So the pregnancy is over. My little sunshine Güneş is already 4 months old by tomorrow. Zeynep turned 3 this week. I feel blessed to have these two. My life is hectic, I miss sleep, I wake up tired each and every day but we are all healthy and happy and that is the only thing that counts.
There are many things I can rave about. I am tired as hell. My job is hectic and I can barely keep up. I can only train once a week (if I’m lucky) and I struggle with the weight loss (and I fell off the band wagon way too often). I exclusively breastfeed Güneş and plan to continue that way but it is very tiring at the same time. My family looks after her when I’m at work and they feed her with the milk I have expressed before. That’s very hard to keep up with because the baby always drinks more than I can pump in one session. That means I need to wake up at night to pump additionally.
We have almost no time left to us with my Z, let alone to discuss the day in the evening. We are always on the run. We could not set a routine yet and that makes me very stressed. It is getting better in general but still when the day runs unexpectedly (read: Güneş doesn’t sleep, Zeynep is cranky etc) I feel overwhelmed. But I guess this is what motherhood is all about.
To be more fair on myself, I need to say I am trying very hard. To do a lot and to do that lot right. Maybe that is too much to tackle with. It’s a thin line.
I try to do my job 100% but the time I can spend at work is only half the working hours.
I try to lose weight but I can train once a week and I suck at meal prep.
I try to cook healthy for kids at home for each day but I can’t wake up earlier than everyone to cook and at nights I am too tired to cook anyway. If I ever have the energy to do something besides sleep after 22:30, I pump. So well, cooking sucks too.
I try to keep up with my social life (date with friends, birthday parties for Zeynep, dinner out with Z) but once a week is hectic enough. So it is limited to whatsupp texts most of the time.
I am trying to focus on bottlenecks and find better ways. I am trying to keep my chin up because I have many things to be thankful for, I do not intend to be ungrateful. I know the tiring times will pass. But meanwhile, I know that I am the one that needs to organize everything. I need to tell everyone in my life what they should or shouldn’t do to smooth out our routines. And that is the most tiring of them all. Well, we’ll find a way. I feel better even only by writing it down. I am a person that keeps diaries, to do lists and books so I need to write everything down to better understand. Now I will try to plan our week better and let my hubby know what he needs to do and when.
One last thing to remind myself; I need to take one step at a time. This week I decided to stop eating crap out and I did actually. That was one massive but vey much needed step to take and I am very happy to achieve it for the moment.
