fight me, helen

hey! im katie, one of the biggest nerds youll ever meet. i like to draw, cosplay, & rp sometimes. check my about for more!

[southernsideofme-deactivated201]

[eternal-nova-deactivated2018011]

dogs are so amazing, we aren’t worthy of them

[skwisgmoved-deactivated20200411]

once you put your homestuck goggles on they kind of weld themselves to your face

it could be like 20 yrs since youve read homestuck but all the zodiacs are still going to have a designated color in your mind and if anyone ever says ‘were doing this’ u kno ur gonna say/think ‘were making this happen’ bc once ur homestuck trash youre trash4lyfe

[knightofiris]

My friend and I actually had this happen recently. We were getting some ice while at a hotel and while walking to the machine with the ice pale she turned to me and said simply “bucket” and we both chuckled.

Then slowly her face fell and she realized what she had just said. She wasn’t intending to make that joke she was just saying the word in a funny way.

Homestuck never leaves you man. It’s always there.

[thornheartcat]

i hope y'all are getting paid to lie about how mint & chocolate tastes good together

[dustail]

I looked down expecting to see a noble person defending the goodness that is a mint and chocolate combo but no, the burden falls to me, the sole person on this hellsite with good taste apparently

[flockdynamics]

PLEASE GOD THERE IS NOTHING I NEED MORE IN MY LIFE THAN A T-REX COOING LIKE A PIGEON

[defydamage]

MY ENTIRE LIFE HAS LEAD TO THIS MOMENT AND IT WAS ALL WORTH IT!

[thexfiles]

interested to see how 2016 will get worse from here

[thexfiles]

it’s been two weeks since i made this post and idk where to begin

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

i cant believe this

[kimpossibooty]

Things That Happened On My First Day At Target

-Sold lingerie to an eighty year old woman

-Got a free salted caramel frappacino from the suspectedly gay barista, Parker

-Sold a bra to the mom of a sixteen year old girl who was cringing the entire time

-Had a very engaging conversation with a three year old boy about colors. We both like blue.

-Served an old woman who I thought had an impressive mustache, but it was just nose hair

-Watched her and two other women with her get trapped between two sets of automatic doors because they did not understand how to open them. How they got through the first set, I still do not know.

-Sold fifteen gallons of kitty litter to a soccer mom who refused to break eye contact

-Got a second free starbucks drink. This one was a pumpkin pie one that wasn’t even on the menu. I like this barista man.

-Gave dozens of children stickers. Several of them squealed when they got them. This is the best part of my job.

-Sold an old man $200 of furniture and got him to sign up for a Target credit card. Before he finished the last step, he turned and walked away with his cart without a word.

-He still hadn’t paid. I called him back and he apologized, saying “sorry, sometimes my diabetes makes me do that.” He didn’t finish getting the card.

-A woman came up with $220 of items. After a wad of coupons and a stack of free gift cards from other promotions, her total went down to $55. I want her to teach me. 

-Saw a girl skipping down the aisle in what can only be described as a pink princess fairy wedding dress. She was filled with happiness and if I hadn’t been on the clock I would have taken her. At the very least, I want that outfit for my own.

-Got approached by a large man named Jason. He told me not to steal. I will take this advice to heart. 

-Met a woman referred to only as The Cat Lady. She asked if I wanted her to buy me a keychain from Ross. I told her I had no keys. She nodded solemnly and walked away, whispering their exact location inside Ross, just in case.

-Got called into the HR Head’s office at the end of my shift. I was expecting to be yelled at for some reason. She and another lead showered me in compliments for ten minutes straight, saying a lot of managers had been saying great things about me all day. Not what I expected, but I’ll take it.

[kimpossibooty]

Day Two:

-Intimidating farmer man in overalls and pigtails came through my checkout. He bought a bucket. He spoke no words. He made no eye contact. He left me with questions.

-Three college boys came through, each buying spandex and makeup wipes. They spoke no words. They made too much eye contact. They left me with more questions. I question when this job will provide answers.

-A three year old came through, pushed by his personal chauffeur. He bought one small Spider-Man onesie. He carried out the entire transaction on his own. He was the most polite customer I have had so far.

-Three people walked away without their change. Only two returned.

-A man bought thirty light bulbs with a coupon. He told me he did not need thirty light bulbs. He just likes coupons.

-He then walked to customer service, claiming to have returned several things he did not mean to. He then walked a lap around the store and left. He did not leave the store with his light bulbs. They were nowhere to be found.

-A customer came through looking nervous. She leaned over the counter. She whispered to me. Someone had pooped in the baby supplies aisle. All evidence pointed to it not being a baby.  

[kimpossibooty]

Day Three:

-Two children came through the line. They were chanting to their mom through heavy streams of tears. “WE WANT STICKERS MOMMY.”  There were no stickers at any of the registers. They continued crying. I failed my people.

-An old woman bought five bottles of wine and a large bottle of vodka. Her license told me she had lived through World War II. Her smile told me she was still living.

