Dear Future Boyfriend
My Love....my heart is breaking right now, alone and longing for you. Everyday I think about YOU, I think about how great it would be to have you beside me. How happy we would be in each others arms. I have wanted nothing more than to finally be with you and to be truly love by YOU, but you aren't here. I have no idea where you are right at this moment. You are a puzzle I can’t seem to figure out. I don’t even have any clue who you may be. I don’t know if I have crossed paths with you. Or when our paths will cross. I’m not expecting you to find me. In fact, I don’t think I wanna find you just yet either.
But I can’t avoid asking myself everyday why you aren’t here? Why am I alone? I wonder what’s taking you so long? Did you get stuck somewhere at the other side of the world or did you get stuck somewher near me but can’t step forward and show yourself or worse... Are you stil fighting dragons, sayans, shinigamis, hunters, zombies, titans, dinosaurs, seshins, wizards, vampires, aliens, etc. on your way here?
I think of you everyday. I pray for you every night; I pray that God allows us to meet and connect in a way that is indescribable. And when that time comes, it would be the greatest time of my life. I don't tell anyone about my feelings on wanting you to be here with me. Here beside me. I didn't even tell my friends about YOU. Because they know me as a strong and an independent woman, who can be happy and can stand alone without anyone on her side. Coz on my 20 (turning 21 in two months) years of existence, I am living without YOU. Yes, they’re maybe right, but I am only a human after all. I am also a woman who needs afection of a man. I think about hugs and kisses too, what it will be like to hold your hand, wrap you up in my arms and hear the sound of your voice. Start up my day reading your sweet good morning message and sleep at night with a big smile coz you were singing me a lullaby. I also think how it feels to be curled up againts your warm chest and strong arms. And how does it feel to be loved unconditionally.
At this point, I'm falling apart. I'm dealing with the pain and loneliness, the best way I can, but my eyes are still red from the tears 'coz they want to see you appear in front of them. My heart and mind are begging to stop this constant feeling of being alone, of never seeing YOU. So I guess the best way to ease this inexpressible feeling is to imagine things we should have beeen doing together at this very moment, like any other couple. Laughing, sharing thoughts, changing sweet messages, holding each others hands, and of course taking a hundreds of selfies📷.....And yes ! Sweet gestures too. My love, I wish I could be with you through it all, my disappointments, failure and joy. With YOU, life would be perfect. ❤ There are days when I am so down and blue, when it seems this world isn’t a nice place to stay. And I believe those days are the days where I should be in your arms, listening to my rants and complains, wiping my tears, then you would tell me “it’s okay not to be okay but don’t worry baby you have me here. I know, thinking about all of these won't bring you any closer to me and I know it's not going to guarantee any of my visions and expectations. But I haven't lost my hope to finally able to see you, to be with you. I know that you are out there, breathing and living without me.As much as I would like to have you show up, the more that I think about it, the more I understand why we are not together yet. I know God knows we are not ready to be together yet. So as for me, I'm still getting to know myself, learning about what I want in life, and so you do. But I do hope it's in his agenda for us. I trust Him, let's put our hopes and trust in Him.
But my love, please understand that when you come into my life, it will not be an easy transition for either of us. I’m used to being on my own, simply ‘coz I’m scared of emotional attachment so I’m warning you, you won’t get me easily so please have a lot of courage with you to step forward and court me. I have trust issues, once you have my trusts you man is a lucky brat so don’t break it. Nobody is perfect, so you should know and accept my flaws. I have my insecurities and imperfections. The gaps I have, I hope you can fill them and I will to you. I recommend you to have a lot of patience because I will be childish sometimes, or perhaps everytime, it may be annoying so please bare with me. Like any other girls, I have mood swings I hope you could handle that. I will be mean too specially when I have my visitor so you must expect that there will be times when I don’t want to see your face. Or maybe there will be times that we will gonna have an arguement with the very small little thing or just because I want to, that means I need your compassion. Maybe a back hug and kisses will do. Do not expect me to show too much affections,’coz I am not used of it for your fault, you let me stay single for so long. But as a gift for showing up,and because I love you, I’d be a sweet girlfriend once in a while .And one thing is for sure, even when I’m busy, I will make an effort hust to give you my time. I could be the most stubborn person but I can assure you, I’ll be the most faithful girlfriend. Please put into your mind that I am the most in denial person when I get jealous, so be sensitive.
I am not asking for you to be like any of the typical movie guys or a fictional character in a book. I’m not asking you to be like Edward Cullen who watches Bella Swan asleep, to be like Augustus Waters who would sacrifice his one wish to grant Hazel’s, or to be like Christian Grey who has everything.You don’t have to watch chick flicks with me, just be there to hold me when I cry. I wont ask you to treat me like how a price treats his princes. I just want you to be a King who cherishes his Queen. I wont either ask you to buy me things or give me a presents on special ocasions. Just a tight hug from you and one whole day with you is enough.Be the best medicine when I am sick by staying by my side, may your arms be my armor to keep me safe,may you shoulder be my pillows to cry on, be my teacher to tell me my mistakes and help me correct them, be my bestfriend that makes my tummy hurt from laughing so hard and talk about the stupidest thing, be my fan who supports me to reach my dreams and career and more importantly be the one who will love only me eternally. Because I promise to do the same.
I hope you would love me so much that you can look into the stars and see a constellation that resembles me. I hope you think about me too like the way I am thinking about the day will lay our eyes. I hope you are wishing to meet me very soon. Right now, we can only share the moon that hangs in the midnight sky... Let's stay like this for now. Let’s remain singl, grow apart and learn about life until we find the way on each others hearts. We'll see each other soon my Love.. SOON. ❤
