Melissa, 28, USA. Animal lover, cat/bird whisperer, yarnaholic, published author... just me. I won't bore you by rambling too much about myself because my blog speaks for itself... sorta (you can probably see I'm part of quite a few fandoms). I'm currently the proud mother of 3 hens and 1 cat, and my household also has a dog. I am extremely passionate about animals, and I love them far more than I love people. (I'm not sure if you've noticed, but we, as a species, suck.) I have a certificate in Zoo & Aquarium Science and I'm working towards a certificate in Wildlife Rehabilitation as well. I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, OCD, ADD, an eating disorder and PTSD but (for the most part) I hide that behind a bunch of generally happy posts, except for when I'm feeling especially shitty. I'm pansexual and I will support and accept you, no matter what gender, sexuality, shape or size you are. Asks are very much welcome, about anything - talking about your day, telling me something random, asking for advice, asking questions, etc. I'll keep them private if you want me to.
"Why drink out of the bowl mommy got me when I can just drink out of the toilet?" P.S. Once she realized I caught her she proceeded to get all grumpy and pretend nothing happened
Enter my WORLDWIDE book giveaway on Goodreads to win one of two signed copies of "It's Just One Of Those Days"
Okay so currently I have a goodreads book giveaway going on for my second book “It’s Just One Of Those Days”.
You just need a goodreads account to enter but otherwise it’s free. Hence the “giveaway” part. I feel like I say this every time I post about one of my giveaways lol but anyway yeah so there you go.
It’s open from today until May 16th. And as the summary here says, it’s worldwide.
Telling me to just simply not let my depression/bipolar/anxiety/etc. get in the way of having a happy life is like telling a runner with a broken leg not to let that get in the way of them running a marathon
How to get through an OB/GYN appointment as a sexual assault victim
***This can be triggering***
Just FYI, this is going to be reallyyyyy long.
Okay so, a few years ago I was raped. I went through hell with the PTSD and everything and I’m finally getting a hold on in and feeling better. But I’ve been putting off seeing a gynecologist because I knew it’d be terrifying and traumatizing. And I know I’m not the only one who feels like this so I’m going to give you some suggestions (emphasis on “suggestions” - you don’t need to do any of this) and a bit of a summary in the hopes that maybe I can help someone. Even if you’re not in this situation, reblogging this would be appreciated. Anyway, here we go. I’m putting this under that read more thing (I feel like there’s a term for that and I’m just totally blanking)
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BEFORE your appointment
Think about bringing a friend/family member with you. No, they don’t have to go in the room with you (unless you want them to) but this is good so you won’t have to drive while panicking/afraid and you’ll also have some moral support. This should be someone who knows what’s going on and what you’re feeling. It should be someone you’re 100% comfortable having with you because if they’re not, that discomfort just isn’t going to help things. You don’t need that on top of your anxiety. I personally only have one person that fits those criteria but unfortunately she had to work and couldn’t get out of it so I ended up going on my own.
Write everything down. This was HUGE help for me. This is good so you don’t have to do as much speaking and you don’t have to speak out loud about things you’re afraid to say (so basically for me, the fact that I was raped and that I was terrified. I can barely talk about it out loud and I think I’ve only spoken the words “I was raped” twice). Also just speaking in general may feel kind of impossible in that moment if you’re terrified like I was so writing it down is good. It’s totally up to you what you write. Here’s basically what I personally wrote:
I started out with a general note stating I was sexually assaulted and that I was terrified about this appointment. It then had a little list; 1. Please tell me exactly what you’re going to do before doing it; 2. I may have to ask you to stop if it becomes too much - I’m not sure what I can handle; 3. Preferably use the smallest instruments possible and use a lot of lube (I added this because I was afraid it was going to hurt); and then as a bit of a warning for her - 4. There’s a good chance I may start crying or have a panic attack
The other note I wrote listed off the exact reasons I was there. It started off with a list of my last 3 periods and the duration of each one. For me personally, that specific info is important but in general I think they just like to know when your last one was
100% honest summary of my appointment
NOTE: If reading details of how an appointment went will make things worse for you, please stop here.
