Alpha Male

You get 5 big booms

[kristina100000]

canbt stop crying. thats what i woulda did

[pitbolshevik]

why is this kink tumblr post the funniest thing I've seen tonight

[librarycards]

[danhumphrey]

as a human my ideal way to die would be something quick and painless in a national park at a very old age. as a bug my ideal way to die would be being accidentally crushed by a little girl playing outside and cried over and buried with a leaf headstone

[commanderchr1st]

This is my uncle. There are many like him, but this one is mine.

My uncle is my best friend. He is my life. I must master him as I must master my life.

[fullrnetalwindbreaker]

WITHOUT ME MY UNCLE IS USELESS

WITHOUT MY UNCLE I AM USELESS

[penworthy]

[subhumananimal]

[smoqueen-deactivated20251108]

from like 9 to 12 i would try to fall asleep by ‘making’ a new seinfeld episode in my head. i would open with a jerry seinfeld standup bit that was almost nonsense (its not like i can write standup like he can at 10 years old) and then it would be jerry and george arguing about a girlfriend i made up with some kind of pointless issue (”she wears bigger pants than me, jerry! everyones gonna know, who wears the pants!”) and then kramer would walk in. by that time id be almost out

[smoqueen-deactivated20251108]

I should also say i was ‘typing’ out the dialogue with my hands as if they were on a keyboard, but my hands were across my chest like a vampire

[dogpuppy]

[recordstore]

one time I was lucid dreaming and I asked the Jennifer Coolidge figure in my dream how do i tell if something in a dream is real or not and she said. It’s only real if they charge your card. best answer ever

[setalye]

i let my cat sniff dr pepper and she identified all 23 mysterious flavors with ease

[girlballs-archive]

Fat bitches frotting

[girlballs-archive]

sposnored by thee fucking frito lay corporation

[im-mender]

because fat bitches are Fri to Lay down and frot with me

[ozempicofficial]

[suigintou]

cutely emits a single ping

[sforzzz]

it's totally ok to dislike things. right?

[sforzzz]

i have to go delete some posts

[kleinergeist]

You don't even need to study for the Rorschach test, btw, it's super easy. All they do is show you a bunch of stupid pictures of your dad getting eaten by a horse

[hermann-rorschach]

Do not share the answers with your classmates.

[kleinergeist]

Yes Dr Rorschach

Sorry Dr Rorschach

[toastradamus-deactivated2022111]

haters will see you ressurect and be like “he cant afford a funeral”

[blextrophy]

[tinybed]

little baby… i’m taking u home with me