Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
JVL
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
Three Goblin Art
@theartofmadeline
Misplaced Lens Cap
JBB: An Artblog!
wallacepolsom
todays bird
Xuebing Du
One Nice Bug Per Day
Sweet Seals For You, Always
tannertan36
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
Kaledo Art
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Andulka
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
trying on a metaphor
Jules of Nature
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@microfeesh-blog
I know that a 5k is totally *nbd* to everybody else in the world, but I am not a runner. I registered for this a couple of days ago, thinking it will hold me accountable to finishing a c25k plan. Also, the t-shirt is cute and it’s a nighttime run through downtown! Seems fun! And also totally terrifying. Might start documenting my progress from doughnut-loving chain-smoker to runner here...
I GOT THE SCHOLARSHIP!!!! I’M GOING TO ISRAEL IN 2 MONTHS!!!!
Guess who is a trainer at work now? This girl.
Guess who didn’t ask for it but was made to be one anyway? Also me.
I mean I’ve only been there for a little over 3 months and I’m still kind of learning stuff myself and now I’m being put in a situation to teach others. I was supposed to be training someone this weekend but something happened and she wasn’t even able to show up to her first class today. Then I was informed by a manager that she hired two hosts that I’ll be training next week. I kind of have this weird power that I’m not really sure what to do with. I also have all these stupid meetings to go to. Luckily writing this has reminded me that I have a meeting on Saturday at 9am even though I don’t actually work till 4.Sleeping in this weekend is no longer an option for me.
I love that my friends are so fucking awesome at their jobs and life in general. YA KILLIN IT, WHIT!
Don’t make a habit out of choosing what feels good over what’s actually good for you.
Eric Thomas (via thesuccessrules)
Why is it whenever I express my disdain for children and not wanting them, someone butts in with, “ Heyyyyy :( :( I have kids!” Or “I have a bunch of nieces and nephews :( >:(” “you were a child once!” ???
Because disdain is super judgmental and not the same as not wanting something? Maybe?
It's time:
To choose a Hebrew name To set a date for the Mikvah in January Wow.
Mazel tov!!!
Nothin’ like spending the majority of your evening in the ER after getting into an accident (I’m fine, thank god) and being asked if you’re on drugs because you have an anxiety problem. Talk about being victimized. That was quite possibly the most fucked up encounter of my entire life.
Like, it’s an anxiety attack you amateurs. Are you KIDDING?
“Tell us what kind of drugs you took, we’re not playing around.” Um, the same antidepressant I’ve been taking for 5 years? Is that what you’re looking for? and then having a nurse laugh straight in your face…I’m telling you…Allentown St. Lukes, I cannot. I am so pissed off. Like it’s bad enough that i was scared shitless from having my airbags blow up in my face. Jesus Christ.
Happy holidays, I’ve totaled my fucking car.
Oh, dear. I’m so sorry this happened to you. There’s nothing I can say to make it any better, but I’m here and I hear you and I hope very much that things get better soon.
any good, free online sources to study up for converting to Judaism?
@returnofthejudai, @janothar, @microfeesh, @aka-maayan, anyone got tools?
Sorry for the late response - haven’t been on tumblr in a long while!
There are plenty of online sources for supplementing Jewish study, but if you’re considering converting you really need to see a rabbi. This process is about learning, but not the kind of learning that you can do just by reading. Talking to a rabbi or several rabbis will help you decide what movement you want to convert in (e.g. Reform, Reconstructionist, Conservative, Orthodox), and will provide an entree into the community you may eventually become a part of. A rabbi will be able to gauge your spiritual trajectory and point you to the resources that are appropriate for you. Many rabbis will lend you books or point you toward a congregational library.
Online resources are great supplements, but no online source will be as comprehensive as a book. And no amount of books will provide the context of community that a rabbi and shul will provide. If you are absolutely unable to see a rabbi, at least start with books instead of online sources. Look for any of the following in your local library, and if they don’t have them - request them via interlibrary loan.
To Life!: A Celebration of Jewish Being and Thinking (Harold Kushner)
The Sabbath (Abraham Joshua Heschel)
To Be A Jew: A Guide to Jewish Observance in Contemporary Life (Hayim Halevy Donin)
Joined the Jewish Library Association today and started project planning to get my shul’s library cataloged and developed with more current materials.
Any other Jewish librarians out there?
First aliyah tomorrow morning!
Gut shabbos everyone! :)
thank you, nature, for pre-slicing oranges for us. You didnt have to and you did anyway and that was cool of you
Please tell the hannukah story with details and swears, here, so I can retell it to my goyim friends, with details and swears
CRACKS KNUCKLES. STRETCHES ARMS. OKAY SO LIKE.
so like it’s something something bce and israel/judea/whatever you wanna call it has been INVADED BY THE GREEKS. specifically, invaded by a bro named antiochus, pronounced aunt-eye-oh-kiss, who is a dick.
thing about hanukkah is that, like, there’s the Historical Story, which is important and worthy of study and shit, and then there’s the Hanukkah Story, which is more fun
so in Historical Story the invasion by the greeks was pretty slow and there was a lot of hellenization of jewish culture and blah blah blah
in Hanukkah Story the greeks SMASHED IN WITH A BUNCH OF SWORDS and were like FUCK YOUR TEMPLE. FUCK YOUR GOD. FUCK YOUR PASSOVER, AND ALSO, FUCK YOU. and they DESTROYED THE TEMPLE and let, like, pigs go running around in it? which, if you know literally anything about judaism: pigs in the temple. they set pigs on the fucking holy fucking temple.
