Be My Brometheos

¡! Bromethus Yes!¡ #420BlazeitalldayeverydaybutYoudonthavetoifyoudontwant.IdontbecauseIamaposer🍁

[todaysbird]

my new favorite thing is birds either blatantly ignoring bird-repellent spikes or actually using the spikes to support their nests

(x), (x), (x), (x)

[marcsalmonds]

Direct action pigeons are the working class heroes of the cityscape

[draws-memes]

[koobaxion-deactivated20220403]

Man okay when I got my wisdom teeth out it was a fucking experience. Before the surgery wasn’t too interesting but as soon as I woke up I saw the nurse next to me and was all like “hey… i think… i died… and now I’m in a parallel universe… and i gotta go back to my house and kill the me from this universe” and he was just kinda like “alright, you do that”. And then the other nurse kept going in and out of the room to get things and I thought there was like 5 of her that kept coming out of the room, and then so when she was wheeling me out in a wheelchair I was like “damn… why are there so many of you… there’s like 5 many of you” and she was just kinda like “alright, you do that”.

Anyway I got to the car and my dad was there and he was like “how ya feeling son” in the dadliest way possible and I was like “MAN I AM PUMPED LETS GET SOME JUICE I’M STARVED” so we drove about 3 blocks to a jamba juice, whereupon I say “I’m good I can do this” and run/drunkstumble 30 feet to the door. I burst in the door like a viking returning from some fucking battle and holler “WHATS UP FUCKS” to everyone in the store, which was thankfully just the 2 people behind the counter, who looked probably as scared/confused as a jamba juice employee could look.

So anyway, as my dad explained the situation I looked up at the jamba juice menu and was utterly fucking lost in it. Like I swear I was looking at this menu board for a year, deciphering this Rosetta stone of fruits. I distinctly remember that I was looking at each item in a smoothie, thinking of how it tasted, then moving on to the next thing and thinking of how that tasted, and how they would taste together. Since most smoothies had 3 or 4 items, this took some thinking. So my dad sees me in this extreme brain blast state of mind and says “hey are you going to order or what”. Keep in mind I’m on the first fucking smoothie on the list here. So I just say “shush man I’m trying to do fruit science”, and then when I realized that this process could take literal years, I just said “yeah give me a smooth regular” which for the uninitiated, isn’t actually a real thing on any menu. Oh, also I asked them if the “boosted” smoothies would give me super powers and then pointed my fingers at them and made “lightning noises”.

So my dad just orders me the first thing on the menu and I go to sit down and stare out the window or some shit and my thoroughly amused dad just looks at me and says “how ya feelin?”. Now at this time I was feeling a lot of things, but most noticeable to me was the gauze in my mouth, so I just look at him and say “there’s these fuckin… tiny sheep in my head” which at the time was the best way I had to convey this feeling. Anyway about that time, the jamba juice guy brings us our drinks and he gives me a small thing of mario kart stickers and I swear I almost cried from the tsunami of emotion that gift made me feel (I still have them).

Anyway the rest of the story is we drove home and I explained this programming project I was working on to my dad in perfect detail somehow and then I came home and went on facebook and posted a comment on my friends status (because I couldn’t find the status update bar) that read: “i just took a lort of painkillers and yelled at everyone in a jambo juice”

This may be the funniest thing I have ever read. There are actual tears coming out of my face.

[rrozeselavy-deactivated-deactiv]

rich ppl are like so easily convinced abt ghosts I remember growing up it was near this vacant lot and whenever I broke a toy instead of going to face the wrath of my mother I would fucking bury it in that lot and then sure enough, some dude tried to develop the land and found a ton of buried rotten dolls and shit and told everyone it was haunted

it’s been over a decade and that lot is still vacant 

[johnnyfourballs]

You single handedly tanked the value of someone’s prime real estate and that makes me happy

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

As soon as I read this I immediately started thinking of ways to do this on purpose to get cheap land and I was five posts down my dash before I realised I was becoming Scooby Doo villain

[listlesslion-deactivated2019052]

Twilight is even funnier if you try to imagine how many people probably thought Bella was a vampire.

