The Mummy - 2017
So, am gonna gripe about this movie here, and despite the issues i had, it’s a fun movie, and i kinda want to see what this ‘’Dark Universe’’ can be, maybe it’ll be good, or even so silly and over the top it could be fun, but over the top this one isn’t.
The Mummy is the new movie based on the classic ‘’Mummy’’, which Universal holds right’s to, i think, just like it has Dracula, Werewolf (i think), Frankenstein and all that jazz and they are trying to do the whole ‘’Cinematic Universe’’ thing, i think that that Jon Snow Dracula movie is also part of it? I wouldn’t know, i don’t remember much of that one other than ‘’Oh wow, Jon Snow is pretty hot’’ and ‘’This is basically Lords of Shadows. But surprisingly more boring’’.
So yeah, and, this is not super new, cause, there we’re a bunch of these monster movies back in the day, James Rolfe himself made a whole lot of videos based on them.
But this movie had the pretty hard task of trying not to suck compared to 1999′s The Mummy with Brendan Fraser, which, it’s not as good, not by a longshot.
And we’ll start with the Romance, The Mummy movies after Brendan’s all dealt with a sort of Romance, the vengeful kind, and i’ll be comparing these two because they are action movies, unlike the older ones which are horror.
And Cruises Mummy kinda falls flat, Tom and the blonde chick i already forgot the name dosen’t really have any chemistry. And though she is a damsel in distress for most of the time, it’s misguided to see that as the problem, see, in Brendan’s Mummy, Evelyn was a smart, clumsy-ass too curious for her own good lady, she is a damsel in distress for most of the movie, because she’s not a soldier, unlike Fraser, when she first meet him, he’s jailed, sentenced to death, he steals a kiss from the pretty lady which is rude but at the same time, he’s going to die, he dosen’t know if he’s going to survive, it’s his last day in the world, and, unlike indiana jones, this character, despite coming off as the same shovenistic rogue, is actually more well grounded and actually on the nice side.
And Tom Cruise’s character, Nick, is also nice, it’s a big plot point ‘’is he just a rogue asshat, or does he have a good side’’, Crowes character also has that to him, it seems that the duality of good and evil is a theme they wanted to go for, but the script is too messy to understand that, written by a bunch of people.
Actionwise it’s forgetable too, the Mummy’s progression is way too fast and less interesting than the 90′s one, the movie is short so it can feel rushed at parts, and slow at others.
The Mummy, Ahmanet, looks great, it’s a great design, portrayed by a really cool actress, a very attractive one by that, and her backstory, and the whole god backstory here is good, it’s the fun part, see, she wants to bring Seth to the world, so she must sacrifice her chosen one, she’s captured, mummifies for it, her chosen lover killed, and Tom Cruise in a very Fraser unlucky way just get’s his hot butt cursed and gets immortal but also, the crazy mummy chick is in his head, litteraly, Gideon to Ramona style.
Now, the problem i have with this, and the problem i have with any movies trying to do the cinematic universe thing, is that sometimes they forget to be a good standalone movie, we have other supernatural forces in here, kinda of an Nick Fury figure, and, sometimes it does get time that should be used for character development instead of sequel bait.
For instance, the intro shows this Nick Fury type uncovering a thing in the intro, a time where they could’ve either showed us the first, erm, ‘’bed encounter’’ between the main leads and what exactly attracted each other cause oh boy their first scene together sure tell us a lot about that time we didn’t see and dosen’t even know what attracted each other in the first place, almost like you guys could’ve done both eh? cut to nick, cut to them meeting, cut to the coffin boxes, cut back to them, just show them, geez.
My biggest gripe however is the ending, spoilers ahead.
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So, TomTom’s blondie crush bites the dust and he stabs himself with the dagger of whatever and Seth gets in him, and he controls it, makes the mummy bite the same dust and revives his blondie crush cause hes the god of death and shit, he’s naruto and has a kyubii now. And that sucks, so, if we have an avenger movie type, wheres the mummy gonna be at? is he the mummy now? not really, hes a semi-demi god, i’d find it better if he’d just, knock the shit out of that mummy, and then at the end where he’s shown to have beome a fulltime looter guy and revived his dead friend, he’d also should have Ahmanet there, on his leash, she’d become his partner or something, Tom Cruise’s fucking expensive i imagine, and having her show up on said avengers type going ‘’sup, TomTom sent me here to deal with this shit, he’s dealing with a shitstorm of werewolves on the other side of the globe’’.
But they keep her corpse in the nick fury type not-shield place, so maybe he can reviver her to fight and shit, who knows.
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