Hi friends! Thanks for visiting me. It's pretty simple around here. I write SKZ fanfiction: sfw, fem!reader, currently all happy endings. I am also open to writing some simple slice of life stuff with just the boys being goofy/platonic!reader. I'm a little newer around here, so we'll see how things progress.
I will gladly take requests, but I can't promise to be speedy about it 😭 I reserve the right to deny any request I don't feel okay with writing for whatever reason. But by all means, shoot your shot. Worst I can do is say no lol
Anyway, working on more individuals (for more than just Chan, I promise 🤡), but this is what I got rn. Enjoy!
Content: 🩷 - fluff ❤️🩹 - hurt/comfort 💔 - angst 🩵 - platonic/slice of life
OT8
Error: Brain Not Found 🩷
He Takes You On Tour 🩷 (minus Changbin and I.N.)
Their Kid Cries When They Leave 🩷 (see individuals)
Changing a Tire 🩵
You don't take their bullshit 💔(ish) - Chan & Lee Know
Summary: He defends you when another man disrespects you
Content: Sexism, mansplaining, generally men being douches, the boys standing up for you, fluff (?), swearing
A/N: We love men standing up for women. Some of them have different type!reader, so I just marked them individually. I'm not wildly proud of Han's, but I was struggle bussing and didn't want that one scene to hold up the post, so here it is. NOT PROOFREAD
Masterlist
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Chan x fem!reader:
It’s a hot summer day and you and Chan are going on a little coffee date. You decide to wear your new sundress that fits you just right while still feeling flowy and breathable. Chan steps up to the counter to order first.
“Hi, what can I get for you?” The young male barista smiles, meeting Chans gaze.
“Can I have an iced americano and then whatever she wants.” He gestures for you to step up and order as well.
The barista looks down at his tablet to input the order before looking back up at you. However, his eyes don’t go up as high as they should, his gaze sitting just below your shoulders. Deciding to ignore it, you clear your throat to order, “Uh, can I have—“
Chan cuts you off, deciding not to ignore it, “Oi, mate. Her eyes are up here.”
The barista’s eyes snap up, his face getting two shades pinker. He clears his throat, “Right! Sorry.”
Chan steps slightly closer, his hand resting on the small of your back, “Sorry to cut you off, love. Please continue.”
You give a polite smile, your gaze not meeting either of theirs, “Can I just have an iced latte?”
The barista stiffly nods, making sure his gaze doesn’t wander in even the slightest. “Anything else?”
“No thanks.” Chan steps forward to pay, his hand never leaving your back.
As the barista scurries away and you two walk over to a table, you nudge Chan on the shoulder. “You could have ignored it you know.”
Chan looks at you like you just told him the world ended, “I absolutely could not.”
“He’s like a teenager.”
“Even better for him to learn now that he shouldn’t look at women like that. I don’t care who they are, no one gets to disrespect you, ever.”
You press a quick kiss to his lips. “My hero.”
Lee Know x wife!reader:
Lee Know is out drinking with a group of guys he doesn’t really know well. He only came because his friend invited him along, failing to mention the other four guys that would be joining. They are sitting around a table, several beers in while Lee Know is only finishing up his first, and they are telling a bunch of stupid jokes. Lee Know has been tuned out for most of the conversation, letting the noise go in one ear and out the other, giving a courtesy chuckle here and there.
“Yeah, Lee Know’s got a wife.”
Lee Know perks up, confused as to why you were brought up.
“Oh you’ll probably like this one,” A larger guy sitting across from Lee Know gives a crooked smile, pleased with whatever he is about to say. “What do you call a woman who lost 95% of her intelligence?” Lee Know's jaw tightens. “Divorced!” The group starts laughing, but Lee Know just stares at the man.
“I don’t get it.” Lee Know’s voice is deadly serious, catching the men off guard.
“What?”
“I don’t get it. Why are we laughing?”
“Well, I said what do you—“
“No, I heard you. I just don’t get what’s so funny.”
The man blinks, clearly not used to push back. “Well—I…it was just a joke, you know.”
“No I don’t know. Explain it to me.” Lee Know leans forward ever so slightly, hands folded neatly on the table as if this was an interrogation. The other men have gone silent.
“I-I don’t…” The man stutters, “Why do you care so much man?!”
“I just don’t understand why we are laughing at the idea of demeaning women.”
“It was just a joke. Chill out.”
“But jokes are supposed to be funny and you have yet to explain to me why it is funny.” The man sputters unable to come up with anything. Lee Know straightens up, his sober mind working much faster than the drunk ones around him. “Unless there isn’t a reason and you are just laughing because it makes you feel like less of a terrible person for looking down on women. But honestly, I think it should make you feel worse. If you’re going to be a chauvinist asshole, you might as well man up and own it, but you are so insecure that you don’t even have the balls to do that. Instead, you get drunk and laugh about it when you think no one who cares is listening. You know, I might have missed the joke since I was practically zoned out, but you felt the need to gain my attention specifically because, for some unknown reason, you thought that because I’m male I would be sexist just like you. Unfortunately for you, I actually see women as people and understand that it’s wrong to make demeaning comments and laugh as if it wasn’t a big deal. And honestly, I might not have been quite as upset—though I still would have called you out—if you hadn’t mentioned my wife, but clearly you aren’t the smartest. Maybe you should change your joke. Instead of the answer being divorced, you should say that she married you. Speaking of which, I can actively feel my brain cells dying simply by being around you, so I’m going to go home to my incredible amazing wife who is incredibly smart and really the best thing that has ever happened to me. Maybe one day you’ll get sober and lonely enough to realize that you could have that too if you started treating women with respect like the actual human beings they are. But until then, please never talk to me again.” Lee Know takes the last sip of his beer before standing up and leaving without so much as a second thought.
Changbin x fem!reader:
You are working out with Changbin, doing RDLs when you notice a man nearby. You keep catching his gaze through the mirror, although instead of meeting your eyes, his gaze is fixed far too low for your liking. Your form gets a little stiffer as you feel uncomfortable under his stare and Changbin immediately notices.
“What’s wrong?” He looks at you concerned.
Your eyes unconsciously flick back to the man before focusing on Changbin, “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”
But Changbin saw where your eyes went and he is in fact going to worry about it. Suddenly, he turns around taking a step towards the man behind you, “Hey, man. If you want help with your form, you could just ask instead of staring at me.”
The man stiffens up at having been acknowledged. “I wasn’t looking at you.”
“Oh? Are you sure?” Changbin’s voice gets ever so slightly louder, “Because that would mean you were staring at my girlfriend and I know you don’t want to get in a fight right here and now.” He flexes a little to emphasize his point.
The man’s eyes go wide, highly aware of the few people around who caught wind of the not so subtle comment. “I-I…Uh I just zoned out…sorry.”
“Yeah, well, zone out looking in a different direction next time.”
He nods vigorously before collecting his weights and moving to workout somewhere else entirely. When he’s gone, Changbin turns back to see you staring at him with a smirk.
“What?”
“You are really going to fight a man in the middle of a gym?” You cross your arms.
“For you? I’d do anything.”
“Really?” He nods with a proud smile. “Even like doing the dishes when we get home?” You say giddily.
His smile falters, “I set myself up for that one didn’t I?”
“Yup!” You press a quick kiss to his cheek before finishing your workout.
Hyunjin x actress!reader:
Ever since you and Hyunjin started dating, you have been asked to do joint interviews. Today you are supposed to be doing an interview promoting your new movie that features a Stray Kids song.
You two sit down and greet the interviewer, give the basics of who you are and what you do. The interviewer asks Hyunjin a few questions about Stray Kids and the song. He turns to you and compliments your outfit, asking who made it. You don’t think much of it, taking the opportunity to be a good brand ambassador and promote the company. However, he turns his attention back to Hyunjin without any actual questions about the movie to you. A few more questions pass with Hyunjin before it bounces back to you.
“So, Y/N. Let’s talk a bit about the movie.”
Finally! You think.
“What’s your favorite outfit you wear during it? After all, the setting does lend itself to some potential for spectacular moments.”
You give a tight smile, “Yes, there are spectacular moments. One of my favorite moments is during quite the dramatic scene in the rain. The main character has gone through a lot of transformation at this point and it is all sort of coming to a head—“
“Okay but what are you wearing in this moment? Surely your favorite outfit isn’t one soaked in water?” He gives a hardy laugh making Hyunjin furrow his brows.
“I think you cut her off before she could finish answering.” Hyunjin places a hand on your knee, his voice and demeanor staying professional.
“Right, sorry. Getting ahead of myself,” the interviewer politely nods for you to continue and you give a quick smile to Hyunjin as thanks. You finish describing the scene, taking a bit of time to talk through your character since he seems determined to not let you. When you finish he just kind of nods, “That’s nice but you never mentioned the outfit?”
It takes everything in you not to roll your eyes and you feel Hyunjin squeeze your knee for reassurance. You settle for a tight smile, “I don’t want to spoil the surprise. Guess you’ll have to watch to find out.”
The interviewer points and laughs, “Ah, sneaky. I see what you did there.” He turns back to Hyunjin. “So, let’s hear your thoughts on the movie. Tell us about some of your favorite moments.”
Hyunjin looks between you and the interviewer, almost questioning Is that really all he’s gonna ask? But you just nod and smile, giving him a look that says Just answer. It’s fine.
Hyunjin keeps his answer brief, “Well that scene she just mentioned is pretty good. Obviously, I’m a bit bias in that I like the scene with our song. Any scene with her really.” He smiles at you.
The interviewer coo’s, “I suppose I should’ve guessed you would like any scene with her since she’s your girlfriend.”
“Well she’s also an incredible actress. Even before we were dating, I always loved her work.” He replies without missing a beat.
“Guess it was love at first scene.” The man laughs, “What can you tell us about the story of the movie? How do the characters progress and interact?”
“Me?” Hyunjin questions.
“Yeah,” the man chuckles like it was a no brainer
“Well, she was in the movie, so she would probably have a better answer.”
“You’ve watched it, no?”
“Yes.”
“Well, then you can give us an audience perspective, see if the story comes off as intended.”
“How do you know the intended story? You’ve hardly asked her anything.” Hyunjin’s tone starts to become a little frustrated and you squeeze his hand to try and calm him.
The interview gives an awkward chuckle, “Well, I think most of our viewers know the plot, so you can give us an audience perspective.”
“If you wanted an audience perspective, you could’ve just interviewed people outside the theatre.”
“Well, you have a bit of an inside scoop, given that you are dating the main actress.” He points to you, yet keeps the question directed at Hyunjin.
“So ask the main actress. That’s why we’re here right?”
You cut in before Hyunjin can get any more riled up. “Do you have anymore questions about the song for him? Maybe he could give a bit more perspective on why they chose that song and how it fits the story of that particular scene?”
The interviewer smiles, his tone a bit dismissive to you, “We discussed that a bit earlier, so I figured we could get a fuller picture—“
Hyunjin cuts him off, “If you don’t have anymore questions about the song and clearly you don’t want to ask her anything, then I think we’re done here.” He stands up and bows, leaving without even giving the interviewer a chance to respond.
You also stand up and bow, “Thank you for inviting me to sit with Hyunjin on his interview. I hope we can have one for myself one day.” With a controlled smile, you follow your boyfriend out. Let’s just say you won’t be meeting with this interviewer again.
Han x fem!reader:
You are doing some spring cleaning and taking a bunch of boxes and bags full of stuff out of your house, some going to your car and others going to the curb. You are carrying a heavier box with a bunch of books when you hear someone call out to you.
“Hey!” You look and see a man about your age walking past your driveway. He waves and smiles, walking up your driveway. “Let me help you lift that.” He picks up the box and places it in your open trunk.
“Oh, uh thanks.” You give him an awkward smile.
“You moving all these boxes alone?” He asks.
“Oh, no. My boyfriend is here too.” As if on cue, Han walks out carrying another box. He see’s the random man and sets down the box before joining your side.
The man smiles, extending a hand to Han, “Hi, my name is Jong-un.”
Han takes his hand, “Han, nice to meet you. Do you know each other?”
“No, I just saw her struggling with a box and thought I would help. If you’ve got more I can help with those too.”
“Oh, no, you don’t need to do that. We can handle the rest.” You give a polite smile, wanting the random man to go away.
“Ah, come on. It’s no trouble. Leave the heavy lifting to the men, yeah?” He gives a hardy laugh, clapping Han on the back. “Would hate for a pretty little thing like you to hurt yourself.”
You bite your lip, trying to keep at bare minimum a neutral expression. Han furrows his brows at the comment. “Why did you say it like that?”
“Huh?” Jong-Un blinks at Han. “What do you mean?”
“You say it like she is weak or something.”
“Well, I mean men are stronger than women. It’s not meant to be mean. It’s just a fact.” He shrugs. “So, I think women should leave the heavy lifting for men if they can’t handle it.”
“She can handle it.” Han defends without missing a beat. “She is strong.”
Jong-un huffs a small laugh, “I’m sure she is…for a woman.”
Han straightens his posture and you can tell he is about to go on a rant, “For a woman? You say that like it’s a bad thing, like it’s something unimpressive. But you haven’t seen her lift anything. She is strong, in more ways than one. She can handle anything on her own. She doesn’t need help. But I choose to give help because I love her and she’s awesome and I want to make her life easier if I can. But she can handle it just fine. She lifted half these boxes by herself. She works out with me and can lift similar weight to me. So don’t call her ‘little’ or ‘weak’ like she is some fragile helpless thing. She is a strong independent woman and you will treat her as such.” He stands tall, despite being shorter than the man. “In fact, I’ll show you just how awesomely strong she is.” Han turns to you and jumps in your arms. You manage to catch him last minute, holding him up bridal style. “See, she can lift me just fine.”
Not wanting to ruin his point, you steel yourself and hold him up, despite it actually being a bit of a struggle.
“Let’s go inside. I’m tired of this loser.” Han directs you, causing you to turn and trudge back inside. Han glares at the man over your shoulder as you disappear inside.
As soon as you are out of sight, you immediately drop Han to the ground, causing him to squeak in surprise. You let out a huff, hands resting on your knees. “While I really appreciate you standing up for me, I’m not actually that strong you know.”
He stands up, “What do you mean? You carried me all the way inside.”
“Barely. Do you know how heavy you are?”
He gasps, “I just defended your honor, calling you strong and independent and you repay me by calling me fat?”
You glare at him, “You made me carry you back inside.”
“To prove a point!”
You roll your eyes, “Okay Prince Charming, let’s finish moving these boxes so we can be done.”
“I got it!” He spends the rest of the afternoon carrying most of the boxes for you while consistently reminding you that he is doing it because he loves you and not because he thinks you’re weak. You smile at his goofy nature, happy to let him lift boxes while you sit and watch.
Felix x gamer!reader:
Felix is finishing up a game of league when you pop your head in, “Hey love, are you playing right now?”
He slips off one headphone, eyes still on the screen, “Yeah, but I can pause. What’s up?”
“Oh no, I was just wondering if I can join you?”
He smiles, “Of course you can.”
“Let me go grab my coffee and I’ll be back in.”
Finishing up his game he speaks to the other players, “Hey, my girlfriend’s gonna join.”
“Ah no,” one stranger chimes over the headphones. “She’s gonna drag us down.”
“Yeah, come on man.” Another one agrees.
“What? No, she’s a good player.” Felix defends
One of them scoffs, “She’s a girl. How good can she be?”
Felix furrows his brows about to say something when you walk back in. “Okay! I’m ready. Let me set up my computer.”
Felix looks between you and the computer, an idea pinging in his head. He mutes his mic, “Play on my computer.”
“What? No, I can play on mine.” You say, confused. “I want to play with you.”
“No, I know.” He stands up and puts his headphones on you. “But I need to go call Chan real quick, but I don’t wanna abandon my team.”
“Is everything okay?” You move to take his seat, worried for why he is calling Chan randomly.
“Yeah, just gotta clarify a work thing. You know how precise Chan can be.” He smiles, sitting you down in the chair. “You can change players if you want, just don’t unmute your mic.”
“Why?”
“These guys are kind of…odd. Just don’t want you talking to them.” He places a kiss to the top of your head before leaving the room.
You watch him leave, hoping everything is okay before hearing some voices over the chat. “yo, ready up.”
You get your set up and join a match. Various male voices ring over the chat tossing instructions here and there. Their strategies aren’t the best but you don’t speak up, wanting to respect Felix’s request. You play a whole match and basically carry. As the words ‘victory’ flash across the screen a couple voices call out, “Damn, dude. What happened to you?”
“Yeah man, your skill went up by like 10,000”
“GOATED performance.”
You start up another round as Felix walks back in the room. You look over, “Here, we just started.” You try to hand over the headphones but he stops you.
“No, no, finish this game. I wanna watch you play.” He stands behind you, his hands lightly rubbing your shoulders. The game starts up and you once again are bombarded with poor strategy from the random voices.
“Ugh, these guys strategy suck. I basically carried last round.” You grumble to Felix.
He kisses the top of your head, “So tell them different.”
“But you said not to talk to them.”
“You can talk strategy. I don’t care.” He smirks, knowing the shock that is about to resound.
You move to save one of their asses when they call out another bad move. Frustrated you give up and unmute, “That’s a terrible strat. We aren’t doing that.” The chat goes silent. “Listen, you go top, you two go mid, we’re going bottom.” You instruct each person, moving to position.
“Yo, what?!”
“Bro, why do you sound like a girl??”
“Because I am a girl, dumbass.” You mute your mic momentarily, turning to Felix, “I see why you don’t like these guys.”
He leans down a bit, “show them how it’s done.”
You spend the rest of the round leading everyone and once again dominating. Your team wins with a crushing victory, all thanks to you. As the end screen flashes up, Felix takes back the mic momentarily. “Sorry, had to step away so I let my girlfriend play for me.”
“Dude! You didn’t say she was like a gaming goddess.” One guy calls out.
Felix smirks, “Yeah, she’s kind of the best.”
“Put her back on and start up again. We can level up at this rate.” Another guy chimes in.
Felix sighs, “Nah, I think we’re gonna play our own team.”
“What?! No, you can just play with us.”
“Yeah, don’t leave now.”
Felix clicks his tongue, “Shouldn’t have underestimated her.” He leaves the party, the chat voices disappearing. He looks over at where you’ve been setting up your computer.
“What was that about?” You ask.
“Nothing. You ready?”
“Always.”
Seungmin x voiceteacher!reader:
You’re with Seungmin and a group of various people, some you know and others you don’t. You are talking about a recent situation at your job, “Yeah, so this student, love them to death, but man they are just struggling to sing in their higher register. All of my typical exercises aren’t working and—“
“You know what you should try?” A random guy within the group cuts you off, “There is this thing where you go up one note at a time on the piano and you try to go as high as you can.”
You furrow your brows, “Well, that’s not actually quite right. It’s typically going up a scale or maybe three notes at a time, slowly ascending and you really aren’t supposed to just go as high as possible. That’s not great for your voice, especially—“
“Well obviously you shouldn’t hurt your voice.” He chuckles, “If you sing too high then it will hurt your voice, so you have to make sure to drink water and go slow.”
You blink, genuinely confused for a moment. Looking at Seungmin, he seems just as baffled as you. “Yeah, so anyway.” You get back to your story, “What I was going to say was that I was doing some digging and came across this one exercise that I’m really hoping works.”
Once again, the man cuts you off. “Sometimes when you are struggling with a student, you need to go to some new resources, find different things. It can be easy to stay in the same old same old, but sometimes different people need different things.”
Seungmin looks him dead in the eyes, “Are you even a teacher?”
“No, but I’ve got some friends who are teachers and I’ve talked to them.”
“You do realize she like, went to school for this right?” Seungmin deadpans, genuinely unable to comprehend this mans behavior.
“Oh, that’s fun.” The man nods, his tone condescending. “I actually went to college for business and—“
Seungmin cuts him off, “So, you know business is typically a major that involves lots of finance classes and learning how to be a leader and organize, heavy in economics. So you really need to be smart to get through some of those classes.”
“Uh, first off, I wasn’t done. Second, did you not just hear me? I was a business major so I think I know how a business degree works.” The man scoffs, incredibly upset with Seungmin.
Seungmin just cocks a brow, a smirk pulling at his lips, “Oh my bad, I just thought this was just a thing we were doing.”
“What?”
“You know, interrupting people and mansplaining, which if you didn’t know mansplaining is when a man condescendingly explains something to a woman, assuming she knows less than she actually does, often about her own expertise or experiences.”
“I know what mansplaining is! I’m not dumb.” He crosses his arms, “And I wasn’t mansplaining. You were the one who cut me off.”
“No because what actually happened was you cut her off and tried to explain how to do her job to her. I don’t know if you remember that.”
“Stop talking to me like a child!” The man stamps his foot, not helping his case.
“No, no, this is mansplaining. Do I need to explain it again? I know it’s a lot of information to hold in a brain about the size of a tea cup.” Seungmin’s voice is dripping with sarcasm, changing his tone to sound like he is talking to a child.
“Fuck you!” The man huffs before stomping off in a tantrum.
Seungmin turns back to you with a proud smirk as you laugh with a playful roll of your eyes, “You’re kind of crazy for that.”
“Crazy for you,” He winks. “So, about this student?”
Jeongin x fem!reader:
After the boys performed at an awards show, Jeongin brings you along to the after party. You are wearing a wine red, silk dress that hugs your curves in all the right places. Jeongin’s arm sits around your waist as he goes around mingling with people. You are standing next to him while he talks among several people that you don’t know when you feel your stomach growl. You lightly tap his arm, “I’m gonna go grab something to eat real quick.”
He smiles and nods, removing his arm from your waist. Before you walk away, however, a random man that only recently joined the conversation makes a comment towards you, “Careful now. Don’t want to eat too much and ruin your figure.” He gives a quick laugh and a wink like it was a normal passing comment.
Without missing a beat, Jeongin looks at him and blinks, “Who are you?”
The man looks a little caught off guard, “My name’s Hongyo. I’m part of staff for one of the CUBE groups.” He smiles, stretching out his hand, but Jeongin doesn’t take it. Instead he just nods, face still neutral.
“Oh okay, so you’re not anyone important.”
“What?”
“I was just trying to see who you think you are that you can make a comment about my girlfriend like that. I figured you might have been at least someone important enough to have that kind of audacity but I guess you’re just arrogant.”
The tension in the air is palpable. You stand frozen next to Jeongin. A few of the people around slowly back away while others try not to smirk at Jeongin’s sass. The man scoffs, “Just cause you’re a celebrity doesn’t mean you get to talk to people like that.”
“Just because you’re a man doesn’t mean you get to talk to women like that.” Jeongin slips his hand back around your waist, turning to you. “Come on, darling. He’s not worth any more of our time.” He guides you away, leaving the man shell shocked and abandoned by the rest of the people around. Jeongin guides you to a less crowded space before gently looking at you, his demeanor totally softening, “Are you alright? Do you want to go home?”
You shake your head, “Are you not going to get in trouble for that?”
“For what? Calling him out? Not likely, but even if I do, I don’t care. No one is allowed to disrespect you like that.”
You press a kiss to his cheek, “I love you.”
He flashes that adorable dimpled smile, “I love you too.”
Synopsis: You don't tolerate immature behavior during an argument
Content: angst, hurt/comfort?, it's not wildly angsty but obvi they are fighting so, swearing (hints the title), Chan and Lee Know being a lil immature and stressed, lmk if I missed anything
A/N: idk why I only wrote for these two (ya know, the ones I already write everything for 🤡), but here it is. May or may not write more for others later, we'll see.
Masterlist
~~~~
Chan:
Chan has had a long week at work. Everyday he has arrived early and stayed late, sometimes not even coming home. The few days that he did come home, he locked himself in his studio until well after you had gone to sleep. You hate seeing him like this, but it happens every now and then, especially around comeback season and performance season. Plus, you have been busy this week too, also staying late at work and spending hours doing more work at home. Chan will take short breaks, even if they are only to go to the bathroom. In those breaks, you try to bring him some water or food and an encouraging word or two. He hasn’t been sleeping well, but you have decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. As long as you can get two out of the three essentials, you call that a win.
It’s a quiet Saturday evening and you are finally cooking a real meal for the first time this week. Instant ramen is only good for so long. You managed to finish up the final pieces of your project, giving yourself a free weekend. Chan went into the studio this morning to practice and work on some tracks, not giving himself the weekend off, as per usual. You are standing in the kitchen, humming a random song when you hear the front door open. You peak your head into the entry hallway and see a very tired Chan slipping off his shoes.
“Welcome home, love. I’m finally making dinner if you want some later.” He huffs, not even looking in your direction. You don’t take it personally. He’s tired and you know that, so you decide to leave him alone for now. You expect him to take a shower after a long day of work, but he immediately shuts himself off in the studio…again. Sometimes you wish he didn’t have a studio at home, but you know that would mean on weeks like this, he would never come home. With a heavy sigh, you focus back in on dinner, hoping he will take a break soon.
At this point, it’s been hours since he came home and he hasn’t left the studio once. You already ate dinner and have been lounging around on the couch for a while. Checking the time with a sigh, you decide to check in on him. You try not to bother him when he is working, but you can’t help worrying about him. His lack of sleep combined with no food and very little water is a recipe for disaster. So, you go and knock softly on his studio door, “Channie?” No response. You sigh. He probably has headphones on and can’t hear you, but you speak through the door anyway, “Love, I know you are working, but you should eat some dinner soon. I can bring you a plate if you want.”
You hear some shuffling and then a muffled response. “Later.”
Well, at least he is alive and responsive. That’s more than you expected, so you leave him be for now.
Come 9pm, Chan still hasn’t emerged. If he won’t come out, then you will go in. You fix him a plate of food and pour a cup of water before cautiously making your way to his studio. With a soft knock you move to open the door, “Chan?” The light from the hallway spills into the dim room. Most of the lights are off, the studio being illuminated by his monitors and a single lamp on his desk. “I brought you some food.” You slowly walk in and it isn’t until you are right next to him that he notices you.
He jumps, his headphones falling off his ears. “Jeez, Y/N. You scared me.”
“Sorry. I tried knocking, but I guess you couldn’t hear me.” You place the food and water on his desk. “I brought you something to eat.”
His eyes flick to the food before immediately locking back onto his screen. “I’m not hungry.”
“Chris, it’s 9 o’clock. You need to try and eat something.”
“I’m fine,” His voice tells you that he is absolutely not fine.
You sigh, lightly placing a hand on his shoulder, “You should at least drink some water.”
“I said I’m fine!” He snaps and shoves your hand away, “Would you just leave me alone?!”
“I was just-“
“Well stop, because it’s annoying and you’re interrupting my work.”
You blink, absolutely shocked at his attitude. “Well excuse me,” You scoff, “I didn’t know my presences was such a bother.”
“What? That’s not-“
“No, no. I get it. Your work clearly comes before everything, including your health. That’s my fault for trying to be a good person and take care of you.” Your tone is thick with sarcasm as you turn to leave the room.
“Stop acting like a child.”
You whip around to look at him, “Excuse me? I’m acting like a child? That’s bullshit and you know it. I’m sorry that you’re busy and tired but you don’t get to take that shit out on me when all I’m trying to do is help.” Your voice is calm and steady, “There are pillows in the hall closet and a blanket in the living room. Since you want to be in here so badly, you can sleep in here too.” With that, you close his door, intentionally not slamming it. You won’t give him the satisfaction of losing your temper. It isn’t until you are in your room with the door shut and locked that you finally let yourself break. Tears start pouring down your face, a mix of anger and hurt swirling inside you. You decide to take a warm bath, hoping that will help relax you.
Meanwhile, Chan sits in his studio staring at the now closed door. You didn’t yell. You didn’t slam the door. You didn’t even take his food or water. He sits in the dark, frozen, as your words play on repeat in his head. As he replays the conversation over and over again, he gets more and more angry with himself. How could he be so stupid? He yelled at you and called you annoying for trying to help him and when you called him out on it, he called you childish. Chan smacks himself in the head, “Dammit Chris! What is wrong with you?!” He groans, his head falling into his hands, “Gosh, I’m such an idiot.” Suddenly, his stomach growls as if trying to prove his point. He sighs as his eyes trail up to see the plate of food you left for him. That’s when tears start to prick at his eyes, guilt flooding over him. You are so good to him and he just threw it all back in your face. How is he ever going to make this up to you?
After a nice long bath, you feel a little more relaxed. You wind down and get ready for bed before curling up under your comforter. As you sit in bed, scrolling through your phone, the bedroom door cracks open and you hear a small voice, “Y/N?” Chans voice sounds tiny, almost scared. “Can-can I come in?” Being a wee-bit petty, you give him a taste of his own medicine and don’t respond. He sighs, “I was really terrible to you and I’m sorry. Everything you said was totally valid. I was acting like a child. I took my stress and exhaustion out on you and that’s not fair. You were just trying to help me and take care of me and I was a total jerk. I’m sorry I called you childish. You were not childish. Honestly, you were really mature about it and that was simultaneously really cool and really terrifying.” You stifle a laugh, caught off guard by his honesty. He keeps going as if it wasn’t there. “Work is not more important than you. You aren’t annoying. I love that you want to take care of me. I’m just not very good at accepting it. I’ve always been the one to take care of others, shutting myself off when things got hard. I never want to feel like a burden so I just hide away in my work. It’s become such a habit that I don’t know how to stop. I don’t know how to slow down or take a break and I guess I took that out on you. Which was wrong and I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I promise to do better. I’ll make it up to you just please…don’t give up on me…” His voice cracks, breaking you in half.
