I'd rather be in outer space 🛸
Keni
trying on a metaphor
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
ojovivo
Show & Tell
🪼
taylor price
art blog(derogatory)
sheepfilms
Misplaced Lens Cap
Sweet Seals For You, Always
KIROKAZE
cherry valley forever
@theartofmadeline
Not today Justin
hello vonnie
No title available
occasionally subtle
𓃗
seen from United States
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@mellowdusk
Today, I'm finding out that death metal is pretty good study music. It's energetic enough to keep me interested and awake, consistent enough that it essentially turns into white noise, and since I can't understand the lyrics, I'm not distracted by them. Cool~ :)
I've been thinking a lot abt healing lately. In recent weeks, ancient pains have resurfaced, and I'm having to suddenly deal with them. I'm realizing just how negatively some events affected me, how they fundamentally changed me as a person.
It was hard to face these things earlier, I think, since I was still too close to the problem. I couldn't realize how poorly I was being treated, how poorly I had been treated. Now I see that the way I've been treated most of my life- and especially in childhood- was totally wrong.
I learned to be terrified of people. I learned to be terrified, especially, of arousing anger in people. To this day I almost never meet other peoples' eyes, even when speaking to them, because I am afraid it will be too direct and will anger them. I learned to avoid anything that might ask me to defend what I think, or even, to justify what I feel. I learned that my thoughts are inferior. I learned that my feelings are incorrect- someone else has the *right* feelings about the situation. I learned that I was powerless, but as long as I could stay quiet and hide away in my own little world, at least I could have that.
So, what is healing? I've realized, in a lot of art and media, healing is represented as an Aha! moment where someone breaks down and accepts that something bad happened to them. That it's... that it's making peace with whatever it was that took place. I don't think that's correct.
I think healing is recognizing how those bad events changed you for the worse, and actively working to combat the negative ways you've been trained to behave. Engrained patterns of existing don't disappear just because you know you were treated wrongly. They effect you to your core and must be extricated from your core.
The entire way I interact with people and think about myself has been altered. I am a sensitive person, and it was all too easy to mold me into this thing. How can I mold myself into the kind of person I want to be? I'm not entirely sure. I'm recognizing the extent of this all, still. Perhaps if I continue to monitor and recognize these patterns of behavior, I'll slowly find solutions.
And now, I realize when I'm treated wrong. And for the first time, I'm realizing I have the power to defend myself. I haven't yet. It will certainly change things if I do, because the people who I most should stand up against have not seen myself as an adult do so. They brushed me off when I was younger b/c I was young, they acted like my feelings were wrong. I did try to stand up for myself a few times in middle school.
They'll probably still brush me off. They have a real problem recognizing that other people have actual valid emotions. But I can try anyhow. I pity them, b/c the truth is, they hurt their relationships w' other peeps b/c of the way they act. They create anger in their lives. But I guess that doesn't mean I should let them walk all over me. If they're gonna make their bed that way, they're gonna lie in it. It's a tough thing to think. I don't like to treat people that way. But honestly, I don't need to be brushed off and talked down to any longer. Maybe standing up for myself won't change how they behave towards me in a positive way, since as I said, they don't recognize other people's valid emotions; but at least, I guess, it'll help me feel like I've got some control in regards to them. I've felt angry at them over and over again, but kept quiet b/c I thought that was the proper thing to do, b/c I felt powerless, and b/c I didn't want them to have even more anger in their lives.
But y'know, next time they do something, I think I'll say something. Not sarcastic. Something like, 'Don't talk down to me,' or 'I'm not going to let your insensitivity to my struggles hurt me any longer.'
Still working on watching Naruto. This guy’s got a new haircut, again…
Anyhow, I saw a post of Naruto characters drawn somewhat realistically, and I wanted to try my hand at drawing Sasuke slightly less cartoon-y than I usually do… and this is my result! I really like it, especially his hair.
Wow, I've been busy these past couple weeks. And I've been checking my art blog obsessively, instead of coming on this blog. :0 It's... easy to get caught up in checking for new notes when I put new arts up...
narusasu
I don’t ship it for the yaoi.
I ship it cause they’re flippin soulmates
No one can deny that if either of them had been female than they would be the most shipped and canon pairing.
Seriously, if either of them had a vagina (permanently) then the manga/anime would be classified as a romance.
Their bond is stronger than a lot of canon romantic couples in any fandom.
