. It is a turtle with a light brown shell that has spiked ridges running down it. The feet have webbed toes and claws. The neck and head are disproportionately large and have a ragged appearance. The head is flat and triangular, with small eyes and nostrils on a tubular nose. End ID)
Mata mata refers to two closely related species of freshwater turtle: the Amazonian mata mata (Chelus fimbriata) and Orinoco mata mata (Chelus orinocensis).Prior to 2020,these were classified as the same species and both have a very similar anatomy and lifestyle. Mata matas are large turtles, with a carapace length up to 45 cm (18 in) and weight of 17.2 kg (38 lbs). Their shells have many spines and ridges while the body, especially the large neck and head, has many skin flaps, tubercles, and ridges. The body and shell are primarily brown to black. This has the effect of making the turtle look like decaying bark and leaves, an effective form of camouflage. The nose is very long, with nostrils at the tip, which, when combined with the long neck, allows the turtle to reach the water's surface to breathe while staying on the bottom. The chin has some short sensory barbels growing from it.
(Image: a mata mata in an aquarium. It is sitting on some rocks with its neck outstretched to reach the surface. End ID)
Mata matas are native to the Amazonian and Orinoco river basins, where they prefer slow-moving waters with low visibility, such as streams, backwaters, and swamps. They are primarily carnivorous, but have been known to eat plants, possibly to supplement their diets or by accident. They are sit and wait predators whose hunting strategy is to sit very still among vegetation. Their camouflage allows them to remain unnoticed by prey. When prey draws close, the turtle opens its mouth. This creates a vacuum, drawing water and prey into the mouth. The turtle then closes its mouth, forcing the water out, and swallows the prey whole. Unlike snapping turtles, who have a similar sit and wait hunting style, the mata mata has weak jaws with fleshy lips rather than beaks and thus cannot bite prey into chunks. It therefore has to feed on animals small enough to swallow whole. Their diet consists of small fish, frogs, and invertebrates. Because they inhabit waters with very low visibility, mata matas have very poor eyesight and rely on other senses to tell when prey is near. Mata matas have also been known to herd groups of fish into shallow water before eating. Unlike many other aquatic turtles, mata matas rarely come ashore to bask in the sunlight. They are also very poor swimmers and mostly crawl along the bottom of their habitats.
(Image: a mata mata facing the camera with its mouth open. The mouth is very wide and takes up most of the head. End ID)
Mata matas display sexual dimorphism. Females are generally larger, though not by that much. Males have longer, thicker tails than females as well as a concave plastron (lover shell) as opposed to the female's flat plastron. Mating occurs late in the year, around October. Males will seek out females and engage in a courtship dance that involves playing out the limbs, wiggling the skin flaps, and extending the heat toward the female while opening and closing his mouth. During mating, the male mounts the female. His concave plastron helps him stay on her shell without falling off. The female will emerge from the water to lay her eggs. She will bury them either in sand or decaying vegetation to keep them warm. She then leaves and neither parent provides parental care. The gestation period varies depending on temperature, up to 200 days at low enough temperatures. In other turtle species, the temperature of the eggs determines the sex of the hatchling. I could not find any references describing how or if this is the same in mata matas. Hatchlings have to scramble their way into the water. Juvenile mata matas have pink plastrons that darken to brown as they age. The maximum age of mata matas in the wild is unknown. In captivity, they usually live for 15 years, but sometimes up to 30.
(Image: a juvenile mata mata held in hand. It is held so the underside is facing the camera, displaying the pink color of the plastron. It is smaller than a cell phone. End ID)
Both species of mata mata are classified at least concern by the IUCN, meaning they are not in danger of extinction. Their primarly threat comes from habitat loss as more and more parts of their rivers are taken over fro land development. Mata matas are also edible and sometimes caught for food. Their unusual appearances have made them somewhat popular in the pet trade and wild mata mata are often caught for this purpose.
(Image: an extreme close-up of a mata mata's face. The shape of its mouth makes it look like it has a smug smile. End ID)
@importantcatpics
Work it grandma
OK I SAID WORK IT AND SHE REALLY DID
I think you mean, "Work it, GREAT grandma". And she does!
@kaity--did
one of the guys in the kitchen at work got called irritating and replied âI am not irritating. You just find me irritating. There are many people who love me.â I think we should all adopt his attitude
the dad kept buying it tho. #ally
for my cereal
The forklift's lesser known relative: the spoonlift.
I think it's so funny how we bred JOBS into dogs. I have two shih tzus and they were bred to be lap dogs. All they care about is looking cute and cuddling with people. Meanwhile my grandma has a border collie and that dog needs to feel so useful all the time, he acts like he will pass away if he doesn't have a job to do constantly
On one hand this is extremely fucking funny, but on the other hand, it really boggles my mind how many people punish their dogs for just⊠doing the thing they were bred to do.
Your husky isnât âhyperactiveâ, itâs bred to pull sleds for 8 hours straight and you have it in a 400 sq ft yard.
Your English sheepdog isnât âpushyâ, itâs bred to herd sheep, and you have neither to space nor the herd to allow it.
Your terrier isnât ânippyâ, itâs bred to kill rats and your hamster looks a hell of a lot like one.
Your Catahoula isnât âmean to animalsâ, itâs bred to hunt any and all animals smaller than it, and you didnât acclimate it to your cat.
Your Lhasa Apso isnât âyappyâ, itâs bred to bark at any tiny noise and alert watchmen to intruders
Like Jesus Christ, if you canât provide an environment where your dog canât fulfill its literal life purpose, maybe?? Donât get that dog??? And if you do, maybe know the breed characteristics so you can redirect those traits into more constructive outlets????
Both your most common doodle's parts (labra and golden) want to hunt and retrieve water birds so the best suggestion I can give y'all is congratulations on your new duck hunting hobby.
#people will overlook the perfect breeds to suit their needs based on just their looks#and get a work dog because it looks cool
tags from @gnarlystarships because YEAH
@gallusrostromegalus
Any time someone sees Herschel and says "AWWW I want a Corgi <3" (because he is Very Cute (TM)), I immediately reply: "Do not get a Corgi unless you have a job for it to do. They were bred to bully livestock across the hills of Wales. This is basically a Border Collie that knows he is cute enough to get away with murder. If you get one and it doesn't have a job, it will apply its livestock-bullying instincts to YOU. Herschel's job specifically is to help manage my crippling ADHD, because I don't have a bull for him to micromanage." This gets me odd looks at the home depot but it does get the point across.
Some narratives in international development hold that ending poverty and achieving good lives for all will require every country to reach t
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my bonnies
@headspacedad