
if i look back, i am lost

Kiana Khansmith
Aqua Utopia|海の底で記憶を紡ぐ

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Keni
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we're not kids anymore.
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@mhillz
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I just had one of the most satisfying weekends I have had in a while. I got to spend three days with some of my nearest and dearest friends. Like 7 of them.
Life has been all types of different emotions lately. Mostly stress and frustration with a side of ecstatic and general happiness and love. But there’s nothing like being able to spend time with some girls that mean a lot to you and have been there for you for a long ass time to bring you back to basics and make you (me) realize that your life is good. You have a roof over your head (one that I happen to actually own!), you have food in your belly (too much food, but meh), you have clothes on your back, you have love in your life and in your heart and could not be happier about it, you have a supportive and strong family, you have a job that pays your bills (for now), you have laughter in your life, you have these amazing friends who will stand by you and support you because they’re actually such good people and those amazing humans are hard to find. Et cetera, et cetera.
I feel very blessed to have the life I have right now, even if it’s not the one I have planned for my future. It will come. Although I’m turning 27 in a few short weeks, and that’s scary as shit, I realize that being 27 doesn't all of a sudden mean you need to have everything you want in life, like now. We all have our own paths and move at our own pace. I’m not going to succumb to pressure from others or society telling me where I should be in MY life.
But no matter what path I head down, I know that these people in my life will be there and I’m so grateful and happy to have them in my life. And even though there were a few I didn't see over the weekend, this applies to them too!
Feeling happy about all of this today.
When you find out you’re having spur of the moment, mid-week house guests
Cue mad dash to dust, clean the entire bathroom, tidy, sweep and ensure that the spare room sheets are clean.
FML
Did I mention I have less than 2 hours to accomplish this?
Thank God Ryan is home to wash the sheets for me. But I don’t trust him to clean the bathroom etc as his standard of “clean” is different than mine.
Here goes nothing...
Went for a job interview today at a regulatory college (used to work at one) and felt so confident last night and even this morning before going in. Left feeling the exact opposite. I am actually the worst at interviews and it stresses me out because I don’t think I’ll find another job before my contract runs out.
This sucks.
I’m being a big baby.
sorrynotsorry
Big decisions ahead...
Having a hard time finding a new job (I know, shut up already Marley, no one cares), so I have to figure out where I'm going. Even if I do find a new job within the administration field, I've got limited options as to where I can go with my career without any additional training or education. Any job you find these days has an administrative role in it, but it's where to focus my skills is the question. Which leads to the next point.
Do I head back to school? Ryan supports me 100% if that's what I need to do. I would obviously have to work PT in order to support our household at least a bit. Aka my car, some groceries and partial bills etc. Figuring out what I'd want to do is all up in the air though. I think I have an idea but it's so scary to think about going from working full time making a decent wage and living a certain way to back being a full time student, having little to no income of your own and going on a multiple year endeavor for a new career path.
There are so many outcomes. It could work out fine, we could get by and I could get another diploma and hopefully a decent job.. ORRRR it could blow up in my face an be stressful as fuck and have negative effects on my relationship.
These thoughts are very much at the beginning stages of anything, but time's not going by any slower and I'm not getting any younger. If I want to be where we've envisioned ourselves in the next 4 years, I better get thinking, quick.
Though I've (mostly) enjoyed my work in administration and enjoyed the schooling process and the experiences I've gained. Hindsight is 20/20 and I definitely have some regrets. Nothing I can't fix though, right??? *nervously looks around the room*
End drawn out rant of my failures.
I'm freezing, exhausted, sore all over and my head is heavy. I thought I was just still recovering from my hangover yesterday, but this may be turning into something more at this rate. Can I go home, bury myself in blankets & try again tomorrow?
Catastrophe.
It was a sign...
I went a stuck a dollar into the vending machine at work. There's limited options so I chose a kitkat. I also took into consideration which chocolate bar looked as though it'd be the least likely to get stuck.
25 cents 25 cents 25 cents 25 cents Push and hold "F"
THE DAMN THING GOT STUCK!
I literally uttered "Ohhh no" in a quiet whisper and began to hit the side of the machine in hopes of nudging it loose.
Sugar addiction is real my friends.
*Spoiler alert: the kitkat eventually fell and I'll cherish every bite*
is obama even real
(Things Everybody Does But Doesn’t Talk About)
“Bostonians have accepted their fate as Canadians.”
Sweet firepit tho.
Just realized we weren’t following taylorswift and panicked
This cat though, hahaha can't stop watching it.
Two thoughts
1. Listening to old Panic! At The Disco will be my "happy place" helping me get through the rest of this day. I will shamelessly lip sync all of the lyrics and rock out at my desk for the next 6 hours.
2. Online shopping. BEST. Just did my cousin's wife's baby shower gift shopping in 15 minutes online, got free shipping on one of the orders AND the little baby boy will have some SUPER cute/funny onesies to wear.