Man that probably sucks, trapped having the emotional maturity to recognize when they’ve permanently hurt someone but not the ability to understand in advance how to—oh wait humans do that too, it’s basically the classic human condition
fuck disappearing under mysterious circumstances i want to start APPEARING under mysterious circumstances. walking through a deserted eerie forest? im there. exploring an abandoned 1930s mine that no human has set foot in for 55 years? there too. touching down on mars? guess whose annoying face you see poking out from behind a rover
i know my friends don’t have malicious intent, i know they can’t relate to my experiences and it’s not easy for them to navigate the subject of my gender identity and expression
i’m currently having so many thoughts about myself and my gender identity
bit of a vent down there, i talk about my experience in dealing with an ex-partner who had difficulties with my gender identity
six months ago, I came out of a two year and a half relationship with someone who never really accepted it (me being nonbinary) and was always “waiting” for me to wake up one day and realise my dysphoria was no more, that i was “cured”
they would often do so in good faith, they wanted me to embrace my biological sex as a way to be comfortable as i was
they basically saw the whole thing as a general insecurity that i could grow out of
they never explicitly said it but their aversion towards my gender identity also stemmed from how it clashed with their long term plans (i.e. marriage, nuclear mother/father/children family)
anyway, the relationship ended exactly because of this, because i reached a point where it was unsustainable for me to have them not accept such an important part of myself
the following months were hell for various reasons so i’m left now (well past month let’s say) taking in how much that relationship shaped me
how much i tried to force myself to fit the mould just to make things work, how stunted i am in my own growth because of this
i take full responsibility over it of course, they weren’t chaining me down to them, i chose to stay with them for how long we stayed together, i chose to try to abide to some of their expectations
it just feels…. a lot now, like i’m realising the full extent of the damage
A snorkle basis is a particular sort of set that has some properties and is generally "nice" (in a rigorous sense) and can do many things and is very practical.
I could . not. put. this down for 48 hours - stayed up too late, had weird dreams about it, woke up early, and played it while I was supposed to be doing other things. the last several dozen items took a lot of googling, which I do not even begrudge it.
and then. My partner started it. And the SAME THING happened to him.
surprisingly compelling. start when you have free time. like, yanno, a snow day.
oh my god, if you are the kind of person who gets sucked into logic puzzles, do not click that link if you have to do anything/go to sleep in the next couple hours
TA spent 90 minutes on computing the derivative of a candidate Lyapunov function. NINETY MINUTES.
not because he was slow (he’s even too fast sometimes), but for how much stuff went into it.
the result? with properly defined control, the derivative can be made negative definite. nice.
BUT
he adds: “controller only guarantees almost semi-global asymptotic stability”.
someone asked him what he meant by “almost semi-global” (does that mean local? it sounds like it means local, but then why didn’t he say local? what does “almost” even mean in this context???)
he said “look it up on the referenced paper”
gtfo. ninety minutes on computations. and then “look it up on the referenced paper”.
tangentwithtanner
kaledo-art
andulkaphoto
dededos
turnnoffyourmind
2087
snowghoul