You immediately sit up, startling him a bit. As he stands in proper lighting, you can see the full toll this week has taken on him. Eye bags hang heavy with exhaustion, his shoulders knotted with tension. His eyes are red rimmed with tears and his whole body is just slightly trembling. You slide out from under the covers and gently approach him. Your hand reaches up to gently cup his cheek and he practically melts into your touch. “Oh you poor beautiful idiot.” He lets out a watery laugh at your sincere tone. “How could I ever give up on someone as wonderful as you?”
That prompts more tears to roll down his cheeks as he manages a soft, broken, “I’m sorry.”
“I know and I forgive you.” You lean in and press soft, slow kiss to his lips. He immediately deepens it as if your kiss is pure oxygen itself. His hands slide around your waist, holding you like something rare and precious because to him you are.
He pulls back and whispers against your lips, “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” You bury your face in the crook of his neck, his hold tightening on you. You hold each other for a moment, soaking in each other’s warmth. You are the first one to break the silence, “As much as I love hugging you, I’m tired.”
Chan laughs, the sound vibrating against your shoulder, “Do I still have to sleep in the studio?”
You lean back, pretending to think about it for a moment, “Well, I was feeling a bit cold earlier. I suppose I can make an exception.”
He flops onto the bed and you let out a small squeak as he pulls you with him, “Then consider me your personal heating blanket.” He wraps you up in his strong hold, snuggling you both under the blanket. You laugh as he nuzzles his nose into the back of your neck. “Better?”
“Much,” You sigh, relaxing into his warmth.
He places a soft kiss on your head, his voice lower and more sincere, “Seriously, thank you. You’re too good to me.”
“No, I’m just loving you. You just don’t realize it yet.”
He sighs, “I don’t deserve you.”
“Maybe, but you get me anyway, so get used to it.”
“I’ll try, I promise.”
“Good, because next time you call me childish, I’m throwing your laptop out the window.”
He laughs, “Yes ma’am.” He places one last kiss to the back of your head before you peacefully drift into sleep together.
Lee Know:
It shouldn’t have been a big deal. All you wanted was for him to stop by the store on the way home. Somehow that ended up in a huge fight.
“I needed that supplies for work tomorrow.” You sigh.
“So get it on your way to work.” Lee Know drops his bag and slips off his shoes, his tone tired and dismissive.
“Yeah, I guess I’ll have to now.” You didn’t mean for your tone to sound sarcastic, but with the tiredness clinging to both of you, that’s how it came across.
Lee Know huffs, “Why is it my fault you don’t have what you need for your job?”
“I didn’t say it was your fault.”
“Well you’re sure acting like it. Sorry I’m exhausted from work and forgot a few things.”
“I know you’re tired. I wasn’t trying to make it your fault. It just means I’m going to have to get up extra early to stop by the store, that’s all.”
He rolls his eyes, “Oh no, you have to wake up early. It’s not like I haven’t been staying up late and waking up early every day for a week now. It’s not like I’m spending all day in the studio working my ass off. Oh but you have to wake up early, so yeah that is clearly so much worse.”
You scoff, “It isn’t a competition. I didn’t say you weren’t tired. I didn’t say you weren’t working hard. I know how hard you work. That’s why I asked if you could stop by the store. You could have said no and I would’ve gone out earlier today.”
“No because then it would have been a whole thing of ‘why can’t you do it? You’re already out’.”
“No it wouldn’t have. Stop putting words in my mouth!” You snap, frustrated with his assumptions.
He walks past you with a dismissive wave, “Whatever. I’m tired.” The door to the bedroom slams shut, leaving you standing in the living room alone. You pinch the bridge of your nose with a sigh, hating how tense things got. By the time you go to get ready for bed, he is already lying down, facing away from you. Slipping under the covers, you lean over and press a kiss to his shoulder, “I’m sorry.” You have no idea if he is awake or not, but you say it nonetheless before turning and falling asleep yourself.
~
The next morning you wake up earlier than normal and Minho is already gone. Checking the time you wince. It’s 6am. How early did he wake up to be ready and gone already? You shake your head, wishing he didn’t have such a terrible schedule. The boys have a performance coming up and Minho is doing the dance break which means he’s been practicing extra hard recently. He is in the studio early morning to late night. You try not to expect much out of him during times like this. You know he is busy and tired and the last thing you want to do is make it worse. Unfortunately, you are also busy and tired, having a large project at work coming up. Tensions are high for both of you and it accidentally is spilling out on each other.
Dragging yourself out of bed, you carry on with your day, sending a quick text to Minho
Y/N: Hope you have a better day today <3
Minho: *read
You try to text him another time or two “Don’t forget to eat. Hope practice is going well,” but he leaves it all on read. You don’t think much of it. He is busy and the texts don’t exactly call for a response. At some point you want to talk about the fight, try to clear things up, but that would also require seeing him and see him you do not. By the time you go to sleep, he isn’t home. You try to call him, concerned since he has been gone since early morning, but he doesn’t pick up. You send a quick, “Going to bed. Get home safe” text before doing just that.
You wake up the next morning to noise in the kitchen. He’s alive at least. Stepping into the kitchen, you see Minho making himself coffee.
“Good morning,” Your voice is still groggy.
He doesn’t react, but you don’t push. He’s not talkative when he’s tired. You move around him to also make yourself some breakfast, the silence between you unusually awkward.
“Can we—“ before you hardly start your sentence, he quickly moves past you and leaves the kitchen. You stop mid-sentence, mouth hanging open in confusion. You hear the front door shut, indicating he is gone for the day, leaving you no room to talk. “Okay, never mind.” You say to an empty kitchen.
It doesn’t take you long to realize he is giving you the silent treatment.
Y/N: What time do you think you’ll be home?
Minho: *read
Y/N: Can we please talk soon?
Minho: *read
Y/N: You know if you’re just going to ignore my texts, there’s no point in reading them
Minho: *read
You give up on trying to text him and just wait until he gets home which of course is far too late at night for your liking. It’s almost midnight when you finally hear the front door open. Minho walks into the living room and for a moment you see the surprise and a hint of concern in his face that you are still awake before it drops back to neutral.
“You’re home late.” You state and of course, he doesn’t answer. He just turns to go to your bedroom. You walk after him, wanting to be delicate, but also not beating around the bush. “Can we please talk for a minute?” His footsteps speed up ever so slightly, trying to beat you to the bathroom. You swear he is such a child sometimes. He speed walks into the master bath, hoping to shut the door before you can get there, but you are faster than he expected. You slam your hand on the bathroom door, keeping it from shutting. “Lee Minho, I swear.”
He looks at you, a little shocked, “I need to go to the bathroom.”
“Oh now you want to talk to me?”
“No, I want to use the bathroom.”
“Well you should have thought of that before giving me the silent treatment.” He rolls his eyes and shrugs before trying to walk past you, but you step to block his way. “Absolutely not.”
He huffs, but still refuses to talk.
You cross your arms, blocking him into the bathroom, “No, I am not doing this with you. The silent treatment? Really? How do you expect to solve anything that way?”
“You said to stop putting words in your mouth.” He crosses his arms as if he made a good point.
“That doesn’t mean stop talking. Are you incapable of talking without putting words in my mouth?” He doesn’t answer. “Giving me the silent treatment isn’t going to solve anything. It’s only going to drive a wedge between us. It’s an immature way to handle conflict and you should know that.” He tries to interject but you cut him off. “Nah uh, you don’t get to cut in after ignoring me for two days. You’re going to sit and listen. Look, I’m sorry you’re tired and stressed, but you can’t take it out on me and you certainly don’t get to ignore me. I’m sorry if I was harsh the other day, but you can’t make assumptions about me. I was not trying to blame you. I was not trying to stress you out. I know you’re busy and tired. I wasn’t trying to say that you weren’t or that I was more busy/tired than you. And I wouldn’t have been upset if you had just communicated that you were too tired to go to the store.” He shrinks back, his eyes looking anywhere but you. You soften, taking a step forward and gently take his hands in yours, “You have to communicate with me, especially when you are tired and busy. I’m sorry if I let my tiredness out on you. I didn’t mean to, but that doesn’t give you an excuse to take yours out on me.”
He lightly squeezes your hands back, his shoulders slumping as his gaze drops to the ground. “You didn’t take it out on me.” His voice is small, barely a mumble. “I just…” He trails off. You know he hates being vulnerable, but you give his hand a light squeeze to indicate that you are here and listening. He sighs, “I’m sorry. You’re right. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I was exhausted and frustrated and I threw that all on you and that wasn’t fair. I should have communicated better instead of shutting you out.” A tear involuntarily slips down his cheek.
You reach up to gently swipe it away, “I forgive you. Just promise me next time we will try and talk it out.”
He nods, “I’ll try.”
“That’s all I ask.” You pull him into a hug and his arms wrap tightly around you. You feel his shoulders drop, the exhaustion heavy in his body. “Why don’t we go to bed, yeah? It’s late.”
He nods, waddling over to the bed with you still in his arms. You giggle as he picks you up and flops on the bed, pulling you straight on top of him. He lets out a deep sigh, finally letting himself breathe for the first time in the past few days. Placing a soft kiss to the top of your head, he whispers, “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For tolerating my bullshit.”
“I don’t tolerate it,” You smirk.
He huffs a laugh, pulling you closer into his chest, “And that’s why I love you because you call me out and make me a better person.”
You smile, snuggling close to his warmth, “I love you too.”
Synopsis: You ask Hyunjin to help you dye your hair
Content: Fluff!
A/N: the urge to dye my hair came back again, so I wrote this drabble. Also left the choice of color up to you :)
Masterlist
~~~~
You burst through the door of your apartment and almost startled Hyunjin to death. “Y/N! A little warning next time.” He clutches his heart, trying to slow its pace.
“No time! Come on, quick!” You run off to the bathroom, carrying drug store bags with you.
Hyunjin follows, “What’s happening? Are you okay? Are you dying?”
He steps into the bathroom after you and you are already laying out the bottles and grabbing his hair dye equipment. “Wait, what are you doing?”
“Dying my hair, duh.” You search the cabinets for hair clips and the designated hair towel.
“Why?”
You look up at him with a raised brow, “what so you’re the only one who can dye their hair for fun?”
“No, that’s not—you can dye your hair for fun.”
“Great. Now are you going to help or what?”
His eyes light up now that the situation has processed. He excitedly sets up all the things, “are you bleaching it first?”
“Of course. I want that color to pop.”
“Gosh I love you so much.” He mixes the bleach solution before guiding you to sit down on the edge of the bathtub. “Wait!” He runs out of the bathroom, leaving you confused. He runs back in with a speaker in hand, “can’t go without music.”
You laugh at his excitement, glad that he is enjoying this as much as you. The next several hours turns into Hyunjin’s personal hair salon. As he meticulously dyes your hair, he spends the whole time making dramatic comments and narrates the whole thing like a sports announcer. Every now and then he gets distracted and has a mini dance party, but locks back in after a poke in the side from you. It’s hours of sweet fun and laughter. At this point it’s late in the day, the sun setting through the slits in your curtains, you sit on the couch with Hyunjin. Your hair is wrapped in a towel after washing the dye out as an anime plays on the TV. Hyunjin munches on popcorn while complaining about the main character of the anime.
“How can they call this a romance? There is barely any chemistry!”
You laugh, “Hyun, it’s not a romance.”
“What?! You told me it was!”
“No, I said there was a romance sub-plot.”
“Well it must be a sub-zero plot, because I don’t see any romance in sight.”
Before he can keep complaining, his timer goes off, telling you it’s time to take your hair down and blow dry it. You get up to run to the bathroom, Hyunjin following. You turn and stop him, pushing him back towards the couch, “nope. Stay in there.”
He pouts, “what? But I wanna see!”
“You can see when it’s done and dry.” You shut the bathroom door, leaving a pouty Hyunjin standing in the hallway. He stands there for a minute, making overly loud fake sniffling sounds. “That’s not going to work!” You yell through the door.
“You’re going to leave your wonderful amazing boyfriend who helped you through thick and thin alone in the cold?” He sounds like a soap opera.
“It’s not cold.”
“The AC is on, thank you very much.”
“Can’t hear you!” You turn on the blow dryer, shutting out his whining. He groans and trudges back to the living room.
You finish drying your hair and brush it, satisfied with the results. You happily skip back towards the living room, peaking around the corner at Hyunjin. He is staring at the TV, engrossed in the previously complained about anime. You giggle, stepping into the living room, “Hyun.”
“Shh.” He puts his hand up, eyes locked on the screen. “It’s just starting to get good.”
You snort, “oh?”
“They brushed hands and now he can’t stop thinking about her.” His voice is wistful and you swear you can see the slight shine of water lining his eyes.
“I guess you don’t care about seeing my hair then?”
He whips his head to look at you, finally remembering what you’ve been doing all day. As he looks on your newly dyed hair, his eyes go wide and jaw drops open. You smile, spinning in a small circle, “you like?”
He stands up and walks over to you, grabbing a piece of hair between his fingers. “You look beautiful.” His voice is small, a little breathless. You feel your cheeks blush as his eyes take you in. “I should be a hair stylist.”
You roll your eyes, “oh my word.”
“What? It looks good! Do you not like it?”
“No, I like it. You did good.” You soften, leaning your head against his chest.
“Thank you.” He cradles the back of your head, his fingers carding through your freshly dyed hair and presses a soft kiss to the top of your head. “But seriously, you look gorgeous.”
Synopsis: You are an emotional drunk who will cry at the drop of hat...or your boyfriends affection
Content: Fluff, drunkeness (obvi), lots of drunk tears, just Channie taking good care of his poor emotional, drunk girlfriend
A/N: Here is this little drabble. I'm sorry I haven't posted much, but I'm working on it. I'm about to be traveling for like two weeks, so idk how much I'll be able to post, but I'm gonna try and have little things here an there. Maybe I'll make more little drabbles for other members like this. NOT PROOFREAD
Masterlist
~~~~
Chan is minding his own business at home when he gets a call from your best friend.
“Hello?” He answers, confused as to why you wouldn’t just call him.
“Hey, Chan? Can you hear me?!” Loud noise sounds in the background as she shouts into the phone. An old friend of yours that had moved away was back in town, so you and a few others went out to catch up. Seems you went to a club or something, based on the background noise.
“Yeah, I can hear you. What’s wrong?”
Suddenly he hears your voice in the background, “Is that Chan?!” Your voice is slurred and shaking, as if you had been crying.
“Y/N? Is she okay?” Chan asks, concerned at your shaky tone.
Your friend sighs heavily, “She’s drunk and won’t stop crying, talking about how she wants to see you. We tried to distract her, but as soon as she remembered you weren’t here, she busted back out into tears.”
As if on cue, your wail sounds in the background, “I want my Channie!”
Chan can’t help the smile that spreads across his face. Your friend groans, “See what I’m dealing with? We tried taking her home but she refused to drive with anyone that wasn’t you.”
Already slipping on his shoes, Chan grabs his keys and heads out to his car. “Text me the address. I’ll come get her.”
“Thank god,” your friend sighs, hanging up the call to send him the address.
Chan arrives at the bar, the music pulsing out into the night air. He steps in looking around for you and your friends. Catching sight of your friend who is desperately waving him down, he walks over to see you slouched against one of your other friends, soft sniffles sounding from you.
Your friend grabs Chan’s arm, “Thank goodness. Look, I love her, but I don’t know how many more crying sessions I can handle.”
Chan chuckles, “I’ll take her from here.” He steps over to your hunched form and gently taps your shoulder, “Baby?”
You groggily turn your head to make eye contact with Chan and almost immediately your eyes well up with tears again. “Channie!” You sob, throwing yourself in his arms.
He easily catches you, rubbing soothing circles on your back, “Hey, what’s wrong, baby?”
“I missed you!” You slur, your face stuffed in his chest.
He can’t help the smile that spreads across his face, “You’ve only been out for a few hours.”
“But-but you weren’t here.”
“Well, I’m here now, so why don’t we go home, yeah?” You nod against his shoulder, letting your whole weight drop on him. He easily scoops you up in his arms before turning to your friends, “Does she have anything else? Do I need to close out her tab?”
They shake their heads, your best friend handing him your purse, “We made her close that out a while back. All of her stuff is in her purse. Make sure she gets home safe and drinks plenty of water.”
He nods, “Will do, thanks.” Slinging your purse over his shoulder, he carries you out of the building back to his car. He slips you into the passenger seat, your body slumping against the chair, half asleep. You manage to make it home without any more tears when Chan has to shake you out of your stupor in order to carry you inside.
“Where’d everyone go?” You slur as he opens the door to your home.
“They are back at the bar.” He answers honestly, which maybe he shouldn’t have because the tears start forming again.
“We left them behind?” You sniffle as your drunken brain convinces you that you abandoned your friends. “How are they supposed to get home?’
“They have their own cars.”
“A-and they will get home safely?”
Chan smiles. Even drunk, you care about your friend’s well-being, “Yes, baby. They will get home safe.” Carrying you into the bedroom, he sets you down and you immediately flop onto the bed, attempting to curl up under the blanket. Chan pulls you back, “No, baby. You need to change and take off your makeup first.”
You groan, “But I wanna sleep.”
“You can sleep in a minute, I promise.” He helps you into the bathroom where he can help you get ready for bed, sitting you down on a stool in front of the mirror. As he steps out of the bathroom to grab some pajamas and your makeup wipes, you look at yourself in the mirror and start crying again. “Baby, what’s wrong?” Chan coo’s from the other room.
You pinch your eyes shut, shaking your head. “My makeup is messed up and now I look ugly!”
“You don’t look ugly,” Chan steps back into the bathroom with your clothes and wipes.
“No, I look terrible! I can’t let Channie see me like this!” You keep your eyes shut, totally forgetting that he is right in front of you.
He lets out a soft chuckle, “Baby, I’m right here.”
Your eyes snap open, a gasp escaping you, “No! You can’t see me like this!” You haphazardly throw your hands over his eyes, almost poking him in the process.
“Baby—“
“No!”
He laughs, gently grabbing your hands and removing them from his eyes, “Baby, I’ve already seen your makeup and I don’t think you look ugly.”
“You don’t?” Your wide, glassy eyes pout up at him.
“No, I don’t. I think you look beautiful no matter what your makeup looks like.” He smiles at your adorable pouty face causing more tears to flow down your cheeks. Before you can start having another fit about him being nice, he leans in to press a quick kiss to your lips, successfully cutting off your tears. “Can I help you remove your makeup now?”
You nod with a lazy smile and half-lidded eyes. Chan gently wipes off your makeup before helping you change and get into bed. He puts a cup of water and some pain meds next to your bed for when you inevitably wake up with a killer hangover in the morning. He slips into bed and you immediately curl up against him, a contented sigh escaping your lips. “I love you.” You mumble, face squished against his chest.
“I love you too.” He kisses you on the top of the head.
“I love you like so much.” Your words slur together from a mix of alcohol and sleep.
Chan chuckles, “I love you like so much too.”
“Like so, so…much,” You trail off, voice barely a whisper as sleep takes you under.
Chan hugs you closer, placing a lingering kiss to your temple, “I love you more.”
Hiii! Sorry I’ve disappeared into the ether. I promise I’m working on stuff. I just finished a summer class and holy crap it kicked my butt 😭 but I’m slowly getting back out of the grave and working on some stuff. Hopefully I’ll have something to post soon. Thanks for all the love you’ve shown my stuff so far. I’m super grateful and so glad my writing can be enjoyed by others. I’ll be back soon 🫶🏻
Edit: requests are always much appreciated for inspo 🥰
Synopsis: After being appointed tour manager for Stray Kids, you start to build a special connection with Bangchan. You try to keep things professional but his warm presence and unnecessary flirting makes the lines blur more and more.
Content: ANGST, slow burn, HEFTY relationship trauma, trashy cheating ex, happy ending per usual, there is fluff I promise, hurt/comfort, heavy denial, swearing, straight up harassment towards the end, probably a bunch of other things that I forgot, there is a lot here
A/N: Y'all this is PACKED. I've been tired of reading fics with the "oh i've got relationship trauma and trust issue but hey you're here now and I'm fixed"/not seeing the progression of the relationship, so ya girly decided to write her own. So the big goal was to have the slow, almost agonizing process of overcoming past hurt and I hope I showed it well. Chan is great and kind and flirty and reader is in the some HEAVY denial. The word professional does a lot of lifting at one point. Genuinely annoyed myself with how avoidant she was. Anywaaaaaaay, this ones a chunk and a half, but please enjoy.
Masterlist
~~~~
The entertainment industry is lonely. Constantly running around, being on call, late nights, long trips; you don’t have time for anything (or anyone). The people you spend majority of your time around are also a part of the industry one way or another and their schedule is just as bad as yours. Eventually, you start to get lonely together and that rarely seems to end well. There tends to be two types of people in the entertainment industry, those who are lonely and those who are bored, both of which are desperate. The bored people find the lonely people and the lonely people get attached to the bored people. Surprise, surprise, when the bored people get bored again, they move on and leave the lonely people well…lonely. And so continues the vicious cycle.
You know this because you were a part of that vicious cycle. You spent years having people tell you that your schedule was too much, that they couldn’t keep up or that they weren’t getting enough out of your relationship. So, you decided that if you were going to date someone, they had to have a similar schedule to you. Naturally, you turned to people working along side you. You dated several different guys. Some lasted a few dates, others months. They all were either jerks, arrogant, or just not your type. That’s when Jae came around. He was a stylist. You guys met at a company meeting. He was funny, nice, handsome, and understood your job. He understood that you had a busy schedule. He understood that you had to travel a lot. He understood all of the things about your life that others couldn’t and he never made you feel bad about it. Maybe that’s why you never dared to question him. You two dated and it was great. Good morning texts, frequent dates even with your busy schedules, late night talks, and video calls when either of you were out of town. You said you loved each other and you would dare say you did love him. It was wonderful until the year and a half mark. Suddenly, things got weird. He started feeling distant and you started feeling lonely. You tried to give the benefit of the doubt and not let it bother you. After all, you were both busy. You knew better than to be overly sensitive or clingy. The texts came every other day, the dates became infrequent. Late night talks were gone all together and you rarely called because someone was always tired. Whenever you would see him in person, you would try to hug or kiss him, but he managed to deflect them one way or another. One time at work, you saw him for the first time in a week and practically ran up to him to hug him. Instead of hugging you back, he tensed up and slowly pushed you away. You looked at him, confused and hurt.
“Y/N, what are you doing?”
“Hugging you?”
“We are at work. Try and act a little professional will you?”
So you stopped hugging him; didn’t even hold his hand. The good morning texts stopped coming and you didn’t even bother asking to call. The most of a “date” you got was a quick coffee or lunch break. You tried to bring it up once and he got upset with you.
“Seriously? You of all people should understand how busy I am. It’s award season, of course I’m gone all the time.”
“I know you’re busy and I get that. All I was saying is that I miss you. You don’t text me or call me hardly at all.”
“Oh, so because I’m not spending 24 hours on my phone, that’s an issue now?”
“That’s not what I said.”
“Really Y/N, I thought you would be more understanding than this. I work day in and day out and just want to come home and sleep only to have my girlfriend yell at me for a few missed texts.”
Your voice went quiet, tears brimming in your eyes, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”
He sighed, “It’s fine. I’ll just stay up late after a long day so that I can call you I guess.”
“No, you don’t need to do that. I just—“ Your voice got caught in your throat, guilt clawing its way up. “I’m sorry. I overreacted and shouldn’t have gotten upset. I know you’re busy and just need some rest. Don’t worry about the texts and stuff. I guess I got a little clingy.”
He stepped closer, hands gently sitting on your shoulders, “Thank you for apologizing. I’m sorry you feel that way, but I can try and call when I’m gone. Even if I’m exhausted, I can try and stay up to call.”
“No, you don’t have to do that. I really did just overreact. Don’t ruin your sleep for me.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah.”
You stopped expecting things. Texts, calls, dates. All of it was too much or too clingy, so you got over it. For months you shoved your feelings of loneliness and heartache deeper inside yourself. You kept telling yourself that it would get easier, schedules would let up and then maybe you could finally go on a real date, but it never did. He always had something going on. It’s not like you didn’t either, but apparently stylists had a more demanding schedule. He got back from a week long trip and you were dying to see him. You had a rough week and really just needed someone. So, you went by his apartment for a surprise visit. It wasn’t meant to be a long visit, just a quick ‘hello, how are you?’ But you didn’t even get that far. You knocked on his door and were shocked when a woman opened the door. You both stared at each other for a moment before Jae came around the corner, his shirt halfway on. His eyes went wide when they locked with your glassy ones. You were at a loss for words, so you simply turned around and started walking away. Jae came after you.
“Y/N, wait. Where are you going?” He grabbed your arm to spin you around.
“Who was that?” Your voice was shaky.
“Why are you here? We didn’t have anything planned.”
“Answer my question.”
He scoffed, “Why are you so upset?”
“Why am I upset? I find you with some other girl and you are wondering why I am upset?!”
“Calm down, it was a one night thing. It’s not that big of a deal.”
“Not that big of a deal? You cheated on me!”
“I would hardly call that cheating.”
“Then what would you call it, huh? Betrayal? Backstabbing?”
“You’re being dramatic.”
“I’m being dramatic?! What is wrong with you? What happened to Jae I knew? The one who texted me every morning. The one who always made time for me within our crazy schedules. Where did he go? Was it all a lie?”
“Come on, did you really think this would last? We were just having fun. You’re the one who made it all serious and stuff. It was getting suffocating.”
“It was two years! You said you loved me!”
“And I’ve been saying I love tteokbokki my whole life. You don’t see me never eating other foods.”
You were genuinely baffled by his heartlessness. Two years thrown out the window and compared to tteokbokki. “Why? Did I do something?” Your voice started breaking, “Was I not enough?”
“Honestly,” His voice stayed calm and neutral, as if he was just ordering takeout instead of ripping your heart out, “I got bored.” That was the blow that did you in, a knife straight through your heart. “It was always the same. Texts every day, dates every week, calls every night. Like sheesh, can’t you do something different?”
“It’s called a fucking routine you idiot.”
“A relationship isn’t supposed to be a routine. It’s supposed to be fun and interesting. Fast paced and spontaneous. You were all routines this and schedules that. Maybe if you would’ve lightened up a bit I wouldn’t have…” He trailed off, realizing he was about to admit to being wrong.
“Wouldn’t have what? Cheated on me? Ripped my heart out and stomped it into the ground.”
He rolled his eyes, “There you go with the dramatics again.”
You felt a wave of rage as hot tears rolled down your face, “You want to see dramatic?” You reeled back and slapped him across the face before storming off to your car.
He yelled after you, “What the hell?! Where do you think you’re going, bitch!” His voice faded out as you shut your car door.
Without another glance you sped away, getting as far away from him as possible. You eventually had to pull off the road into some random gas station parking lot because you couldn’t see through the tears. You were wrecked. You ended up crying in your car for an hour before the tears cleared up enough for you to drive, only for you to go home and cry some more.
The next day you quit and switched companies. You started at JYPE as a simple intern, making copies, getting coffee, and any other odd job no one else wanted to do. You did that for almost a year, burying yourself in your job. You stayed late, worked hard, and eventually earned several promotions. You were offered to be a part of the Stray Kids team. Of course you accepted, but that meant being bumped back down to the newbie. Once again, you were running coffees and passing out water. You made sure they had food, water, and anything else they needed. Your coworkers kept telling you to chill and take a breather, that you didn’t need to be running 24/7, but honestly, you had gotten used to it. Your whole life was your job and you finally felt like a real person again. So you kept running, doing anything and everything that was asked of you. It wasn’t long before you were a valued member of the staff, so of course no one was shocked when you got asked to join them on tour. You had been wanting a change of scenery anyway, so you immediately accepted. And now you are essentially the right hand man for Stray Kids.
The first concert for tour is coming up soon and you have been practically living at the company. You help pretty much everyone with everything. Your official title is ‘tour manager’ which means you do everything that isn’t specifically assigned as well as double checking the things that are assigned. You spend hours pouring over schedules, checking travel arrangements, and double checking with security, stylists, makeup, craft services, and more to make sure everyone is on the same page. It’s demanding, but you would rather burn the midnight oil helping others and being productive than sitting around at home doing nothing.