ANyway, then a greek general was like “yo, okay, i am threatening you all with Death unless you sacrifice to zeus.” and everyone was very Stoic and Rebellious until one bro was like FINE!! I WILL SACRIFICE TO ZEUS, GIMME THE STATUE OF ZEUS, IMMA KILL AN ANIMAL AND GO YAY ZEUS. i’m not sure if this also happened in the temple, but i like to think of it happening in the temple, because sacrifices to an idol??? in the holy fucking temple???? and he is almost about to kill the animal WHEN
WHAM, here comes mattathias (a.k.a. matisyahu, a.k.a. no, not the rapper) and CUTS OFF THE BRO’S HEAD.
then he yells ANYONE WHO WANTS TO FIGHT BACK COME TO THE HILLS!!!! and FLEES to the hills along with his sons. their family name is MACCABEE and so they are known as the MACCABEES, which means THE SLEDGEHAMMERS, because this story was apparently NOT METAL ENOUGH ALREADY.
meanwhile the occupation continues. there is a chick named HANNAH, who i have loved for one thousand years because i can either identify with her or hannah-samuel’s-mother, who is boring.
hannah has SEVEN SONS, which is MORE THAN I WOULD LIKE TO HAVE. the greeks capture them all and go “EAT PORK. EAT IT. EAT IT.” hannah and her seven sons are like no!! wtf calm the fuck down with your pork
so the greeks, who have literally no chill, go “okay, we’re gonna torture son #1 until he eats pork.” which they do - except the son does not eat the pork?? and eventually he just like DIES and the greeks are like, WHAT THE FUCK, okay, TIME TO TRY THIS AGAIN.
so they try it with son #2 and it is EQUALLY INEFFECTIVE. NO PORK, NO EATING. the greeks are BEWILDERED, they go on to torture and kill sons #3 THROUGH #7. LITERALLY ALL OF THEM. NONE OF THEM EAT PORK.
the greeks are like “HANNAH. HANNAH. YOU HAVE JUST WATCHED ALL YOUR GODDAMN CHILDREN DIE. EAT THE DAMN BACON.”
but hannah is the most rad of all the jews. she goes “i will not eat your fucking pig because you KILL PEOPLE ABOUT IT. god DAMN calm the fuck down and LET US BE JEWISH LITERALLY WHAT IS YOUR DAMAGE.”
the greeks have an elephant!! the greeks have A HUGE ARMY!! the greeks have a Whole Fucking Empire! the jews have, like, matisyahu and his five kids. (one of them is judah maccabee, who i like to think of as Very Hot.)
and we win.
[intermission: NO-OT BY MI-IGHT AND NO-O-OT BY POWER (TAKE A SHOWER!!!) BUT BY SPIIIIRIT ALONE (RUACH) SHALL WE ALL LIVE IN PEEEEAAAAAAAAAACE.]
so we kick! the greeks! out! of israel/judea/palestine/whatever! and we’re like FUCK YES WE’RE GONNA KICK THE PIGS OUT OF THE TEMPLE WE’RE GONNA CLEAN THE TEMPLE WE’RE GONNA MAKE THE TEMPLE NICE AS SHIT
okay. quick note on the law, for gentiles: one of the most important things about synagogues is that you always gotta have a light in it. it represents god, and it can’t ever, ever go out. it can be electric or fire or anything, but it cannot go out.
so the jews get into the temple and the light is fire, obviously, because electricity has not been invented yet, and the light is almost out.
Oh Shit, say the jews.
there’s oil to keep the light burning. there’s enough oil to keep the light burning for one day. the nearest supply of oil is eight days away, round-trip.
Oh Shit. say the jews.
i mean. what are you gonna do. they send off a guy on a horse to go for the oil. they light up the remaining oil. they scrub the temple floors, and kick the pigs out, and sit, and recover, and wait for the fire to go out.
the fire doesn’t go out.
for one day, it lasts. then for another. for eight fucking days the oil burns, and the horseman returns with the new supply, and the fire is still burning in the temple. the fire never goes out in the temple. we survive the entire invasion and the fire never goes out once.
most jewish stories are stories about survival. this one’s about a little more than that. because we could have assimilated; we could have hellenized. we could have worshiped their gods and eaten pork, and we would have lived.
but we didn’t. we took the worst risk, and we won. and the fire didn’t go out.
This is everything I’ve ever hoped for in a retelling of the story of Hannukah. It fits exactly with the way that I like to tell stories from the Torah, and I shall be adopting its style next week.
this is so incredibly accurate. I love it.
Does anyone have a Hanukkah background for an iPhone?? I wanna get festive!!
Yes, same, me too!
It me
me: hello dear brain, do you think we can get started on that thing we wanted to do today
brain: no :)
me: ah, you're right, as usual, thank you
@dirtylittlesunshine you made my day. Thank you, love, for the incredibly thoughtful gift and the too-short visit. I am very lucky to have you as a friend.