“You’re from Arizona, and you’re skin is STILL that pale?”

“Yeah, I can’t be around blood, it makes me…squeamish.”

“I know she keeps saying Edward jumped in front of the van and that’s why she’s okay, but that makes even less sense? He wasn’t even near her anyway.”

“The hottest guy in school was absolutely mesmerized by her after like a week”

[vampireapologist-archive-deacti]

I know I promised not to talk about Twilight anymore but the concept that after going to school with the Cullens for however long, it took a week for Bella’s new classmates to jokinglypassaround rumors that She’s The Vampire is a take I never expected and that we needed all along

[charlesoberonn]

Apparently the current proposed name of the hypothetical ninth planet is Persephone which is such a good name I’m mad I didn’t think of it.

[charlesoberonn]

Allow me to explain why it’s such a great name:

It pays homage to Pluto, previously known as the ninth planet, since Persephone was Pluto/Hades’s wife in Greek Mythology

It helps make up for the gender inequality in the names of planets, since Venus is the only other planet named after a woman

If it exists, it’d be the coldest planet in the Solar System, and in Greek Mythology, it was Persephone’s time spent in the underworld that caused winter

[darkbluemint]

I’m into this

[swan2swan]

I can’t believe none of the reasons were “It’s what Pluto would want.”

[alexkablob]

#if he can’t be a planet at least his wife can

[sodomymcscurvylegs]

There will never be a more ICONIC moment in TV than when Ozai mocks Zuko about how Iroh will pass down to him “the ways of tea and failure” only to have Zuko redirect Ozai’s lightning like two seconds later and brutally smash him into a wall; a skill Zuko learned from Iroh. Even when he was not physically there, Iroh protected Zuko from his most dangerous enemy.

[ruinedchildhood]

Avengers: Endgame (2019) dir. The Russo Brothers

[lesbianshepard]

i kinda feel bad for oedipus b/c everyone assumes he chose to fuck his mom when in fact he went out of his way to avoid it. he left his hometown and distanced himself from his parents because he was afraid he would somehow get tricked into fucking his mom. everything could have been avoided if his adopted parents told him he was adopted.

[lesbianshepard]

someone: oedipus was fucked up like who fucks their own mother??? fucking weirdo.

me: it’s not his fault! he didn’t know!

[lesbianshepard]

also the point of the myth is supposed to show how despite your best efforts no mortal can thwart fate but also? what the fuck? the whole thing was an oracle telling laius that his son was going to murder him and fuck his wife. that shit came out of nowhere. he didn’t offend the gods or anything. they just decided for no reason other than the world is fucked up sometimes.

[lesbianshepard]

i have been informed that oedipus’ dad, laius, did in fact bring a curse upon himself for kidnapping and raping king pelop’s son chrysippus.

i stand by my stance that it’s still ridiculous to punish oedipus and jocasta for laius’s crimes. also why would the godss curse oedipus for fucking his mom when they tricked him into doing it in the first place? fucked up.

[the-cheshire-cat-grin]

You’re assuming the gods are ruled by logic and not by zeus nudging poseidon and saying “hey you know what would be so fucking funny”

[rock-allday]

Don’t fear death, fear the state in which you will die.

[revvann-deactivated20181218]

I was always afraid of Ohio

[tgpgifs]

[tredlocity]

[startoursflight1401]

Like I’m not even surprised

[spacetaters-deactivated20200722]

ok but can we like start a petition for Cards Against Humanity to make a John Mulaney themed pack because i would be willing to spend all my money on that

[taylormademagic]

Suggestions:

Black cards-

• THERES A ______ LOOSE! IN THE HOSPITAL

• Eat ass, suck a dick, and sell ________

• Canceling plans is like ________

• Do my friends hate me? Or do I just need _____

• You have the moral backbone of a _______

• I’ll keep all of my ___________ right here and the one day I’ll die

White Cards-

• what’s new pussycat played 7 times followed by its not unusual followed by what’s new pussy cat

• smoking cocaine the night before your college graduation

• a 28 year old healthy man trying his best

• one black coffee

• STREET SMARTS

• shushing animals even though they’ve never spoken

• Delta Airlines

• the one thing they can’t replace

• an on fire garbage can… could be a nursery

• a sea of drunk toddlers

• a pre- y2k asshole

• Xanax

[thigh-highs]

Four rich fathers go golfing.