You’re sitting in your office with your only light being your computer, checking budgets, schedules, and transportation. You have had to read the same sentence three times now and it still does not compute in your brain. You squint, leaning closer, as if blue light directly in your eyes is going to help. When it unsurprisingly doesn’t, you lean back in your chair with a large sigh and attempt to rub the tired out of your eyes. Checking the time, you almost wince. It’s past midnight and you have to be up early to start prepping for the show tomorrow. You would love to go to bed, but someone messed up and didn’t cross reference the makeup teams schedule to your teams and now you are down four makeup artists and of course it falls on you to figure out a solution. If that wasn’t annoying enough, the boys are supposed to fly out in two days and their flight information got messed up, so now you have to fight with the airline to get them rescheduled on a new plane. That of course means leaving at a different time, which means coordinating with security, hotels, transportation, and airports. It doesn’t help that you have an absolutely massive team of people you have to get across the ocean for a singular performance. You pinch the bridge of your nose as you feel a headache coming on, probably from the lack of sleep. Obviously that means you get up to go make yourself another cup of coffee and some instant ramen. You walk through the quiet hallways, your footsteps echoing behind you. It feels peaceful. You have spent so many late hours in this building that the quiet has become a sort of refuge to you. You keep some personal snacks and coffee in the break room as well as some instant ramen for quick meals. Is it super healthy for you? Probably not, but neither is staying up past midnight consistently. Such is life. The microwave beeps as your instant ramen finishes up, filling the break room with that artificial MSG smell. You grab some chopsticks, your ramen, and your (third) cup of coffee and make your way back to your office. As you round the corner, you walk face first into a person, successfully spilling your hot coffee and ramen all over yourself, them, and the floor.
“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!” The man immediately exclaims, “Let me get something to clean that up.” He runs into the break room behind you while you stand there, looking down at your freshly ruined midnight pick-me-up, trying to ignore the burning feeling against your skin. He rushes back out of the break room, fistful of napkins. He gives some to you before kneeling down and cleaning up the floor. “I am so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention and didn’t see you rounding the corner. I should have been watching where I was going. Gosh, I’m so sorry,” He rambles while you stand there, recovering from the shock. He starts wiping off your jeans before either of you has a chance to think about it. “And I got it all over your clothes. Are you okay?”
You look down and are frozen when you see THE Bangchan of Stray Kids staring up at you. His hair falls messily into his guilty brown eyes, his hoodie sleeves rolled up to his elbows. You both stare at each other for a moment before realizing just how close you are. He jumps up and clears his throat. “Sorry, I was just cleaning without thinking. I should’ve asked or let you handle it or not made you spill anything in the first place.”
He freezes as you let out a laugh at his rambling. “It’s okay. I don’t expect you to be able to see around corners.” You have met Chan in passing but never actually talked one on one. You have always admired him, his work ethic, the way he takes care of everyone, including staff members. Despite having seen him countless times, he looks different in the low lights of the midnight hallway. His hair is messy, as if he has been running his hands through it over and over again, which is a habit you noticed he has when he is overthinking. His hoodie and shorts are casual and comfortable, clearly meant for long hours of sitting around in an office (or studio). His eyes are heavy with exhaustion, the dark circles looking deeper in the low light. Yet, he looks unfairly good for someone who you are sure has been holed up in a studio for hours. He shifts his weight from foot to foot, the silence starting to feel awkward.
“So, uh, I’m sorry.”
You shake your head, “You said that already.”
“Right, yeah. Sorry—I mean I just-“
You laugh again at his awkwardness, “You’re fine. It’s late and it looks like I got some coffee on you too, so I should be apologizing.” You reach out to wipe some coffee off his forearm. Your fingers brush his skin for a split second and you feel your breath hitch in your throat. It must be the exhaustion getting to you.
“Thanks. I guess I owe you a coffee and ramen now.”
“Oh, this was nothing. Just a midnight boost. Maybe this is my sign to stop working and go to sleep.” You joke.
“Yeah, maybe. But still, I feel bad wasting your stuff…and ruining your clothes.”
“Don’t worry about it. It’ll wash out, I’m sure.” You try to reassure him even though you aren’t confident in your washers ability to get the coffee stains out. You both stand there for a second, awkwardly staring at each other, unsure of how to move on. You clear your throat, the action sounding way too loud in the empty hallway, “Anyway, I should get back to work and you should get some sleep. Long day tomorrow.”
“You should get sleep too.” His concerned tone catches you off guard.
“I wish, but I’ve got a lot to figure out before tomorrow.” You shrug, attempting to laugh away the stress.
He doesn’t laugh but keeps the same concerned look on his face, “What is so important that you can’t get some sleep and figure it out in the morning?”
“Well, some things got mixed up with makeup artists and flights, so I have to make sure budgets are aligned and hotels are still booked and you know, all the logistics no one else thinks about.”
“Those things will still be there in the morning.”
“Yeah, but it will be easier for everyone if I just figure it out right now.”
“It won’t be easier for you. You’ll just be exhausted in the morning and like you said, it’s a long day tomorrow.”
You shift awkwardly, knowing he is right, but not wanting to admit it. So you deflect instead, “Well, what about you? You are still here late. What’s so important for you?”
He scratches the back of his neck sheepishly, “I was just finishing up some tracks. But I’m almost done, so it won’t take me too much longer.”
“Well, I was almost done too.” You stare at him stubbornly, realizing you are both workaholic night owls who refuse to slow down or take a break. After a few seconds, he gives up and lets out a small laugh.
“Fine, you got me. If I go home for the night, will you?”
You are taken aback by his offer. You expected him to give in and let you be, not strike up a deal. The budgets and reschedules can wait until tomorrow. After all, several of the people you need to contact aren’t even awake right now. The makeup artists have been covered, it’s just a matter of triple checking for error, and your bed does sound like a nice idea right now. Your clothes are sticky with coffee and ramen and your feet are sore from the slightly too small pair of shoes you for some reason keep wearing. Taking a warm shower and curling up under your large blanket at home sounds heavenly. Plus, it would force him to go to bed which is essential for him to perform well tomorrow. You sigh, giving in to his demands (for his sake of course), “Fine, but only if you promise to actually try and sleep when you get home.”
He holds his hand up to salute, “I promise.”
You nod, “Good. Now go. I have to get my stuff from my office.” You throw away the empty cup of ramen and place your coffee mug in the sink before walking back to your office. Chan follows behind you. “Why are you following me?”
“To make sure you actually go home instead of saying you will and then hiding in here for another couple hours.”
You feel the tips of your ears get red at his correct analysis of your personality, “I wouldn’t do that.”
“Mhm, for sure.”
You get back to your small office where your computer screen has now gone dim, leaving no light in the room. You grab your bag with all your things and sling it over your shoulder, turning to Chan. “And what about your stuff? Or is your entire livelihood shoved into your hoodie pocket?”
He smiles, his dimples making an appearance. “My bag is in the studio.”
“So, are you going to get it?” You ask incredulously.
“Oh, I figured I would walk you to your car first.” He rubs the back of is neck awkwardly.
“Oh, really? You aren’t just going to walk me down and say you will go, but then hide up here for another couple hours?” You cock a brow, hand on your hip, eliciting a genuine laugh out of him.
He throws his hands up, “I wouldn’t do that.”
“Mhm, for sure.” You smirk, echoing his words from earlier. “Lead the way.”
He shakes his head with a smile, clearly getting caught in his plan. He leads you to a different floor where his stuff is sitting in the recording studio. The studio is dimly lit, the workspace tidy and put together. The only evidence that someone has used the space is the numerous coffee cups in the trash can and the faint smell of cologne, his you would assume. He turns off the system and slings his bag over his shoulder. “Happy?” He gestures to his bag.
“Very,” You smirk.
You both walk downstairs, waving a brief farewell to the night security guard, someone you are both much too familiar with. The cool night air hits you as Chan opens the door for you. “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow. Get home safe.” You smile about to walk away when he stops you.
“Wait, I’ll walk you to your car.” His mother raised him right.
“Oh, I take the subway, so don’t worry about it.”
“I’ll walk you to the subway.”
“Oh no, you don’t—“
“Nah, don’t worry about it.” He shrugs, stuffing his hands in his pockets before walking towards the subway.
You follow after him, “You really don’t have to. I’m fine.”
“I know.”
“So, why are you still walking?”
“I gotta make sure you don’t turn around and sneak back into the office.” He winks causing a blush to dust your cheeks against your will.
You play it off by rolling your eyes, “And why do you care so much?”
“Because you are a part of the team and I care about the team.” His voice is sincere and warm, like a comforting blanket. However, your natural instincts shove the blanket off of you, claiming you can keep yourself warm.
You slow to a stop as you arrive at the subway, “Well, this is my stop.”
He nods, “Get home safe.”
“You too…And don’t go sneaking back into the studio.”
He laughs causing his eyes to turn into soft crescents, “Touché.”
“Goodnight,” You wave as you walk into the subway.
“Night.” He waits until you’ve descended out of sight before heading back home, keeping his promise to go home and sleep.
-
You are accosted by the screeching of your alarm clock, causing you to groan and roll over in bed. You slam your hand on the snooze button before laying face first into the pillow for another few minutes. With a sigh, you slowly peel your eyes open, searching for your annoying alarm clock. 9:34am. Your eyes go wide as you practically fall out of the bed. “Shit shit shit shit shit.” You so eloquently say as you rush around your room to get ready. If you were going to pride yourself on one thing, it would be your ability to time manage. Your version of late is being on time. However, today you were supposed to be at the office an hour ago to help move things over to the stadium. It’s hard to manage logistics when you aren’t there for the logistical part. You probably look like some overdramatic comedy sketch with how wildly you are running around your apartment, muttering to yourself about all the things you need and yelling at inanimate objects to get out of your way. “Phone, bag, laptop, wallet…Somethings missing.” You look around your apartment searching for any sign that will alert you as to what you are missing. You look down to realize you never changed out of your pajama shirt. “SHIRT!” Running back to your room, you frantically change shirts and almost trip about three times. With one last frantic look around the apartment and a double check in the mirror, you think you have everything. Slipping on your shoes, you practically run out of your apartment. You forgo the subway and actually drive yourself somewhere for once. Speeding down the street, you glance at the clock. 9:53am. You cannot believe you are almost an hour and a half late. Surely they will kick you off the team. This is the first stop on Stray Kids World Tour and in your own city no less. How could you so royally screw up something this easy? You can’t be bothered to spiral anymore as you whip into a staff parking space at JYPE. Practically falling over yourself, you desperately sprint upstairs. As you Tokyo drift around a corner, you collide with someone else and fall to the ground. Well, almost. You feel a strong arm around your waist, keeping you from landing flat on your ass.
“We’ve gotta stop meeting like this.” Your eyes lock with Chan who is smirking down at you which does NOT help the blush spreading across your face. His smirk softens ever so slightly, concern slipping into his eyes, “Are you okay?” You nod, your voice caught in your throat. He pulls you up so that you can stand on your own and you are suddenly very aware of how close you are to him.
You immediately make distance, giving a deep bow. “I am so sorry. I didn’t see you.”
“It’s okay. I don’t expect you to be able to see around corners.” He nudges your shoulder, repeating your words from last night. “Where are you off to in such a hurry?”
You gasp, remembering why you were going so fast around the corner, “I’m so late! I’m sorry. I have to go.” You move to go past him but he grabs your wrist, thoroughly confusing you. “Uh, I’m sorry, but I really have to go.”
“Calm down, I told them you were busy doing something important for me. No one thinks you are late.”
You stare at him, the words not properly processing, “You what?”
“When you didn’t show up this morning, I figured you must have slept in since you were up so late last night. So when someone asked where you were, I told them you were running an errand for me and would be a while.” He smiles at you, soft and sincere.
You realize he is still holding your wrist and gently remove yourself from his grip, straightening yourself out. “You didn’t have to do that.”
“I know.”
You feel your heart beating faster in your chest, from running up the stairs of course. “I appreciate that you tried to cover for me, but I shouldn’t lie to my boss about where I was.”
“It’s not a lie.”
“What do you mean? I was asleep, not running an errand for you.”
“Do you remember what I asked you to do last night?” You stare at him blankly. He just laughs and shakes his head, “Man you must be really out of it. I asked you to go home and sleep. So yeah, you were doing what I asked you to.”
“That’s not how that works.”
“Says who?”
“I-but I didn’t actually do anything.”
“Fine. Then come with me to run an errand. Make you feel better about yourself.” He motions you to follow him down the hallway and your feet move before your mind can protest.
“Where are you going?”
“To get coffee.”
“That’s not an errand.”
He turns to you, mock offended, “I beg to differ. It’s the most important errand of all.”
You roll your eyes, “I should really go to work.”
“You don’t want coffee?” He gives you a knowing look. “After being up late and rushing around this morning. You want to spend all day at work, running around until late tonight, with no caffeine.”
You scowl, “Fine.”
He smirks, feeling proud of himself.
You end up getting coffee for more than just yourselves. Chan buys the boys and the staff coffee as well. It makes you feel better about going considering he does need your help carrying everything. When you get back to the office, everyone rushes to get their coffee giving both of you thank you’s, even though you didn’t do anything. No one says a thing to you about being late or where you were. Apparently showing up with coffee helps people be less suspicious. As you take the last coffee, yours, Chan bumps his shoulder to yours, “See, the world didn’t fall apart just because you got some extra sleep.”
You huff, “And what about you? Did you sleep too or did you sneak back in here?”
He dramatically clutches his chest as if you just wounded him, “I keep my promises thank you very much. I’ll have you know I fell asleep almost as soon as I got home.”
“At least you woke up on time.” You mumble, taking a sip of your coffee.
“I’ve had the same routine drilled into me for over 10 years. I couldn’t sleep in even if I wanted to.”
“Lucky.”
“No.” His voice gets suddenly serious, not in a scary way. Just in a softer, deeper way. “I would hate for anyone to have my sleep schedule. It’s a good thing that you sleep in. It means your body still recognizes your need for sleep and you aren’t running on pure adrenaline.”
There is something almost broken in his tone. Your voice comes out softer, more sincere, “You still need sleep too. Even if you don’t feel like it, so don’t feel bad for taking it.”
A soft smile appears on his lips before it is quickly replaced by a brighter, faker, teasing one, “Right back at you.” He winks before joining back up with the boys who are getting prepped and ready for the show later. You go to bury yourself in your work again, all the familiar chaos quickly flooding back in, but you seem more distracted today. Your eyes drift more often as if searching for someone in every room. You feel a sense of warmth whenever you sip your coffee, despite it being iced and you find your mind wandering back to the soft smile of Chan; how it was so tender and yet tired. Although, as soon as your mind wanders, you are quick to shake it back into place, blaming the distractedness on your frazzled start to the day.
Later that day, you have a brief meeting with the boys and the staff that will be traveling with them. It’s a logistics meeting which means it’s your time to shine.
“And Y/N if you wouldn’t mind sharing our updated travel information.” Your supervisor points to you.
You get up to share your information and feel unnecessarily nervous. It’s not like you have a fear of public speaking. You have talked in meetings before. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep or jumbled mess of a brain you have right now, but you feel yourself slightly shaking. This is your first time being presented to the entire team in a higher position. Normally you are the one standing in the back, handing out pens to the people who forgot them. Taking notes, just in case someone else didn’t and they end up needing the information later. Doing all of the little things without ever getting noticed for it. The shadow in the background. Now you are standing in front of these people, a decent amount of which you have authority over and at least 8 of which are global superstars. Why does travel information suddenly feel like such a big deal?
“So uh, we uh…there were some issues with travel information. Some stuff got messed up, which isn’t anyones fault. I’m not blaming anyone, I just was saying for context and sorry, uh…” You feel yourself starting to spiral, when you make eye contact with Chan. He gives you that soft smile again, reassuring you that everything is okay. You take a deep breath and feel yourself calm down, “Anyway, long story short, our flights got switched. It is still leaving in two days, just a bit later than the last one. Hotels, transportation, and security are all aware and everything is set up to run smoothly. You shouldn’t have to worry about anything other than being in the car on time.” You smile and nod, handing the meeting back over to your supervisor who starts going on about schedules and what not. As you listen to your supervisor, eyes locked onto the current material, you don’t notice the pair of eyes that keep wandering back to you.
—Two days later—
This is your first time traveling with a group as large as Stray Kids. You’ve travelled on smaller teams or with individual artists, but no one as big as Stray Kids. It makes you feel unusually nervous. You are the one with most of the travel information, so you walk at the front of the pack only second to a security guard. You very intentionally keep space between you and the boys, knowing that fans will latch onto anything and everything, but somehow Chan ends up walking beside you.
“You should back up.” You say as quietly as possible.
He looks at you and despite most of his face being covered you can tell he has a slight pout, “Did I do something wrong?”
“No, but you shouldn’t walk this close to me, especially since I’m newer to the team.” You keep your eyes forward, avoiding eye contact and trying to look as professional as possible.
“So I’m not allowed to interact with staff now? Do I really seem that high and mighty?”
“You know that’s not what I meant.” You sigh, “You know people will latch onto anything they can for rumors.”
“Ooooh I see.” You can practically feel his teasing smirk. “Who’s high and mighty now?” His voice is teasing, but it hits something in you.
You finally turn to look at him, slight panic and insecurity rising in you, but before you can say anything, you make it inside. You are called over to deal with all the check in information and what not. The team goes through the long process of checking in and being ushered through security. After a while, everyone is ushered into a private lounge where you will wait for your flight. You immediately find Chan, the panic and insecurity still sitting there from earlier. He’s sitting on a couch tucked towards the back of the lounge, next to a plug where he can be on his computer. You shuffle over, your voice coming out quieter than you intended, “Uh, hey.”
“Hey,” He smiles up at you, his mask and hat now removed.
“So, about earlier, when we were walking in. I’m sorry for coming off as arrogant or self-centered. I didn’t mean for it to seem like I thought so highly of myself that just you standing next to me would be an issue or whatever. I just have seen how vicious people can be when it comes to dating rumors and how they will latch on to anything. I was just trying to minimize any chance of that happening. I swear it had nothing to do with me. I just wanted to protect your reputation. But I shouldn’t have stepped out of line, I’m sorry. I will be sure to be better from now on and not micromanage.” Your gaze is locked onto the ground, fingers fidgeting with nothing. Your mind is spiraling through all of the possible responses. Him scolding you for stepping out of line, for telling him what to do, him laughing at the thought of anyone thinking he could be dating someone like you. So when he stands up to gently place his hand on your shoulder, that soft smile once again appearing on his face, you aren’t sure how to respond.
“Hey, relax. It’s okay. I should really be the one apologizing.” His voice is tender, wrapped in care. “I was just teasing earlier. I’m sorry it made you feel like you did something wrong.”
“What—no, you don’t need to apologize. I was wrong. I should’ve kept to myself and not assumed that I was worth starting rumors over or that you couldn’t handle yourself or—“
“Y/N,” This is the first time you have heard him say your name out loud. If you are being honest, a small part of you thought he didn’t actually know it. He locks his eyes onto yours, his hand tightening just enough to be grounding. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You were doing your job. You are right about people with rumors. They are brutal and it means a lot that you care enough about our reputation to think of all the little details. I don’t think you are arrogant or self-centered. I think that you are good at your job and taking care of the team. And that means a lot. I’m sorry I made you feel otherwise.”
“You shouldn’t have to apologize.” Your voice is small.
“Take the apology. I was wrong. You weren’t.”
“But—“
“No buts. Take the apology and move on.” His voice is soft but stern. You aren’t sure what to say so you just nod your head which makes his smile grow wider, “Good.” He lightly squeezes your shoulder before sitting back down in his spot.
You start to walk back over to your things, feeling something you can’t quite place when you are jump-scared by a voice behind you. “You get used to it.”
You spin around to see Changbin standing behind you. You aren’t sure where he came from or why he is talking to you, “I’m sorry?”
“Channie-hyung and his stern comfort.” You furrow your brows, still confused. “I didn’t listen to your whole conversation I promise. I just happen to catch the last little bit.”
“Oh,” You feel your cheeks heat up from embarrassment. It wasn’t the most professional conversation you’ve ever had.
He lets out a small laugh, “Don’t feel embarrassed, we’ve all been there with him. Apologizing for something and him giving that soft but stern, ‘don’t apologize when you didn’t do anything wrong’ talk. It’s kind of his thing. You eventually learn to listen.”
“He really cares about the team, huh?” You smile unconsciously, your eyes drifting back to where he is staring at his laptop with headphones on.
“Yeah, he does. And that includes staff too. Which means you.” He nudges your shoulder lightly. “Plus, he’s not the only one who doesn’t tolerate self-deprecation.”
“I’ll keep that in mind.”
Changbin nods and goes to slump on the couch next to Bangchan, thoroughly interrupting his work, causing a little teasing battle between them. Their giggles echo as they play fight like brothers and you feel a small smile creep onto your face. These boys are nothing like the people you’ve worked with before. You can tell this tour is going to be interesting to say the least.
—
Everything is going great so far. Travel has been smooth, nothing major has happened, and you are starting to feel comfortable with your whole team. You have gotten to know the boys better and have fun joking around with them. Being their tour manager means they come to you when they need literally anything; questions, food, change in plans, schedule, etc. Sometimes you feel like a mom of 7 kids who are constantly asking “are we there yet?” You have developed different dynamics with each one of them. Felix was the first one to really pull you in. His sunshine personality is impossible to ignore. He once asked you to go with him to the store so that he could get stuff to make brownies which turned into a late night baking tutorial with you, Jeongin, and Hyunjin. He is like a golden retriever you can’t help petting every time you see him. You quickly bonded with Hyunjin over his dramatic personality. His drama became readily apparent when he went with you to get coffee and spilled a little bit on himself. He handed you his drink before literally collapsing to the ground in despair. You freaked out at first because you genuinely thought something was wrong, but as soon as he draped himself dramatically against a lamppost, you just about left him for dead. He spent the rest of the walk practically writing a sonnet over the lost drops of coffee. Of course that made you laugh which only made him more dramatic. Now he will cling to you like a heartbroken poet anytime the slightest thing goes wrong, only becoming more dramatic as you laugh at his antics. You became close with Han and Changbin after a particularly late night when you found them still awake and complaining about there being no food. Naturally, you ordered some take out for them and they have loved you ever since. Apparently it takes one late night takeout order to become their favorite person. Now it is a normal occurrence for them to crash into your space with no asking or explanation. Honestly, you aren’t sure when you got close with Lee Know. He has kind of always just been there. You hand him a water after practice and he nods with a soft smile that is only noticeable if you know what to look for. He always manages to hand you a snack as soon as you start to feel hungry. If you need an honest opinion, you will go to him and vice versa. One staff member joked that you two must communicate telepathically because you always seem to be on the same page without ever saying anything. You are also able to communicate across the room with only a few looks, most of the time rolling your eyes at the other boys being dramatic. Jeongin acted shy around you for a long time, staying quiet and to himself. One day, he suddenly came up to you with a shy smile and handed you a candy bar, “Thanks for all your hard work.” You almost started crying which prompted him to freak out and apologize. You later learned that he was intimidated by you, but wanted to thank you for all you do for them. So Felix talked him into giving you a small token of his appreciation to break the ice. After that, he became your precious little fox that can do no wrong in your eyes. Seungmin seemed to take the longest to warm up. He was quiet at first, keeping to himself a lot until one day he made a passing comment. A teasing one, like he usually does. He expected his sarcasm to not land well, but before he could apologize, you fired back at him. Slowly a smirk formed on his face and that’s when you knew the game was on. Since then you two almost solely communicate through sarcasm. An outsider might think you hate each other, but once you both gang up on the others it becomes apparent that you are on the same side after all.
And then there is Bangchan. Your dynamic with him is…complicated. There is a constant back and forth between you two. With him being the leader, you work together the most which means you spend the most time together. Some days it is strictly professional, discussing timing, travel, etc. Others it is something softer, more personal. Several times your nightly look over the schedule for the next day turned into late night talks about things that aren’t work related. You have naturally joined alongside him in taking care of the kids which often puts you side by side, caring for others together. Then there is the caring for each other. It’s quiet, unspoken. You both often end up glued to your work while the other one brings food and water because they know you haven’t eaten yet. He constantly asks about your wellbeing, ‘have you eaten?’ ‘How did you sleep?’ ‘When was the last time you drank water?’ You, however, don’t need to ask because you can tell when he starts to wear thin; how his shoulders slump a little more when he hasn’t eaten enough; how his under eyes darken when he pulled an all nighter. But you don’t scold him. Instead you take care of him, schedule out times for him to rest, to eat. Remind him to take care of himself. It’s nice, domestic…and dangerously close.
You tell yourself it is part of your job to take care of them, to make sure everything runs smoothly. That’s what managing the tour is, right? Keeping the boys happy and healthy is just another logistic. Another task on your long list of things to do. At least, that’s what you tell yourself to stay professional. However, Chan makes that line blur a bit too much for your liking. He is nice and helpful, but he is also flirty and fun. ‘It’s something he does with everyone,’ you tell yourself. He is just that way. The other boys joke and tease. So it is normal, his personality. That’s what you repeat every time his smirk makes your cheeks red. That is what you tell yourself every time your heart speeds up when he stands a little too close. That is what you keep telling yourself because you refuse to let anyone fool you again. This is the industry after all. Whether he is flirting or just messing around as a friend, he will eventually get bored of you and move on. Nothing good has ever come of blurring professional lines. You are not making that mistake again. You are just their manager. Nothing more.
You have arrived in Sydney for their next show and Felix is practically—no literally bouncing up and down.
He steps out of the car, his arms spread wide open and takes a deep breath, “Ah, good to be home.” You swear his Australian accent has gotten thicker since you have been here.
Chan steps out and claps him on the back, “It’s been too long.”
The rest of the boys pile out of the car and are breathing in the Sydney air like it is their second home, which some of them say it is. You aren’t quite sure when it happened, but at some point you ended up being the babysitter of 8 grown men. Anywhere they went, you usually did too. So when Chan’s parents invite all the boys over for dinner, you are also included in the group. On the way there you keep telling yourself that you will just sit in the back, unnoticed. You have done it for years as an intern, you can do it again. You are just a staff member, no one important. Professional. Stay professional.
As you arrive at the Bahng residence, a smile weasels its way onto your lips. It is an adorable house with Chan’s parents waving as you pull in. The car barely stops before all the boys are piling out. Each of them run to hug Mr. and Mrs. Bahng who eagerly hug them back. A soft warmth creeps into your chest at the sight. They really are one big family.
“Oi, can I hug my own parents?” Chan teases, pushing the boys out of the way. As he hugs his mom, you can see some of the long standing tension in his shoulders release. You let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding. After seeing him spend countless hours, working non-stop, it is nice to see him finally relax. You are snapped out of your daze when his parents come up and shake your hand. You politely shake it back and bow, “Hello, nice to meet you.”
“What’s your name?” His mom sweetly asks.
“I’m Y/N. I’m just a staff member, here to make sure they don’t get lost, mobbed, or kidnapped.” You smile, straightening your posture, “I’ll just keep to myself. Don’t worry about me.”
“Keep to yourself? No, no. You will come and eat dinner with the rest of us.”
“Really, I’m okay. I don’t mind. I don’t want to be a bother.” You try to politely decline.
“You are not a bother.” Mr. Bahng says sincerely, “She made enough food to feed a country. We have plenty.”
You don’t notice Chan is next to you until you feel his arm swing around your shoulder, “C’mon Y/N. You’re just as much a part of the team as the rest of us.” He leans in a little closer, “You don’t want to make my parents sad, hm?”
Your eyes widen at his teasing voice and the weight of his arm around you before quickly switching back into the neutral expression you have mastered. You politely move his arm off your shoulder, “I am only here to make sure you stay on schedule, but if you insist, I will join you around the table.”
Mrs. Bahng smiles wide before ushering you and the boys inside. All of them quickly file through the door while you linger behind, wanting to keep a good, professional distance. However, Chan lingers with you.
“You aren’t planning to sneak off are you?” He jokes, bumping your shoulder.
“No, I told you I would join.” You keep your voice straight.
“And you are going to eat, right?”
“We’ll see. I’m not very hungry.”
He steps in front of you, his demeanor softer, “You are going to eat, right?” His question is more stern, not commanding, just concerned.
“I told you, we’ll see.” You try to walk past him, but he grabs your wrist.
“Hey, you are a part of the team and I don’t leave anyone on my team out.” He gives you a soft smile before letting go and walking back inside.
Something about his smile, his soft concern makes your chest feel warm. But you immediately put out that fire, knowing it will only burn you in the end.
Later in the evening, dinner is served. You try to stand to the side, denying that you need food, but your stomach betrays you. Mrs. Bahng guides you to sit down and of course you are sitting next to Chan. You try to keep your head down and eat, but he seems to find a way to engage you in the conversation. Soon you are laughing along with them and having fun, as if this is just a casual dinner with friends. You all move the fun outside and have drinks around a fire pit. Chan grabs a guitar from his room for Han to play some music. They sing and you try, but no matter how good of a singer you are, singing next to world renowned idols will always make you feel average at best. Han keeps playing ridiculous songs and singing hilariously off key. At one point, they mess around with who can sing the highest and Felix goes so high that he sounds like a dying cat. But when they reverse the roles and see who can go the lowest, his voice reigns supreme.
“You should try Y/N,” Han smiles to you, having had one beer too many.
