Melaora

[theriverdraws]

Here’s some random quotes that my friend randomized and I drew.

There is more of them but I have to sleep now so have this lol

[kaity--did]

Y’all being pregnant while moving into a new house is BUCKWILD

My husband is an intelligent man, but he has gotten in his head that if I lift one box I will PERISH

[kaity--did]

Here is the problem in a nutshell

Would I love to let my husband do everything? Of course?

But this absolute GIANT of a man after TEN YEARS together still has no spatial awareness and NO AWARENESS that his a A FOOT AND A HALF taller than me. If he is left to put thing away, he will do so diligently but he PUTS EVERYTHING ON THE TOP SHELF and my TINY TREX ARMS CAN NOT MAKE THAT TRIP

[kaity--did]

I threw out my back and he’s now convinced that it’s his fault for letting me carry paper plates in the house my self and that he’s going to be a terrible father

This man has a LAW DEGREE and is a PRACTICING ATTORNEY

[kaity--did]

“You have two skeletons inside you right now that is double the amount I have. You are my sweet special Eldritch Horror” - My Husband

Thanks I think?

[kaity--did]

“It’s insane that we just made a person! I’ve never even met a baby before what do I say?!”

Not worried about diapers here folks, just first impressions

[kaity--did]

“I’m going be be a dad which is just buckwild. I have your pregnancy checklist but here is my fatherhood check list

1. I need a riding lawn mower

2. I need a white tank top

3. I need a beer, particularly an amber colored one

4. I need a book of puns

5. I need a baby back pack to carry said baby

6. I want my own diaper bag, and I want it to be STYLISH

Kait are you writing this down this is important?”

[kaity--did]

Me: a lot of people on the internet are calling you a himbo, would you like to respond?

Husband: I am often very dumb, and I do drink the respect women juice like fine wine, however I am not very strong, and I just don’t know if I can accept this title if I do not meet all the qualifications

Me: I don’t know, you lifted all those boxes on your own

Husband: this was simply DAD ENERGY

🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

[kaity--did]

I can not with this fool

[catgirlnailpolish]

literally marry him

[kaity--did]

I have great news my friend

[404computerhamstersnotfound]

marry him again

[kaity--did]

I’ve read him some of these replies and he got very upset and yelled (which if you know my husband is barely over a whisper) “I CANT MARRY YOU ANY HARDER I KNOW IVE GOOGLED IT MANY TIMES”

Y’all I’m obsessed with this idiot

[anotherdayforchaosfay]

This is like reading a sitcom and I'm loving it.

[glumshoe]

tumblr callouts are like

-six paragraphs detailing how this person horribly mischaracterized some guy in a fanfic they wrote six years ago

-an anecdote from a friend of a friend that suggests they might have asked an ex to spank them once

-a sentence about how they killed a woman in Reno once and escaped conviction due to a technicality

-another seven paragraphs about fandom

[sanriodiscourse]

This is just a fancy way of saying ‘this person made CP’ and you freaks are all like ‘lol fandom drama

[sanriodiscourse]

Thanks to the anon that informed me OP is dating a minor

[animefacialrecognitionsoftware01]

No they fucking aren't what are u talking abt

[glumshoe]

a 34 year old minor

[bill-nye-official-blog]

dude, that's a minimum of two minor's worth.

[glumshoe]

oh shit that’s even worse

[dummyotto]

i made a tutorial on how to draw beach water or somthing idk

[tony-stanks]

PLEASE DO NOT THINK FOR EVEN A SECOND THAT YOUR VOICE WILL NOT HAVE AN IMPACT THIS IS LITERALLY THE BARE MINIMUM

I'm sorry for putting this in the BLM and stop Asian hate tag but in the last few days posts tagged with "Palestine" have not been showing up.

[glumshoe]

I googled “fairy house supplies” on the work computer to look at future programming options and one of the first results was this extremely tiny figurine of a fairy man—named Brad—with his whole dick out and proud

which was very funny except that now every advertisement on every website is trying to get me to buy Brad and his microscopic wiener

[glumshoe]

I think what bothers me most about Brad is that he’s clearly not a natural redhead:

[justadropofiink]

You forgot to include links to purchase this Brad

[glumshoe]

I have full confidence in my followers’ abilities to use search engines

[melaoramayhem]

GUYS I GOT RAYMOND ON MY ACNH ISLAND I JUST SQAW THAE BACK OF HIS HEAD AND WAS WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT RAYNMODN KFGH83FR6

[melaoramayhem]

I made TapL a ghost because I do what I want

[snapsicle]

let me get one thing fucking straight. im fucking maniacal. im absolutely frantic. im mad-dog. im berzerk . im going wild, fucking insane. im a cycle path. i wake up at 11:30 and drink flat mountain dew. yall actually chew your spaghetti? weak. pathetic. ugly. i swallow it down my slipery gullet like its nothing. i go to kung fu lessons on tuesday and saturday so i can kick your ass. i flung myself into a nyquil-induced 5-hour nap at 2:00 pm and when i woke up i couldnt see so i just went back to bed and when i woke up it was next week

[melaoramayhem]

I just made this religion called Neochristianity and its basically just Atheism but better

[lolawashere-deactivated20240904]

[dechart]

@jared-wormsboy i am crying uncontrollably

[t-i-g-g-s]

I reference this in conversation sometimes assuming everyone knows about the Owl Attack Sex Playlist and i look fucking unhinged

[ratliker1917]

I think the best part of recent American politics was when Trump had COVID and was just making the most completely insane statements imaginable from being pumped full of like steroids and tiberium or some shit.

[butchflirt]

I miss this

[cannithebear]

A poem

[daithpiercing]

once i was at the philly museum of art and a security guard saw me looking at this sculpture that is just a head of romaine lettuce tied to a block of granite with a piece of wire (sculpture that eats by giovanni anselmo) and he was like. i’m here sometimes when the lettuce guy comes in to change the lettuce.

[spookyskeltals]

This sucks

[rottingfacade]

I love this actually

[thyrell]

what would they do if you started eating it. like yeah that security guard would escort you out but do you think theyd call in the lettuce guy for an emergency replacement or would they just leave it there half eaten until he came in for the regularly scheduled lettuce switch

[melaoramayhem]

I was trying to find out what that one type of cell is called

Orchid: Dude all cells duplicate

Melaora: No, but like, fast-

[melaoramayhem]

Why does trying to navigate tumblr just multiply my amount of tabs? Like it just fucking duplicates and I dont know why and I have to close out of every single one and it makes me want to cry

[melaoramayhem]

I am sleep deprived. I am in prime conditions to say something funny. I cannot think of anything funny.

[bobcat-pie]

I’m not going to post any april fools jokes on either of my blogs, so y’all can rest easy. However, I cannot say the same of my own irl home, which will have a tidal wave of tomfoolery. Beware, sibling.