Random Quotes I’ve thought of, in my spare time:
“I’m all out of ass AND gum! What am I supposed to do, now?”
“People say that being the bigger person is the better way to solve conflict, but screw that! I wanna be petty.”
“I have 99 problems, and all of them are a result of my own stupidity.”
“Anyone happen to have a guideline to getting my shit together? I’ve been tripping on air and pouring the milk before the cereal for like a month, now.”
“If I had the choice to work retail for $15 an hour, or explore a haunted mental asylum for a billion, you bet your ass I’d take the asylum! No ghost is worse than a Karen on a Monday.”
“Oh my god…that shoe is slightly out of place! This place is haunted as hell!”
“I see that the clown college is closer than I thought. It’s right in front of me, in fact.”
“My argument may be full of holes and inconsistencies, but to be fair, I made it all up.”
“Listen, if we both die here, just know that my tombstone is gonna be WAY cooler than yours.”
“I got fired from my job as a pizza delivery person because a dinosaur wrecked my car. I swear I’m not making this up.”
“I’m a Vtuber simp, and I’m proud!”
“Wanna see me do a 360, on this skateboard? *breaks their ankles.* …Please take me to a hospital.”
“You know what? I figured out why we haven’t solved this problem yet…we need more swords.”
“Based, cringe, memes, they all mean nothing, to me… But if I had to say, between the two of us, you’re DEFINITELY the cringe one.”
“You madman, I bet you’re the kind of person that using a Wiimote without the safety strap!”
“I don’t see what I did wrong. The vending machine didn’t give me my bag of chips, after I paid for it, so I just broke the glass! It’s not like I committed murder.”
“Please get out of here, I don’t wanna have to breathe the same air as someone like you.”
“Listen, I don’t care how much you refute it. Between the two of us, you’re the cool one!”
“I bet you don’t have an…oh wait, you DO have an air fryer!”
“As long as we work together, there won’t be a single war crime that we can’t get away with!”
“Listen, I only say this cause I care for you more than anything…please brush your teeth.”
“Hey, c’mon! Ketchup on ice cream is perfectly fine! You just have bad taste!”
“Jesus, these fries are almost as salty as a League player.”
“Please, go to bed already. I could carry 3 HD TVs in the bags, under your eyes.”
“Who would’a thought we’d both be working at the same McDonald’s? Small world, huh?”
“I will aggressively toss this pillow at you, and it will be mildly inconvenient.”
“INTRUDER!! …Oh, wait, it’s just you. I didn’t recognize you, as you look much better than you normally do.”
“There are three things in my life that are always guaranteed to bring me happiness. Video Games, Pizza, and WHOLE bunch of puppies.”
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