“You think I can sing lower than Felix?” Your question is rhetorical but he answers anyway.
“You never know until you try.”
“I’m okay, thanks.”
“Oh come on! Just for fun.”
You shake your head, a smile stretched across your lips, “No, I don’t want to show anyone up, you know.”
A collective ‘Oooo’ resounds.
“She’s confident.” Lee Know raises a brow.
“Shall we test it?” Seungmin smirks.
You puff up your chest, “Bring it on.” Maybe you have also had one too many beers.
The boys all get excited, interested to see where your confidence will lead you. Felix begins and his voice descends to a range you can’t even get close to. Of course you can’t go as low as Felix. Everyone is well aware of that, but you try nonetheless. Your voice slowly descends until you are growling out notes. Despite being no where near as low as Felix, everyone cheers for your attempt.
“I think you’ve got some competition there Felix.” Changbin jokes.
“She’s comin’ for your spot.” Chan claps Felix on the back.
You are laughing so hard your cheeks hurt. You all spend several hours laughing and talking over the fire. One by one, the boys slowly drift inside to find some couch or bed to collapse on until it’s just you and Chan outside. You sit around talking about nothing and everything. He tells you about what it was like growing up in Australia, about his favorite things to do in Sydney, and how he plans to retire here one day.
“What about you? What was it like for you growing up?”
You shrug your shoulders, your fingers playing with Berry’s fur who is currently curled up in your lap, “Ah it’s not that interesting. My dad worked a pretty basic job and my mom stayed at home. I went to school and did a lot of extracurriculars. I was in like every leadership position possible.”
“I see why you ended up in management.” Chan teases.
“Mhm, shocker. I know.” You jokingly roll your eyes. “But yeah, nothing crazy interesting. Not like you with your moving countries and what not.”
“How did you end up in the industry?”
“Well, it started as a simple temp job. Trying to make some money while figuring out what I wanted to do. But I found myself really enjoying my temp job. I thought, hey, I’m good at this and I enjoy it, might as well stick around. So yeah, I’ve worked in several different roles. Simple staff member, running around and doing whatever is asked of me. Short term project manager. My last job I was focused on the promotion side of things.”
“Why’d you move jobs, if you don’t mind me asking.”
You feel your chest tighten a little, “Oh nothing huge. Just wanted a change in pace. I’m not as into the media and promotion side of things.” It’s not a lie, just not the whole truth. You decide to steer the conversation in a different direction, moving to ask him about something random. It spirals you down into a longer conversation of laughing and teasing. You don’t even realize how much time has passed until you feel your eyes starting to droop. “I should probably get to sleep.” You step back inside, expecting to sleep on a couch or chair. You had arranged that the boys would be staying the night, but failed to take yourself into account. However, when you enter the living room, several of the boys are spread out across the room. Hyunjin is splayed across the couch while Felix is curled up on a loveseat. Jeongin fell asleep on the air mattress the Bahngs had set up and Han somehow ended up using Berry’s bed as a pillow which did not make Berry very happy.
Chan shakes his head with a quiet laugh, “We had extra spots for them to sleep.”
“Guess they passed out before they could make it.” You tiptoe through the living room, careful not to step on Han, although you aren’t sure he would wake up anyway. Chan leads you upstairs, where they had set up some extra beds. He walks into his childhood bedroom and you stop in the doorway. You suddenly remember that professional line you were trying so hard not to cross earlier. “I can just sleep downstairs.”
“Where? I think Berry is already upset about having to share with Han.” He teases like it isn’t weird for you to sleep in his childhood bedroom. “Here, you can take the bed. I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“No, it’s okay. I’ll sleep on the floor.”
“I don’t think so. My mother would have a fit if she knew I took the bed while you slept on the floor.” He throws a pillow and blanket on the floor before lying down, not giving you a choice but to take the bed. With a sigh, you hesitantly get in bed, but practically melt as soon as you get under the covers, sleep winning over your awkwardness. The last thing you hear before drifting off is a soft “Goodnight, Y/N,” from Chan.
You wake up with a stretch and momentarily forget where you are. That is until you hear 8 rowdy boys downstairs. You shoot up out of bed, cheeks flushed as you remember whose bed you are sleeping in. You quickly get ready and quietly go downstairs, trying not to disturb anyone. The boys are all in the kitchen and it is absolute chaos. Hyunjin is eating out of a giant bowl of fruit with Felix and Jeongin. Changbin has a huge glass of milk that almost gets spilled multiple times. Seungmin sits on a bar stool with his head down next to Han who is eating straight out of a cereal box. Lee Know stands to the side like a tired mother, trying to make her coffee and of course in the center of it all is Bangchan. He is making pancakes, bacon, and eggs while somehow continuing to cut fruit for the bowl and keep Changbin’s milk from tipping over. He looks tired and slightly frazzled, but you can also see the warmth and love that usually fills his eyes when he takes care of his people. You are leaning against the banister watching as they have an unnecessarily loud conversation.
“My back hurts.” Hyunjin complains with a big pout.
“Maybe you should have slept on a real bed.” Han quips back before shoving a handful of cereal in his mouth.
“Says the one who slept on a dog bed.” Felix laughs.
“Excuse me, it was very comfortable.” He defends.
“I think Berry would beg to differ.” Jeongin points to Berry who is protectively lying on her bed.
Chan grabs the cereal box out of Hans hands, “You’ll lose your appetite.”
“Hey!” Han whines, “But I’m hungry.”
“If you’re so hungry then why don’t you make breakfast.” Changbin teases.
Seungmin lifts his head off the counter for a moment, “Please don’t. You’ll burn the kitchen down and take my breakfast with it.”
Everyone laughs as he lays his head back on his folded arms. Their teasing continues like usual and you can’t help the smile that spreads across your face.
“They are something else, huh?” You jump at the voice that appeared suddenly next to you. Mr. Bahng stands beside you with a proud smile, “It’s so nice to see that Chris has people that care about him.”
“Yeah,” your voice is a little more wistful than you meant it to be.
Mr. Bahng turns to look at you, “That includes you.”
“Huh?” You tense at his words. Of course you care. It’s your job to care about all of them, right? “Uh, yeah. All of the staff cares about them.”
Mr. Bahng just laughs with a shake of his head, “Not in the same way you do.” What does he mean by that? Is he not going to elaborate? Did you do something weird or out of line? You start to feel panic rise in your chest when he puts a gentle hand on your shoulder. “Don’t worry, you’ll figure it out someday. For now, thank you for taking care of my boy.” And with that, he walks off.
Suddenly, you hear a voice call from the kitchen, “Y/N!” You look over to see Felix waving at you, “Good morning!”
A jumbled chorus of good mornings and what not follow from the other boys when Chan claps his hands to get everyone’s attention. “Alright, breakfast is ready.”
Lee Know shoo’s everyone to the table while Chan starts carrying out food and plates. On instinct, you move to help him set up, both of you passing out plates and silverware. He sets out the food while you ask people what they want to drink. Once everyone else is taken care of, you set a spot for Chan, “What do you want to drink?”
“It’s fine I can get it myself,” He tries to grab a cup off the counter but you block him.
“You just made an entire breakfast. I can get it for you. What do you want?”
“Well what about you? Who is going to get your food and drink?” He leans a hand on the counter, smirking at you.
You match his sass and place a hand on your hip, “You’re deflecting my question.”
“You’re deflecting mine.”
“I asked first.”
“It’s my house.”
“That’s not how this works.”
“Ladies first,” He gives you a cocky smile.
You pinch the bridge of your nose with a sigh, “I’ll be fine. Now answer my question.”
“I don’t think so.” Suddenly he swipes the cup out of your hand and pulls you to switch spots with him, “What do you want to drink?”
“Are you serious?” You growl.
He leans in ever so slightly, his voice low in that confident, cocky way he has, “Dead serious.”
You feel your cheeks heat up and your voice shrink just a little bit, “Why can’t you just let me help you?”
“Because you won’t let me help you.”
“You’ve already helped by making breakfast. Just go sit down already,” You try to take a step back, but he follows.
“Why? So you can slip away without eating?” His tone is more serious, the teasing from earlier dissipated.
“I was going to eat breakfast.”
“Alone?”
You hate how he reads you like a book. Of course you were going to eat alone because that is what you do. You eat alone and you sleep alone and you don’t let people get too close. Because every time they do, they get hurt and blame you for it. Because everyone tells you that you are too clingy, too dependent, too much. So you keep up the walls, you don’t cross the line, and you don’t open the door. You don’t ask for help so that no one can hold it over you later. But something about the way he talks, the way he looks at you with those soft concerned eyes. It makes you want to crack the door. It makes you wonder if this time someone won’t use your vulnerability against you. But then you remember who you are and who he is. You are staff. He is an idol. Your job is to help him, not the other way around and forgetting that will only get you hurt. So you slam the door shut and put back on your professional face that you momentarily let slip. You are just here to watch them, not be their friend. You won’t pretend to be a part of something you are not, to be someone you are not. You won’t let yourself get sucked in only to be spit back out later. You won’t let yourself slip again. You’ve learned your lesson.
You take a large step back, clearing your throat and stepping back into ‘work mode’. “You should hurry up and eat. You all have to leave soon. I’ll make sure everything is gathered and ready to go.”
“Y/N—“ He tries to stop you, but you slip past him and disappear up the stairs, leaving a sad and confused Bangchan behind.
Going back into his bedroom, you stare at the unmade bed. “Stupid.” You mutter, hitting yourself on the head as frustration seeps in. You shake your head, hoping to shake out all the confusing and unnecessary thoughts and feelings. Taking a deep breath, you lock back into your professional mode and quickly gather all of their things. You keep your hands busy making beds, cleaning, and doing anything you can until it is time to leave. You eventually gather the boys and get ready to depart. Saying their goodbyes, they all pile back into the cars. You give a polite thank you and goodbye to the Bahngs and join the boys, making sure to avoid eye contact with Chan. However, his eyes never wonder from you.
After that day, you try to keep a professional distance with Chan. You still look after him, bringing water and food, but you don’t stay long enough for him to do the same. You don’t linger longer than necessary and when he asks how you are, you always say you are fine. You both know that’s not true but he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable by pushing. As tour continues and schedules pile up on each other, life gets overwhelming. Constant travel takes a lot of energy and Lord knows you don’t take care of yourself like you should. This week in particular has been draining. Jeongin was on the verge of tears after the last concert because he got a sinus infection and couldn’t sing very well. Felix and Hyunjin had promotional events they had to be at and it is always unnecessarily stressful to have people gone. It also meant some of your staff was gone with them. When you arrived at the next stop, fans were particularly brutal in the airport and your drivers were unnecessarily frustrating, refusing to drive any closer making your team walk even further through a mass of crazed fans. Your hotel was not any better. You had requested to have an entire floor blocked off for your team (you would be taking most of the rooms anyway), but the girl at the front desk claimed that wasn’t even an option. It took over an hour to check in because you had to fight with a manager and dig through your thousands of emails to find the approved request they had sent months ago. The worst part is that no one was even staying on that floor, so you don’t understand why it was such a big deal. Everyone’s nerves are frayed and the boys are getting unusually snappy at each other. All day every day people are coming to you left and right asking a million things of you. When is this? Where is that? Can you fix this? How do I do that? Sometimes the questions people ask you could easily be answered by a quick search on google.
It’s the day of the concert and you are running around backstage telling people how to do their job because apparently only you know how to get things done around here. One minute you are standing behind the tech booth fixing the boys in-ears. The next you are telling craft services that, yes the boys do need that much water. Most of the issues come up with local staff who have apparently never dealt with a k-pop group before. If it wasn’t for the consistent staff you travel with, you might actually implode. Luckily the concert goes well and everything is fine. Loading and taking down is probably the smoothest process all day. Everyone gets their things and ships off to the hotel for some much needed sleep. You are practically dragging yourself up to your room, feeling like you got hit by a truck. You aren’t even in your room for a minute before there is a knock on the door. You stumble over to open it and Chan is standing there.
“Hey, you left your bag in the car.” He hands you your backpack that you didn’t even realize you had left behind. You look around your room, half delirious wondering how you could forget something so important.
“Thanks,” Your voice sounds groggy and tired. You grab the bag from him and your hand immediately drops under the weight, the bag being heavier than you remember.
“Woah, you good?” Chan tries to steady you, as you stumble a bit.
You shake your head a little trying to clear your now blurry vision, “Yeah, I guess it was heavier than I remember.” As you try to straighten back up, suddenly your hearing goes out and spots fill your vision. One moment you’re standing the next you are halfway to the ground with Chan’s arms around you holding all your weight.
“Y/N, are you okay?!” His voice sounds a little muffled as you look up at him confused.
“I-I’m fine,” You try to stand up out of his grip but your legs decide they have had enough and give out again.
“Woah,” Chan’s hold tightens around you as he is the only thing keeping you upright, “No more standing. We’re gonna sit down now.” He picks you up bridal style and carries you over to your bed. You are way too out of it to even register what is going on. He gently sets you down on the bed before quickly grabbing some water, “When was the last time you ate?”
“Uh…” your brain feels foggy as you try to sift through your day, “I think I had a protein bar earlier.”
“Is that it?”
“Now that I think about it, I think it was only half of one.”
Chan sighs, that concerned look coming back that you haven’t seen in weeks, “Y/N, you can’t skip meals. Not when you are working all day everyday.”
“I’m fine.”
“You are clearly not fine.”
“I can take care of myself.”
“Is this what you call taking care of yourself?” His voice is dripping with worry.
“I’ll eat more tomorrow.” You try to push him towards the door, “Now go. You’ve had a long day and need to go to bed.”
He doesn’t move, “I’m not going. You’ve had a long day too and need help.”
“I don’t need help.” You feel the stress from this week boiling over. “I’m fine by myself.”
“You are not fine by yourself.”
You put both hands on his chest, attempting to push him away, but you aren’t near as strong as he is, especially not right now, “No, no, no. I don’t need help.” Your voice is shaky as tears start to line your eyes. “I’m fine. I have to be fine. Please…” You squeeze your eyes shut, almost trying to will yourself to be better. You have to be fine by yourself because if you aren’t that means you need people and needing people means letting them in. You can’t be clingy. You can’t be needy. Being that way doesn’t help anyone in the long run.
“Y/N,” Chan gently tilts your face up to look at him, his voice barely above a whisper. “Please, let me help you.” His tender gaze and soft voice is the last drop it takes to break the dam holding back your emotions. You let out a sob as tears start rushing down your face. He gently pulls you into a hug, his hand cradling the back of your head as the other one rubs soothing circles on your back. You’re clutching onto his shirt so tightly that your knuckles are white, broken sobs and shaky breaths escaping you. All of the stress and exhaustion of this week, this tour even, comes crashing down like a tsunami. If it wasn’t for Chan holding you, you would probably collapse to the floor.
“I’m so tired,” You choke out. “There’s just…so much.”
“It’s okay,” Chan coo’s, “Let it all out. I’ve got you.”
And you do let it all out. Not in words because you are hyperventilating too much for that, but you sob. Your body shakes as tears soak into Chan’s shirt. He is practically holding all of your weight, yet he never stops rubbing soothing circles on your back, his hold gentle and tender. As your sobs slowly turn into soft sniffles, you feel the deep exhaustion in your bones. Your eyes droop as you sink further into Chan. He feels like a warm blanket, soft, gentle, and safe.
Your hold on him loosens as sleep takes you under. Chan notices how your breaths have evened out and your lashes sit lightly against your cheek. With all the care in the world, he slowly moves to tuck you under the covers, but when he tries to fully let you go, your grip tightens. He stops, afraid he woke you up, but you don’t make anymore movements. However, your grip on him does not loosen. Bangchan being the caring person he is, is not going to leave you alone. He meant it when he said he’s got you. So, he slides under the blanket with you and you unconsciously nuzzle further into him. His arm naturally slides around your waist as your head lays against his chest. Chan brushes your hair out of your tear stained face and he can feel his heart rate pick up. Despite having just had a massive breakdown, you still look gorgeous to him. Your soft lashes still clumped from tears sit lightly on your slightly flushed cheeks and your lips are parted ever so slightly as even breaths escape them. You look beautiful and peaceful and for once since he has known you, relaxed. Chan places a soft kiss against your hair, his voice barely a whisper, “I promise I’ll always be there for you, no matter what.” He places one last kiss on your head before drifting off to join you in sleep.
—
You blink your eyes open as the early morning sun peaks through the curtains. Your eyes feel puffy with your lashes stuck together. That’s when it hits you. Last night. Bangchan. You. Crying. Suddenly you feel the warm weight around your waist, his arm holding you. Not wanting to wake him, you very carefully, very slowly turn around to face him. His eyes are closed and his breathing is steady. He’s still asleep. He looks so peaceful, more peaceful than you’ve seen him. When he naps between schedules his brow is furrowed as if he is still trying to solve a problem, even in his sleep. You can’t help smiling at how genuinely at peace he looks. Then he shifts. You freeze. Wait. Nothing. Once again you let out a sigh, the smile leaving your face. Gosh, what is wrong with you. Where did that professional line go? How did you end up here and how are you going to get out? This is wrong. You know it…but some stupid, irrational part of your brain wants to think that maybe it’s not so bad. You haven’t broken down like that in a while and, dare you say, it felt good. It felt good to be held while you cried. To know that someone cared. That someone was there for you. The warmth of his presence, the weight of his arm, it all feels good in a way that you haven’t felt in a long time. Don’t you deserve to get to feel that way? Is it really so wrong to take a moment to just sit with him?
. . .
You sigh. Yes, it is wrong because it only takes one moment to ruin everything. With your mind set, you carefully slide out of his grasp and go to the bathroom, hoping to leave before he wakes up.
Bangchan wakes up with a stretch when he notices the lack of your presence. Sitting up, he looks around to see your phone and purse are gone. You must have left before he could wake up. Shaking his head, he gets up to go to the bathroom and on the mirror sits a sticky note.
Good morning, sorry for only leaving a note, but I wanted to say thank you for helping me last night…I apologize for breaking down. That was very unprofessional of me and I am sorry to have put you in an awkward position. Thank you for helping but let’s leave it there and not talk about it again. - Y/N
“You really don’t know how to accept help, do you?” He sighs, shaking his head. He tucks the note in his pocket before going back to his room to get ready for the day.
You sit at a cafe, halfway zoning out while staring at your laptop when you feel your phone buzz with a text. Your heart stutters when you see Chan’s name. You open the text and feel your heart squeeze.
Don’t forget to eat today and get some rest. :)
You hold your phone to your chest and feel a faint flicker of the warmth you had this morning except this time you let yourself feel it. Maybe just this once you can allow yourself the tiniest bit of warmth.
—
After that night, something shifts. Bangchan becomes softer, lets his touch linger a little longer, his texts come a little more often. He always reminds you to eat and will stop what he is doing to make sure you don’t work through a meal. And strangely enough, you let him. You let yourself feel the spark his touch brings. You look forward to his reminder texts. When you consider skipping a meal, you think about how he wouldn’t want that for you. It happens slowly. That little bit of warmth you let yourself have becomes just a little bit bigger every time. You keep telling yourself that it will stay small, that you will snuff it out once it is too big, push him away before he can get too close. But with every step he takes, you find yourself making an excuse as to why it’s not actually that close.
Of course the boys notice the shift and of course they are in total support of it. They keep finding ways to keep you and Chan close to each other.
“Y/N can you help me find my bag?” Han pouts to you.
“Yeah, where did you last have it?”
“I think I was with Channie-hyung. You should go ask him if he has it!” He pushes you towards wherever Chan is.
“Why can’t you go ask him?”
“I have to look for it other places. Duh.” He gives you one last shove before running the other way, leaving you confused.
Several times they have quite literally locked you guys in a room together. The first time they said it was an accident, but the second and third time it was clear they were messing with you. They will often send y’all on missions together, asking for one thing or another. They ask you to hangout with them more often, but make it so that the seating leaves you no choice but to sit next to Chan.
Obviously Bangchan knows what they are doing. He tells them to stop like a good leader should, but there is no real threat behind it because why would he not want to spend more time with you? He knows you are closed off and don’t want to take his help, so he is giving it slowly, taking small steps until you finally let him in. The boys are just a helping way of getting closer to you.
You also know what they are doing, but you choose to play dumb. Partly because they are adorable with how hard they are trying to be discreet and how bad they are at it. But also because you convince yourself that it isn’t that bad. It’s just the boys having fun and you get to spend more time with Bangchan, but it’s not you choosing to do so, so it’s not an issue…right?
In other words, you are in heavy denial
—
You had about a 3 1/2 week break from tour for the holidays. You are sitting in the break room at JYPE with a few of the guys eating lunch.
“So I was thinking about making my gingerbread cookies for Christmas again this year,” Felix tells Hyunjin, Changbin, and Seungmin.
“Uh, yes please! Those were so good,” Hyunjin replies.
“I could eat like 1,000 of those,” Changbin adds.
“I thought you were on a diet.” Seungmin quips.
“Yah! Not on Christmas.”
You laugh at their silliness. It’s nice to have a break from the chaos of tour and to just be normal, well as normal as idol life can be.
“Y/N, you have to try Felix’s cookies,” Hyunjin says, grabbing your arm for emphasis, “It’s like Christmas heaven! And then you pair that with Lee Know’s hot chocolate, ugh!” He fake faints in his chair with the dramatic flair he has.
You giggle, “That sounds good. Do you do that every year?”
“Yeah, it’s our tradition to spend Christmas together since we don’t really get to go home for the holidays.” Felix smiles, “We all pile into the dorm and watch a movie, play games—“
“And eat until we pass out!” Changbin cuts in.
“Only you do that,” Seungmin adds.
“Not true! Last year, Han fell into a food coma first.”
“Wow, really impressive.” Seungmin deadpans.
You smile at their little banter over a Christmas tradition. The longer you are with them, the more you feel like a part of a family.
“What about you Y/N?” Felix asks, “Do you have any Christmas traditions?”
“Oh, uh, I mean not really,” You shrug. “I usually just wake up a little later than usual and take the extra time to get some work done.”
All of the boys turn to look at you like you just said the worst thing ever. Felix’s eyes get big and wide in that sad pouty way he has. Hyunjin looks disgusted and Changbin looks horrified. Seungmin looks at you like a disappointed father.
You blink, “What?”
Felix’s voice gets quiet and sad, “You don’t celebrate Christmas?”
Gosh he really is all eyes when he is pouty. It makes you feel guilty for something you never thought was an issue. “I mean, I celebrate, just not with a big party or anything.”
“You go to work,” Seungmin says flatly, “That’s not celebrating, that’s just your every day life.”
You shrug, “Okay and? You say that like my everyday life is an issue.”
“It is if you are only ever working.” You choose not to respond to that.
“Do you have no spirit? No childlike wonder? No whimsy?” Hyunjin poetically questions. “Oh how terrible your childhood must have been to make you hate Christmas!”
“I don’t hate Christmas,” You defend, “And I didn’t have a terrible childhood. I guess I just haven’t had anyone worth celebrating with since I moved away from home.”
“You could come celebrate with us!” Changbin beams.
Hyunjin and Felix perk up too, “Yeah, you should come join us!”
You shake your head, “No, I couldn’t do that.”
“Why not?” They ask in unison.
“Are we not worth celebrating with?” Felix pouts again, his big boba eyes drilling a hole straight through your heart.
“Of course you are, I just don’t want to be intruding on your tradition.”
“You won’t be intruding,” Felix takes your hand in his, “Come spend Christmas with us, please.”
You sigh, his pleading hard to ignore. You look to the other three for any sign of disagreement. Hyunjin and Changbin are both doing their best puppy dog eyes. You look at Seungmin and he has a softer look, a more sincere one you see him use with the members, “Come on, it’ll be fun.”
That does it for you, “Fine.”
Hyunjin, Changbin, and Felix immediately jump up in celebration.
“Yay!”
“Y/N is coming to Christmas!”
“I need to make double cookies!”
Seungmin nudges your shoulder, a small smile tugging at his lip, “Get ready for the most chaotic Christmas of your life.”
—
It’s Christmas Day and you stand outside their apartment door holding a plate of cookies you made, working up the courage to knock. What if they didn’t mean it? What if you are too early? Or too late? Will you just make it awkward by being here? You should leav—
Your spiraling is interrupted by the door opening, “I was right! I knew I saw someone walk up!” Han yells back into the apartment.
Lee Know yells back, “Well don’t just stand there. Let her in.”
“Oh, right!” Han turns back to you, “Sorry about that. Here let me take your stuff.” Han grabs your purse and the plate, “You didn’t have to bring anything.”
You step inside the warm apartment and shed your massive winter coat, “I felt bad crashing your holiday.”
“That’s nice, but you aren’t crashing anything. We invited you, remember?” He yells back into the apartment, “Y/N is here!”
A chorus of welcome flows back down the hallway towards you. Han nods in the direction of the sound, “This way.”
He leads you into the living room where everyone else is. Christmas music plays softly in the background as they chatter with each other. A slightly crooked Christmas tree sits in the corner with many mismatching ornaments on it. String lights and tinsel are hung around the room along with various Christmas themed knickknacks. As soon as you step into the room, they all turn to look at you. For a second, you are worried they realized how awkward this is and that they don’t actually want you there, but before that thought can even take root, you are crowded by them. They all rush over to hug you and greet you, chaos erupting around you. Felix drapes some tinsel around your neck, “Now it’s Christmas!”
You laugh, overwhelmed by all the affection, but the only person you don’t see is Bangchan. As if he heard you thinking, his voice comes from behind you, “Hey.” You turn around, startled, causing him to laugh. “Glad you could make it.” He pulls you into a soft hug and suddenly your brain short circuits. Despite having just hugged every other member, your brain can’t seem to comprehend this one.
“Uh, yeah,” is all you manage to say. He pulls back with a soft laugh and that’s when you notice he is wearing a blue, floral patterned apron. His hair is a little messy and a towel sits draped over his shoulder. “Nice apron.”
“Huh?” He looks down, having forgotten he was wearing one. His cheeks go pink with embarrassment, “Oh, yeah. It wasn’t my choice, just what was available.”
“No, I like it. It’s very…housewife.”
His signature dimpled smile flashes across his face, making your heart do that stupid thing it does every time he smiles at you. “Glad you approve.”
“I take it you’re doing majority of the cooking?”
“Well, me and Lee Know.”
“That’s a lot of work.”
“Easier than cleaning up an exploded kitchen.”
“Well, if you need any help, let me know.”
“Exploding the kitchen?”
“Excuse you,” You playfully shove his shoulder, “You have no idea if I’m a bad cook or not.”
“Exactly, so you have a chance of blowing up the kitchen.”
You roll your eyes, “This is what I get for trying to be nice.”
“Hey, stop flirting and come play a game with us!” Lee Know calls from behind you, making you both flush a very bright red before joining the rest of the boys in the living room.
You spend the day playing games, singing karaoke, and laughing until your stomach hurts. At one point, the boys are scattered about the apartment, taking naps, playing video games, reading, etc. and you join Chan in the kitchen to help with dinner prep. You spend a while just talking and moving in tandem with him. It’s nice, comfortable, safe. Everyone collects around the table to eat dinner together.
“Thank you for the food!”
“And thank you Y/N for helping,” Chan adds before digging in. The other boys echo thank you’s with mouths already full of food. Your heart feels so full as you sit around the table. Eight boys who have no reason to care about you as anything more than their manager, brought you into their lives like it was the only correct choice. You say a silent thank you before digging into the food yourself.
After dinner, you all gather in the living room around the TV to watch a Christmas movie. Felix brings out his famous gingerbread cookies along with the sadder looking cookies you brought.
“You made us cookies,” Jeongin looks at you with big, grateful eyes.
“Well, they are probably nothing compared to Felix’s cookies, but I felt bad not contributing anything.” You scratch the back of your neck with an awkward laugh.
Lee Know comes out with his hot chocolate, “Alright, come get it while it’s hot.”
Everyone jumps up to grab hot chocolate and cookies. You expect them to ignore yours in favor of Felix’s, but to your surprise, the plate is half empty in a second.
“These are so good!” Changbin says with half a cookie in his mouth.
“Y/N, this tastes amazing!” Felix beams at you which means a lot since he is the baker.
“Guys, it’s even better if you dip it in the hot chocolate!” Hyunjin says making everyone immediately try it and agree with him. You feel a sense of relief knowing that they like your cookies so much.
Everyone grabs another cookie or two before finally settling into the movie. The rest of the night is calm, movies just playing through even though most of you aren’t paying attention anymore. Most of the boys have fallen asleep, except Bangchan, Jeongin, and Lee Know. Chan and Lee Know are cleaning up the kitchen, leaving you and Jeongin absentmindedly watching the TV.
Jeongin stands up with a stretch and yawn, “Well, I think I’ll turn in for the evening.” He turns to you and smiles, “Thanks for coming, Y/N. It was a lot of fun.”
