Peter Solarz
Cosimo Galluzzi
Keni
🪼
ojovivo
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#extradirty
Origami Around
will byers stan first human second
art blog(derogatory)
Aqua Utopia｜海の底で記憶を紡ぐ
Janaina Medeiros
Monterey Bay Aquarium
h
Kaledo Art
Sweet Seals For You, Always
PR's Tumblrdome
NASA
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seen from United States
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seen from South Korea
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seen from Türkiye
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@mercuryonthewind
Tracking Service, as helpfully as possible: Your order is out for delivery! It should arrive by 8 PM today!
Me, sitting by the door at 8:12 AM: pakige
Me opening my apartment door anytime I hear the outside door open despite it being 10AM: Böx?
When it’s days past the nsfw ban and there’s still pornbots everywhere
#who is doing alchemy on the tennis court again
what the hell do you mean again???
who is doing human transfiguration on the tennis court
someone who both watched fma
and clearly did NOT watch fma
I like haunted houses in theory BUT I have no idea how to react when the actors speak to you. They ask me a question and I just… answer it…
The scariest part of a haunted house is the unscripted social interaction.
Scary nurse in a creepy voice: “Do you have an appointment to see the doctor?”
Me: “Uh. Do you accept walk-ins?”
Scary farmer: “I like to kill people!”
My friend, brightly: “I like to die!”
Zombie : “AARRRGH”
Me : “Do you get dental insurance?”
Zombie : “TEETH!!”
This happened to me.
Scary prison dude: HELLO
Me: Nice to meet you!
Him: (pause) No it’s noooooot
My worst horror house experience was when I couldn’t find the (rather obvious) exit and the guy chasing me with a chainsaw stopped, sighed and pointed me to the exit, saying “please scream as loud as you can when you run out there” and just left. I disappointed the horror house chainsaw dude and I will never get over that
Guy: They are all my friends.. (motioning to hanging corpses; then grabs a noose) Will you be my friend? Me: Sure totally, you made me a friendship necklace? Oh my god your so sweet? Guy: … Yes.. Please, let me.. I cant I cant just go (laughing). – Got to walk a second time through– Same guy: My friends -wailing- Me: I came back I just really wanted to be friends so bad Guy: (laughing more) Please, Im not allowed to laugh.
I went to a Haunted House and literally befriended every actor there.
Specifically, I remember;
There were zombies walking around in the waiting room. I said “Hi!” and he gave me a high five. Every time he passed from then on, I got a high five.
Near the end, there were these twin little girls. “Come play with us.” They said. “Okay!” I said. “Forever.” They said. “Oh, sorry, can’t do that. I’m busy.”
I could hear them giggling.
Guy playing Freddie Kruger: Remember, you are all my children!
Me: thanks dad
A small chorus of teenagers: thanks dad
I went to a haunted corn maze once. Someone ran at me with a chainsaw. I just stared at him. He hung his head and walked away. I left.
The Real Horror Is The People We Dissapointed Along The Way
IM CRYING
Why is this so funny
Someone couldn’t fight their feelings anymore on my library book
@lanadeldaddykink
A dating service where matching is based on people’s search history exists. You’re a serial killer. You go on a date with a writer.
Serial Killer: metaphorically, if you were to kill someone, how would you do it?
Writer: Air shot between the toes, it’ll look like a heart attack.
Serial Killer who is obviously in love already: *sucks in a breath* ok
Writer: how long would it take to die if you were to potentially stab someone in the guts
Serial killer: anywhere from 2 to 30 minutes
Writer, already bringing a ring out: *shaking* thanks
A++ addition
Writer: *shows the serial killer the murder scene they’re writing* babe, i’m not sure if this would actually work?
Serial killer: *kisses writer on the forehead and leaves, comes back later, a suspicious scent of blood coming off them* it works baby, you’re doing great
I LOVE THIS
Oh no, murder comedy is my jam
I love this, I love all of this, but quick question, does the author know? Like are they aware that their significant other is a serial killer or do they just think that they have a morbid sense of humor? It’d be even funnier if the author had no fucking clue, like how Aurthur Conan Doyle was apparently stupidly gullible, and on top of it they’re a horror or crime novelist. Like the serial killer works at a butcher shop or something so it’s completely normal for them to come home smelling like blood, no murders going on here, no sirey. Just my darling coming back home from a long day at work.
Now fast forward a bit and the author has managed to get their first book published, with loving support from the serial killer who helped them fine tune all the murder scenes, and it’s a big hit. Enough so that a detective with the local police department has noticed some disturbing similarities to several active cases, including details that were never released to the press. Obviously he brings this up to his superior and convinces him that there’s something to the theory, but it’s all circumstantial right now. He stakes out the author’s home and is super convinced that the author is the murderer, but they don’t seem to do anything??? Like they literally are at the house all day, that’s it. Most they do is leave for groceries.
So you get this dynamic of the serial killer mining the author for creative murder schemes, the author being lovingly encouraged by the serial killer, and finally the detective who is just so sure that the author is the killer and that if he sticks it out long enough he’ll FINALLY have proof.
Plot twist, The serial killer and detective use to go out so it gets sub what personal.
“You need to stop seeing them. I think they are a serial killer.”
Serial killer breaths in. “Look-”
…perfect
I don’t like actual murder mysteries, but this is perfect
mutuals look out your window
hahhah, okie dokie! lol!
apparently porn bots are now hacking into in-use accounts (I’m assuming larger accounts) and posting while the blog owner is still active.
holy fuck.
why are staff so incompetent
rather than fixing their obviously very flawed code and development, they’re deciding to ban tits? fucking tits?
that being said, although it’s so unlikely this will happen to me, please know that it’s not me posting these links and photos. Please dont click on the links.
oh my god.
Image Prompt
This is the installation wizard
Ask me about that time I signed up a classmate I disliked to receive a free mormon bible in the mail every 2 weeks
Why is this so great
because
it wasted mormon church money
the classmate was hella confused and had no way of figuring out what the hell was going on
and no way of stopping the mormon bible influx
this was in boarding school. the mailroom was a common area. so i got to watch, repeatedly for months, the growing look of concern on my high school classmate’s face as they unwrapped yet another mormon bible
they never found out. i never told anyone. it’s been 10 years
You should find out where they live now and subscribe them again
You. i very much like.
you learn to take the little victories
I always got very excited when it would spell out ACDC
OMG SAME FOR BOTH
I always got very afraid when it was the same letter 4 times in a row
when I was 4 or 5, my mom was a prof at a college and she used to hand me the scantron sheet before she wrote the exam and let me colour whatever lettered bubble i wanted for each answer. if i coloured two by accident, she made an ‘all of the above’ option. one time she gave me it and i coloured the ‘a’ bubble for each of the 130 questions except for the second last one and she just went with it later on, she told me that it was the most entertaining exam she had ever watched her students take
Welcome to Kingdom Hearts where there’s 5 Soras, 4 Terras, 3 Rikus, and 13 Xehanorts
I can’t put my finger on the energy of this gif but it’s Powerful
