Rules for the Hazbin Hotel, authored by Vaggie:
1. No drugs.
2. No fights.
3. No pranks.
4. No problematic language.
5. No murder (OR TERRITORIAL GENOCIDE WHAT THE FUCK ANGEL)
6. No smuggling in of drugs. Not by sticking them up your ass. Or by hiding them in a pizza box. Or by slingshotting them to the roof. Or getting someone else to. Not at all.
7. No sexual rendezvous with outsiders in the hotel. No SHOWING sexual rendezvous with strangers to people of the hotel either.
8. Make sure the pig/future pets stay in the patronβs room. (This includes eggs!!)
9. No singing Limit singing to once twice per day
10. Stop flirting with the bartender Angel
11. Donβt call Husk βHuskerβ unless he allows it.
12. No harassing the staff at all. This includes asking who tops.
13. Donβt suggest anything sexual/romantic to Alastor unless you want your head cut off.
14. NO CUTTING OFF PEOPLEβS HEADS
15. NO EATING PEOPLE
16. NO MAKING CHARLIE CRY.
17. Donβt ask me to put my spear βinside youβ Angel, what the fuck?
18. Donβt turn the interior of the hotel into a swamp?! Keep it contained in your room if you must!
19. No stabbing staff or residents. No matter how much they look like bugs! (OR IF THEYRE NAME IS ANGEL)
20. Donβt try and stab bugs if theyβre within 10 feet of another demon.
21. Donβt call anyone a βbitchβ OR TALK ABOUT HOW MY NAME SOUNDS LIKE βVAGINAβ
22. Limit Nifftyβs access to sharp objects.
23. NO DEALS ALASTOR
24. No drinking. Limit drinking at bar.
25. No mentioning the Stock Market Crash of 1929. For everyoneβs benefit.
26. Donβt blow a hole in the wall.
27. Try to keep roast battles OUTSIDE the hotel. (Or stop picking fights?? Please Alastor I swear to Godβ¦)
28. No spying on the hotel for outside sources or putting technology that can be used against us.
29. No evil laughing in the middle of the night, what the fuck Alastor?
30. No building weapons/war machines.
31. No eggs! (Fine the eggs can stay.)
32. Someone please keep an eye on Niffty. (And the eggs.)
33. Stop touching people ANGEL.
34. Donβt make other people storm off HUSK.
35. Respect boundaries.
36a. If Angel looks like heβs about to pass out/cry donβt comment. Let him do his thing.
36b. Donβt try to talk to Angel if heβs on the phone with Valentino. Honestly donβt even mention his phone calls with Valentino.
37. Please donβt call Lucifer βDaddyβ
38. Donβt turn into a 20 foot tall demon-eating creature unless absolutely necessary.
39. Donβt cause angry loan sharks to show up at the front door.
40. NO EXPLOSIONS!
41. Rule #2, βNo fightsβ can be broken if the person youβre fighting is Valentino. Or Adam.
42. Donβt lie to your girlfriend or hide the fact you were secretly an angel.
43. DONT TALK ABOUT PEOPLEβS TITS (or lack of)
44. KNOCK BEFORE ENTERING A BEDROOM ESPECIALLY IF SOMEONEβS HAVING MAKEUP SEX
45. Donβt give people makeovers while theyβre sleeping, ANGEL!
46. Donβt pretend to eat someoneβs pet, ALASTOR
47. Donβt die.
48. I never want to hear the words βcum-pleteβ again.
49. STOP HAVING FIGHTS ACROSS THE BUILDING LUCIFER AND ALASTOR!!
50. If Charlie is passed out on the couch LET HER SLEEP
51. No making bombs in the hotel Cherri!
52. Stop breaking rules and then saying itβs βFOR SIR PENTIOUS!β
53. Angel donβt try to shoot someone if they break spaghetti.
54. Donβt break spaghetti. Or βruinβ Italian food. Whatever the fuck that means. This apparently includes pineapple on pizza.
55. Donβt mention Valentino unless Angel brings him up first.
56. Donβt comment on Angel and Huskβs flirting.
57. Only call Angel βAnthonyβ if things are serious (or if youβre Husk)
58. Donβt use any of the nicknames Husk and Angel use for each other. This includes but is not limited to: βWhiskersβ, βLegsβ, βKittyβ, βWebsβ, βTonyβ, βLoveβ, and βBaby.β
59. Itβs better not to question whatever facts Husk gives about his past.
60. Family dinners at 6 pm unless you canβt make it due to prior obligation. Game nights after on Sundays.
61. No hunting people for sport and NO KNIFE MONOPOLY.
62. Donβt attach knives to a roomba so you can have a βboyfriendβ Niffty.
63. Keep Niffty away from Roombas.
64. Alastor, treat people with decency. Really, itβs not that hard.
65. No making giant ducks that breathe fire to chase people around the hotel just because they call you short.
66. Therapy. Everyone.
67. DONT HAVE SEX ON THE BAR WHAT THE FUCK GUYS?!
68. If Valentino enters the property you have permission to stab him.
69. βHell is foreverβ is bullshit. You guys arenβt. You can do this.
This is gold