“Thanks for having me,” you smile back. With that, he retreats into his room, leaving you alone in the living room. Having been sitting down for a while, you decide to take a moment to stretch your legs and get some fresh air. You step out onto the balcony, quietly sliding the door shut behind you. Leaning against the railing, you look down over the city. The streets are mostly empty, Christmas lights flickering through windows and strung along buildings. It’s quiet and peaceful, something Seoul rarely is. You sigh feeling the peace wash over you as well. Spending the day with the boys felt truly relaxing, filling your heart with contentment. This job, these boys are an answer to a prayer you didn’t realize you were praying. Behind you, the door slides open and you turn to see Chan stepping out, holding a blanket.
“You’re going to freeze out here,” He wraps the blanket around your shoulders, his touch lingering a little longer. “Did you have fun today?”
You sigh, “Yeah, I really did. Thank you for inviting me.”
“Thanks for coming.” You both stand there, shoulders barely touching, as you just take a second to breathe in the rare moment of peace in your chaotic lives. You feel Chan’s hand bump yours and look down to see him holding a small gift box. You look back up at him with wide eyes, but he just stares back with that soft, caring smile, “Merry Christmas.”
“But I didn’t get you anything.”
He shakes his head, “You don’t need to get me anything. I just wanted to show my appreciation for how hard you work.”
“But—“
“No buts, just take it.” He places it in your hand.
You feel your eyes start to water, “Thank you.” Carefully, you open the box and inside is a simple necklace with a jewel encrusted compass, the Stray Kids symbol. “Chan…it’s beautiful.” You look back up at him, but he looks a little stunned, “What?”
“Nothing, it’s just…that’s the first time you called me Chan.”
Your eyes go wide, realizing your mistake, “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to—“
“No, no, it’s okay.” His voice gets softer, a sheepish smile creeping across his face, “I like it.”
Your cheeks flush at the sudden tenderness of the moment. In a small attempt to hide it, you turn around, “Can you help me put it on.”
“Oh, sure.” He takes the necklace from you, making it look so delicate in his large hands. You feel a shiver run down your spine as he brushes your hair out of the way. Clipping the necklace on, his fingers brush your skin leaving warmth in their wake. He gently turns you back around and looks you up and down with a smile, his voice almost a whisper “Beautiful.”
You both stand there for a moment, the air between you charged. His hands still sit on your shoulders, the weight of his touch comforting. Looking at Chan as the city lights reflect perfectly off his features, in the quiet of the night, you have never felt more at peace. Without you even realizing it, you naturally lean into him until you are a few inches away from his face. His eyes flick down to your lips and back up to your eyes, before leaning in closer. He moves slow, giving you the chance to pull away. He stops, his lips hovering over yours, gazing at you with a questioning look. You give a small nod before he finally closes the distance. As soon as your lips connect, it’s like the final puzzle piece falling into place. Suddenly, everything feels colorful and right. Despite it being the dead of winter, your body floods with heat as his soft lips move against yours. His hands slide up from your shoulders to gently cup your jaw, angling your head so that his mouth perfectly slots against yours. The blanket slips off your shoulders as your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him impossibly closer. You can smell the faint traces of his cologne mixed with the food he cooked earlier. The bright lights of Seoul fade out as your world narrows to the two of you in this moment. He pulls back for half a second to breathe before immediately connecting your lips again. His previous trepidation is replaced with a more confident ardor. The spark that you have been pushing down for months finally explodes in a bright show of fireworks. Your hands slide up into his hair, as his settle on your waist. You could live in this moment forever if it wasn’t for the fact that you need air. You pull back, your heavy breaths fogging up in the cold. You both sit there for a moment, just staring at each other before it finally hits you what the heck just happened. As if someone just finally knocked the sense back into you, you stumble back, your hands flying up to cover your mouth.
“I’m so sorry,” You gasp, “I shouldn’t have—I don’t know what…I should go.” You scramble to leave but Bangchan quickly stops you.
“Hey, woah.” He grabs your wrist, spinning you around to face him.
Tears start welling up in your eyes, as your breathing gets more shallow, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. That was so unprofessional. I—I,” You feel yourself starting to hyperventilate as tears stream down your face.
“Hey, look at me,” Chan tilts your head to look at him, his touch grounding, “Let’s take a breath. It’ll be okay.” You shake your head, but he stops you before you can say anything. “Y/N, I need you to breathe for me, yeah?” His eyes lock onto yours as if trying to transfer his calm over to you, “Deep breath in.” He takes a deep breath and you shakily follow until you finally calm down. Chan guides you to sit in a chair as he sits on the small table in front of you. He gently picks the blanket back up and drapes it over your shoulders, making sure you are okay.
You look down, your voice barely audible, “I’m sorry.”
“Shh, don’t apologize.” He gently takes your hand in his, “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”
Your head snaps up, eyes wide, “No! No, you didn’t. Please don’t feel bad.” You feel guilt crawl up your chest, “It wasn’t that. It’s just—I shouldn’t…it’s not—“
Chan squeezes your hand, successfully gaining your attention, “Y/N,” His voice is low, gentle but serious, “I need you to be honest. Did you want that or was it just a heat of the moment thing?” His tone isn’t accusatory, but genuinely curious, almost in a fragile sort of way. You feel your chest tighten because you did want that. You do want him, but you know you shouldn’t. He speaks up, his tone more vulnerable, “Because I did want that. I want you and I need to know if you feel the same way. If you don’t that’s fine, I’ll leave you alone, but if you do…” He trails off, his eyes searching for anything.
You want nothing more right now than to jump into his arms with an enthusiastic yes, but the walls you have so carefully built around yourself keep you back. You take in a shaky breath, “I do, but…”
“But what?” He sounds desperate, his grip ever so slightly tightening on you.
“But we can’t. It’s not…I’m your staff.”
“So?”
“So that’s not how this works. Relationships in this industry don’t work.”
“Says who?”
“Says me!” The tears come back but this time they are burning against your skin, the pure hurt and anger that you bottled up for years finally spilling over. “This job, this life isn’t normal. The people we work with aren’t normal. Everyone is busy, stressed, and tired. People get together because they are bored, because they want a momentary reprieve from the chaos that is the industry.”
Chan looks at you with sad eyes, “That’s not what I’m doing. I don’t just like you because I’m bored.”
“That’s what you think but as soon as life hits you’ll realize it’s too much. That I’m just another thing to add to the workload. And then you’ll leave to find someone more interesting, less demanding. Soon you’ll realize that I’m some clingy, dramatic, bitch that isn’t worth your time.”
Bangchan’s face goes pale at your words, a mix of anger and hurt in his expression. He reaches up to gently wipe the tears from your cheek, “Who told you such a disgusting lie?” You blink, caught off guard by his statement. His voice is gentle, his touch grounding, “I don’t know what you’ve been through, but I can tell you that I am not those people. I’m not interested in you as some temporary thing to fill my time until someone better comes along. I don’t think you are dramatic or clingy. I like you because I think you are smart, hardworking, kind, funny, beautiful and I want to get to know more of you. I want to take the time and the effort to be with you, not because I think it’ll be something to pass the time but because I think you are worth it. I know relationships aren’t easy, especially in our line of work. But I don’t want easy. I want you. I want the real you, busy, tired, and all.”
You pause, fear and something dangerously close to hope rising in your chest. “I’m not fun like other girls. I like schedules and routines.”
“I love schedules and routines.”
“I’ve got problems. Trust issues.”
“I’ll go slow. You set the pace. I’ll do whatever you need me to in order to build that trust.”
“I overwork and don’t ask for help.”
“You and me both. We can work on it together.”
“Will the company even let you be with someone?”
“I may have done some research recently and found that as long as we are careful, it’s not an issue.”
You both laugh, some of the tension finally easing. You finally look up at him, your watery eyes locking with his, “Are you sure you want me? I’m kind of a mess.”
“Have you seen me? I’m the walking definition of a mess.”
“No you’re not,” You lightly shove his shoulder and he catches your hand, bringing it up to kiss the back of it, his eyes never leaving yours.
“Y/N, I am 100%, absolutely, totally sure that I want you. Give me a chance to prove it.” You blush and look away, unable to keep eye contact, but he gently tilts your head back to look at him. “Please?”
You feel your chest squeeze at just how deeply sincere he looks. For the first time, in a very long time, you feel that door that you dead bolted shut slowly creak open. You look at him with watery eyes, your voice hoarse and minuscule, “okay.”
Immediately, a big, bright smile breaks across Chans face, pulling a wobbly one from you. He leans in close, his hands on either side of you, “Can I kiss you…again?”
This time, you take the first step and close the distance. This kiss tastes like something new, something hopeful. His arms wrap around you, pulling you into his safe embrace and there, on a cold balcony in the middle of the night, the sound of a wall falling down rings through the streets.
—
True to his word, Chan lets you set the pace. He checks with you before being affectionate in front of others. He discusses boundaries and expectations. On the days he isn’t there to say it in person, he sends you good morning and good night texts. He buys you food and coffee, and when you complain he always says you can get it next time but then never lets you. Slowly, but surely your walls start coming down, brick by brick.
The break passes by and the second leg of the tour takes off with a bang, except things feel different this time, less lonely. Of course your relationship is on the DL from the public, but everyone else on staff knows. The boys lose their minds when you tell them.
“God, finally!” Lee Know groans.
“I was wondering how many more times we were going to have to lock you in a room before you figured it out.” Changbin adds.
“This is so great! I’m so happy for you guys,” Felix beams.
“Are y’all gonna be all lovey-dovey now or whatever?” Hyunjin scrunches his nose.
“Maybe,” Chan shrugs, pulling you flush against him and kissing the top of your head, “got a problem with that?”
“I think I just threw up in my mouth a bit,” Seungmin gags.
You shove your face into Bangchan’s side, trying to hide your blush, while he is just a fit of giggles, holding you closer. Despite their teasing, the boys all make sure you know how happy they are for you. You feel your chest squeeze with that familiar comfort, but instead of pushing it down, you let yourself fully feel it.
Of course, you aren’t perfect and old habits die hard. For example, today you are feeling a little more drained than usual. Starting tour back up keeps things busy and you didn’t sleep very well last night. You’re sitting in the green room, things winding down as people pack up after the concert. Chan sits on the couch in sweats, his makeup freshly removed scrolling on his phone absentmindedly. Your shoulders sag from the weight of the day and nothing looks better than collapsing in his arms right now. But you look around at how many staff are around and are worried that it will look bad for his image to be overly affectionate. So you settle for sitting next to him, your body landing heavily on the couch.
He looks at you with that soft smile of his, “Hey baby,” immediately he notices the tension in your shoulders and the bags under your eyes. He always notices and he always asks, “how are you?”
You sigh, plastering on your professional half smile, “alright.”
He furrows his brows, knowing it’s more than that, “what’s wrong?”
“I’m a little tired…”
“And?” He prompts, not letting you handle your burdens alone.
“It’s just,” You sigh, his loving pressure once again lowering your defenses, “I’ve had a long day and I didn’t get great sleep last night. But it’s fine. These days happen.”
“Is there anything I can do to make it better?”
You bite your lip, debating whether or not ask him. Seeing your hesitation, he places his hand lightly over yours, quietly encouraging you to speak your mind. Your voice comes out quieter than you mean for it to, “Can I have a hug?”
Chans heart melts at your simple request, “of course.” He immediately pulls you into his embrace. As soon as his arms wrap around you, it feels like the weight of the day is lifted. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding, melting into his side. He kisses your temple, “You don’t need to ask. You can hug me anytime you want.”
Your exes voice echoes back through your head, the sting still there from years ago. “I just didn’t want to be weird or make you uncomfortable.”
“Why would you hugging me ever make me uncomfortable?”
“Well, we’re at work and there’s other staff around watching. I didn’t want to be unprofessional.”
He leans back to look at you. He does that when he is serious, making sure you look him in the eye so you know he means what he says, “I could never be made uncomfortable by you hugging me. I don’t care where we are, if you need anything from me, I’m here with open arms, literally and metaphorically.”
You smile as the sound of another brick falling to ground resounds, “Thank you.”
“Always.” He gives you a quick peck on the lips before pulling you all the way into his lap.
You squeak, startled but the sudden movement, “what are you doing?”
“Squeezing all the exhaustion and bad vibes out of you,” his large arms wrap around your frame before squeezing you tight against him, “is it working?”
“I don’t know. I think you might need to hold me for a little longer.” You smirk.
He pecks you on the cheek, “gladly.”
And he does, he holds you close until it’s time to go back to the hotel and even then he keeps you close to his side. When you go back to your rooms, he is quick to get ready for bed so that he can snuggle you. As soon as you are both under the covers, he pulls you flush against him, wrapping his entire body around you. A contented sigh escapes your lips as all the previous tension releases at his touch. Your eyes flutter closed as you naturally snuggle close to him. As you quickly feel sleep begin to overtake you, you mutter to Chan, “Thank you. You are too good to me.”
“No, I’m just loving you like you deserve.” He places one last kiss to the top of your head before you drift off in the safety of his arms.
—
Turns out, you and Chan are both physical touch people (him more so than you). Now he hangs off you like a koala. You’re working on your computer and he will rub your shoulders, kiss the top of your head, or snuggle into your side. He often hugs you from behind, leaning his head on your shoulder. It happens enough for you to keep going about your business like it’s nothing. Staff has gotten used to it too. On harder days you find solace in each other’s arms. After concerts he immediately scoops you up in his sweaty arms and spins you around like it’s the first time he’s ever performed. Slowly but surely, he starts to become your safe space and you his. You have never met a man who is as gentle, patient, and loving as Chan. It almost feels too good to be true.
Once again, you are on a break from tour, except it’s not really a break. The boys are spending all their time doing shootings and recordings for an album they will release once tour is over. You, however, are stuck in your office all day getting ready for the last leg of the tour. After staring at your computer for what feels like forever, you finally hit a stopping point. You pick up your phone and groan when you see the time, 9pm. It used to not be a big deal for you to stay this late at work, but now that you have someone you care about, the thought of staying later becomes a lot less appealing. Since it is only 4 weeks, Chan decided to stay at your apartment over break. With both of you being so busy, you don’t get to see each other as often. After spending months around each other non-stop, it feels weird to not see him that much. You step into your apartment and kick off your shoes, not even bothering to turn on the lights. You quickly scan the apartment and find Chan isn’t home. He is likely still at the studio which means he won’t be home for a while. You take a shower and throw on some pajamas (Chan’s t-shirt and some shorts) before snuggling under your blankets. What would normally feel like paradise after a long day at work just feels empty without him there. You try to push it away and sleep, but you keep tossing and turning, every now and then instinctively reaching out for him only to be met with nothing. You sit like that for probably hours before you hear the front door open. The familiar sound of a bag hitting the floor and heavy footsteps floats down the hallway. You sit up in bed, unnecessarily excited by his presence. The bedroom door slowly creaks open as Bangchan sneaks in, but he straightens up when he see’s you sitting up in bed.
“I’m sorry, baby. I didn’t wake you, did I?” He walks over and places a soft kiss on your forehead.
You hum in satisfaction, your body relaxing in his presence, “No, I was already up.”
“You weren’t waiting for me were you?” He asks concerned that his late night kept you up.
“No,” At least not intentionally, you weren’t. “I just got home from work not too long ago.” You aren’t sure what time it is, but you know you’ve been home for a little while. You just don’t want to make him feel guilty because you had trouble sleeping. That is your own issue to deal with.
“It’s,” He checks his watch, “Almost midnight. Why were you at work so late? You shouldn’t overwork yourself.”
You raise a teasing brow, “Says the one who just got home.”
He shakes his head with a smile, “Touché. I guess we both need to work on taking a break.”
“We can work on that tomorrow. For now, hurry up and take a shower so we can go to sleep.”
He presses a quick kiss to your lips, “I’ll be done in no time.”
He quickly takes a shower before joining you in bed. As his strong arms wrap around you, you feel your body relax and finally give in to the fatigue of the day.
—
Turns out, the trouble sleeping without him is a bigger issue than you realized. It’s not like it’s impossible for you to sleep without him, it just is significantly less restful. Chan has an event with Fendi in Italy, so he is gone most of the week. He still texts you good morning and goodnight, it just doesn’t align with your morning and night. You do your best to FaceTime, but with time zones and everything, you only manage one or two. You assure him that it’s fine even if you do feel a little disappointed every time it doesn’t work out. The hard part is sleep. You come home from work to an empty apartment and suddenly you are transported back to two years ago when you first started working at the company. Long lonely nights where you would come home to a dark, quiet apartment. Your pantry filled with instant ramen and freezer with ice cream. The terrible habit of watching several episodes of some TV show despite it being midnight. Those memories bounce off your quiet apartment walls making everything feel infinitely lonelier. You didn’t realize how attached to Chan you’d become. It makes sense considering you have been on tour with him for half a year, but this feels extreme. You groan, scolding yourself for being clingy. This is not helpful to you or to him. Both of you are busy; getting all upset when he is gone for a little while is not something you need to get into the habit of doing. You force yourself to think about something else, but your mind keeps going back to him. You sigh and check the time. It’s about dinner time in Italy right now, maybe Chan is available. You shoot him a quick text
Y/N: Hey, you have a second to call?
Chan: Sorry, I’ve got a dinner party I have to be at. Everything okay?
Y/N: Yeah, just thought I’d check if you have a free moment.
Chan: Unfortunately not right now, but I can try to make some time later.
Y/N: No, no don’t worry about. You should focus on your work. It’s no big deal. I’ll probably be asleep by then anyway.
Chan: You sure? It’s really not a big deal. I can probably catch you when you wake up.
Y/N: that’ll be like midnight for you. No. Get some rest and don’t worry about it.
Chan: Okay, sorry. Miss you <3
Y/N: Miss you too <3
Your phone clicks off as you feel a little disappointment rise in your chest. You immediately stuff it down. It’s fine. It’s not his fault. He’s busy and that’s okay. You will be okay without a call. That’s what you repeat to yourself every time you start to miss him, every time that stupid feeling of disappointment comes creeping back in.
It’s the end of the week and Bangchan is coming back from his trip. He is arriving at an ungodly hour of the morning, so the company ends up just dropping him off at the dorms for him to crash for the night. You notice he’s not there that morning when you wake up. Double checking your calendar, you are sure he came back already. ‘He must have slept at the dorm,’ you think to yourself. Once again, that stupid feeling claws its way back in, but you quickly shove it down. He is allowed to stay at the dorm. It is his home after all. He probably just didn’t want to wake you. You should be grateful for his consideration. Plus you’ll get to see him when you go to work, so it’s a win, right?
Wrong. You don’t see him at work. When you knock on the studio door, Han answers with a smile, “Hey Y/N! What brings you by?”
“Oh, I was just wondering if Chan was here?” You look around the small studio with no sign of him.
Han shakes his head, “Nope. Innie said he was knocked out when he left this morning. Guess he slept in for once.” Han shrugs, but see’s your disappointed look, “I’m sure you could go see him though.”
“No, it’s okay.” You put on your well practiced professional smile, “I’ll let him sleep. He needs it.”
“Okay,” Han can tell you seem sad about Bangchan not being here, but he doesn’t push you. You leave with a small wave and head back to your office. All day you keep checking your phone, waiting for a text from Chan. You feel dumb, like some boy crazed middle schooler. He is a grown man who can do what he wants. He doesn’t have to text you the moment he wakes up. Yet, you still check for any sign of him. You end up going home a little earlier than usual. After having worked late nights all week, you managed to lessen your workload enough that you can take off early. Despite having had an easy day, you go home feeling more tired than usual. You aren’t sure what is wrong, but you feel heavy, like some invisible weight is pressing on you. When you walk into an empty apartment, you are a little sad, but not surprised. There is still no word from him which means he is likely still sleeping, which is good. He needs to make up for a lot of sleep debt. You eat a small dinner and end up crashing early, your bed still feeling cold and hollow.
Chan squints as the warm glow of sunlight slips through his curtains. With a groan he rolls over and checks his phone. He immediately shoots up straight when he see’s that it is 5pm. “Shit!” He jumps out of bed, scrambling to throw on clothes. He can’t believe he slept that long and no one thought to wake him up. He rushes to get ready before speeding over to the studio, his long to do list running through his head. Rushing into the studio, he almost runs straight into Jeongin.
“Woah, hyung.” Jeongin steadies him, “what are you doing?”
“Why didn’t you wake me up this morning?” Chan huffs, slightly out of breath.
“I tried, but you didn’t wake up, so I left you to sleep. Goodness knows you need it.”
“You should have tried harder. I slept my whole day away! Do you know how much work I could have gotten done?”
Jeongin rolls his eyes, “You really need to learn how to take a break. It’s okay for you to sleep you know?”
“Sure, but not for like 12 hours.”
“That doesn’t even put a dent in your sleep debt.” Jeongin mutters.
“Whatever,” Chan groans, feeling his minutes waste away. “Next time, don’t leave until you wake me up.” He runs off down the hallway to the studio where Han and Changbin are working. He bursts through the door, startling both of them. “Sorry I’m late!”
“Jeez, you scared me,” Han whines with his hand clutched over his heart. “Knock next time will you?”
“Sorry,” Chan slumps down into a chair, tired from his rush over here. “I was just in a rush.”
“Yeah, I see that.”
“But I’m here now, so what have you worked on?” He leans over Changbin’s shoulder to stare at the computer.
“We were just mixing some tracks,” Changbin points to the mix on his screen, “But something feels off and we can’t tell what.”
“Play it.” Chan listens as the track plays, his mind immediately locking in. As it fades out, he sits there thinking for a moment. Sitting down in one of the chairs, he immediately starts messing with the track, his hands speeding across the keyboard.
“Told you he would know how to fix it,” Changbin says to Han.
“Hey, I never disagreed.” Han holds his hands up in mock surrender. “Oh, by the way, Y/N came by asking for you.” Han tries to tell Chan but he is too focused to hear him. Before Han get’s a chance to repeat himself, Chan finishes what he was doing.
“There. Try this.” He presses play and the track fills the studio. Changbin and Han nod along approvingly. The track finishes and Han immediately claps Chan on the back.
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. You sir are an absolute genius.”
“He’s here for 10 minutes and fixes what we have been messing with all day.” Changbin huffs.
“Hey, I bet he could figure this one out too!” Han quickly pulls up another track and they all get lost in their work. Hours pass by as they work in the studio until well past the sun setting. Eventually, Han and Changbin tap out leaving Bangchan alone. With the switch in time zones and his sleeping in late, he feels wide awake, despite it being past midnight. He ends up working until dawn, finally crashing on the studio couch.
You wake up the next morning and see no sign of Bangchan. You guess he stayed at the dorm again. Checking your phone, there is no good morning or goodnight text. Just radio silence. Maybe you should text him, check if everything is okay. As you go to write the text, your fingers stop, hovering over the screen. Memories of your ex suddenly come back to you. His reaction when you had asked if everything was okay because he stopped texting you good morning and goodnight. How he blew up because you wondered why he didn’t come over as often. Immediately you delete your text to Chan, putting your phone back on your bedside table. Everything is fine. He is allowed to stay at the dorm. He doesn’t have to text you all the time. He is busy and you should respect that. You have become an expert at shoving your feelings down and getting over it, so that’s what you will do. Because that is a much better option than being clingy to the point that you eventually push him away.
You end up working from home that day, not having much reason nor motivation to go into the office. It’s a quiet day as rain patters against your windows. You decide to do some cooking, the rain making everything feel more melancholy. Maybe a nice meal will help you feel a little more energized. You’re chopping some vegetables in the kitchen when you hear the front door open. It takes everything in you to not immediately run out of the kitchen like a kid on Christmas morning. Instead, you compose yourself and calmly walk to greet him. You round the corner and see a very tired Bangchan slipping off his shoes. As soon as his eyes lock on yours, it feels like the whole world gets a little bit brighter. He immediately pulls you into a hug and you bury your face into the crook of his neck. You breathe in his warm vanilla scent and feel all of the weird heaviness of the past week melt away. He pulls back to look at you and his face scrunches in confusion and concern.
“What?” You ask, confused now too.
He swipes his thumb across your cheek, “Why are you crying?”
“Huh?” You touch your eyes and realize that tears are slowly falling and you have no idea why.
“Did something happen?” His voice is soft and worried.
Suddenly, more tears start pouring down your cheeks and something in your chest tightens. You try to wipe them away or hold them back, but that only seems to prompt more. “I-I don’t know-“ Your voice is wobbly and confused by the sudden outburst.
“Hey, it’s okay.” Chan gently pulls you into his chest, stroking his hand up and down your back.
“I’m sorry.” You hiccup, “I don’t know what’s happening.”
He kisses the top of your head, “It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize.”
You sit there for a moment taking in shaky breaths as your body involuntarily spills out your emotions. Once you’ve finally calmed down, Bangchan gently guides you to the living room to sit down. You lean your head on his shoulder as his hand sits comfortable on your thigh, his thumb rubbing mindless patterns against your skin.
“Do you want to talk about anything?” He asks, not accusatory, just softly concerned.
You shake your head, “I don’t know. It just all kind of came out of nowhere.”
“Did anything happen lately? Like maybe stress or something.”
You think over the past week and all the emotions you have been feeling. The frustration with yourself, the loneliness, but it should all be fine since he’s back, right? “I mean, everything should be fine now.”
He turns to look at you, “What do you mean by that?”
You shrug, not meeting his gaze, “Nothing. I’m fine.”
He lightly turns your head to look at him and scans your face for a moment. That’s when he see’s it, the tiredness, the weight behind your eyes that you refuse to share. “Y/N, please don’t do this.”
“Do what?”
“Try to carry everything alone. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” But he doesn’t take that. Instead, he just looks at you, waiting, knowing there is more. You sigh, “Fine. I’ve had a bit of a rough week.”
“What happened?”
“Just some trouble sleeping, but it’s fine.”
“Why?” His tone is tender, but just firm enough to push you to open up.
“I don’t know.”
“That’s a lie and we both know it.”
Your jaw tightens. You hate how easily he can see through you, see past the walls you try to keep up. “It’s stupid. I’m fine.”
“It’s not stupid. What’s wrong?”
You sigh, “Fine. You wanna know what was wrong?”
“Yes.”
“I missed you, okay?” You feel a taut rope in you snap as your emotions bubble up inside you. “I couldn’t sleep because I missed you. And I feel like a stupid child for it.” As your frustration starts spilling over, you stand up and start pacing back and forth. “I feel stupid for being so clingy that I can’t handle being apart for a week. For being disappointed whenever you weren’t able to call even though I know you’re busy and I know it’s not fair to ask you to take time out of your schedule just because I can’t get over myself and act like an adult. And I tried. I really did.” Your frustration breaks down into pure exhaustion as tears start rolling down your cheeks again. “I tried so hard to get over it. I tried to tell myself that you would be back soon. But then you got back and I didn’t see you. When you weren’t at work, I asked Han if he knew where you were and he said you were still asleep. So I let you sleep because I want you to sleep. And then you didn’t text today, so I got worried, but I didn’t want to bother you. So I let it go or at least I thought I did. I thought that I would see you and it would all be fine, but I guess not. I guess I’m still an emotional wreck who can’t get over anything.” At this point your voice is raised and angry, but it’s not directed at him. Rather, it’s directed at yourself. “And I sound angry and like I’m upset with you, but I’m not. I’m upset with myself because I feel selfish. Like, I know you are busy and can’t text and call all the time. And I know you are tired and need your sleep. And I know you have every right to sleep in and take time for yourself. You don’t have to come over and you don’t have to always spend time with me. I know all of this and yet I can’t stop feeling so damn lonely!” Your chest is heaving with frustration and exhaustion, all of your thoughts unintentionally spilling out at once. Realizing your outburst, you immediately crumble, your head hanging in your hands. “And now I’ve spilled all my frustrations on you when you were already tired and didn’t ask for it. God, I’m such a terrible girlfriend.”
Slowly, gently, Chan leans forward and pulls your hands away from your face. He tilts your tear stained face up to look at him. You are expecting anger or annoyance, but instead you are met with the softest, most loving gaze ever. You feel your heart break as you notice a few tears rolled down his cheeks as well. Yet, he is giving you such a tender smile. “Oh my beautiful, broken girl. I don’t know who hurt you so much that it made you think you don’t deserve love and hopefully you’ll tell me some day, but regardless I want you to really hear me when I say this. You are not selfish or clingy for wanting to be loved.” You feel something inside you crack open as you start crying again. “You are not a terrible girlfriend for sharing your frustrations. You are a beautiful and amazing woman and you are never a burden for asking for affection.”
“But-but you’re so busy,” You choke out through sobs.
He just smiles and wipes your tears, “I know. We both are, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to miss me. I hate that you couldn’t sleep. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. I was also very frustrated that I couldn’t call you more and I’m sorry if I made it seem like I didn’t care. I’m also sorry for not coming to see you as soon as I got back. I got back at like 4am and the company naturally dropped me off at the dorm. I crashed there, intending to come to see you in the morning. But jet lag got the better of me and I ended up sleeping until 5pm.” Your eyes go wide, causing him to laugh, “I know. Very out of character for me. Which is probably why I freaked out when I saw the time and immediately ran to work. When I went to the studio the guys needed help with a track and that spiraled into more tracks and you know how I am when I get into a flow at work. I ended up staying at the studio until the early hours of the morning and crashed on the couch. I woke up to the guys coming back in to the studio. Han mentioned you coming to the studio looking for me and I felt bad. But when I went to your office, you weren’t there. I tried calling but you didn’t answer. I would’ve come straight here, but I had to stay and record.”