I don't know how I didn't understand this and ship them when I was younger. :0 B/c, like... they totes love each other. They have such a bond with one another. It's so obvious now. I've seen spoilers abt who they end up with in the end, and... I'm just kind of laughing to myself. It's like, I don't believe the canon. I feel like if they end up w' who I heard they end up with, it's... what's canon is, in essence, a fanfic created by someone too afraid/pressured to have their main characters end up in anything other than straight relationships...
/Rold is wayyyyy into Naruto again and this is my new OTP
Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and, above all, those who still think Sasuke Uchiha was heterosexual.
Albus Dumbledore, at some point, probably (via homotionalwreck)
"No cameras."
Anarchist Sasuke is out to create some chaos!
…Wow, I’m proud of this picture. My digital arts skills are improving significantly. :0
Hey everybody! I started a serious art blog as BoldRold! I'm going to update it frequently, and keep honing my skills. It's a SFW blog, if that's a concern for peeps.
Anyhow, feel free to follow! My current biggest fandoms are Naruto and MLP, so among what I create, you can expect more Naruto and MLP fanart, if that interests you.
See you there!
~Rold
AU: President Obama falls for part white house intern part rockstar Harry Styles. Obama surprises Harry in the audience of one of his shows and the affair blossoms from there.
my friend is reading the harry potter series for the first time and keeps sending me lines that are unintentionally suggestive | part one | part two here
Conchita Wurst | 72nd Annual Golden Globe Awards
SHE WAS THE REAL MAIN CHARACTER
THE WHOLE TIME
SHE IS THE MOST FLAWLESS BABY BIRD
AND THIS IS WHY SHE IS MY FAVOURITE CHARACTER AFTER NARUTO YEAH YEAH YEAHHHH
Remember when I blindly hated Russel Brand? I fucked up.
"They’re in a better position to judge than I am."
I think this is how most open minded people who value communication, connection, and are willing to learn from others think.
…Did… Did Russel Brand just explain how to react to being called out on something?
Huh.
never underestimate this man
Let’s just agree that overall, Russel Brand, who says stuff like this and campaigns to treat addiction as a disease instead of a crime, is a pretty great role model.
Liam don’t give a shit
Thought this was interesting
Slowly working to unravel the negative things within me. I feel that, at this time, I'm taking a different approach to my internal struggles than before- instead of trying to grow positively, I'm trying to scrape away the negative crap that lies beneath the surface of my psyche constantly, the crap I never mentally faced but tried to move past by covering it up with positive growth. In the end I gotta face it, I figure. It's kind of like... when I'm really tired but also hungry, I can't fall asleep by becoming increasingly tired, because the need to eat will stop me, no matter what. It's tempting to stay in bed and try to convince myself I can fall asleep, but in the end I always have to drag myself up to get something substantial to eat, no matter how painfully tired I am.
I can't truly recognize my full potential as a person or really make progress unless I face the obstacles I've been ignoring. I can try and try as many tricks and strategies for trying to reach my potential, but none of them will last until I deal with the underlying problems. It's like... you can get better and better at building beautiful sand castles quickly, but until you build a wall to keep the sea away, they'll all be washed into nothingness in the end.
I'm hoping, now that I'm attempting these deeper dissections of my psyche, the strategies I learn in regards to the areas in which I'm weak will begin to stick, and I can truly improve instead of over and over making gains and then sliding back.
The thing I most want to improve is my ability to work on things important to me. I want to start a lot more projects and complete a lot more projects. I want to spend a lot more time drawing, I want to start a ton of pictures and finish the few that beg to be completed. The same is true of writing stories. For various reasons, working on things important to me has always frightened me, deep down. It's not something easy to admit or understand; I feel it without thinking, or noticing that's what I'm feeling. It's a reflex. As a child, I learned that if I spoke up for myself, I would make people angry and would be in danger. I learned also that my opinions were wrong and that if I didn't like something someone else liked, I was crazy. I learned, in essence, to make myself tiny and invisible, to take up no space for fear of upsetting others. And over time this has become a general fear of doing anything important, anything that could have even the tiniest risk of impacting anybody else. Naturally, this includes my art. It doesn't make sense, but that's how it is. Combine with that my having learned to strive for attention by trying to be the best at things and my subsequent fear of making little mistakes or being inferior to anybody, and you've got a person who's frozen in place.
