Perfectionism is a pain in the neck...but it's especially bad for NJs.
Perfectionism is a bitch. People have difficulties when they have a picture of a flawless future that will never come to be, and they have difficulties when their vision is out of touch with reality. NJs are the most prone to develop into perfectionists, and they are the ones that suffer the most as a result of the lengths to which they will go in order to attain their ideals.
Perfectionism is a compulsion that has to be satisfied in order to be happy. It is a strong want that is prompted by unconscious emotional reactivity, which might include things like: deep-seated concerns, insecurities, painful memories, unresolved trauma, defensive systems, and so on. It is a powerful urge that is motivated by unconscious emotional reactivity. Humans are generally apprehensive about immediately identifying and confronting unconscious activity since it produces unpleasant sensations and has the potential to harm oneβs self-esteem; as a result, humans are emotionally driven to conceal unconscious activity. However, the more one attempts to repress or deny such behavior, the βlouderβ it becomes, until one is driven to succumb to dark emotional forces that are overwhelming him or her.
In general, Intuitive people are more likely to be perfectionists than Sensor people. A personβs innate ability to accept and honor facts, as well as the ability to change oneβs expectations in accordance with reality, naturally serves to protect them against acquiring perfectionist tendencies. To argue that Sensors cannot be perfectionists is not to say that they cannot; it simply means that they are less likely. Because intuitives are generally unsatisfied with reality, they refuse to accept facts that limit their imagination, and they are less flexible to unexpected reality checks than other types of personalities. Because they have placed a high value on fulfilling their ambitions, dreams, or ideals, they are more prone to engage in perfectionist conduct in order to force reality to conform to the visions that they have in their heads. To put it another way, a dysfunctional N function is frequently the root cause of perfectionist tendencies. Because everyone possesses a N function, everyone is capable of perfectionism when the conditions are favorable. According to the health and development of the N function, as well as its position within the functional stack, perfectionism manifests itself in a variety of ways.
When oneβs Ni perceptions are too limited, too inflexible, too poorly defined, or too severe and detached from reality, it is very likely that Ni types will engage in self-destructive conduct, regardless of where they are in the functional stack. One must understand the difference between perception and reality in order to properly use Ni: 1) one must understand the difference between perception and reality, 2) one must be willing to examine the truthfulness of oneβs perceptions about the world, and 3) one must be able to step back from negative events in order to put them into a larger or longer-term perspective. Consequently, when Ni is used inappropriately, one frequently treats their twisted perceptions as absolute truth, 2) one becomes lost in the hope that ideal visions come true, and 3) one is easily led astray by the trivial and the negative due to a lack of big picture or long term perspective, among other things.
Individuals who are unable to use Ni maturely frequently experience hair-trigger frustration, and if they are unable to find a healthy outlet for their negative emotions, they are more likely to use Se to vent their frustrations into the outside world. Unhealthy Se behavior can manifest itself in a variety of ways, including emotional overreactions, impulsive overcompensation for negative events/setbacks, unreasonable demands and expectations, aggressive and controlling behavior, an insufferably whiny and self-pitying attitude, arguing pointlessly about which βfactsβ are true/false, discriminately selecting βevidenceβ to support/prove controversial ideas, and wasting time redoing tasks in order to perform them flawlessly, Of course, this type of behavior is not helpful to flourishing and reaching oneβs positive potential in any way. When Ni typesβ perceptions become distorted or extreme, or when Ni types have difficulty setting healthy ideals to guide them towards positive self-actualization, it is likely that they will eventually suffer from depression or cynicism because they will see nothing in the world that is worth committing themselves to or investing their time and energy into.
The development of auxiliary Fe in immature INFJs is typically hampered, which means that they have difficulties blending in and creating emotional intimacy with others. As a result, they experience the loneliness and misery that comes with not having a strong social support system. Perfectionism in INFJs sometimes manifests itself in the form of self-flagellation and the attempt to twist oneself into a false image of perfection in order to avoid fitting in by finding solace in becoming whatever notion of perfection one believes is necessary for feeling self-confident. They will, however, lose touch with their authentic selves and their own emotional needs the more they strive to be a false image of perfection as a means of building fake self-esteem (rather than addressing the underlying issue of emotional insecurities or social anxieties), to the point where they will feel completely lost in life and will have no idea why.
In its most basic form, Ni perfectionism is a misalignment between what one wishes the world to be (Ni) and what the world actually is (Se). When Ni and Se are out of balance, Ni types only see what appears to be lacking; they perceive imperfections, falsehoods, gaps, and voids, and they hyper-focus on those things, unable to visualize, let alone successfully implement, meaningful positive potential. When Ni and Se are out of balance, Ni types only see what appears to be lacking; they sense imperfections, falsehoods, gaps, and voids, and they hyperfocus on those things. The best way to deal with Ni perfectionism is to get oneβs expectations and reality more in line with each other. You are under no responsibility to have your expectations met by the world; rather, if you are serious about leading a fulfilling life, you must learn to adjust your expectations in accordance with the realities of the outside world. It is not healthy to set unrealistically high or far-reaching goals, nor is it healthy to set unrealistically low or no goals at all.
In reality, an ideal is simply a concept that provides direction, and progress should be made progressively by implementing realistic plans and learning from setbacks. However, fixating too much on the destination means that you miss out on either the enjoyment of the journey itself or the opportunity to discover other, more interesting paths. Keep in mind that the rigid way you define βperfectionβ does not reflect the truth of the universe or how it should be in the first place. How can you ever learn, feel, experience, and appreciate everything that life has to offer if you doggedly hang on to flawed concepts and ideals despite the bad outcomes and implications? Given that the meaning of life is a subjective fabrication, rather than an abstract idea, it may be altered at whim at any time. However, this cannot be accomplished when one wishes to believe in comfortable falsehoods and close oneβs mind to other viable interpretations.
Working on improving your emotional intelligence is the first step in overcoming perfectionism since it makes your perfectionist behavior and its emotional roots more apparent. <3
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