You look around for your phone and realize it’s been on your bedside table all day. “I’m sorry. It’s been in my room and I guess I forgot about it. Please don’t feel bad. I’m glad you got sleep and you are allowed to work—“
He cuts off your spiraling, “I’m not apologizing because I’m not allowed to sleep or work. I’m apologizing because I unintentionally hurt your feelings and your feelings are real and deserve to be acknowledged. I’m sorry that I made you feel lonely by forgetting to text you, even if it wasn’t on purpose. If it makes you feel any better, I really missed you too. And honestly, I find it kind of endearing that you missed me.”
You laugh despite yourself.
“I’m serious! It means that you care about me and that I actually mean something to you.”
“Of course you mean something,” You lightly shove his knee.
He grabs your hands and pulls you off the ground into his lap, “Good, because you mean the world to me.” He presses a quick kiss to your lips. “Which means I care about how you feel, even if you think it’s stupid.”
You lean in and kiss him slower this time, your tears mixing with his. His hands sit on your hips while yours rest against his chest. The feel of his soft lips against yours is healing to your soul. He pulls back and just looks at you for a moment. You look back with confusion, “What?”
“I love you so much.” You feel your heart stutter at his words, part of you questioning if he means it. But as he stares at you like you are the most precious thing in this world, there is no doubt he means it.
You lean your head into the crook of his neck, curling closer into his warmth, “I love you too.”
He kisses your temple, his grip tightening ever so slightly around you, “No matter how far away I am, how busy I am, I will always be here for you. I just need you to tell me when something’s wrong. Can you do that for me?”
You feel something small, but resolute form in the pit of your stomach, “I can try.”
“Good. That’s all I ask.” He holds you close for the rest of the night and for the first time all week, you finally sleep soundly. As your even breaths sync with his, somewhere deep inside you, another wound is mended.
—
You finish out tour and grow closer in your relationship with Chan. It’s not perfect because no relationship is, but with good communication and patience, you grow to love each other more than you ever thought possible. After tour is over, the boys immediately start promoting their new album. You dive back into regular management responsibilities, stepping up to be in charge of their schedule. It’s like what you did for tour, just minus some extra logistics which you don’t mind. It’s nice not being the one in charge of everything and instead being able to delegate responsibility to others.
Today, the group is performing at K-World Dream Awards and everything feels a bit chaotic. The boys have been at the event center for a while, practicing and what not while you stayed home and got ready. Chan had insisted on buying you a new dress and after much convincing you let him. You end up getting a long mermaid style dress that is a deep cabernet red. It’s got an off the shoulder neckline with tulle fabric that cascades down from the shoulder to the floor. You put your hair in a nice updo with pieces of hair framing your face perfectly. Your earrings and necklace are a matching set with deep red gems, matching your dress. You top it off with some red strapped heels and a full face of makeup. As you weave down the hallway towards the boys waiting area, you start to wonder if you did too much. You always worry about being overly flashy and drawing unnecessary attention. With a soft knock, you open the door to the boys waiting area. “Hello?” As you creak the door open, you hear a chorus of hellos from the boys and staff. Chan turns to greet you but is stopped in his tracks when he see’s you. His jaw drops as his eyes scan your frame, causing you to blush almost as deep a red as your dress. He slowly walks over to you and places his hands lightly on your hips, still not saying anything but just looking at you. The longer he stares, the more nervous you start to feel.
“Is it that bad?” You joke trying to lessen the pressure.
Chan shakes his head, “Bad? Baby, you look gorgeous.” His hands settle a little firmer on your waist, as if he was deciding whether or not he is allowed to touch something so precious.
“You don’t think it’s too much?”
“Absolutely not. I think you look perfect. More than perfect.”
“I don’t think that’s possible.”
“Yet here you are,” he sounds breathless, his eyes still wandering over your frame. For a moment, you just stand there, lovingly looking at each other when suddenly someone makes a very intentional gagging sound, “Oh my gosh. Get a room.” Seungmin jokes, reminding you that there are other people in the room with you.
Chan smirks at you and you know that means trouble. “We are in a room.” He responds before crashing his lips against yours causing all of the boys to groan in disgust.
“Quick someone wash out my eyes!” Hyunjin yells dramatically.
“I’ll do it!” Lee Know much to eagerly volunteers, immediately chasing Hyunjin with an open bottle of hand sanitizer.
You pull back from Chan, now laughing at the sudden chaos he caused. “You’re a menace, you know that?”
He shrugs, “Maybe you shouldn’t look so pretty if you don’t want me to kiss you.”
“Who said I don’t want you to kiss me?” Chan raises a brow and starts to lean in again, but you put your hand in the way instead. He whines into your palm, making you laugh, “Shows about to start and not only do I have to get to my seat, but you need to get ready to perform.”
He sighs, pulling back and locking into leader mode. He turns back to the boys and claps, “Alright, let’s get ready to go.” They all perk up and move to get everything they need in order to perform. Chan turns back to you, “Cheer real loud for us, ‘kay?”
“Obviously.” You smile, pressing a quick kiss to his lips before leaving to find your seat.
You are cheering quite loud the entire night. The boys do an incredible job performing, per usual and they win four awards (which are totally deserved). You are so proud of them and are practically running backstage to see them once everything’s over. You burst through the dressing room door and launch yourself at Chan who manages to catch you last minute.
“Congratulations, baby! I’m so proud of you!!” You scream but it’s muffled against his shoulder.
A huge smile breaks across Chans face as he picks you up and spins you around, “I could get used to this.” He presses a kiss to your cheek as he sets you back down. “I should win more awards from now on.”
You roll your eyes, a smile never leaving your lips, “Seriously, good job. Your performance was incredible and you deserve every one of those awards.” You press a slower, softer kiss to his lips, not caring about either of your makeup at this point.
“He’s not the only one who won,” Lee Know mumbles from his chair next to Chan.
You pull back with a dramatic gasp, “You’re right. How could I ever forget about you?” You step behind Lee Know and throw your arms around his shoulders in a hug that he was not ready for. He scrunches up like a cat and is basically hissing at you. You ignore him with a big smile on your face, “Congratulations on your awards!”
Everyone else laughs as you make Lee Know go full cat mode. “Yah! I didn’t say I wanted a hug.”
“But you all won the award, so you all deserve congratulations.” You turn to Han who is standing closest and throw your arms open. His eyes light up and he gladly receives your hug of congratulations. You move to each on of the boys to hug them; Felix and Changbin gladly receive your hug. Hyunjin and Jeongin are a little less inclined but still give a soft side hug. You end up having to chase Seungmin and only trap him because Lee Know grabs him. “If I had to be hugged, so do you!”
You throw your arms around him from behind as he goes limp, giving into his fate. “Congratulations, Seungmin.”
He looks at Chan with a raised eyebrow, knowing he is a jealous type, “You’re really going to let your girlfriend hug a bunch of other boys.”
Chan laughs, trying to play it off, “She’s just congratulating you guys. Plus she is part of your staff too. But,” He pulls you away from Seungmin and into his arms, “That’s enough congratulations for one night.”
“Never thought I’d be happy to see Hyung’s possessive side.” Seungmin wipes himself off as if you’re in middle school and girls have cooties.
There is a light knock on the door and your media manager leans their head in giving the boys their cue to follow. Chan looks at you about to explain but you nod, knowing full well how these events go. “I know. Press stuff. I’ll wait here.”
“Sorry, but it’s the last thing of the night. Promise.”
“Baby, it’s fine. Go do your job.” You stop in the doorway, pressing a quick kiss to his lips. “I’ll be here.” With soft squeeze of your hand, he follows after the rest of the group. You lean against the doorframe, watching as he disappears around the corner when you hear a long whistle from behind you.
“Wow, moved up to the big leagues, huh?” Your eyes go wide as you freeze, that familiar voice sending chills down your spine. You turn around slowly and lock eyes with the one person you hoped you would never see again. Jae. He is walking up to you, that familiar crooked smile plastered on his face. His hair is parted down the middle, perfectly styled along with his clean cut outfit, as per usual. It’s been two years. Two years since you broke up. Two years since he cheated on you. Two years that you thought were enough to get over it, but as he stands a few feet in front of you, suddenly it feels like that night was just yesterday. He looks you up and down, his piercing blue eyes making your skin crawl. “Wow, Y/N. You look incredible. You were really holding out on me.” You feel your jaw tighten as he takes another step closer. “Maybe I wouldn’t have ended things if you looked like this more often.” You scoff and push him back before turning to walk into the now empty dressing room. “Woah, chill. It was just a joke. Still uptight and dramatic, I see.”
You whip around to face him, having had enough of his insults, “If you don’t need anything, could you please leave.”
“Can’t a man just talk? Calm down, it’s not that deep. I just wanted to catch up.”
“Really? Because so far it seems the only thing you’ve done is insult me.”
“I complimented your looks.” He sighs, taking a step further into the room, but still keeping a distance. “Look, let’s take a breather and start over. I’ll start. How have you been? Clearly you have a new job. Working for JYP I assume?” You just nod, not feeling like entertaining much. “So, are you staff for Stray Kids or do you just have a vip pass.” He winks and you feel yourself gag a little.
You roll your eyes, “I work for them thank you very much.”
“Oh? Runner? Promotion?”
“Manager actually.”
His eyes go wide, as if it is surprising you could have a high level job. “Impressive. That’s quite a step up. Good for you, really.” For a second his tone seems genuinely sincere and you think maybe he has changed a little, but then he keeps talking. “You’re not the only one who stepped up. I’m a lead stylist at HYBE now.”
“Good for you.” Your voice is tight, trying to be professional, but not inviting.
“Look at us,” he takes a step forward, “Moving up in the world. Doing great things for ourselves.” He takes another step into your space, making you instinctively back up. “Maybe time was all we needed.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I mean, maybe we just needed a break to figure ourselves out.” He steps closer, only few feet from you. You back up but hit the counter behind you leaving you no room to run.
“Jae, you’re too close.” You try to sound confident, but your voice is thin and shaky as your fight or flight system kicks in.
He places his hands on either side of you, trapping you between him and the counter, “We’ve been closer before. What’s the problem now?”
You lean back as far away as you can, your heart beating out of your chest as panic fills your whole body, “I’m serious. Step back.”
“Ah come on, Y/N. Let’s have a little fun, for old times sake.”
“I have a boyfriend.”
He lets out a half scoff, half laugh, “So?”
“So, I’m not a cheater, like you.”
“Oh please, he’s an idol. He’s probably with a bunch of different girls. What’s one guy for you, huh?” Tears start welling up in your eyes, as your breathing gets shallow. His face is inches from yours as he steps forward and puts his leg between yours. His left hand grabs your wrist while his right trails up your arm, his fingers feeling like acid against your skin. “Just push me away if you don’t want this. You slapped me before, just do it again.” You try so desperately to get your body to move, but nothing happens. You stand frozen like a deer in headlights. His finger hooks under your dress strap, dragging along the neckline of your dress. Tears are slowly falling down your face as you scream internally at yourself. Move! Scream! Run! Do something, please! But it’s like your body is totally disconnected from yourself, as if you are simply an outside viewer of this situation. As he grips the neckline of your dress, he slowly pulls you closer, his lips hovering over yours, “See? You want this just as much as I do.” You squeeze your eyes shut, hoping that maybe this is all a terrible nightmare and he isn’t actually about to kiss you when suddenly there is a loud shout from the doorway.
“Get away from her!” Your eyes snap open just in time to see Bangchan grab Jae by the collar and practically throw him to the ground. He stands with his back to you, in between you and Jae like a shield. “Keep your fucking hands off of my girlfriend.”
Jae just stands up straighter, adjusting his messed up collar, “Woah man, chill. We were just having some fun. She was fine with it. Right, Y/N?”
You’ve been standing wide eyed, your brain not having caught up to reality yet. It’s only when he says your name that you finally realize how this must look to Chan. You start panicking, terrified that he thinks you were cheating on him. Tears start pouring down your cheeks as you start hyperventilating, your words getting all mixed up, so you don’t actually make a coherent sentence.
Jae tries to turn your state of panic in his favor, “See, she wanted it. She would have pushed me away if she didn’t. Guess that old spark never died.” Bangchan looks at him with a mix of anger and confusion and Jae’s eyes sparkle with amusement as yours widen with fear. “Wow, you didn’t tell him who I was.”
Chan looks between you and him, having no idea what is going on. He turns back to Jae, “Who the hell are you?”
“I was her boyfriend.” The way he says it makes it seem like you never really moved on, like this isn’t your first time talking in two years. It’s not that you hadn’t mentioned past relationships with Chan, you just never gave specific names or descriptions because most of them work in the industry. You also never went into detail about everything that happened between you and Jae.
You grab Chan’s sleeve, practically choking on your tears, “Please, it’s not…I mean he was, but I swear I didn’t—I don’t.” You can’t breathe, your dress suddenly feeling too tight, the air in the room too thin. Your voice is shaky as you desperately try to force out your words. You squeeze your eyes shut, trying to muster all the strength you have into giving one coherent sentence. “Please, I wasn’t cheating. Please believe me.” You feel your legs give out and you collapse into a pile of broken sobs.
Chan swiftly catches you, his entire demeanor shifting into the comforting warmth you have become so reliant on. He pulls you close to his chest, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your back, “Hey, I believe you. I don’t think you were cheating. It’s gonna be okay. I’ve got you.”
Jae crosses his arm with a scoff and mutters, “Dramatic bitch.”
Chan’s head whips around to lock eyes with Jae who steps back, startled from the sudden shift in temperament. Chan can feel his blood boil as he remembers that night on his balcony where you called yourself that. Dots start connecting and if you weren’t currently in his arms, he might commit a crime. “What did you just say?” Chans voice drops into that deep register that can rival even Felix. His eyes darken with anger, boring holes into Jae who now looks very nervous.
“What? Uh, I just…”
Just then, the rest of the boys walk back into the room and look incredibly confused. Lee Know looks at Chan’s face and immediately knows that something bad has gone down, “Hyung, what’s going on?”
“Get him out of here, now.”
No one questions his order, knowing what that tone and look means. Lee Know and Changbin grab Jae’s arms and start to pull him towards the door. He rips himself out of their grip, frustratingly adjusting his jacket, “Okay! I can walk myself, jeez.” He stomps out of the room muttering to himself as the boys watch him to make sure he goes and stays gone. Once he is out of sight, they all exchange a glance and leave the room, gently closing the door behind them. As soon as the door clicks shut, Bangchan’s focus shifts to solely be on you. You are still sobbing into his chest, your entire body shaking as you clutch onto him so tightly that your knuckles are white. He tucks your head under his chin and slowly starts rocking you back and forth.
“I-I’m sorry.” Your voice is broken and muffled.
“Hey, no don’t apologize. You did nothing wrong.” His voice is also a little shaky, but still tender.
“I didn’t…I don’t want…”
You can’t finish your sentence, but Chan understands anyway. “I know you didn’t want that. I’m so sorry this happened and that you feel the need to apologize.” His grip tightens a little, but it feels more like a shield than a restraint. He sucks in a sharp breath, tears falling down his cheeks too. “God, I hate that you had to go through that. If I had been any later…” He trails off, unable to finish his thought.
You pull back to look at him and his heart breaks at the sight of you. Your hair is now messed up and starting to fall out. Your makeup is smudged, mascara running down your cheeks as your eyes are bloodshot and swollen from crying. You look utterly broken and that makes him want to breakdown crying and murder someone all at the same time. Despite being the one who just got assaulted, you reach up and gently wipe a tear from his cheek. “But you weren’t late. You saved me. Thank you.” Your voice is rough and shaky, but sincere nonetheless.
He gently cups your face, a watery smile lining his face, “I’ll always save you.”
Feeling the final bit of strength you had left leave you, you slump against his chest, soft sniffles still escaping your lips. “Can we go home?” Your voice is tiny as a mouse.
“Of course.” Bangchan helps you get up and slowly walks you out of the room. As the door opens, the boys are all standing outside like a line of body guards. Chan and Lee Know give each other a nod as the boys file back in to get their stuff and Chan leads you out to the car. The entire way home, Chan has you tucked close against his side. As soon as you enter your apartment, he slips off your shoes and picks you up bridal style to carry you to the bathroom. He helps you change and take down your hair as well as remove your makeup. As you take a shower, he makes some tea and a light snack. When you get out of the shower, you change into his t-shirt and sweats, immediately feeling the comfort his presence brings. You shuffle back into the bedroom where he already set your tea and snack on the bedside table.
“I know you probably aren’t hungry, but you used a lot of energy, so you need to eat at least a little bit.”
You just give a small nod and nibble at the food while he takes a quick shower and changes. Soon he slides into bed next to you and pulls you into his arms. As soon as your head lands on his chest, your eyes fluttered closed and almost immediately you fall asleep, utterly exhausted from the evening.
It takes a few days before you are ready to talk about anything that happened. You contact your boss with the necessary information and they give you the week off. Chan still has to go into work, but you are pretty much sleeping all day anyway. He comes home around dinner, wanting to be there for you as much as he can, when he finds you sitting in the living room instead of your usual spot on the bed. He feels his shoulders drop a little knowing you are feeling well enough to do more than sit in bed all day.
“Hey baby.” You look up at the sound of Chans voice and he smiles when you meet his eyes. “How are you feeling today?”
You swallow, “I think I’m ready to talk.”
Chan’s eyes widen as he immediately moves to sit next to you, his hand gently grabbing yours, “Are you sure? Because you don’t have to if you aren’t ready.”
“I know, but I need to get it out. I can’t keep having everything spiraling in my head. But I need you to bear with me because this might not be super coherent.”
Chan nods, “Of course, baby. Take all the time you need.”
You take a deep breath, “So that guy who…from the other night. He wasn’t lying when he said he was my boyfriend. He is my ex. We broke up about two years ago after…he cheated on me.” Chans jaw tightens but he doesn’t say anything. “We worked in the same company. He was a stylist while I was in PR at the time. We dated for two years when one day, after he got home from a trip, I went to his apartment and found him with another girl. After that, I quit and joined JYP.” You can see the gears in Chan’s brain turning, but he waits patiently for you to finish. You tell him about your relationship, all the fights; how he called you dramatic, clingy, and suffocating; how he got upset and pushed you away. Jae wasn’t the first guy to treat you poorly, but he definitely left the deepest wounds. As you paint the messy picture of your past, the dots start connecting in Chan’s head. All of your insecurities, the built up walls and issues you’ve had to work through, it all starts to make sense. Once you finish explaining everything, Chan leans forward, his elbows on his knees as he looks at the floor. The longer he stays quiet, the more nervous you start to feel. Was it too much? Did he finally realize what a mess you are and decide it’s not worth it? But when he turns to look at you, you are taken aback. He has a soft look in his eyes as his eyes are brimmed with tears.
“Thank you for trusting me.” His voice is barely a whisper. You just blink at him, confused by his reaction. “I’m really sorry you had to go through such terrible stuff.” He turns more towards you and gently takes your hand in his. “If I may, I want you to know that all those things he said about you are wrong. You aren’t dramatic. You aren’t clingy. You aren’t suffocating. You don’t have to apologize for existing and I’m sorry he made you feel like you do. You are allowed to exist. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to receive without giving anything back. You don’t have to prove your worth. You don’t have to earn your place. You are a capable, smart, hardworking, beautiful, incredible woman and you are deserving of love.” At this point, both of you are crying. “I love you so much and if you will let me, I will do everything in my power to prove that to you.”
You gently cup his face, your thumb wiping the tears from his cheek. Leaning in close to him, you whisper against his lips, “You already have.” Pressing your lips to his, it is the most gentle yet passionate kiss you’ve shared. Your tears mix with his as you feel all your walls crumble down. Pulling back, you lean your forehead against his, “Thank you for loving me.”
“Thank you for letting me love you.”
Later that evening, you’re curled up in bed with your head laying atop Chan’s chest as you trace mindless patterns against his shirt, his hand tucked around your waist.
“Channie?”
“Yes, love?”
“Thank you for caring for me and sharing my burdens.”
“Of course.”
“But you shouldn’t have to do that alone,” You shift up to look at him, “I mean, while I appreciate it, I think I need to get some help. Like professional help to work through some of this stuff.”
He places a kiss against your temple, “I’ll help you do whatever you need.”
“I want to be better, not because I have to be but because I want to be better…for you.”
He smiles, pressing a quick kiss to your lips, “Proud of you and I’ll be with you every step of the way.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
As you lay back down, wrapped up in his healing embrace, you feel as though a heavy weight has been lifted off your chest and for the first time in over two years, it feels like you can finally breathe again.
~~~~
Epilogue
—Over a year later—
You walk hand in hand with Bangchan at the awards ceremony, holding your head high. You’re wearing a new dress he bought for you, with professionally styled hair and makeup to match. You walk with him backstage to wish him and the boys good luck on their performance before heading back to your shared seats in the audience. As you weave down the hallway, someone rushing past you knocks your shoulder and trips, dropping the various folders they were carrying.
“Hey—” The protest dies as a far less put-together Jae looks up, eyes widening at the sight of you and Chan.
You cock your head, flashing a tight smile, “You should watch where you’re going. Never know who you might run into back here.”
From down the hallway someone shouts, “Yah! Intern! Hurry up and get over here with my concept designs.”
Jae frantically looks between you and the voice that just called for him. You slide one of his folders toward him with the tip of your heel, tsking softly, “You should hurry up. Would hate for you to lose your job over a silly mistake, intern.” You glance at Chan, who’s been watching the exchange with a proud smirk. “Shall we go?”
“It would be my pleasure.” He loops his arm around your waist and starts leading you forward again.
Without a second glance, you toss a casual wave over your shoulder, your engagement ring catching the light in one final, mocking jab.
Summary: They have to leave when their kid starts crying for them not to go - Innie edition
Word count: tbh forgot
Content: fluff!
A/N: FINAL PART!! I finally finished 🥲 I feel like these floated further from the original prompt as I went but whatever. As long as y’all like it, I’m good.
Masterlist
~~~~
You wake up feeling absolutely terrible. Your sinuses are so clogged it feels like your head is about to explode. Every light is too bright and every noise is too loud. You turn to the side and realize that Jeongin has already left for work, leaving you alone with your son, Insu. You groan knowing you will have to drag yourself out of bed to take care of him. Not that you don’t want to take care of your son, rather you don’t know that your body can handle getting out of bed. Reaching blindly for your phone, you manage to grab it off the bedside table in order to text Jeongin.
Y/N: I woke up feeling like absolute shit. I think it’s a sinus infection, hopefully not anything more. Can you get me some medicine when you come home later?
Hubbie: Oh no! I’m so sorry, love. I will bring you something during my lunch break.
Y/N: I married the right person
Hubbie: Haha, I would hope so. See you soon ❤️
You flop onto your pillow with a sigh, relieved that he will come sooner than you asked. Your relief doesn’t last long though because you hear a sudden shrill wail come from your son’s room, causing your head to throb in pain. Using all your strength, you manage to haul yourself out of bed to go get your son. Hopefully Jeongin has an early lunch break.
Jeongin opens the door to your home to find all the lights off and curtains shut. He pinches his brows in confusion, wondering if you are even home. That’s when he hears the familiar sound of his son laughing from the playroom. He makes his way over to find Insu in a play pen on the floor, happily playing with blocks while you sleep in a rocking chair off to the side. Jeongin softens when he see’s your puffy eyes and red nose. Insu spots him and immediately gets up to grab at the edge of the play pen.
“Appa!” He reaches up for Jeongin with eager hands.
Jeongin leans down to pick him up, doing his best not to disturb you, “Hey buddy.” He whispers, “Are you being good for Eomma?”
Insu babbles incoherently, patting his little hands against Jeongin’s face. Jeongin squints as the tiny hands come far too close to poking his eyes, earning a loud laugh from his son. You startle awake at the sudden noise, but immediately relax when you see your husband holding your son.
“Hey, love.” Jeongin comes over and hands you the small bag in his hand. “I got you some medicine. How are you feeling?”
You shake your head, your voice sounding hoarse and exhausted, “Not good. My head is killing me and I can hardly keep my eyes open.”
“I’m sorry.” He leans down to press a soft kiss to the top of your head. “I don’t have super long, but can I make you tea or food maybe?”
“I had a little bit to eat, but tea sounds nice.”
He smiles and nods, moving to put Insu back in the play pen, but Insu squeals as his father tries to let go, causing you to wince from the loud noise. Jeongin quickly pulls Insu back into his arms. “Okay, guess we’re both going to the kitchen.” He takes the little boy with him and makes you some warm tea. Carefully, he manages to make the tea with one hand and hold Insu with the other. Putting the hot liquid into a closed cup (so Insu won’t accidentally spill it), he brings it back to you in the play room where you are already half asleep again.
“Love?” Jeongin gently taps your shoulder to wake you, “Here’s your tea.”
You gratefully sip down the drink, the warmth soothing your raw throat. You sigh, “Thank you.”
Just then, Jeongin’s phone buzzes with an alarm. “My lunch break is almost up. Is there anything else you need?”
“Clear sinuses.” You joke.
“I would give you mine if I could.”
You shake your head with a small smile, “You’ve already done a lot. Thank you.”
He presses another soft kiss to your forehead, “Of course.” Insu happily sits on his father’s hip, chewing on the random toy he’s holding at the moment. Jeongin turns to his son, placing a quick kiss to his head. “Alright, time for Appa to go.” He attempts to set Insu down, but incurs a sharp cry from him, once again causing you to wince. Jeongin crouches down with his son, doing his best to calm him down, “Shhh, it’s okay buddy. Appa will be right back.”
You rub your temples, the high pitched crying feeling like a blade to your head. Looking for a quick solution, Jeongin picks Insu back up, almost instantly calming him down. You naturally relax as the room gets quieter.
“Sorry,” Jeongin whispers to you.
“It’s fine. Just comes with the territory I guess.” You huff, knowing it won’t be the last time you hear Insu cry today. “Just go. He’ll eventually stop crying.” You try to weakly stand up and reach for your son, but the slight falter in your step concerns Jeongin.
“Love, sit back down. I’ve got him.”
“You have to go back to work. I can take him.” You try to pull Insu from his arms, but Insu clutches onto his shirt again, crying out in protest. You pinch your eyes shut in pain, but don’t let go, “Come on. Come to Eomma.” Insu shakes his head violently, tears pouring down his little cheeks. You sigh, exhaustion washing over you, “Come on buddy, please. Eomma is so tired.” But unfortunately Insu doesn’t budge.
Jeongin takes a step back, removing your hands from Insu, instantly calming the boy down. “I’ve got him.”
You sigh, “Innie, you have to go to work.”
“I’ll take him with me.”
“You can’t just take a kid to work. I can take care of him just fine.”
“You are wincing every time he cries and me leaving is making him cry. I don’t want you to be in pain.”
“I carried him for nine months and then pushed him out, a headache is the least pain he’s caused me.” You take a step towards him, but Jeongin backs up again.
“It doesn’t make your headache hurt less. But I can. Let me take him with me and then you can sleep the rest of the day.”
You put a hand on your hip, your brain too foggy to argue.
“I can take care of him just fine. Plus, I’m sure the hyung’s would love to help out.”
You huff, much too exhausted to fight him. “Are you sure?”
“Yes, love. I’m sure.” He lightly grabs your hand and guides you out of the play room into the bedroom. “Now go sleep. I’ll take care of him all day, so just focus on getting better.”
You wait another second, double checking if he means it, but when he doesn’t back down, you give up, flopping face first onto your bed.
“Goodnight,” Jeongin chimes closing the door. You barely manage to throw your hand up before completely giving in to the sleepiness clinging to you.
Jeongin quickly packs up Insu’s stuff, including his pack and play, food, diaper bag, etc. before heading back to the company. Obviously the boys are excited to see their nephew, but Insu is practically glued to Jeongin. Every time one of the boys tries to snag him, he starts crying and reaching for his dad. Obviously everyone melted over the not-so-young maknae taking care of his kid. At first the clinginess was cute, however it proved difficult when doing certain things, like recording. Jeongin tries to hand Insu off to step into the recording booth when he starts crying and reaching for Jeongin. Taking Insu in his arms, he tries recording while holding him, but between his giggling and hitting random things, including the mic, almost destroying Bangchan’s ears, recording proves to be much too difficult. He tries dance practice, but he doesn’t have the stamina or precision to hold Insu and dance. Eventually, he manages to set Insu down for longer than a second before he starts crying again. Insu takes a special interest in Felix’s bright demeanor, making Jeongin think he’s finally adjusted, but as soon as Insu turns back to look at Jeongin and realize he isn’t exactly where he left him, he runs over and cries, hugging around his leg “Appa!” “It’s okay buddy. Appa’s right here.” He gently soothes Insu, earning a collective ‘aww’ from everyone else. The rest of the day is a chaotic mix of Jeongin trying to keep up with his child while still doing his job and the boys trying to not get distracted by the cuteness. Meanwhile, you are sleeping soundly at home because you married the sweetest boy ever.
hii i was wondering if you could do chan x reader where reader accidentally deletes something important off of chans laptop and feels insanely bad over it
love your fics!!
