megan addy elizabeth

her heart beats with words

[meganaddyelizabeth]

Are we ever really full?

The cracks in my skeleton have betrayed me
 And I can feel the strength I profess en masse
 Seeping it’s way to the floor
 A sickening wallow of fullness waving goodbye
 Trickling The way shallow cuts gently dare to reveal red
 As if no one will notice the cells escaping I once bought a journal that I filled with questions
 And it never struck me how easily I lack answers
 Until now when I face my emptiness with air captured 
Inside faltering lungs 
 Caught
 Without memory of oxygen’s conversion 
Into a relevant momentum of self We eat and eat and swallow 
Hopeful that each mouthful brings us closer to satisfied
 But I have my doubts
 And mostly they resonate futility 
Deafening 
A silence of hostile pessimism 
Telling the molecules their division was irrelevant Is anyone ever really full?
 Is emptiness inevitable? 
The broken echo of my hollowness 
 Reverberates negativity with intent frequency
 Decimated
 A heart that is dripping with doubt 
And a mind that is collapsing under the weight of defeat

- m.a.e. 150525

[meganaddyelizabeth]

.unravelling.

this floor is an effigy

fallen linens that are no great shrine

layers, like dead skin, collecting without permission

i did not ask to shed you

and yet you break from my body

like wild birds forced in cages

who are you?

if i have no centre

will there be a cease-point to this uncoiling

as piles of these threads ripped from me

become statuesque memories

what i thought i was

immortalized

what i am:

unravelling

- m.a.e. 130505

[meganaddyelizabeth]

I’m just a really disappointing chocolate Easter bunny: entirely hollow on the inside.

m.a.e. 130523

[meganaddyelizabeth]

i would lie for you.

i have pores that crave

the breath from your lips

the tips of my fingers pulse

with ache and memory

the outline of your jaw

just as strong in my mind

again i surrender to our lies

dripping

from my neck

in charged kisses

you are worth every breath

i forget to commit

to these lungs full of sin

the way i steal you

with my eyes possessed

the sharp sounds of gasping

in equal pace

with the tightening of hands

some hard on arms

others clawing for hair

there must be honesty beating here

under a cage of curved bone

there are cracks in my writhing spine

bending to connect

the whispers of time

we have committed

thieves for these moments

this fire and water

all veins charged with steam

sent to quicken us

towards longing

and into i need you

at each length and each measure

when we let loose this lust-grasp

each time we carefully part

- m.a.e. 130527

[meganaddyelizabeth]

The first time I heard my heart beat

it was your lengthened fingers

across octaves of black and white

that taught my breath to catch

it was your sky-eyes

through pirouettes and time steps

that said he wasn’t enough

it was your liquid lips

on craving and burning skin

that proved I am more

and it is your fire mind

over miles of hill and water

that reveals that I am

- m.a.e. 130617

[meganaddyelizabeth]

Will you move in?

Take up the space in my heart I’ve built for you Hang up pictures with hammer and with nails Leave piles of clothes in the corners Keep your toothbrush in a cup Don’t worry about things getting dusty when you’ve been away I’ll keep the door unlocked and the lights are always on If you want to renovate go ahead I’m ready to be moved by you I want to know what colour you’d paint these walls So bring your swatches and layouts I have all the permits you’ll need Just get started on making it right for you Because I’ve declared this place yours And it’s up to you to make it your home

- m.a.e. 130910

[meganaddyelizabeth]

This is for myself, so please don’t get too worked up about it.

I have very quiet tears They crawl down my cheeks Without any consistent timing Just trailing from where my eyes crinkle In glistening lines that look like snail-paths —That’s probably how slow they are too

I can’t picture a tomorrow where I’m in love That healthy amour type of love Like smoothie grass all blended up A way to heal my body just as much as grow it Maybe puréed together is the only way to drink us in —I think I could believe in a love-flavoured juice

- m.a.e. 130906

[meganaddyelizabeth]

She loves me.

If my palms were flowers

would you pluck my fingers like petals

to see if the blood in displacement

fell red like your own?

-m.a.e. 140121

[meganaddyelizabeth]

Passion of the Crime

I am not a pilgrimage for dissatisfied souls 
I am not the modge-podge for hole-y hearts  
Do not come to me looking for answers 
I will not be your Bible of direction  (This book is not a compass)
  I will not save you

Because this crucifix I built myself  
And I climbed it hard to put splinters in my feet The blood I spill is MY salvation
 So cut down your tree 
 And tear off each limb to hear the cracks 
Smooth out that post with the harsh-paper of your many tongues And find your own goddamn nails
 ‘CAUSE YOU WILL NAIL YOUR OWN SELF TO YOUR OWN FUCKING CROSS 
(Of course you’re going to bleed)
 If you want to taste redemption


Sacrifice yourself

I am not here to save you I am not here to forgive you I am not the platform for white-worshipping away what scares you I will not be the hero to any story but my own  Because this messiah is not the finder of any lost souls(save her own)

- m.a.e. 130922

[meganaddyelizabeth]

not so tepid

with the usual trepidation

a desire burns from my chest

the way furies of heat rise off smoke stacks

i wonder if you could fly me away into the sun

where the temperature is no less than 5505 degrees centigrade 

a surface i would be intrepid to touch 

because there is no created-scale

that could measure the fire already in existence between us

i want to know what this kind of melting feels like

to see the steam emit from twenty fingertips

and watch as precious metals become molten around us 

let’s create our own oxygen by boiling up the oceans and searing up the seas

when is it the time to embrace such a gift as emblazonment?

- m.a.e. 130102

[meganaddyelizabeth]

I keep you here.

I keep a list of names written with memory on the notebook that echoes from beneath my ribs tiny and dedicated letters for the souls that shaped me made me broke me when my mind quiets in prayer I kneel to meet my makers the ones whose footprints and claw-marks are art upon my blood-muscle I kiss the foreheads of such honoured reflections and deliver my silence in waves of reverie a way to speak my gratitude to the quiet ones the remembered ones the ones who fill my heart

- m.a.e. 130914