Walked in, gave my name, filled out paperwork, the usual, then sat down and waited to be called. I was basically frozen in fear at this point.
A few minutes later I was called in. A nurse took down my info (meds I’m on, etc.) I’m not sure how this part will go for some of you because I had set my appointment up online and was able to add a general reason for why I was there, so the nurse didn’t ask any of that. If you didn’t do this, you are totally able to tell them you’re not comfortable saying it and they’ll move on
She left and I got changed into the stereotypical gown. I was on the verge of sobbing so I stayed as occupied as possible by checking my email on my phone then reading posters on the walls. Still cried a bit but that prevented a full blown panic attack
The doctor finally came on, introduced herself and shook my hand
She sat down and began to start discussing everything. I told her I wrote everything down for her to read and I handed over the 2 notes.
I didn’t have to speak much besides giving a few details here and there while she read what I wrote which was a huge relief.
She started by telling me what she’ll do during the appointment and what each thing is checking/testing for
After that she showed me every instrument she’d be using (which added up to literally 3 things)
When she started doing everything she asked if I work. I told her I volunteer at an animal shelter and she started talking about her dog. This conversation was a little bit of a distraction which I think she knew it would be and I’m very grateful
The only pauses in the conversation were right before each new test. She held up what she was about to use, told me exactly what she’ll do with it then reminded me what it was for
One of them caused a brief moment of pain (and by “brief” I honestly mean 5-10 seconds) which made my panic skyrocket and she talked me through it the second she realized how I was reacting
She periodically asked me if I was doing okay
When everything was done, we went over bloodwork I’ll need to get done, etc. then said, “You survived. You did it.” She shook my hand again then the appointment was over
I started crying as I was getting dressed and I’m still not sure if that was due to anxiety or relief
General notes/suggestions
Get a female doctor. Having a male doctor won’t help things. Unless you’re more comfortable with a male doctor then definitely do that.
For some people it may be easier if you get a younger doctor. That’s totally up to you but that’s what I did
Remember that unlike what you went through, you are in control here. If you can’t handle something, ask her to stop and she will. You. Are. In. Control.
What I suggest is to try and get everything done. As I said just now, yes you can absolutely stop. But if you’re able to fight through it, try to do that. This way you won’t have to make another appointment and go through all of this again.
If you don’t feel safe with the doctor, you need to get a new one. You need someone you immediately feel comfortable with. Well, not comfortable - these appointments aren’t comfortable for anyone. But someone you feel will respect you, what you’ve gone through and how you feel.
Make sure you have something to do after your appointment to lift up your mood or at least distract you so you won’t feel as overwhelmed and can calm down. This can be anything. Texting a friend, going out to eat, hanging out with someone, watching videos, writing, reading, you get the idea.
I will not lie. It was scary and I was on the verge of panicking through a good portion of the appointment (thankfully I was able to focus on the doctor’s voice and occasionally be distracted from what was going on though). It’s been 4 hours since my appointment. I’m still a little shaky and anxious, but that’s slowly going away. I’m kinda zoned out and I’m exhausted from the intensity of the fear and anxiety I’d been feeling.
But there’s also relief because it’s over. Despite how anxious and afraid I was, it wasn’t actually as traumatizing as I thought it would be. Obviously that will vary for each individual. But keep in mind here that I had to wait 1 and a half months for this appointment which gave me so much time to overthink everything and imagine so many different scenarios.
It won’t be easy. And it may be scary. But I PROMISE you that if you have the right doctor (which I clearly did, thank god) she will be there every step of the way and she will get you through this.
You. Will. Get. Through. This.
P.S. If you have any questions about specific details for anything, feel free to message me here. I didn’t get super specific here because seriously, this is long enough as it is lol. So yeah, I don’t come on tumblr much but you can still leave me a message and I’ll try to check here more often.
If not, you can message me on facebook (my public author page, not my personal account) here. I do go on facebook a lot and that may be the fastest way to get to me.
Please reblog this to get this around and hopefully it’ll help someone and not scare them more.
As a Publishing Professional I can say that this is 10000% accurate, and I am a little concerned you’re just giving away all of our industry secrets on Tumblr.
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