[Title of Blog]

Peddler of Fine Shitposts | She/her | Pacific Northwest

[segamascott]

got my first ever official customer complaint because when i was going over the terms of their life insurance they were like "well i don't plan to die" and i was like "well you're going to"

[ceruleanheaven]

month starting on a monday we have no excuse guys lets get to work and lock the fuck in

[ceruleanheaven]

yk its actually very chic and avant garde to start on tuesday the second

[ceruleanheaven]

many claim theres nothing more subversive and revolutionary than starting on wednesday the third

[ceruleanheaven]

there are simply no words in the english language that can describe starting on thursday the fourth. thats how iconic it is

[ceruleanheaven]

choosing to start on friday the fifth. i just think its very inspiring

[yujateaandpi]

Was driving with my grandmother and in broken English she says “no eyes… no nose… no face. Don’t trust.” To which I looked around wildly in search of this omen of ill portend.

Cybertruck. It was a cybertruck.

[sonny-kiddo]

some notable catchphrases of 2013:

bitch I might be

do she got the booty ? she doooooooooo ! 

swiggity swag

the D

wen u mom com home and make hte spagehti

“ hello______, im dad “ 

AYYY LMAO

W R I T I N G  I N T E N S E  W O R D S  L I K E  T H I S 

 perfect _____ don’t exis-

And now, the weather

at least 2 potato

we’ve come full circle ! 

life hack :

[ __________ INTENSIFIES]

so many

such doge. much wow. very smile. 

mahogany 

*sweats nervously*

same. 

spooper hot choclety milk

#SHERLOCKLIVES

[pixelartpeach]

[johnny-depp-is-loved]

what is this genre of photos called

[sermna]

"I can't believe [media] was actually about _____ the whole time!!!"

[one possible interpretation, yep]

[literally the main theme??]

[worst take you've seen in your life]

[theonethatwatchesalotofshows]

"Maturing is realizing that ____"

[Something negative about the main character]

[Literally the point of the story]

[The most batshit insane non-sensical take you've seen in your life]

[les-fleur]

me

[sometiktoksarevalid]

[aetherograph]

incredible payoff here. that person who needs the epipen is dead now though. XD

[alloftimeandspaceisours]

Yeah, why the hell would you put an Epi-Pen in there?? Ya know, something you need to have handy and quickly accessible in case of an allergic reaction?? Also, please remember that if you use an Epi-Pen, you need to get your ass to the nearest hospital to get checked out because it's a gap stop measure rather than something you use and you're good to go.

Both of these posts I'm adding below have information on how to safely use an Epi-Pen. I'm guessing the video was supposed to be funny and entertaining, and I hope like hell that they aren't actually keeping an Epi-Pen in that thing, but I still think it's a good idea to share safety information about Epi-Pen usage.

https://www.tumblr.com/alloftimeandspaceisours/810909388115165184/ruby-white-rabbit-glutenfreethings?source=share

https://www.tumblr.com/alloftimeandspaceisours/810909524067287040?source=share

[aetherograph]

I appreciate this but that IS the joke, the joke is that this is a very elaborate and secure location, BUT an epi pen is the LAST thing you want to put in THAT particular "safe location".

All safe stash locations have to balance between accessibility and security. Putting something in your sock drawer means you can get to it fast, but it's difficult to secure; put something in this table and it's secure, but it's difficult to get to fast.

The joke is playing on this tension, and on the phrase "keep this safe" and the spectrum of meanings it could have. The epi-pen is not something that needs to be "kept safe" in this sense, but the person is purposely pretending they don't know that to show off their fancy secret compartment-filled table that they seem to have made. It's a sort of shaggy dog story.

::gets in a clown car and cruises away::

[alloftimeandspaceisours]

It's still not funny to joke about it like that and especially him being like, oh, I wasn't paying attention when she was talking about it (allergic reactions and the Epi-Pen) because she was talking too much. That's fucked up, but I guess because people want to say it's just a joke, that's fine. It's not, actually, but nice try. Ableism and downplaying potentially life-threatening health issues aren't funny.

[moniquill]

Today's piss on the poor take: "I don't think this skit is funny" = "This is not a joke skit."

[the-uss-premise]

Console buttons from Star Trek: The Original Series (1966-69)

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

Culturally significant forbidden candy

[ashenmind]

truly breathtaking just how many series would be massively improved if the author gave a shit about women

[weirdlandtv]

Cover art by Ralph Steadman for the 1972 edition of HUMAN IDENTITY IN THE URBAN ENVIRONMENT.

[here-by-chance]

im obsessed

[the-real-seebs]

oh, of course. because he died for our sins.

[nuclei]

[shadowgremlin]

My wife’s idea of decompressing after the busy holiday was to rearrange every piece of furniture in our home is this an ADHD thing or just a her thing

I’m not complaining the way she’s done it is much better than it was it’s just like how is this your idea of a relaxing weekend

[kaity--did]

Listen I don't get to decide when the drunk elf that is my executive actually does the functioning but when he does we have a SMALL WINDOW OF TIME before he finds the schnapps again and we're done

[honeysbunchesofoats]

[kaity--did]

yes this exactly

[luminouspica]

So to me, there are spoons (general energy cost) and carnival tickets (specific energy cost).

Spoons can be used pretty much anywhere.

Carnival tickets are only good for the carnival, and it’s only in town for a limited amount of time.

So like, if I get “kitchen cleaning” carnival tickets, I can’t use that to clean my bedroom, that’s not where the carnival is.

[lingonberry24]

phrase added to permanent vocabulary

[qi-mera]

More of you need to learn about these ☝️

[jadenebula]

[no-sharks-on-the-sun]

[no-sharks-on-the-sun]

they killed him for this

[iron-fifty-nine]

No they literally actually did wtf

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

oh wait just realized i can edit my own posts.

like you can't edit reblogs anymore but you can still edit your own post even after it has a thousand notes or whatever.

[sizzlingsandwichperfection-blog]

i have the opportunity to do the funniest thing.

[victusinveritas]

[naughtypiggy]

Scientists uncovered the nutrients bees were missing — Colonies surged 15-fold

Scientists have developed a breakthrough “superfood” for honeybees by engineering yeast to produce the essential nutrients normally found in

TLDR- Modern agriculture pollen is low in nutrients, and there aren’t enough wildflowers. Science has to develop vitamins to supplement the diets of agricultural bees. So plant some wildflowers for the wild bees near you.

[heydocverdant]

you’ve heard of vitamin B, now get ready for bee vitamins