-I sorted through the candy in the checkout lanes. I was meant to set aside candy that had expired in the last month. A box of Kit Kats was found that had expired in February of 2015. One was missing. I hope the poor sap is okay.

-Clearance school supplies have arrived. A man bought 71 spiral notebooks for $6. A woman bought 110 folders for $4. I hope they meet each other. I would like to see the child of two math problem characters.

-A bearded man named Rusty came through. I sold him a bottle of Crystal Light powder and a gallon of water. The powder was empty. The water jug had an inch of pink water left in it. How long has he been inside the store already. His beard intimidated me too much to ask.

-An elderly man in a fedora pushed two full carts into my lane. They were both filled to the brim. He bought 52 12-packs of Mountain Dew. 12 were diet. He repeatedly told me he was 80 years old. As I handed him his receipt, he leaned in and whispered, “I’m going to get DRUNK.” He pointed at his carts, smiled at me, and scurried away with his definitively alcoholic purchase. I wonder if he knows. I wonder if he cares.

[tastefullyoffensive]

[setheverman]

he is clearly overqualified

[jump-spark]

[ms-paint-idol-hell-remade]

Don’t ask me to draw anymore of these hoes dabbing because this exists and I don’t want to contribute to this madness

[symphonyalpha]

This has gone too far

[riikaisen]

Bullshit. Goofy did the dab first back in 2000.

Eat your damn idol heart out.

[mimikyu-chwan]

I’m sorry but, 1989 calls

[angelrinisadork]

Gohan was dabberific before it was uncool.

[emjadyart]

Uhhmmm…

Dora Standpipe beat all of y’all to the punch in 1942. So there.

[lesbianshepard]

retail story time: ive probably told you this before but like a year ago at work i was closing and we are like five minutes from closing the doors and leaving. it’s late. we close at 10pm during the holiday season and it was like 9:56 when this woman walks in with a shopping cart. 

now, if you work in retail, you know this sort of customer. those assholes who walk in right before you close and take their time shopping and act like they dont notice the announcements that “the store is now closed. please bring your final selection up to the front for checkout.” or that every employee is so fucking done for the night and want to get home. or that they are the only customer in the store. and when they have a shopping cart, you know they’re gonna be a while.

so a solid half hour after we are officially closed this woman comes to my register, because i am the only one open. because it’s ten fucking thirty pm and everyone else is ready to leave and ive been stuck here for eleven hours because someone called out and i was already there and a fucking idiot. 

and this woman, she’s a Suburban Mom ™ type and, like all the fucking moms who come into this store, she doesnt have a coupon because she expects us to just give it to her. and we will, if they ask. except i, after a solid hour of no customers and foolishly thinking nobody would come, had gotten rid of my coupons a few minutes before she walked in. so when she asks if i had a coupon i say no, i’m sorry, i don’t have one at the register. 

and this woman, she leans in and tells me “you know, i’m a professional psychic.” and i think “oh christ here we go”

and long island medium here, immune to the glares of the other employees who want her to just fucking pay and leave, goes on and on about this boy who loves me. we are soul mates, she says. destined to be. but there is a power keeping us apart. she mentions this “power” keeping me from mr. right several times. 

i, exhausted and frustrated and wanting to go home, reply “is it the power of me being a lesbian?”

she pays and leaves without another word.

[justcatposts]

there are so many layers to why this vine is immaculate. the slight blur of maple in the background. the halo effect on her fur. the warm autumn lighting. there are no flaws to this and i could watch it forever

More animal vines here

[frostingpeetaswounds]

remember when miley was randomly in hsm2

[spoillled-blog]

BECAUSE WE VOTED ONLINE FOR WHICH HANNAH MONTANA STAR WE WANTED TO SEE CAMO AND WE ALL VOTED ON DISNEY CHANNEL DOT COM WITH PARENTS PERMISSION

[230999999-deactivated20140921]

i voted for her without parents permission

[bogusspoon]

[ewaneneollav]

[clefsandlasers-deactivated20190]

idk what they were going for but this sounds like a dril-tier shitpost

[lyctorgideon]

panera bread now sells a “gluten conscious monster nut cookie” bc my life wasn’t weird enough without customers asking me “can i get that monster nut” five times a day

[bijection]

the avengers?

how about the international justice league of super acquaintances

[spider-hands-mannos-deactivated]

Okay no you guys listen  the fucking Westburo Baptist Church is training a goddamn Jigglypuff to take on the Leader of the Gym parked in their front yard, ran by trainer Pinknose and his fucking Clefairy named LoveisLove but they’re such bigmouthed pussies theres been no fight yet just a bunch of talk and I physically cannot goddamn handle this 

what the fuck

what the fuck guys jugglypuff is like the gayest pokemon smol pink puff balls what the FUCK

[reactionaryhater]

They… they really posted this.

Elsewhere.

[deadpoopy-deactivated20160807]

What a time to be alive

[siderealsandman]

I can’t believe I actually have to read the words ‘sodomite Clefairy" with my own two eyes