Follies and Nonsense and Ordinary People

Someone please save Jesse Pinkman.

[grootficguy]

if your period is fifteen minutes late you’re legally allowed to leave

[subaru-copilot]

im so sorry that you're doomed by the narrative but i really need you to answer my message on Microsoft Teams

[woodsdyke]

im swimming at the lake and accidentally kicked a fish. this has never happened in my many years of swimming. sorry man

[fuck-customers]

[redstonedust]

love when you stop a cat from doing something and instead of understanding that they shouldnt be doing that theyre just like. ah sorry my good sir you seem to have interrupted me. no worries let me just shimmy past you and get a taste of that pan of hot oil. please.

[mocksyoucondescendingly]

[lordnot]

As someone who owns cats that will run away if you get up while they are eating from another cat's bowl, but not while they are eating from their own bowl: I am more inclined to agree with the posts that say "cats understand the concept of sin".

[pancakeke]

sometimes when they see you coming they do the naughty thing faster (eg: when trying to steal an object they cant quite reach, or trying to eat all of something). they realize you're going to stop them, but their thought process doesn't reach the conclusion of "I shouldn't be doing this".

instead they're like "I guess there's a time limit to my task now. but god as my witness I'm gonna complete it."

[yellow-cat]

the reason that wounds that break the skin hurt is because its always supposed to be dark inside your body and when your blood sees sunlight for the first time it gets scared. and that causes the pain. or maybe it doesnt

[sochilll]

What I love about Benoit Blanc is his unwavering faith in people. Even when he has no evidence for it yet. His ability to see something in them that deserves that faith. In Knives Out he sees the blood on Marta's shoes the second he meets her but says nothing because while he doesn't know what happened exactly, he doesn't believe she just murdered Harlan in cold blood. He lets her wander through the crime scene, handle evidence, and hear their theories. He risks her meddling with the investigation because he believes she is not a murderer.

In Glass Onion he believes Helen that one of these rich and powerful people murdered her sister and he believes she found the proof even though he never saw it. He invites himself to a secluded island with a killer on it so he can help her solve this. And in the end he was never even able to see at the napkin but he trusts Helen's anger, her love for her sister, so he removes himself and lets her destroy everything in vengeance for Andi. And I think he also believes that once she does that, the others will turn on Miles.

In Wake Up Dead Man he believes that if he lets Martha walk out those doors, she will come back again of her own free will. He risks letting her "escape." He, as Martha points out, makes a fool of himself saying he can't solve this case, to give her the chance to confess in a way that means something to her in a religion he doesn't follow or agree with. He knows, from Jud, that she has to confess voluntarily or it won't mean anything. He knows she's going to die. It would be easy for her to just go home and die never having told anyone. But Benoit believes that she will confess, and he wants it to be in a way that allows her let go of the guilt.

He believes people are worth trusting. He believes people will prove him right and again and again they do.

[namusass]

benoit blanc truly is a character of all time. who tf listens to skimbleshanks the railway cat full volume in their car on the way to a police station

[randaness]

Howdy y'all, I'm Quincey Morris and this is my friend Jonathan Harker, welcome to our unboxing video,

[cry-ptidd]

I drew it

[anarchopuppy]

sometimes being a fan of something means not wanting them to make any more of it

[edgebug]

"grace. grace! grace give attention. rocky perform human ritual of escape closet now. statement."

"come again?"

"i learn more from thinking machine. human gender preference. attraction to same gender, means word 'gay.' all eridian same gender." rocky stands straight up. "rocky come out to grace now. all rocky plural gay, statement."

"...wow, that's... rock, i'm not sure it makes much sense to apply human ideas of sexual orientation to a monogendered species."

a long and judgmental pause. then:

"grace HOMOPHOBIC, question????"

[thehyperfixationistlass]

during PRIDE MONTH, question?!?!

[pitchburgh]

i wish you could laugh react eBay listings. that's not worth $250. you fucking asshole. lmao

[pitchburgh]

you should also be able to do this to job listings

[podcastwizard]

you don’t realize how important lunch is until you’re wandering around thinking about how unloveable and untalented and uniquely cursed you are and then it’s 4pm and you finally eat lunch and you go Oh. oh right.

[moodsandtenses]

There's something hilarious about how so much subsequent media has positioned Vampires and Werewolves as, like, binary opposite entities, and then you read Dracula (1897) and realize that wolves are that guy's preferred solution to every problem. You'd say something to Dracula about "ah yes, werewolves, vampires' great eternal enemies," and he'd just be like "you mean my subcontractors?"

[see-arcane]

Van Helsing: “I hope it’s okay if I, a man-stranger, compliment your wife in front of you”

Jonathan ‘Does Not Know What a Jealousy Is’ Harker: “I have my entire schedule cleared in the hopes of hearing people talk about how great Mina is. Please go on.”

[see-arcane]

Mina: "Alright, everyone pinkie swear right now to put Vampire Me down if I hop the line between death and undeath."

Van Helsing and the Suitor Squad: "Depressing, but sure, absolutely."

Jonathan:

Mina: "...Jonathan?"

Jonathan: "Yes?"

Mina: "Will you promise to slay me if I get vampire'd?"

Jonathan: "Mina, I will not lie to you."

Jonathan:

Mina: "Jonathan. I need you to look me in the eye and promise to murder me martyr-style if I get too undead."

Jonathan: "Fine. I can promise to kill."

Mina: "Me? Vampire me?"

Jonathan, making unbroken eye contact with the four guys who just promised to behead and impale his wife if she stops being human enough: "I guarantee there will be killing involved if Vampire You happens."

[annabelle--cane]

jonathan harker's arc is about him accepting that he is actually into being dominated by an evil vampire as long as that evil vampire is the woman he loves. mina murray harker's arc is about her accepting that she has a right to take up space and speak her mind instead of bowing to social norms. lucy westenra's arc is about how the polyamory didn't change anything, it didn't save anyone, but it still matters that the polyamory was there. arthur holmwood's arc is about learning to cope with a sudden massive tragedy by opening himself up to others and strengthening his social bonds. quincy p morris's arc is about being hot and owning guns. abraham van helsing's arc is about not getting complacent in the idea that he has an open mind and accepting that he might make wrong calls based on his biases. jack seward's arc is about rebounding from life altering heartbreak by getting back in contact with his old favorite professor from med school who he sucked off one time. count dracula's arc is about fumbling a series of bad bitches so hard that he flees the country and dies.