Omg thank you for the request!! I'm sorry it took me so long 😭 I got busy and then I was struggling with the ending for some reason. Anyway, I hope you like it!
~~~~
Bangchan x fem!reader
Word count: 6,935
Synopsis: What happens when you accidentally corrupt Chan's file right before an important deadline?
Content: Angst to fluff, Swearing, Chan says some pretty mean things to reader but apologizes later so it's all good, some heavy guilt and anxiety on readers part, mentions of Chan not taking care of himself (per usual)
A/N: I did a lot of research for the tech side of things, so don't come at me tech nerds. I'm doing my best 😭 Also I put the equivalent of USD to Won in parenthesis. They aren't actually saying that, it's for your reference. Please send me more requests! This was fun :)
Masterlist
~~~~
It is a lovely morning as the sun shines through your open windows and soft music plays off your speaker. You had a nice breakfast with Chan before he left for work and now you are taking some time to clean the apartment. You walk into Chan’s studio, knowing there are usually dishes left on his desk, when you notice his laptop sitting open on his desk. Your brows furrow with confusion since Chan rarely goes to work without his laptop. Checking the time, he only left about an hour ago so maybe he hasn’t noticed its absence yet. You pull out your phone to give him a quick call.
“Hey, baby. I’m a little busy. Is this super important?” You can hear lots of chattering in the background.
“I was just wondering if you meant to leave your laptop here.”
He curses under his breath, “Shit, no. I actually really need that today.” He groans and you can hear the stress starting to build up in his voice. “Damnit, I don’t know when I’m going to have time to come back for it. Ugh, I, uh can probably get it over lunch but I really need it before that if I can.” He is more talking to himself at this point, his brain going a million miles an hour to try and problem solve.
“If you’re busy, I can bring it to you.”
“No, no. You’ve probably got other stuff you have to do. I don’t want to make you come all the way over here.”
“Channie, I really don’t mind. I needed to go out to the store today anyway. It’ll just be another stop on my list.”
He lets out a tired sigh, hesitating. You know how much he hates feeling like an inconvenience. Plus, he is always touchy about who he lets handle his computer. You hear someone call his name from the background and you can practically feel his stress through the phone. “Are you sure you can bring it?”
“Yes, I am sure. When would you like it?”
“Whenever you can…but sooner would be better.”
“Of course. I’ll get dressed and bring it over.”
“Thank you, baby. I love you so much.”
“Love you too.”
With that, he hangs up and you get ready as quickly as you can. You close his laptop, removing the hard drive plugged in, and slip it all into his laptop bag. Grabbing your shopping list off the counter, you head out to bring Chan his laptop.
You crack the door open to the studio and look in to see 3RACHA sitting around the sound system. You knock softly, “Laptop delivery.”
Chan turns and his shoulders drop when he see’s you, “Y/N, perfect timing.” He stands up and pulls you into a hug. “Thank you so much.”
“No problem.” You slide his bag off your shoulder and hand it over. While he sets up his laptop, you greet the other two boys.
“Y/N?” Chan’s voice sounds tense again. “Where is the hard drive I had plugged in?”
“It’s in the bag.”
“You unplugged it?”
You are confused as to why he sounds so stressed by that fact. “Yeah, why?”
He looks at you with a tense gaze, “Was the file done uploading?”
You furrow your brows which does not help ease his tension. “I didn’t check. I just closed the laptop and unplugged it.” His eyes go wide as he frantically sets up his laptop, swearing under his breath. “Why? What’s wrong?”
He doesn’t answer, but scrambles to plug the drive into the sound system, slinging the headphones over his ears. He hits play and you watch as his face contorts at whatever he hears through the headphones. Han and Changbin seem to exchange a glance like they know what is wrong, leaving you in the dark. Chan mumbles to himself, “Shit, no no no.” He clicks through the file, desperately restarting it and fast forwarding. After a moment, his hands stop moving as he just slowly leans back in his chair. Slipping his headphones off, he stares blankly at his computer screen, “It’s ruined.”
Han and Changbin groan with a pained look while you still stand confused.
“What’s ruined?”
Chan lets out a controlled but frustrated sigh, his head slowly turning to look at you with a scarily neutral expression. “The audio file that was on the hard drive. It’s corrupted.”
“What? Why? I didn’t do anything.”
Apparently that was the wrong choice of words because Chan snaps. “Didn’t do anything? Yes, you did! You unplugged the hard drive!”
“Okay, so?”
“So? SO, the file wasn’t done uploading when you unplugged it and it corrupted the export. Now the track is ruined.”
“I—I didn’t know unplugging it would mess it up.”
“Why did you mess with it at all? God, do you know how long that track took?! Weeks! And it’s due by the end of this week. Four days! I have to redo weeks worth of work in four days because of you.”
You feel yourself start to shrink at his raised voice, guilt settling in your bones. “I-I’m sorry. I didn’t…I was just trying to help.”
“Yeah, real helpful weren’t you?” His sarcastic tone hits like a knife. “God, what am I gonna do?”
“Is it totally messed up?”
Chan looks at you like that was the dumbest question you could have possibly asked. He unplugs his headphones and hit’s play on the track. Suddenly, a loud mix of digital noise and sharp static comes out of the speakers. Chan turns it off and just stares at you. “I don’t know, what do you think?”
At this point, tears are brimming in your eyes and you are looking anywhere but him. “Is it not still on your computer?”
“No, because I was exporting the final mix and deleted the raw session to save space. Normally, that’s not an issue unless someone interrupts the file upload. God, I can’t believe I trusted you.”
You feel your heart drop to your feet, tears trickling down your cheeks. “I-I’m sorry. I’m really really sorry.”
“Yeah well sorry doesn’t fix my track.” He starts pacing, stepping into problem-solving mode. “How the hell am I going to fix this in time? I’m gonna have to totally redo the mix. Shit!”
The other two boys have been quietly hiding in the corner up until now when Changbin finally speaks up. “Maybe we could take it to a technician. See if they can fix it.”
Chan just shakes his head, “No, that’ll take too long and isn’t even guaranteed to work. It’ll be faster for me to just redo it, but it’s still gonna take a while. God, I can’t believe this happened! And right before the deadline too.”
You feel horrible for screwing up his track and genuinely want to help, but you have no idea what to do. “Can—Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Yeah, you can leave. I can’t even be near you right now.” He doesn’t look at you, but just stares at his laptop. The air is charged with tension as you stand there for a minute, wondering if he is serious. When he doesn’t move to change his mind, you quietly grab your bag and move towards the door. “Oh, and Y/N.” You turn around, hoping he might say he didn’t mean it, but instead he just tosses the ruined drive at you. “Throw this in the trash while you’re at it since it’s totally ruined now.” He turns his back to you, cold and unapologetic. Han looks like he is about to say something to Chan, but you stop him with a simple shake of your head. You leave, the door clicking shut behind you as you trudge down the hallway, your feet carrying you faster and faster away from the studio. As you speed back to your apartment, your shopping list totally abandoned, clouds start to cover the friendly sun from this morning. You shut yourself into the apartment, hot tears streaming down your face as you sink deeper and deeper into guilt. Chan’s voice keeps playing on repeat in your head.
It’s ruined…because of you.
I can’t believe I trusted you.
I can’t even be near you right now.
Sobs echo throughout your apartment as you spiral into guilt and shame, fearing you damaged more than just his track.
Chan doesn’t text you nor does he come home, but you know where he is. In the studio, working on trying to salvage the mess you made. You cry until you have no tears left and then you sit in silence, guilt heavy on your chest. The next morning, you wake up to a cold, empty bed, reminding you of how royally you screwed everything up. Still no contact from Chan. You manage to drag yourself out of bed, your bones aching from lack of a good nights sleep, and make your way into the kitchen. You open the fridge to make breakfast but nothing looks appealing, so you opt to go back to your bedroom. You pass Chans office and pause in the doorway. Countless hours you have watched him work in here and you managed to delete it all within less than a minute. He is probably hunched over in his chair at the studio, drinking his umpteenth cup of coffee, exhaustion rimming his eyes. You wouldn’t be surprised if he stayed up all night working on that track. You desperately want to text or call, just to make sure he is taking care of himself, but you are respecting him and staying away.
Your morning goes much slower than usual as you feel like you’re wading through molasses. You end up taking a shower, trying to rub away some of the guilt, but run out of shampoo in the process. You groan, remembering why you needed to go to the store so badly yesterday. After your shower, you dig through your purse to find your shopping list when your hands clutch around something smaller—the ruined drive. You stare blankly at it, the feeling of it burning your skin. You begin to move towards the trash when you hesitate. Now, you aren’t a tech nerd by any means (clearly), but surely there is some way to fix it. You’ve heard of file recovery before, surely there is someone in the large city of Seoul who can fix this hard drive. Suddenly filled with determination mixed with shame and a tiny bit of hope, you start desperately researching. You deep dive into everything you can, trying to find the best technician. You call several places, getting a mix of quotes and responses. After a long chain of “I can’t do it, but maybe try this person,” you stand outside a small technician’s shop, clutching the ziplock bag containing the drive to your chest. The bell dings on the door as you step into the tiny shop. The front of the store is small, nothing much besides some chairs and a front desk. The lights are dimmed as deep purple and blue florescent lights line the wall. It smells like clean linen with a faint hint of soldered metal. A middle aged man steps out from the curtain separating the back of the shop and gives you a small greeting.
“Hi, how can I help you today?”
You step up to the counter, holding the small bag like it’s the most fragile thing in the world, “Uh, hi. I have this hard drive with a corrupted file and I was wondering if you can restore it for me?” You gently place the drive on the counter.
“Do you know anything about how it was corrupted? Is the drive damaged?” He takes the drive out of the bag, inspecting it for damage.
“Uh, I don’t think so. I unplugged it while it was uploading an audio file and now the file is messed up.” The man continues to inspect it, his nose scrunched in concentration. “Can you fix it?”
He sets it down with a sigh, “It’s not physically damaged, which is good, but it’ll take some time to inspect it. Do you know anything else about the file? Is there more than one on here? Maybe the size?”
“I think it’s just the one. I don’t know about the size. It is my boyfriend’s drive, so I’m not sure. He said something about a final mix and a raw session.”
He nods, “So this is probably a final mix of a song which means the file is probably pretty large. It’ll take me a few hours to see what actually got written on the file. After that, I can tell you whether we are talking quick repair or longer reconstruction.”
“Well, this is kind of really important and I’m on a deadline. Is there any chance you can have it done within the next day or two?”
He takes in a slow breath, tentatively clicking his tongue, “First, I want to say that I cannot guarantee anything. Right now I can't tell if it's just a broken header, incomplete transfer, or something more serious. Best case scenario, most of it is intact and we can rebuild it. Worst case, maybe some fragments are recoverable. So, if you want this to be done in a few days and not a few weeks, you’re looking at an expedient recovery and…that’s not cheap.”
“Realistically, what is the best timeline you can give me?”
“Realistically…” He sighs, running a hand through his hair, “The initial analysis can take anywhere from 30 minutes to a few hours. Depending on what’s wrong and how big this file actually is will change how long it takes. I’ll have to clone it for backup, check the structure, see how badly it’s damaged—“
“Respectfully,” You politely cut him off, “I don’t know much of this jargon. I really need the time line is all.”
“Initial analysis could be done by end of day.” Your shoulders drop a bit at that. “Depending on what I find, recovery could take hours or days—and it’s not guaranteed. That’s also assuming anything is recoverable.”
You nod, determined to fix your mistake, “But there is a chance?”
“Maybe.”
“Good enough. How much to have it done in a few days?”
“An expedited rate is going to be much higher than a normal one. Are you sure you want that?”
You lean forward, eyes wide with determination and exhaustion, “Please, you have no idea how important this is.”
“Okay, in that case, you’ll have to pay a deposit to prioritize the recovery. Once we've potentially got the data back, you pay the remainder before we release the file. But again, I cannot stress enough, that there is no guarantee that we can get anything. You’re paying for priority and time—not certainty. I won’t have a final quote until I’ve analyzed it, but you’re looking somewhere between 2.5 million won and 4 million won ($1,700-2,700).”
You feel the air catch in your lungs. You knew it would cost a lot, but that is way outside of your budget. Taking a moment to think it over, you feel that lump of guilt settled in the bottom of your stomach. You hear Chan’s voice again, the one he so rarely raises, yelling at you. You see him hunched over the sound board in the studio, eyes bloodshot from the lack of sleep. That rock of guilt suddenly becomes oddly grounding as you make your final decision. You look the man in the eyes, “Done.”
He raises a brow as if to double check that you heard him right, but when you don’t move he just nods. “Alright, I’ll get working on this immediately and I’ll need that deposit from you. If you can leave your contact information, I’ll get back to you before the end of the day with my analysis.”
You grab a pen and fill out the information sheet while he takes your card and swipes it through his reader. You slide the paper back and he stops as he goes to hand back your card, “Remember, this is analysis, not repair. I don’t promise good results, only quick ones.”
“I know.”
He nods, handing back your card. You leave the store, the stone in your gut rolling anxiously. Your entire body is shaking from a mix of exhaustion and nerves. The entire way home you keep repeating to yourself, “There’s no guarantee. Don’t get your hopes up.” You spend an hour staring at your phone when you decide it’s too much for you to sit around waiting. You end up finally going shopping, but making sure your ringer is on so you can immediately pick up calls. As you browse the shelves for your shampoo, you feel your phone buzz and practically jump out of your skin. Opening your messages, you see nothing from the technician, but you do see one from Han.
Jisung: Hey, have you talked to Chan at all today. I know yesterday was…rough
Y/N: No, I figured he was with you guys.
Jisung: He has been locked in the studio all day and no one has heard from him. No one has gone in or out and I don’t think he had any food in there. I thought maybe if he contacted anyone it would be you, but…
You feel your throat go dry. He’s spiraling, locked in the studio for hours with no food and probably very little water. His phone probably died a while ago and the likelihood of him having slept is low. Your instinct tells you to run to the studio and break the door down, but you know that wouldn’t help. Your best hope now is that technician. Your grip tightens on your phone as you suck in a deep breath to try and calm yourself.
Y/N: If he still hasn’t left by this evening, please break in and give him some food and water.
Jisung: You want me to disturb the beast?? Why can’t you do it??
Y/N: Because I’m the one who angered him.
Jisung types…deletes
Jisung: Right, sorry.
Y/N: It’s fine. It’s your track too, so I should be apologizing. Please take care of him for me.
Jisung: We will
It’s about an hour later when you get a call from the technician and you almost drop your phone trying to answer, “Hello?”
“Y/N?”
“Yes, it’s me.”
“Good news is it’s not a total wash. There is still raw data on there, so we can attempt recovery. Bad news, I still can’t guarantee success. I can run a few reconstruction attempts, but there is still a chance it won’t work.”
“Do whatever you have to. Run every test, use every tool, I don’t care what it takes.”
“I can run deeper reconstruction overnight and use several tools. I can also do manual reconstruction as well as reattempts, but that will drive the price up.”
“I don’t care. Do what you have to.” Your resolve is steely. If there is even the tiniest chance of hope, you will take it.
“If you insist. That will put your final quote up to 3.7 million won ($2,500) and I can give a better timeline in the morning after overnight construction, but you’re looking at another day or two, at best.”
You have three days until his deadline, so it might be cutting it close, but this is the best chance you’ve got. “I understand. Thank you so much.”
“You are sure about this?”
“Yes sir.”
He huffs a surprise and almost impressed laugh, “Alright, I’ll get to work on this and let you know what I can do.”
“Thank you.”
You hang up and though the guilt and anxiety isn’t gone, it’s now mixed with a little bit of hope.
The next 24 hours are brutal. You wake up the next morning and immediately check your phone. There is no word from the technician yet. There is also no word from Chan which you expected. You try to go about your day normally, but every time your phone buzzes, you rush over like a madwoman. It’s about three in the afternoon when your phone starts buzzing with a call. Frantically you check the caller ID and pause when you see it’s Han.
You hesitantly answer, “Han?”
“Hey, I just wanted to let you know that we managed to get some food in. He wasn’t super happy to be bothered, but I think he appreciated it in the end.” You feel some tension release from your shoulders. “But he looks…bad.”
Your breath hitches, “Bad?”
“Yeah, like I haven’t seen him like this since…well since before he met you.” Normally, you would feel a bit comforted knowing he has been better since knowing you, but now it just makes your stomach turn knowing you were the one who made him revert into this state. Han sucks in a breath, hesitating over his words. “Are you sure you won’t come see him?”
“You heard him the other day. He doesn’t want to see me, so I’m going to respect that.”
“Maybe he didn’t mean it. This is Bangchan we’re talking about. He never shuts up about you. He would probably glue himself to you if he could.”
You shake your head, tears brimming in your eyes. “Maybe, but,” You let out a shaky breath, your voice a bit more watery, “Maybe not. I don’t want to upset him any further, so I’m going to let him come to me.”
The line goes silent for a moment, both of you sitting with the weight of the situation. You both care about Chan and neither of you know what to do right now. Han eventually sighs and gives a small, “okay.”
“Thanks for taking care of him. You guys are his family and he really needs you, even when he doesn’t say it.”
“He needs you too.”
You choose not to respond to that. “Sorry for getting you into this mess. I really hope you can fix the track in time.”
“You didn’t know any better. Does it suck? Yeah, but we’ll figure it out. We always do.”
You nod, feeling reassured that Han is the more grounded one for once. “Thanks Han.”
“Yeah, bye.”
He hangs up, leaving you in the silence of your apartment. You lean back on your couch as tears slowly start coming back. He looks bad. You know exactly what Han meant by that because you’ve seen it, when you first started dating. Chan would spend countless hours at the studio working himself to the bone. He would forget food and water and when you would see him again, the bags under his eyes were darker, his cheeks were a little thinner, and his shoulders sagged a little more. Eventually, you started bringing him food and water, forcing him to take breaks, telling him that it’s okay to not be working all the time. It was slow, but you made progress. He tried to be better, to come to you when he needed help, to eat and drink and sleep. Now, he has spiraled back into that state because of your careless mistake. This is about more than just a track. This is about his work, his time, his effort, his family. You messed with the one thing that has kept him going all these years. You know how important producer meetings are. You know how much time and effort he puts into tracks and how hard he is on himself about it. The person who was supposed to be his safe space, the one who didn’t put him under pressure and deadlines has now put him under one of the most stressful deadlines of all.
You pull your knees close to your chest, quietly sobbing on your couch as your thoughts spiral deeper and deeper. Your phone doesn’t go off for the rest of the day and you end up falling asleep early, tired out by all the anxiety of the day.
You blink your eyes open as you hear a buzzing from the table next to you. Reaching blindly for your phone, you answer, voice still groggy. “Hello?”
“Good morning. Sorry to bother you so early, but,” He lets out almost a disbelieving laugh, “We managed to recover your file.”
You immediately shoot up in bed, eyes wide, “Really?!”
“Well, most of it. It’s not perfect, but it’s about as good as you could get.”
“When can I pick it up?” You are already out of bed, getting ready.
“Anytime you are available. I’ll be in the shop all day, so you can just come by and grab it.”
You are rushing around your apartment, almost tripping over your own feet, “I’m on my way right now!”
“Oh, okay. I’ll have it ready then.”
“Thank you so much!” You don’t even wait for a response before hanging up. In record time, you are ready and out the door, practically sprinting to the tech shop. You come barreling in to see the technician already waiting at the desk.
“Wow, that was fast.”
“Do you have it?” You ask, a little out of breath.
He hands you a small bag with the drive in it. “Here you go.” You grab it gently, terrified of ruining it again. “Now, I need to warn you, the file has some tiny imperfections, but it is almost completely restored. You have no idea how rare that is.”
“Thank you so much.” You feel like you could cry, holding this tiny drive that contains the very remnants of what you ruined. You frantically hand him your card, not even bothering to ask the price.
He hands you back the receipt, a bright smile on his face. “Your boyfriend is one lucky guy.”
You look back at him with a half smile, “I don’t know about that. I’m the one who messed it up after all.”
“A lot of people mess things up. Very few go through the trouble of fixing it. He’ll be happy, I’m sure.”
“I hope so.” You give one last thank you before rushing out, praying and hoping that this is enough to help Chan reach his deadline.
The studio is quiet, save for the soft hum of the sound system. Chan sits with his headphones on, staring at the same computer screen he has been for the past two days. The track mix sits open, staring back at him with a taunting gaze. His deadline is in two days and he hasn’t even hit the second verse. With the click of his mouse, he replays the end of the chorus for the millionth time in a row, listening closely. But as the track plays it feels like his ears have stopped working from listening to it on repeat so many times. He pulls off his headphones, his hands slamming on the desk in frustration. He stands up and starts pacing—as he often does when stressed—his hands gripping his messy hair. His eyes are wide and bloodshot as his brain spirals at a million miles an hour and yet comes up with absolutely nothing.
“Why can’t I get this mix right?! I did it once before, shouldn’t I be able to do it again. So why does it sound so wrong?!” He checks his watch and falls back into his chair with a groan. “Damnit! I’m never going to get this done in time.”
Suddenly, there is a sharp knock on the door and Chan almost flinches at the sudden interruption.
He rolls his eyes, standing up to open the door. “Han, I told you not to bother me—“ He is stopped when he opens the door to see no one standing there. Has he gotten to the point of hallucinations? He looks down and see’s a take out bag and a water bottle. With another confused glance around the hallway, he brings the items into the studio. Setting the bag on desk, confused as to why the heck Han is ding dong ditching food, he slowly opens it, pausing when he see’s a note attached on top.
“I know this doesn’t make up for everything, but hopefully it can help. Please take care of yourself <3”
It’s not signed, but he can tell it’s your handwriting. His brows furrow when he see’s sitting under the note is the drive from before, the one he told you to throw away. What in the world is going on? He checks the bag for anything else, but it’s just food (from his favorite restaurant no less). He has no idea what’s going on, but hesitantly, he plugs the drive into his computer—separate from his current track. A track pops up on his computer and he carefully presses play, bracing for impact. However, instead of the expected static noise, his final mix plays through the speakers. As the song ends, he is left in silence, staring in disbelief at his computer. It’s not perfect. There are a few balance issues and some missing parts here and there, but it’s almost exactly how he had it. Genuinely unable to comprehend what just happened, he unplugs the drive, plugs it back in and replays it, just to make sure he isn’t hallucinating. Sure enough, the same track plays back again and he sits frozen in his chair. As he comes out of the shock, he abruptly stands up and slaps himself on the face. “Nope, not dreaming.” Turning back to the door, he opens it and scans the hallway. No sign of anyone. He turns back around to his computer and still is not convinced, so he speeds down the hall to where he knows some of the boys are practicing. Whipping open the door to the practice room, he about scares the pants off of Changbin, Han, and Seungmin.
“Hyung? You are out of the studio?” Changbin questions, but Chan doesn’t answer.
He just looks at them with crazed eyes, breathing a little heavy.
“Uh, hello? Earth to Chan? Are you okay?” Han waves his hand in front of Chan’s face before gasping. “Oh my gosh. He’s catatonic!”
“That’s not how that works.” Seungmin deadpans.
Chan suddenly grabs Hans shoulder, scaring him half to death. “You.”
“Me?” Han shakily points at himself, terrified of FrankenChan.
“Did you? Who left it? Did she?” None of his sentences are coherent, confusing all three of the boys, so he takes a different approach and drags Han with him to the studio.
“Help! He’s going to kill me!” Han flails as he gets dragged down the hallway, a confused Changbin and intrigued Seungmin following behind.
“He’s not going to kill you.” Changbin responds.
“Yeah, he’s just going to sacrifice you to the sound gods.” Seungmin shrugs, making Han let out a squeak.
They all arrive back in the studio as Chan presses play on the track and lets the song fill the room.
Han nods, “You finished the track.”
“No.” They all stare at Chan confused as the almost finished track continues playing. “I didn’t…this is the original.” He points at the drive plugged into his computer and their gaze lands on the mysterious device. Sure enough, it’s the same drive from before. They all exchanged confused looks.
“So, you fixed it? But I thought you gave it to Y—“ Seungmin elbows Han before he can finish your name, unsure how that will go over in the moment. Han rubs his ribs, side eyeing Seungmin.
Chan shows them your note, “Did you know about this?”
They all shake their heads, just as confused. Chan just huffs, confused and bewildered by it all. How did you? When did you? It’s not easy to fix a corrupted file and it definitely isn’t done in two days. Plus it’s way too expensive. Surely you didn’t…
“So, does that mean we can meet the deadline.” Changbin’s words snap Chan back into reality, remembering that he is still on a time constraint. Quickly, he slides back into his chair and throws his headphones on. “Or don’t answer. That’s fine too.”
As if they aren’t even there, Chan immediately starts working on the now fixed track, making sure to copy it first. Seungmin just shrugs and leaves, Changbin following not long after. Han also leaves, grumbling about being scared and dragged down a hallway, leaving Chan alone in the studio again, but this time with much more promising prospects.
It’s the day of the production meeting and you haven’t heard anything from Chan. Not that you expected him to immediately come running to you, but it makes you anxious not knowing if it was actually helpful or just salt in the wound. Too afraid of messing it up, you never listened to the track, so you have no idea how much was actually restored. Now, you stand in your dimly lit kitchen, mindlessly chopping vegetables as you zone out from trying not to think hard. You are snapped back into reality when you hear the unmistakable sound of keys and the opening of the front door. Almost on instinct, you set down the knife and run to the entryway, stopping when you see a very worn down Chan. He looks the worst you’ve seen him in a while. His hair is messy, clearly not having been washed in days and disheveled from running his hands through it. His under eyes are the darkest you’ve seen in a long time and his eyes are red rimmed with exhaustion. He is hunched over from the weight of stress and fatigue as his sweatshirt hangs loosely off of his body. His face is pale in that way that makes it clear he hasn’t had enough food or water and you feel your heart shatter at the sight of him. You make eye contact and for a moment you both stand there, the air between you tense. It’s clear you haven’t been doing that well either. You aren’t exactly put together and your eyes are red rimmed with tears and sleep deprivation. You are the first to break the silence, your voice coming out much smaller than you intended it to, “How did the meeting go?” It’s the only thing you can think of saying.
He just gives a small nod, “Good.” You feel your heart drop at the sound of his voice—scratchy, dripping with exhaustion. You nod, unsure of what to say next. This time he breaks the silence. “I got the drive.” Your breath hitches. “That really saved my ass.”
You feel a little relieved knowing it was helpful, but you aren’t relaxed yet. “Good.”
Silence stretches as the tension of the past few days fills the space between you. Chan lets out a shaky breath. “Thank you.”
You blink, a little caught off guard, but respond nonetheless. “Of course.”
He takes a step forward, the tension tightening, “It couldn’t have been easy…or cheap.”
You shrug, “It was nothing compared to what I ruined. I know it doesn’t make up for what I did, but I hope it was helpful.”
“It really was. I wouldn’t have been able to reach that deadline without you.”
“You wouldn’t have had to without me.” You mumble as your gaze drops, the guilt crawling back up your throat.
He takes a beat…another step forward. “I’m sorry.”
Your head snaps up, eyes wide, “What? No. You don’t need to apologize. I was the one—“
“No, I do need to apologize.” He sucks in a sharp breath. “I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.”
Your voice goes smaller, “It’s fine. You were upset. It’s understandable.”
“No, it’s not fine. I said some…pretty terrible things.” He winces, remembering what he said. “Being upset doesn’t give me the right to take it out on you.”
You look down, fidgeting with your fingers as tears start brimming your eyes. “I don’t blame you. I ruined the most important thing in your life.”
“That’s the thing,” He takes another step forward, now only a foot or two away. “It’s not the most important thing in my life. You are.”
You suck in a shaky breath, turning your gaze anywhere but him as tears now stream down your face. “But-but I ruined your track. I made you have to redo it and put weeks of work into four days.”
“You made a mistake that anyone could have made.” He sighs, internally kicking himself for lashing out at you. “Look, that day in the studio, I said a lot of really mean, really dumb shit. I blamed you for things that weren’t your fault. I took my stress out on you. I said terribly hurtful things and I am so sorry.”
“I’m sorry I ruined your track. I shouldn’t have messed with anything. I should have just done what you asked and brought the laptop and not unplugged anything. I’m really really sorry that I caused you so much stress and anxiety.” Tears are fully streaming down your face now, your voice shaky with guilt.
“It’s okay. You don’t need to apologize. You didn’t do anything wrong. I should have told you to check if the upload was done or told you not to take out the hard drive. It was on me for not giving more direction.”
“You were busy. It’s understandable that you forgot.”
“But that doesn’t justify my anger.” He sighs, running a hand through his messy hair. “God, Y/N, I am so sorry. I was a jerk to you and you didn’t deserve that. I can’t imagine how terrible I must have made you feel.” He looks down at the floor, his eyes starting to fill with tears. “And then you still went through so much trouble to help me. I’m really sorry.”
