seraph

side blog made with the intention to scream into the void

[mayhemseraphim]

i’m so old now i don’t like it

[mayhemseraphim]

why did spotify change its icon??? how do i change it back?? /gen q

its so ugly and i hate the change it’s making me uncomfortable anytime i look at the app :(

[mayhemseraphim]

ive been understimulated all day and its like having my teeth pulled why have i started watching five separate shows/ movies (none finished) read 2 full fanfics and started 3 more (again not finished) and doom scrolled for a couple hours. on youtube, tumblr and pinterest. i keep jumping from app to app i wanna stoppp

[mayhemseraphim]

youtube needed me to verify my age yesterday (i just wanted to watch LEGO dc batman family matters, which crazy thing to need to be verified over 18 for) and the violation of privacy the whole age verification is, stuck to my subconscious that i dreamt about it.

the dream featured a very cool theater employee(?) who needed me to sign a waiver to enter the theater because their cameras would record client faces and use the records to train ai (no clue why) and this made up woman in my dreams and i argued about the specifics of when taking personal data became a violation of privacy and entered the slippery slope where anonymity online turns non-existent.

and honestly i feel like the fact such a nonsensical dream is so reflective of the issues happening currently really puts into perspective how hellish our society has become.

unrelated: lego dc batman family matters has horrible characterization 💔💔💔 but i do love the lego designs for the batfam :/

[mayhemseraphim]

been wanting to get back on adhd medication but i haven’t been medicated for years and my diagnosis is over a decade old…

like will they even let me get meds or am i gonna have to be reevaluated 💔💔💔 i’d love to check but i also haven’t had the means or motivation to actually go to the doctors…

[mayhemseraphim]

i like aroace spec grace and while demi aroace grace is fine let’s give that boy some mad quiromantic vibes. sprinkle in the alterous attraction. aegosexual-ness.

give me a qpr but a lil spicy simon x grace pls

[mayhemseraphim]

are there stories where the hero and villain are siblings. but like. they act like real siblings. give me petty squabbles and the siblings going to their neutral leaning powerful mom to solve them. like the villian literally obliterates a town or smt but the villain stealing the hero’s celebratory feast turkey leg for saving the remaining townsfolk is what causes them to go running to mommy to resolve their issues.

[mayhemseraphim]

started reading project hail mary, i LOVE grace’s inner dialogue he’s so stupid

[mayhemseraphim]

is it weird i want my joyfriend to call me by my deadname and have everyone else use my preferred one? like, that name sounds good only if you use it for me. it sounds like a declaration of our connection together. you knew me before i was even who i am now and using my deadname is a testament to how i grew alongside you.

[mayhemseraphim]

where is the fandom at with ace-spec shane headcanons?

[mayhemseraphim]

watched project hail mary: i understand the grace aro ace spec headcanons now

qpr joyfriends grace-rocky gives me life

me and my bestie watched it together and agreed that they are us actually so guess whose got a joyfriend of their own

[mayhemseraphim]

being someone who used to struggle socially a lot, and only improving after like years of analyzing how people interact to barely be able to maintain ‘typical’ small talk is so weird.

like yeah i used to very obviously interact with people strangely to the point nearly every person i ever met would tell me they always thought i was weird, but now i know the Rules. and i can Talk. and people still think im weird but in a personality kind of way not a Skill Issue way.

like i used to barely be able to maintain small talk with the 2 people id talk to. and now i can make small talk but its still so strange i have no idea what these people mean. idek what IM saying, im literally copying what i see other people do. i kinda wish to go back to the me before i actively made the choice to understand people. i was much happier when i would respond to questions like ‘how are you’ with a very intense sincerity since i thought the person asking genuinely wanted to know and so i would verbally go through every current events that happened to me around that time and weigh their emotional impact on me to find out how i truly ‘was.’

that me was a lot freer and didn’t have to deal with the mental overload that is attempting go through my social interaction rolodex everytime i want to appear Normal to the Humans.

also i try very hard not to interrupt people in conversation or talk too loudly, or too quickly. it’s such a strange feeling to be speaking to someone and having been told ‘calm down.’ like, i already was calm? i am perfectly calm. i talk fast and loudly but i didn’t even realize but i know NOW because that’s always what people tell me when i do that. sorry. i guess. i was just Passionate but now im embarrassed and realize i should just Shut Up. (still happens btw but luckily my friends don’t mind. they just remind me to speak quieter. and i know better to be more careful with people ive just met.)

[mayhemseraphim]

being quiromantic is so strange. like. oh haha i can’t tell if i love you romantically or not. yeah id love to date but i have no clue if ill even like it btw i may just be leading you on. or not. like ik i love you but idk how.

i’m starting to think i may just be aromantic?? has anyone been through a similar thing.