listen to your heart beating
listen to the way it moves
and I don’t wanna talk about anything
I don’t wanna talk about anything
you held me the whole way through
when I couldn’t say the words like you
I was scared, Indigo, but I wanted to
Cigarette Smoke
- I can’t believe I thought I looked so skinny in those photos.
“rmember your sorrow”
Pushing it down and praying
- . I didn’t I didn’t I didn’t and now I’m back to double digits I nearly cried of joy when I got down to almost nothing and so quickly I got back up so high I nearly cried almost 3 times over that since finding out and I think a lot of it is water weight but it doesn’t matter because i got fatter
I can feel it and I can see it I need to stop I’m disgusting
“I know it’s real I can feel it”
Soren
“Why’d I try at all?”
How was your day
“tell me something honest so the memories turn dark
you said that I made loving look easy
til I made it hard
give me back my time and I will give you back your heart”
Maze in the mirror
- Fiona Apple Fiona Apple
“look what we became”
Need your company
“no one really knows me…. Nobody understands, I know… Im thinking in a selfish way, but at my lows I just can’t help it… is friendship all just for show? I overthink, get lost in my head but… I need your company, no matter how you hurt me… I need your company… no one really knows me… but inside yeah I really wish it could be… you to kill my ego and understand me… hurt each other, but stitching up the pieces
I really wanna trust u / no one really knows me / no one really knows u
Today I said that I have 2 dogs
why why why why why why why why why why
I don’t think I’ve been so bad in every way since quarantine
but at least then there was the explanation of the setting and the state of the world and isolation but this is self-imposed isolation (in some ways) but it’s not just that but have I ever freaked out like that in front of family and freiends like that before? have I ever backed out of a friend thing because I feel so anxious and unnecessary and insecure, to the degree that I, people-pleaser as I am, will seriously flake and inconvenience everyone because I just feel That Bad about everything of me and so scared
I don’t feel right when I’m with my friends anymore I thought I was being dramatic but when we hung out I really felt so disconnected like everyone was lined up perfectly and I had slid out of place, I kept on getting in my head and feeling stupid and quiet and shy. I hate everything that comes out of my mouth, I want to talk so badly but I’m really so scared I feel so stupid and like I’ll be judged for anything
so scared of being perceived
I’ve become so insecure in everything that I do and all that I am I am all I am
I think I’m unneeded it’s not that my friends make me feel that way it’s just how I feel I’m so weird and distant I’m so out of touch I’m so far away I’m so far off
everything’s off
but I’ll lie and lie and lie and avoid actually talking about or telling anyone about it all the while I keep begging for attention so desperately and pathetically, so obvious it’s cringy but I’m so embarrassed always ‘hehe’ … I want to say everything but I’m so scared to open up
beating around the bush pocket full of posies ashes ashes we all fall down
I have hallucinated things before and I’m often genuinely paranoid and I thought that this “Unhappiness” was because of school or my dad or my pets dying or being alone or friend troubles or being lonely or the weather but
I feel this so often and so consistently that I don’t even have to wait until I feel “bad” to write or think about it like this because it’s that pervasive lolol like these thoughts and feelings are truly always here looming over me seriously
I’ve felt like this for many years now and I think I can finally say objectively with confidence that there is Something Wrong because I’ve never thought like this All the Time .. which is what was preventing me from being able to “say something is wrong” in the past
Something’s wrong and it bothers me every day and I’m so scared of my future for so many reasons, at the rate things are going…
I don’t know if I can ever be Truly Happy
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
dailybridgerton
gracieabrams
germansingergirl
kianamaiart
snowghoul
