For nearly the past 5 weeks (5 weeks from the day of injury is Monday, yesterday was 4 weeks post-op) I've been switching between the crutches and the wheelchair. I use the crutches to get around the apartment, to get from the apt to and from the car, and to get from the car to my MD appointments. The rest of the time I use the wheelchair. I'm not exactly fast on the crutches and I'm not always the most stable. When I get tired I forget to breathe and then that leads to a whole mess of other problems.
But, I've been getting better. I've been getting faster on the crutches. I've been more stable when using them. Honestly, my balance has improved (as well as the strength in my left leg). So, today I decided to do something stupid.
Well, it's not stupid in the sense that I decided to walk on my ankle or that I robbed a liquor store. I just did something stupid because I over-estimated my abilities.
It's hot here -- heck, it's hot everywhere right now. It's summer. It's to be expected.
Today was a 90+ degree day and that was my first problem.
My second was that in all of my infinite wisdom, I decided that I was going to go somewhere today - by myself - on the crutches. There's an art museum about two blocks from where I live and I thought it would be fun to go over there. It was giving me something to do, it was getting me out of the house, and it was me proving to myself that I am less helpless than people want to believe.
Yeah, turns out I'm just as helpless as people want to believe.
It started off great (it always does). I hopped through my complex only taking a couple of quick stops to catch my breath. I had to put my foot down a couple of times to rest (I'm allowed to put it down, just not put weight on it), but I kept going. I was tired and definitely wanted to turn back, but the museum is practically across the street.
As I got closer to the corner, I got more tired. I was hopping and stopping and hopping and stopping. When I got to the corner, I took a rest. I knew I would have to hop completely across the street in case a car drove by so I did it.
The sun was beating down. I was sweating. At this point I became hyper aware of just how little water I had drank that day and just how thirsty I was. Turning back now was stupid though. I mean, I was about halfway. If I turned back, I'd have to go just as far. I mean, I could rest once I was inside the museum, right?
I kept going. It was hard. I have a bad left ankle too - when I was running it would start to pull and I'd have to stop. I've been pushing through it since I broke my right ankle because I really don't have any other options. But, it was hurting. Each jump was making me more exhausted. I was having trouble breathing. I thought I was going to pass out, but I kept going - I'd rest until I caught my breath and then I'd push through. The last thing I wanted to do was pass out on the concrete.
I finally got to the museum. I stopped on the stone steps out front and rested for a few seconds, but it was so hot and there was no shade that I thought it would be best if I just get inside.
The second I hopped through the door I stopped to catch my breath. I guess the volunteers saw how tired, red, and sweaty I was because they kept asking if I needed anything - to sit down or if I needed help. I assured them I was OK.
I went through the museum and took photos of everything. I knew I wasn't going to make it slowly hopping through and taking time to really look at all the art. So I took photos - it allowed me to upload everything when I got home and actually take the time to go through it again.
I found a place to sit and sat, but didn't stay too long. I only had so much time before the museum closed. Plus, I didn't want them to see just how badly I was hurting (although I'm sure the buckets of sweat I was dripping clued them in).
Eventually I got all my photos and it was time to go home. I was no looking forward to it. I swear it got hotter while I was inside.
I sat on the stone area outside the front door to prep myself. That part was shady. I knew if I stayed there, I'd never get up so I finally just said fuck it, now or never.
I went about 5 hops and then stopped. I was exponentially more exhausted at this point (it had been almost an hour since I had left and most of that time I was either hopping or balancing on one leg). I kept going.
I started counting in sets of 20 - if I do 20 hops, I can rest. 20 turned into 10. 10 turned into 5. I was moving so slowly. I was so thirsty. My arms were starting to cramp - like my shoulders (and yes, I was using the crutches correctly). My left leg was cramping. My mouth was dry. My breathing was labored. OMG I was going to pass out.
I tried to get myself to the shade. I tried to control my breathing. I tried to do every damn thing I could but there was no place to sit down, no place to relax, and the shade was so far away. I kept pushing. A hop here, a rest there. Then I got to the street. I had to make it across in one trip. I started. Then a car came. I felt bad because I can only hop so fast. I got to the other end and thought I was going to collapse. I tried to stand up straight. I tried resting on the crutches. I tried switching up my arm position. I tried putting my foot down but all I kept doing was putting more weight on it because the other leg couldn't support me anymore.
I just had to get through the complex. I started. Of course, there was a moving van right where I wanted to go. I needed to go around it. More steps. Hop. Hop. Hop. Breathe. Repeat.
I pushed myself until I got to a bench. I sat down. My crutches fell. I didn't care. I thought I was going to die or pass out or puke. I thought I might do all three.
I could feel the sweat rolling down my back and down my face. The sun was like a giant laser and completely focused on me. Sitting wasn't making me feel better - it was reminding me of how thirsty I was. The sun was frying my skin. It was only getting worse.
I'd hop. I'd rest. At least I finally found a small stretch of shade. There was one more place to sit but it was close to my front door. I wasn't going to make it that far. I stayed as close to the grass as I possibly could cuz if I passed out, I wanted to pass out on the grass and not the concrete.
Every hop felt like I was waist high in sand. It hurt to move - hurt my body and my lungs. I started feeling lightheaded - was I dehydrated? Was I straining? It was probably some combination of the two. I didn't have water. I had no place to rest.
I got to an electricity pole. I leaned up against it. I knew I couldn't stand on my broken ankle but I put it down. I couldn't take it. Of course, the sun was in my eyes. I tried to reposition myself to get my face out of the sun and I lost my balance (thank God I didn't fall). I didn't have the strength or energy. I had two options.
I could go the way I left the apartment - hop down two longer walkways (the length of a couple apartments each way) and then up another to get to my building. From there I would just have to hop about 10 feet and I'd be home. It was a long way. The other option was to hop the length of two apartments and go into my "backyard" gate. The terrain was uneven and there was an overgrown bush I'd have to deal with, but I had left the sliding glass door open in order to keep the apartment airy. There was a fall risk, but it was less than half the distance.
I went the faster way. Every hop became increasingly difficult. It became harder and harder to start once I stopped. I was getting more and more lightheaded. I didn't know if I was going to pass out.
I finally got to the gate. I pushed through it. I hopped to the back door. I opened it. I had trouble getting inside. The second I did, I fell on the couch. I got the boot off. I got my shoe off. I got my jacket off (I was wearing a light jacket in order to hold my keys, phone and camera). I grabbed my bottle of water. I started drinking. I wanted to lay down, but I couldn't.
I was feeling even more lightheaded. All I kept thinking was that at least I was home. I rested a couple of minutes and then thought that it might be a good idea to get myself into a cold shower -- just to help bring my body temp down a little -- well, really, to cool me off. I have a shower chair so there isn't much risk of doing that.
I hopped toward the bathroom and detoured at the bedroom. I laid down. I then realized that my face wash (new face wash) was in the kitchen -- dammit! I hopped to the kitchen and back to the bedroom. I laid down again.
After a few minutes I made my way to the bathroom, pulled myself into the shower, and just sat there cooling off (it was nice to take a shower too - I take fewer than I'd like now that it's not such an easy process). When I was done, I got out, got clothes on and immediately laid down with my foot elevated.
It took a half hour to get to the museum and over 30 minutes to get back. Normally the walk takes about 5. Needless to say, I don't ever want to do that again. I'm going to be super sore tomorrow - I can already feel the soreness in my "good" leg and it's only been a few hours.
