seraph

side blog made with the intention to scream into the void

[mayhemseraphim]

been participating in artfight for the first time ever and i have had so much fun omg

[mayhemseraphim]

can we stop calling casual fans LARPers??? like literally who CARESSSS not everyone needs to be knee deep in the internet trenches in a fandom to be allowed to enjoy it. just cuz someone wasn’t there day one doesn’t mean their ability to enjoy and interact with a media is any lesser than someone else’s. as long as they aren’t spreading misinformation, or formulating uneducated takes, what does it matter? can’t people just enjoy stuff casually? all these people are doing is scaring away new fans and making them feel ashamed for existing. if your discouraging people from interacting with a media they won’t be able to grow and learn more. why are you gatekeeping being a fan.

[mayhemseraphim]

*sighs*

the yelena cameo in the new spiderman is actually pmo cuz… like… why? why is her cameo just gonna be her and peter seeing eachother naked. like i get that it’s funny but also marvel has gotta know the kinda reaction that incites (aka shipping or just suggesting to the entire audience that there is potential for a romantic relationship between them.) this just makes me uncomfortable especially given yelena’s coding as an aromantic character (whose confirmed by her creator to be asexual) obviously nudity isn’t inherently sexual, unfortunately not everyone views it that way. and marvels gotta know that. idk… it feels like erasure of her identity. especially because it wasconfirmed she wouldn’t follow natasha’s romantic subplots.

then again i haven’t seen the scene; so what do i know?

[mayhemseraphim]

the sides of PHM fandom i’ve seen so far

‘Yay an aroace character!!!’

‘that man is fucking the rock alien’

‘that man is fucking Markiplier’

‘actually he’s fucking the rock alien AND the aliens huge baddie non-binary mate’

‘the rock aliens and markiplier are all fucking him!?’

‘grace x rocky but make it james ortiz’

‘!?!? ace grace but make him ✨freaky with any of these people’

‘qpr bloodymary’

[mayhemseraphim]

TW: mentions of sex

i don’t think i have internalized ace-phobia but for me my ace experience has been something very violating and i often question the validity of my asexuality as someone leaning towards aegosexual and demisexual.

my past sexual experiences left me feeling horrible for my reciprocation despite the disgust i felt towards the idea of being perceived sexually by someone else. i wasn’t experiencing sexual attraction, and i hate being the subject of it. but i do get arousal and sexual attraction at the idea of sex. but i only learned through experience that i really hate being sexually intimate. so i’m often at a crossroads where i enjoy sexual content, feel some aesthetic attraction towards others and find myself feeling like a horrible person when i can’t reciprocate true sexual attraction or partake in the act due to the disconnect between my sexuality and body.

[mayhemseraphim]

i’m so old now i don’t like it

[mayhemseraphim]

why did spotify change its icon??? how do i change it back?? /gen q

its so ugly and i hate the change it’s making me uncomfortable anytime i look at the app :(

[mayhemseraphim]

ive been understimulated all day and its like having my teeth pulled why have i started watching five separate shows/ movies (none finished) read 2 full fanfics and started 3 more (again not finished) and doom scrolled for a couple hours. on youtube, tumblr and pinterest. i keep jumping from app to app i wanna stoppp

[mayhemseraphim]

youtube needed me to verify my age yesterday (i just wanted to watch LEGO dc batman family matters, which crazy thing to need to be verified over 18 for) and the violation of privacy the whole age verification is, stuck to my subconscious that i dreamt about it.

the dream featured a very cool theater employee(?) who needed me to sign a waiver to enter the theater because their cameras would record client faces and use the records to train ai (no clue why) and this made up woman in my dreams and i argued about the specifics of when taking personal data became a violation of privacy and entered the slippery slope where anonymity online turns non-existent.

and honestly i feel like the fact such a nonsensical dream is so reflective of the issues happening currently really puts into perspective how hellish our society has become.

unrelated: lego dc batman family matters has horrible characterization 💔💔💔 but i do love the lego designs for the batfam :/

[mayhemseraphim]

i like aroace spec grace and while demi aroace grace is fine let’s give that boy some mad quiromantic vibes. sprinkle in the alterous attraction. aegosexual-ness.

give me a qpr but a lil spicy simon x grace pls

[mayhemseraphim]

are there stories where the hero and villain are siblings. but like. they act like real siblings. give me petty squabbles and the siblings going to their neutral leaning powerful mom to solve them. like the villian literally obliterates a town or smt but the villain stealing the hero’s celebratory feast turkey leg for saving the remaining townsfolk is what causes them to go running to mommy to resolve their issues.

[mayhemseraphim]

started reading project hail mary, i LOVE grace’s inner dialogue he’s so stupid

[mayhemseraphim]

where is the fandom at with ace-spec shane headcanons?

[mayhemseraphim]

watched project hail mary: i understand the grace aro ace spec headcanons now

qpr joyfriends grace-rocky gives me life

me and my bestie watched it together and agreed that they are us actually so guess whose got a joyfriend of their own

[mayhemseraphim]

being someone who used to struggle socially a lot, and only improving after like years of analyzing how people interact to barely be able to maintain ‘typical’ small talk is so weird.

like yeah i used to very obviously interact with people strangely to the point nearly every person i ever met would tell me they always thought i was weird, but now i know the Rules. and i can Talk. and people still think im weird but in a personality kind of way not a Skill Issue way.

like i used to barely be able to maintain small talk with the 2 people id talk to. and now i can make small talk but its still so strange i have no idea what these people mean. idek what IM saying, im literally copying what i see other people do. i kinda wish to go back to the me before i actively made the choice to understand people. i was much happier when i would respond to questions like ‘how are you’ with a very intense sincerity since i thought the person asking genuinely wanted to know and so i would verbally go through every current events that happened to me around that time and weigh their emotional impact on me to find out how i truly ‘was.’

that me was a lot freer and didn’t have to deal with the mental overload that is attempting go through my social interaction rolodex everytime i want to appear Normal to the Humans.

also i try very hard not to interrupt people in conversation or talk too loudly, or too quickly. it’s such a strange feeling to be speaking to someone and having been told ‘calm down.’ like, i already was calm? i am perfectly calm. i talk fast and loudly but i didn’t even realize but i know NOW because that’s always what people tell me when i do that. sorry. i guess. i was just Passionate but now im embarrassed and realize i should just Shut Up. (still happens btw but luckily my friends don’t mind. they just remind me to speak quieter. and i know better to be more careful with people ive just met.)

[mayhemseraphim]

being quiromantic is so strange. like. oh haha i can’t tell if i love you romantically or not. yeah id love to date but i have no clue if ill even like it btw i may just be leading you on. or not. like ik i love you but idk how.

i’m starting to think i may just be aromantic?? has anyone been through a similar thing.