One of them stays behind to pay the bill and the other three proceed to the first hole. While golfing, the three fathers start bragging about their sons.

The first father says, “I am very proud of my son Arthur; he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel and now he is at the top!  He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.”

The second fathers says, “My son Ivan is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He went to flight school to become a pilot and managed to become a partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.”

The third father says, “Well, well, well - congratulations! My son, Ludwig, is also my pride and joy and is also very rich. He became an engineer. He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He built a mansion especially for his best friend.”

Then the fourth father catches up and they ask him how his son is doing.

The fourth father replies, “Oh, my son Alfred is gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.”

The three friends shake their heads and say, “What a shame, you must be so unhappy! How tragic.”

The fourth father replies with a bright smile, “Oh no, I am not ashamed at all! Alfred is my son and I love him just as well; he’s my pride and joy. And he is much loved by his friends too. Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a Mercedes Benz, a brand new jet and a huge mansion from his three suitors?”

[theybby-deactivated20231001]

Reblog to support proud father and his sugar baby gay son.

[followthebluebell]

adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision.  On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me.  i know that fucker’s weaknesses.  i could totally take me in a fight.”

[dreamingofbabylon]

frog and toad are my two remaining brain cells struggling to keep my horrible body alive

[satanhomie]

Have we ever discussed the fact that 2001 - 2012 Disney channel’s shows all had strong female leads, with the exception of Zack and Cody but they had a black man in charge, a smart poor white blonde girl and a dumb rich Asian so still beautifully diverse.

Disney was 100% female empowerment and showed diversity. Who did they employ to create the shit they have today?

[ashkenazi-autie-deactivated2014]

Of the shows with girls as leads, two of them were POC and their heritage was actively acknowledged throughout the show. We have a Wizards of Waverly Place episode featuring a quincenera and we have That’s So Raven, which actually did a lot to talk about body image and addressed the issue of antiblack racism.

[silenthill]

Not to mention Zack and Cody had a working single mother (a divorcee at that!!) who was respected, strong, and amazing. Also a PoC bellhop who was a crucial role and in nearly every episode, and whose heritage was always known and respected. That’s So Raven had a lovely and diverse cast of friends/family, tackled topics that every teenager faces, like stress from school and work, body positivity and racism that runs in our country, all while still having banter that was classic in Disney. This also doesn’t even brush on the animated series that Disney had at this time, like Lilo and Stitch, The Proud Family, Kim Possible, and American Dragon Jake Long, which all had either strong female leads, PoC, or a mix of both.

[shmoobeardraws]

so i was thinking, what if in Miles’ universe, MJ was actually just Zendaya 

[insomniac-arrest]

movies about apocalypses: it’s every man for himself!! you can’t trust anyone, it’s a wasteland of solo travelers and sad families, we’re alone out here

humans irl: *pack bond with strangers*

*pack bond with large carnivores*

*pack bond with robots in space thousands of miles away*

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Apocalypse preppers who fantasise about all our artificial rules and governments falling away in times of chaos seem to forget that we invented those rules and governments. Over and over. When you put humans near each other, they group up and make a society; that’s why those  governments exist. Do they think we magically stop doing that in dangerous situations? Because… we don’t.

[kasaron]

If anything, humans tend to become MORE willing to associate w/ eachother,  charitable, and meritocratic in times of crisis. 

Millions of years of evolution (more than that, really. Billions) have hard-wired you. Unless you are an aberrant (sociopathy/psychopathy) in some way, you are hard coded, in your very GENES, to give a shit about your fellow man and organize into peer groups. 

You will peer bond with strangers. You will peer bond with animals. You will peer bond with robots. You will peer bond with a HOUSEPLANT. You will peer bond with a FRIGGIN CAR. YOU WILL PEER BOND WITH A BUILDING.