I know Jacob Tierney said we wouldn’t want to see Shane getting prepped and douching or whatever, but actually I would very much like to see that. Like, baby’s first bottom prep sitting on the toilet going back and forth between a frankly way too flamboyant website that’s not optimized for his tiny phone screen and the actual tiny print of the product instructions to make sure he’s doing it Right, mentally going through all the steps with the determination of a third period hockey play.
If fact, I wanna see the douche acquisition too. It’s safe to say it didn’t exist in the first hotel room hookup, that was just a boy and a dream (and like twenty wet wipes), but at all stars v. 1? Also didn’t exist. But immediately after, with now clearly defined positions and expectations, what better time to go buy super secret gay sex accoutrement than in fuckass Nashville with the promise of nine entire inches on the horizon.
And the two years later of it all! Boy was stressing trying to get it down to at least three minutes less than the travel time between his place and the closest hotel the Raiders could be at, minus the difference between his own commute and Ilya’s from the rink, plus nonchalant staging time! Only to get absolutely ghosted day of. Yeah, of course he made Ilya seriously beg for it after the fact, he was doing math! Okay, like, not even algebra 1, but still!! Douche based scheduling and he couldn’t even get a text back, sitting in Hayden’s weirdly dark dining room when he should’ve been getting his back blown out.
Let us see Shane going through the five stages of douching grief!!
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