Water Born

Maddie | 27 | She/Her | Aro/Ace Part-time Mermaid Dolphin Trainer

[powerburial]

all women born after 800 AD do is tempt, blaspheme, witchcraft, eat potent herbs to aid in their foul divinations, and lie

[guitarbeard]

Wizard who got tired of fighting and casts fucked up unethical spells like “super brain hemorrhage” to end them faster

[blackkkabutops]

One time I did “Summon Water” inside a guys lungs and the GM allowed it because he had been playing for years and never seen anyone do that

[indyexploits]

Me “I can raise the temperature of a space by 5 degrees (Fahrenheit) per success” DM “Okay.” Me “And that’s 6 successes, so 30 degrees…” DM “Okay…” Me “And ‘inside the human body’ is a space, right?” DM “…I don’t like where this is going.” Me “So I’m going to raise the temperature inside his body 30 degrees.” DM “Yeah, so he’s dead now. He was fine, and then went through all the stages of heat stroke in half a second before his body went ‘No thank you’ and just shut off to stop it from being so hot. Good job.”

[unabashedlybi-deactivated201911]

[catsbeaversandducks]

This speech-language pathologist taught her dog 29 words, and he can even form full sentences.

Video by Christina Hunger

[trustmeimanengiqueer]

[jenniferrpovey]

Dogs actually do have a language center in their brains. They process language just the same way we do, just not as well.

They do understand our words. This is not true of all domesticated animals (horses, for example, can only manage to distinguish a relatively small number of spoken commands…but boy do they know what you’re really saying).

They don’t understand “just your tone of voice” as a lot of people think.

As of 2016 the record vocabulary for a dog demonstrating understanding of words is over 1,000.

So if you give them a way to talk back, they’re going to use it.

The development of language skills is probably a side effect of domestication and of being kept in close contact with humans. A dog that was a better hunting partner would be kept and bred and over time they developed a better understanding of language.

In other words, dogs are pretty dang smart because we need them to understand us.

And also that is a very good boy.

[kylos]

Jenna Marbles messes around with face prosthetics

[alexfromthecasino]

She look like the grinch’s younger female cousin who lives in the suburbs instead of on a mountain but still definitely hates whos and Christmas and has an aesthetically pleasing Instagram

[mikachu1122]

The Binch!!!!

[childlikemperor]

did anybody else grow up bein that one friend who was in the group but not really IN the group??? like your friends would go places and throw parties and not invite u n stuff????? idk that really fucked up my self esteem hbu

[evilwriter37]

Yeahhhhhh

[jettara]

Been there.

[dogvisuals]

[laughconfetti]

i would die for him

[crimsonredsag-deactivated202009]

[tiktokanimals]

🤠 

[princesstigerbelle]

DEAR LORD

[catsbeaversandducks]

What Happens When Zookeepers Have Too Much Time On Their Hands

Via Bored Panda

[cockyhorror]

Zookeepers are consistently one of the weirdest professions

[the-demon-with-no-face-deactiva]

Omg look at this little cutie, how can anyone hurt them. There are only 30 of these left in the world due to illegal fishing.

[anneriawings]

Please donate to the National Marine Mammal Foundation’s last-ditch effort to capture the last 30 animals alive and relocate them to a seaside sanctuary in the northern Gulf of California. This is their last chance.

http://www.nmmf.org/vaquitacpr.html

[thelovablycynicalerinmac]

HELP THIS LITTLE BABY!

[petermorwood]

Reblogging LOUDLY.

I’m aware some people don’t like the notion of zoos and sanctuaries, but there’s no reset button for Extinct.

[themori-witch]

Okay so I read this and cried. 

Please, please help the National Marine Mammal Foundation capture the last 30 Vaquitas. They’ll be sent to a sanctuary where they’ll be taken care of, nurtured and every attempt will be made to bolster the species. 

Please. 

