• mcdylans •

hi my name is dylan and I'm from Melbourne

[basic-banshee]

I keep using my girlfriend with unusual work hours to get out of coworker interactions and happy hours and hanging out.

But now the company holiday party is upon us.

And I’ve been lying about the girlfriend.

I suddenly really empathise with the characters in Hallmark Christmas movies.

[basic-banshee]

I like that people have two reactions to this post.

Reasonable: “just say she couldn’t make it!”

Chaotic: FAKE DATING AU

[victorxaxvale]

Well, which one is it going to be?

[basic-banshee]

And so it begins

[contentcrisis]

having the DMV area Craigslist bookmarked has never come in handy before but now

[basic-banshee]

Update, Craigslist has flagged my post as inappropriate.

[basic-banshee]

Apparently you can’t solicit a date as a “gig”

I now see my mistake

[basic-banshee]

Update: a date has been acquired. This is true lesbian solidarity in action.

[justluckyiguess]

My wife has now read this and wonders how baby gays are even meeting and mating

[basic-banshee]

Can confirm I am meeting and mating just fine 😂

[basic-banshee]

By the way I’m in a relationship with this woman now

[king]

Okay yoda...

[suspend]

took a “why are you single” test to “verify” why im single and its a slap on the face

not gonna lie i feel so attacked right now

if youre single and ready to face the truth, heres a link

share your results!!!

[pepefrogs]

mine says im a “MISANTHROPE” and i didnt know that word so i looked it up

mis·an·thrope/ˈmis(ə)nˌTHrōp/

noun

1.a person who dislikes humankind and avoids human society:

i cannot argue with that

[feyrawr]

Why are people still wondering what’s under Diglett and Dugtrio, seriously.

[jump-spark]

are you telling me there is a brock under every dugtrio

[foodchewer]

i put the hot in photo

[dyke-city]

I thought this said “I put the hot in potato”

[todf-deactivated20151104]

[shitpost-senpai]

[lucastriedpklove]

[jfgeuw6egifsehifsifei-deactivat]

[chaofanatic]

[geibuchan-deactivated20250804]

[anfael]

[dieidieidieidieidie-deactivated]

[drtanner]

[basscandi]

What the fuck is this post

[all-hail-mono-onion]

[fluffibon-deactivated20190926]

I swear there was an audio version of this? If someone finds it tag me!

[shitposting-extraordinaire]

Sometimes I think tumblr’s midwest jokes are too on the nose but then I remember I live five miles away from a field of identical 8 foot corn statues

[satirizing]

delete this

[anorganisch-deactivated20171123]

from the google reviews for it:

[rohie-deactivated20191102]

“Years ago a friend of mine had a dream about a strange invention; a staircase you could descend deep underground, in which you heard recordings of all the things anyone had ever said about you, both good and bad. The catch was, you had to pass through all the worst things people had said before you could get to the highest compliments at the very bottom. There is no way I would ever make it more than two and a half steps down such a staircase, but I understand its terrible logic: if we want the rewards of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.”

— I Know What You Think of Me, Tim Kreider for the New York Times

[owlmylove]

after YEARS of seeing this quote online and finding it to be the most deeply and resoundingly profound writing i finally found the source article and absolutely nothing could prepare me for this opening paragraph

[morefunthanb4]

[krabby-kronicle]

[alwaysroken-deactivated20170723]

[herthousandlegs]

who is she?

[transebs]

IM SCREAMING WHAT

[mcdylans]

Gee whiz, cat cat

[drakomalfoyyy-deactivated202006]

i’m scared to have kids. like what if i accidentally kill one

[jumpingjaverts]

Or what if they grow up and hate your fandoms… then it might not be an accident :(

[jumpingjaverts]

oh my god, what the fuck was wrong with me in 2013. what the fuck. wtf

[treaclethetortoise]

this is the kind of drastic character development we need

[sapamanders]

how much do i have to zoom in on a pic of my elbow before it gets flagged

[sapamanders]

never mind tumblr shot me on fucking sight

[ariesmarsinthe3rd]

this is my favorite fucking video as of now

[fuckinstardust]

that baby gonna come out as a smoothie

[carbink]

the baby’s in there like

[ewaneneollav]

[cremia-deactivated20210626]

yo why jon thick as hell

[flipflapjacks]

We aint gonna talk about the stroke I just had reading this?

[yungterra-blog]

[laughcentre]

HOW ANGRY DO YOU HAVE TO BE, THOUGH

[iguanamouth]

new dance club called MOTH is completely empty except for large lamp the only dance allowed is you throwing yourself against it for seven hours there is no music

[mcdylans]

The Moth Pit