[theglintoftherail]

WHY ARE YOU LONELY: A TEXT GAME - Mallory Ortberg

WHY ARE YOU LONELY: CHOOSE ONE

FAILED TO NURTURE RELATIONSHIPS BORN OUT OF CONVENIENCE ONCE CHANGING CIRCUMSTANCES REQUIRED ACTIVE PARTICIPATION FROM YOU

WATCHED NETFLIX FOR SEVEN HOURS INSTEAD OF SLEEPING BECAUSE YOU HAVE ONCE AGAIN MISTAKEN INERTIA FOR REST

CONFUSED “SELF-CARE” WITH “SELF-INDULGENCE” AGAIN; YOU ARE INCAPABLE OF EXPERIENCING GENUINE REFRESHMENT OR RESTORATION BUT YOU DO SPEND A LOT OF MONEY AT NAIL SALONS

ONCE AGAIN CONFUSED “EMPATHY” FOR “TAKING RESPONSIBILITY” AND INVITED OTHERS TO UNLOAD THEIR EMOTIONAL BURDENS ON YOU WITHOUT FIRST ENSURING RECIPROCITY, WHOOPS

ANTICIPATORILY BLAMED OTHER PEOPLE FOR NOT CALLING YOU WITHOUT ONCE ASKING YOURSELF WHY YOU CAN’T CALL THEM

ASSUMING ANY TIME SPENT TOGETHER THAT YOU HAD TO INITIATE IS SOMEHOW LESS AUTHENTIC THAN REQUESTS FOR TIME SPENT TOGETHER THAT YOU ACCEPT

BELIEVE “PERIODICALLY EXPERIENCING THE HUMAN CONDITION” MEANS SOMETHING IS FUNDAMENTALLY BROKEN WITHIN YOU

CONSTANTLY LIE ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS THEN WONDER WHY YOU FEEL LIKE NO ONE KNOWS YOU

MISTAKENLY BELIEVE THAT NEGATIVE FEELINGS MUST BE MISTAKES EITHER TO BE AVOIDED OR FIXED RATHER THAN EXPERIENCED

DESIRE TO BE FULLY UNDERSTOOD WITHOUT THE CONCOMITANT WILLINGNESS TO FULLY EXPLAIN YOURSELF

BELIEVE TRYING AT SOMETHING A LITTLE BIT SHOULD RESULT IN INSTANT PERFECTION AND FIND YOURSELF HORRIFIED AND ASHAMED OF MAKING REALISTIC PROGRESS

TRY COCONUT OIL

CONVINCED THAT HONESTLY ADMITTING YOUR PROBLEMS WILL DRIVE PEOPLE AWAY BECAUSE NO ONE LIKES COMPLAINING SO INSTEAD YOU OFFER EVERYONE A PISS-POOR SIMULACRUM OF BEING EASY-GOING

STILL JUST WAITING FOR THINGS TO HAPPEN TO YOU INSTEAD OF EXPRESSING YOUR DESIRES ALOUD

THINK YOU’RE BEING PLAYFUL BUT ACTUALLY YOU JUST GET MEAN WHEN YOU DRINK

SPEND ALL YOUR TIME SAYING THINGS LIKE “EITHER’S GOOD” OR “DOESN’T MATTER TO ME” WHEN IN FACT ONLY ONE THING IS GOOD AND IT DOES MATTER TO YOU BUT YOU THINK “NOT EXPRESSING A PREFERENCE” IS THE BEST PERSONALITY TRAIT YOU HAVE TO OFFER OTHERS

PEOPLE ACTUALLY MORE AWARE OF YOUR BARELY-CONCEALED CONTEMPT FOR THEIR CHOICES AND RELATIONSHIPS THAN YOU THINK THEY ARE

NO GOOD REASON, SORRY

Mallory Ortberg plz stop laying my psyche bare for the world to see

[justbadpuns]

me: I am terrified of vertical axis

therapist: why?

me: *screams*

[rodrickheffeley]

This is the only valid tik tok.

[naenaenoodle]

[lotus-of-light]

Bro….

[cungadero]

mini m&ms are better than normal ones bc they cater to the very specific urge to eat colorful aquarium gravel

[theglowpt2-deactivated20200101]

cottagecore is over lighthousecore is IN

[theglowpt2-deactivated20200101]

sea shanties

maddening isolation

cold and wet

haunted(?)

gas lamps

sturdy boots

homoeroticism

a giant squid is there

[tchaikovskaya]

none of yall know what propaganda actually is, do you?

[tchaikovskaya]

this is legitimately the absolute funniest thing anyone has ever added to one of my posts, thank you for your service

[akaashikelji]

me: i’m going to write today!!

also me:

[dabiyyah-deactivated20211117]

Me today. 

[yuripink]

i feel like im in the sims where it takes 5 hours to make pasta and then u have to immediately go to bed