“Please don’t feel bad. You were stressed and it was the least I could do.”
“But I shouldn’t—“ He takes in a shaky breath, his body finally breaking down.
“You’re right, you shouldn’t have yelled at me.” At this point, you are both sobbing. You gently cup his face to look him in the eyes. “I forgive you.”
He collapses into your arms, wrapping his tightly around your waist. Your hand moves to rub soothing circles on his back as you both hold each other and cry for a moment. Once his cries die down into sniffles, he pulls back to look at you, “I need you to know that I really love you a lot and that I can’t imagine my life without you.”
You give him a watery smile, your hand gently cupping his jaw. “I love you too.” You lean in and press a soft kiss to his lips. He immediately melts into you, one hand moving to the back of your head to deepen the kiss. It tastes like regret and forgiveness mixed with your tears. He pulls back and rests his forehead against yours.
“I really don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
You huff a small laugh, “I could say the same thing.”
He presses his lips to yours again, his arm snaking around your waist to pull you impossibly closer. As you hold each other for the first time in days, both of you exhausted and worn thin, you finally feel whole again. You pull back and Chan rests his head in the crook of your neck, letting out a long breath he didn’t realize he was holding. You gently run your fingers through his hair. “You want to go sit down?”
He nods before picking you up, eliciting a startled squeak as he moves you towards the couch. He flops down, pulling you on top of him and you gladly snuggle into his warmth. For a while you both stay that way, content to hold each other, but Chan’s stomach has different plans. It growls and you sit up to look at him, “When was the last time you ate?” He looks anywhere but you which is the telltale sign that he hasn’t eaten all day. You sigh, brushing your thumb across his cheek, taking in his tired features. “Look at you, you are so pale and worn. Baby, you have to eat.”
“I know, I just…” He trails off, not having a great excuse.
“You were busy, I know and I’m sorry I was the reason you were so busy.” He shakes his head, but you keep talking before he can. “But you can’t neglect your health. It is only going to harm you and your work.” You sigh, moving to sit up. “Even when I stress you out or make you mad, please don’t neglect yourself. You don’t have to call me, but at least call someone. You know the boys are there for you and I’m always here for you, even when we fight.”
He sits up, “I know and I’m sorry.”
“You don’t need to apologize, just take care of yourself.”
“I’ll try.”
You nod before grabbing your phone to order takeout. “I’m going to order us food and you are going to go take a shower. Then we are going to eat and sleep. No objections.”
He puts his hands up, “Yes ma’am.”
He takes his shower and then eats a full meal for the first time in days before cuddling up with you in bed. As he feels the familiar weight of you in his arms, he feels the tension slowly start to drain out of him. You both still have a lot to learn, but you are learning together and in the end, that’s what really matters.
~~~~
Bonus:
Chan ends up paying you back for at least half of the cost of the drive, even though you very much protested. He also takes time to teach you more about his tech and how it works to avoid future miscommunications. It may not seem like much, but Chan letting you into this part of his life means the world to you.
Summary: They have to leave when their kid cries for them not to go — Binnie edition
Content: fluff!
A/N: Sheesh, sorry I disappeared for a second there. I promise I'm working on I.N.'s part for this, I've just been busy and tired 😭 I'm also working on a request and some other things, but ya girl has work and is going out of town, so it'll be a second before I can get those done. Anyway, hope y'all enjoy this one.
Masterlist
~~~~
It’s 5 in the morning when you are woken up by the sharp sound of your daughter crying. You roll over with a groan, ready to go comfort her when you feel your husband’s hands on your shoulder.
“I’m already up to go to the gym. I’ll take care of her.” Changbin kisses your forehead. “Go back to sleep.”
You mumble a thank you before rolling back over to sleep.
He tiptoes over to your daughter’s bedroom and quickly scoops her up in his arms “Good morning my sweet Ahri. What’s wrong, princess?” He coo’s, lightly bouncing her up and down. She stuffs her face into his shoulder and her loud cries turn into soft sniffles. Eventually, she calms down and falls back asleep in Changbin’s arms, her small cheek pressed against his shoulder. He tries to gently lay her back down but as soon as he tries to let go, she starts crying again. Immediately, he picks her back up, not wanting to wake you again. “It’s okay, princess. I’ve got you.” He gently bounces her again and it doesn’t take long for her to fall back asleep. This time he waits for a solid minute of her sleeping before trying to set her back down. Once again, as soon as she leaves his arms, she starts crying, as if she has a sixth sense for it. He pulls her back up, “Shhh, you’re going to wake Eomma.” He sighs, “Okay, I guess we get ready together.”
Changbin carries her with him to the bathroom while she sleeps contentedly in his arms. Nothing seems to bother her, not noise nor lights, as long as she is in Changbin’s arms, she is fine. However, Changbin is not fine. He is struggling. Brushing his hair? Not difficult. Brushing his teeth? A little clunky but also not too hard. Trying to get dressed? That’s where things get a little tricky. Looking between Ahri and his clothes, it seems like she is knocked out cold. Despite the moving, noise, and lights, her head sits softly against his shoulder, even breaths escaping her slightly parted lips. Surely he can set her down for a second to change his clothes, right? So, he grabs his clothes and brings them to her nursery so he can set her down in her bed for a moment. With the utmost precision, he lays her down, his hands not leaving until the very last minute. As her body rests against the bed, his hands still lightly around her waist, he waits. She doesn’t make a noise. With a sigh, he lets go and immediately the waterworks start.
“Appa!” She cries, making grabby hands for Changbin.
He melts and immediately picks her back up, “Shh, it’s okay sweet girl. Appa is here.”
As soon as he holds her, the cries calm down and she soon goes quiet. Changbin sighs, feeling exhausted before he has even done anything. Staring at his gym clothes on the floor, he decides that this morning is going to have to be a little more inconvenient. So, with great difficulty, he manages to shift Ahri around enough without ever putting her down to shimmy into his clothes. She seems completely unbothered.
“Seriously? I do a whole acrobatics routine to get ready and it’s only when I stop touching you that you wake up?” He huffs at her and she doesn’t respond, but continues to sleep in his arms. The sight of her tiny adorable face immediately melts Changbin’s frustration. He kisses her head, “It’s okay. I forgive you because you are just too cute.”
He finishes out his morning routine, with greater difficulty than usual, and goes to the kitchen to grab his pre-made smoothie. Now he is stuck. He has to go to the gym soon or else he’ll be late for work, but if he sets Ahri down, clearly she is going to cry. Caught in this dilemma, he checks the time and sighs. He has already taken too long to get ready. He has to go. So, he gives it another go on trying to set her down. Before placing her down, he gives her a soft kiss and whispers, “Please stay asleep.”
She doesn’t listen. As soon as she feels the weight of his hands gone, she starts wailing.
Changbin leans down and brushes his finger against her cheek, “Shhh, it’s okay. I’m still here. Just go back to sleep for me, yeah?”
“Appa!” Her tiny hands reach for him and he wants to pick her up so badly, but that won’t fix the issue.
“I know, princess. Appa is still here, see?” He smiles and that only seems to make her more upset. He tries to make silly faces with voices to make her laugh, but that doesn’t work either. He is practically pleading with her to quiet down when he hears you behind him.
“Could you be any louder?” You grumble, your face scrunched with grogginess.
He looks at you with wide eyes, “I’m sorry, but she won’t stop. Every time I put her down she just kept crying.”
“I heard.” You glare, moving past him to pick up Ahri. “Come here, sweet baby.” You pick her up, but she squeals and squirms in your arms, reaching for Changbin.
“Appa! Want Appa!”
“I know, but Appa has to go.” You try soothing her but it doesn’t seem to work. She just keeps fighting against you to try and get to her father.
“Look, princess. Appa is right here.” He tries waving, but it only seems to make her upset. You imagine it probably feels a little like being taunted to her.
You shove Changbin towards the door. “You need to go otherwise she won’t calm down.”
“What? The whole issue is that I’m leaving.”
“The issue is she still thinks you’re an option because you are still here. Now go.” It’s early; you are tired and holding a screaming child who is actively fighting your grip. You aren’t in the mood for games. Changbin grabs his gym bag, but stands in the doorway, looking sadly at your daughter. His bottom lip juts out in a pout, looking like he is about to start crying himself. You roll your eyes, “Seriously, go.”
“But-but she’s so sad.”
“And you aren’t helping, so unless you plan to take her with you, you need to go.”
As if your words prompted the greatest idea ever, Changbin perks up and runs to the nursery. Your gaze follows him, confused while Ahri screeches once he is out of sight. Not even a minute later, he comes running back out of the nursery with the baby carrier on. He stands in front of you proudly, but you shake your head. “Oh no.”
“Oh yes.” He nods with a big grin.
“You are not taking her to the gym.”
“You were the one who suggested it!”
“I was being facetious.”
“Why can’t I take her?”
“How do you plan to work out while holding a baby?” Before he can answer, you quickly add a caveat. “Without hurting yourself or her.”
He scoffs as if that is the most preposterous thought ever, “It’s just a little extra weight. I’ll put her on my back for most of it, but I can easily switch to the front if I need to.”
He sounds like a promotion for the functionality of the baby carrier. You pinch the bridge of your nose, still fighting to keep Ahri in your grasp, “I just don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
“Why?”
“Because I…she is still so little and I don’t want her to get hurt.”
Changbin steps forward, putting his hands on your shoulders and looks at you gently, “Darling, I promise I will be super careful. I would never do anything to harm our precious baby. I won’t use anything super heavy or confining. I will constantly check that she is safe and comfortable. I promise she will come back in one perfect piece.”
As if trying to agree with him, Ahri wails directly into your ear and grabs Changbin’s arm. You wince, your patience being worn down. “Fine. Take her, but don’t come back complaining to me about it. And I swear if she comes back with even a bruise, you will never carry her again.”
Changbin quickly takes her out of your arms and suddenly, the room gets 10 decibels quieter as her crying stops as soon as Changbin grabs her. Both of you sigh, relieved from the sudden quiet. “See? Everything is gonna be great.” He tucks her into the carrier against his chest, letting her head gently rest against him. He grabs his gym bag before turning back and placing a quick kiss to your lips. “I promise, she will be okay.”
You nod, trusting him to take special care of your daughter. He leaves for the gym, allowing you to crawl back into bed for a few more minutes of sleep.
Changbin does indeed take special care of Ahri. His workout is much less of a workout and a little more like play time. As he goes through his routine, half the time using her as his weight (in a responsible way of course). He is talking to her the whole time, earning various looks from the people around him, but he couldn’t care less because his wife is sleeping soundly and his baby girl is content and that’s all he could ever ask for.
Summary: They have to leave when their kid cries for them not to go — Minho editon
Content: fluff!
A/N: This one ended up being the softest out of all of them. It's just Minho being a good dad and knowing how to calm down his son.
Masterlist
~~~~
You bounce Jum on your hip as you ride the elevator to give Minho his lunch. This morning, he woke up late and in his rush to leave, he forgot to take his lunch. Knowing your husband all too well, you know he won’t eat if he doesn’t have food to remind him. So here you are, reminding him. The elevator door dings open and you step out with a very shocked Jum. He looks around at the unfamiliar building with wide eyes. Anytime you pass someone, he leans a little further into you, watching them with the same cat like stare as his father. With a light knock, you step into the dance studio to find the boys all sprawled out across the floor, chatting and resting after practice. No one having noticed you yet, you gently set Jum down and point towards Minho who is looking through his bag, probably for his missing lunch. Jum locks on target and waddles over to his father, clutching onto his leg with a happy squeal. All eyes turn to Minho who slowly looks down, incredibly confused. Jum just looks up at him with grabby hands.
“Am I hallucinating?” He bends down to pick up his son who happily nuzzles into his neck.
“How did he get here?” Hyunjin questions.
“Did Y/N let him come by himself?” Han gasps like he figured out a conspiracy.
You laugh from your spot in the doorway, turning all eyes on you now. “Han Jisung, do you really think I would let my child walk all the way here alone?”
“I don’t know! Maybe it’s some new parenting trick you were trying out.” Han holds his hands up in defense, earning an eye roll from about half the room. You walk over to your husband who is slightly less confused, but still unsure as to why you are here, not that he is complaining.
You hold up the bag in your hand, “You forgot your lunch.”
“You didn’t have to come all the way here.” He leans forward and presses a kiss on your lips.
“No, but I know you prefer homemade food to cafeteria food and I had some extra time. Plus Jum is being extra clingy today, so I thought he might enjoy seeing you.” You rub your sons back who is still snuggled into Minho’s neck.
“What did I do to deserve you?”
“You’re just lucky I guess.” You smirk, pressing another lingering kiss on his lips.
“Can you take your PDA somewhere else please?” Seungmin groans from the corner.
“Jealous, Seungmin?” Minho teases.
“Disgusted, actually.”
You grab Minho’s hand and lead him out of the studio to find a quieter place to sit and eat. You have a nice lunch together, Jum never once leaving Minho’s arms. Walking back into the studio, you are about to leave when Chan stops you. “Hey Y/N, wanna watch our practice real quick? You can give us some pointers.”
You laugh, “I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but I’ll never say no to watching you guys dance.”
“You mean watching me dance,” Minho corrects.
You roll your eyes and reach to take Jum out of his arms, but he stubbornly stuffs his face into Minho’s shoulder and clenches onto his shirt. “Stubborn like your father.” You shake your head and try to take him again, this time earning a squeal from him.
“Hey, look buddy, it’s okay. I’m still right here.” Minho steps back, but gives a little wave to show he isn’t going anywhere. Jum gives a more confused squeal as Minho moves towards the middle of the room. You sit back against the wall with Jum in your lap who is still trying to fight your grip and get back to his father. As soon as the music starts and Minho turns around to get in formation, Jum starts wailing. You try bouncing him on your knee.
“It’s okay. Look, Appa is just dancing.” You point to where Minho is standing, but as he weaves in and out of your line of sight, Jum get’s more confused and frustrated. You feel bad for having a screaming child in a very echoey dance studio, but before things get too out of hand Minho swiftly passes you and picks up Jum before sliding back into formation. The music continues and everyone keeps dancing with the addition of your son giggling as he sits on his father’s hip. Minho being the professional he is keeps formation without jostling his son too much. Everyone looks confused as they realize there is now a child involved, but Jum is having the time of his life. With every turn and slide, Jum lets out a giggle and claps with the music or as close as he can get for a toddler. You smile as you watch Minho dance with his son, a bright smile on both of their faces. The song ends and Minho looks at Jum with mock seriousness, “I’ve got some notes on your timing. For starters, you were totally clapping off beat.” Jum just looks at him with a happy giggle and claps again. Minho nods. “Better. We’ll work on it.”
You walk over to them with a loving smile, “Are you already turning our son into a professional dancer?”
“Oh, please. Have you seen how he dances at home? It’s in his blood.”
“Then you can be the one to drive him to all the dance lessons.”
“Drive him? I’m going to be the one teaching him.”
“We’ll see about that.” You reach to take Jum back, his eyes drooping as the afternoon crash starts to hit. “Looks like it’s time for someone to take a nap.”
“Sounds like a great idea.” Minho yawns, leaning his head against your shoulder.
“Not you.” You shove him off and take your son out of his hold. Jum’s head perks up and a half cry comes out as he sleepily looks around for Minho. Despite leaning his head on your shoulder, he still makes grabby hands towards his father and gives a half hearted cry.
“Even in his sleep he prefers me.”
You lightly hit Minho on the chest, “I’ll remember that statement next time he wakes up in the middle of the night.”
Jum gives half hearted cries and sniffles as you leave the studio. Minho kisses him on the top of the head earning a soft broken, “Appa!”
Minho doesn’t often melt, but when he does it is because of his son. He turns away, “Go, before I keep him for the rest of the day.”
You laugh at the rare sight of your husband being a softy and begin to exit the building. Jum lazily reaches over your shoulder towards Minho when his hand flops as sleep finally takes him.
“Night buddy. I hope you have good dreams about dancing.” Minho blows him a kiss before stepping back into the studio to finish practice.
Summary: They have to leave when their kid cries for them not to go —Lixie edition
Content: fluff!
Masterlist
The company car pulls up to the departure drop off at the airport and you hop out of the car to help Felix with his bag. He has a Louis Vuitton event and will be in Paris for a few days. As both you and Felix step out of the car, your daughter, Rina, starts whining from her carseat. “Hey, sunshine,” Felix reaches in and unbuckles her, “It’s okay. Eomma is just helping with my bag.” He places her on his hip and she happily snuggles into his neck. Felix hugs her closer, his hand stroking her hair, “Oh I’m gonna miss my snuggles.”
“It’s only a few days. You’ll be back in no time.” You hug him, squishing Rina between you two and Felix takes a moment to just breathe his family in. He pulls back a bit to look at you.
“I’m gonna miss you too,” He says, placing a soft kiss on your lips. You melt into him, gently kissing him back. You could live in this moment forever, but Rina is impatient. You feel her tiny hands press against both of your faces, as if trying to push each other apart. Felix just laughs, his deep voice vibrating Rina, “Someone’s a little jealous. Don’t worry, I’ve got plenty of kisses for you too.” He peppers kisses all over her face causing her to giggle.
“Excuse me,” the driver calls to you, “I don’t mean to be a killjoy, but they won’t let me sit here forever.”
Felix sighs before placing one last kiss on Rina’s cheek and your lips, “I guess that’s my cue.”
“Go on before you miss your flight.” You reach to take Rina from him, but as you wrap your hands around her waist she squeals. “Come on baby. It’s time to go.”
She clenches her fist onto Felix’s shirt and starts screeching as you try to pull her away. Felix gently pries her hands off of his shirt so that you can hold her and tears start streaming down her face. “Appa!” She reaches towards Felix, her tiny voice cracking with sobs. She has the same big boba eyes as Felix making her look even more pitiful when she is sad. As she sniffles, taking in shaky breaths, Felix feels like his heart is being ripped out.
“Can’t you walk me in?”
You shake your head, “The driver can’t wait here that long.”
“But it’ll only take a minute.” He looks at you with sad eyes, forcing you to stare down two pairs of pleading boba eyes. You weren’t originally planning to walk him in because you never know who is waiting around in the airport and having a small child makes the possibility of ambush infinitely more terrifying, but looking between your crying daughter and almost crying husband it’s hard to say no. “Fine.” You look at the driver, “Can you make a loop? We’ll only be a minute.” He nods before driving off to make a loop around. You hand Rina back to Felix which instantly calms her down. She stuffs her little face into his shirt, a content sigh leaving her lips. “Come on, let’s be quick.” You grab Felix’s bag before heading into the airport.
Luckily, there doesn’t seem to be that many people around who recognize him. Maybe having a kid is a turn off for mobs. You walk with Felix to check in, Rina happily against him the whole time. He goes to check his bag and as he pulls out his passport, Rina tries to grab it and put it in her mouth. Felix quickly snatches it away, “Nope. That is not edible. That passport has been a lot of places. Who knows how many germs there are.” She huffs at him for taking away her chew toy, but gets over it pretty quickly. Once he has his ticket, you walk with him over to security, stopping right outside the line.
“Okay, time to go for real this time.” You reach out the grab her but Felix turns away.
“Hold on. Let me cuddle a little longer.”
“Felix, you can’t hold her forever.”
“I didn’t say forever. I just said a little longer.”
You roll your eyes, but let him take a moment. He hugs her close, nuzzling his face closer to hers. For a minute he just sits there, swaying slightly back and forth as he holds her close. Then he kisses her head, “I’m gonna miss you.” Kisses her cheek. “My little sunshine.” Kisses her nose. “Appa loves you very much.” And with one last squeeze he steps closer to you in order to hand her off. “Okay, take her before I end up buying a second ticket just for her.”
You snort, “You do not want to travel alone with a baby, trust me.” You reach to take her and she once again screeches as you pull her from Felix’s grasp. You manage to get her in your arms, despite her fighting against your hold. She makes grabby hands towards Felix, “Appa!”
“I’m sorry baby, but Appa has to go.” He blows her a kiss, not trusting her or himself to get any closer. “But I promise I’ll be back so soon. I love you so much.” He slowly starts backing up towards security as you try to calm Rina down. Her wailing echoes through the airport, drawing some attention and sympathetic looks. Felix keeps his eyes on you both for as long as he can, blowing kisses the entire time. Once he is finally out of sight, you go back to the car that is making its way back around, Rina now more upset than ever.
“I know baby.” You gently bounce her up and down as you rub soothing circles on her back, “I’m gonna miss him too, but he’ll be back before you know it.” She stuffs her face in your shirt, her little sobs vibrating against your shoulder. She doesn’t stop crying the entire way home and you feel terrible for your driver. By the time you make it home and get her upstairs to your apartment, she has cried so hard she tuckered herself out. As you pull her out of the carrier, she lets out a big yawn, a tiny whimper following it. “Aw, my sweet baby. I think it’s time for a nap.” You go to put her down to bed and she immediately reaches for her Bbokari plush, curling tight around it. With a tiny sigh, she squeezes her plush tighter and falls asleep. Of course you take a picture of her asleep with her Bbokari and send it to Felix.
As he is about to board the plane, he receives your text. Opening it, he see’s the picture of Rina cuddling Bbokari and feels his heart melt. He sends back a quick message
My sweet girl 🥺 give her lots of snuggles from me and I’ll be back as soon as I can.
We’ll be waiting 🥰
I love you both. See you soon, my beautiful sunshines 💛
Summary: They have to leave but their kid starts crying, not wanting them to go — Seungmo edition
Content: fluff! a little existential (?) moment for Seungmin
A/N: rip Seungmin. Bro just wanted to go to the bathroom
Masterlist
You are sitting on the floor playing with your son while Seungmin sits on the couch reading. It’s a calm Sunday afternoon where the three of you can relax as a family. Soft music mixes with the sound of Taeho laughing as he knocks over his block tower for the third time. Seungmin takes a sip of his coffee only to realize it’s empty. Setting his book down, he gets up to refill his mug. As he rounds the corner into the kitchen, the sound of crying and a loud “Appa!” sounds from the living room. Seungmin’s heart stutters as he worries something bad happened that made his son start wailing all of a sudden. He quickly steps back into the room with wide eyes and looks at you sitting in the same spot you were a moment ago. Nothing seems out of place. The block tower is halfway built, Taeho is sitting where he was, so far unharmed. You look fine and maybe a little confused. Almost immediately Taeho stops crying and calms down again, looking at Seungmin like he saved the world from certain doom.
“What happened?”
You shrug, “Nothing.”
You both look at each other and then at your son who is contentedly playing with his blocks again. Shaking off the confusion, Seungmin goes back to grab his refilled mug, but as soon as he is out of sight Taeho starts crying again. Seungmin quickly makes it back into the living room which seems to sate his son’s crying. Without much thought, he returns to the couch and reads his book again.
Maybe 30 minutes later, Taeho has now switched to sitting in your lap as you read to him, leaning against Seungmin’s legs, who is still reading his book.
Seungmin taps your shoulder, “Lean forward, I gotta run to the bathroom real quick.”
Not breaking your concentration on reading to your son, you lean forward, allowing Seungmin to stand. As he moves to walk down the hallway, Taeho loses focus on the book and watches his father. As soon as Seungmin is out of sight, Taeho immediately gets up and starts waddling after him. As he clumsily rounds the corner, Seungmin is stepping into the bathroom and closes the door. Taeho waddles as fast as he can down the hall as he starts to call out, “Appa!” His tiny hands press against the bathroom door as tears start falling again. As his tiny cries ring through the hallway, you try to comfort him.
“Hey, it’s okay. Appa is coming right back.” You try to pick him up but that seems to only upset him more, earning a high pitched scream from him. Seungmin opens the door, looking incredibly confused as his son topples against his legs, tiny tears soaking his pants. Taeho makes grabby hands at him, little whimpers escaping his lips.
Seungmin scoops him up and Taeho stuffs his face into the crook of his neck, “Pup, what’s wrong? Appa was just going to the bathroom. It’s okay.”
Taeho shakes his head against Seungmin’s shirt and mumbles, “Appa not go.”
Seungmin visibly melts at his son’s tiny words, hugging him closer to his chest. “It’s okay pup. I’m not going anywhere.”
Carrying Taeho back into the living room, you three end up back on the couch. Seungmin is now reading the book you were halfway through when your son ran after him. Taeho sits in his lap, clutching onto his shirt as you snuggle into his side, enjoying the sweet moment with your family. The rest of the day Taeho is practically glued to Seungmin. Anytime he would get out of line of sight, Taeho would start crying and run after him. So, you decided it would be best to just keep them with each other all the time which made taking a shower very difficult for Seungmin. You try to put Taeho to bed so that Seungmin can shower and change, but once again, as soon as line of sight is broken, the waterworks start. Seungmin ends up holding him against his chest, swaying back and forth while humming a lullaby before Taeho finally falls to sleep. After making sure that he is asleep, Seungmin tucks him in and finally gets ready for bed himself.
As he exits the bathroom, finally having achieved his shower, he flops on the bed next to you. You reach over and run your hand through his wet hair, “He’s really attached to you.”
Seungmin hums, his eyes closing as he leans into your touch, “I don’t think he has developed object permanence yet.”
“I think he just loves you.”
“I never said they were mutually exclusive.” He pauses, his voice getting a little more guilty, “I wish I didn’t have to be gone so much for work.”
“Hey, don’t start with that. You are here plenty for him.”
“Yeah, but not like other fathers. I don’t have the typical 9-5. I travel and feel like I see him half the time through a screen.” He sighs, leaning his head on your lap.
Your fingers play with his hair, knowing it helps relax him, “Just because it doesn’t look the same as other people, doesn’t mean you are a bad father. You are more present in his life than a lot of fathers who do have a typical 9-5 and never travel. His crying has nothing to do with your work. He just hasn’t figured out that walking around a corner doesn’t mean disappearing forever.”
Seungmin snorts, “His life must be terrifying then.”
“Maybe, but that’s why he runs after you, because you are his safe place.”
He tilts his head to look at you, a small smile gracing his lips, “I hope so.”
You lean down to press a kiss against his lips, “I know so.”
As if on cue, the sound of high pitched wails floats down the hallway, “Appa!”
You smirk down at him, “Duty calls.”
Seungmin sits up with a groan and goes to get his son in the nursery, “Coming pup! Appa is still here, I promise.” Despite his tired voice, Seungmin gladly holds Taeho until he falls back asleep. As he looks down at his son sleeping peacefully in his arms, he presses a light kiss to his forehead and whispers, “Appa is always here for you, no matter what.”
Summary: They have to leave when their kid starts crying, not wanting them to go — Jinnie edition
Content: fluff!
Masterlist
Today is the awards show performance and you are backstage with Hyunjin and your daughter. Jiye is wearing a sparkly red dress with a fluffy skirt and a small tiara she refuses to take off, even at home. You blame Hyunjin for her dramatics. Speaking of which, Hyunjin is currently showing her around the dressing room, narrating like it’s a zoo tour.
“And here we have an ancient relic, Channie-hyung.” Hyunjin points while standing a safe distance, as if Chan is a dangerous animal, which he probably would be if Hyunjin wasn’t holding Jiye. “Look at how old he is. Don’t look if it’s too scary.” He covers Jiye’s eyes, but she just giggles and pulls his hand away.
“You’re lucky there is a child present,” Chan grumbles.
Hyunjin moves to stand near Lee Know but before he can say anything Lee Know gives him a death stare and Hyunjin wisely decides to move on without a word. As he rounds the room to where you are sitting, he lets out a small gasp. “And here we have the most beautiful creature you’ve ever seen. Look at how elegant and effortlessly gorgeous she is. It’s enough to make anyone who looks too long faint.” He dramatically puts his hand to his forehead like he is about to faint.
“Do not faint while holding my daughter,” You tease.
Hyunjin leans in to “whisper” to Jiye, “And she has a sharp tongue too. Isn’t she the best?”
Jiye squeals and claps in agreement, pulling a wide smile from you.
Suddenly, there is a knock on the door and their manager pokes his head in, “You’re up next. Time to get in positions.”
The boys nod and file out to go stand backstage. You stand up with a stretch and reach for your daughter, “Alright, time for Appa to go.”
She pouts and clutches onto Hyunjin’s shirt, violently shaking her head no. Hyunjin clutches his chest with wide eyes, “Do you see that? She doesn’t want to let go.”
“Yeah, but she has to, unless you plan to bring her on stage with you.” Hyunjin looks like he genuinely considers it for a moment. “You are not bringing her on stage.”
He sighs, “Can she at least stand backstage until I go on?” He gives you the biggest pout and boba eyes he can muster. You roll your eyes, unable to resist two pouting princesses.
“Fine.”
Hyunjin beams, making Jiye also very happy, even though she doesn’t really understand what is going on. All she knows is she isn’t being taken from Hyunjin and that’s all that matters. The three of you walk backstage where the other boys are already waiting. Jiye looks around at all the people and equipment with wide eyes. She pats Hyunjin on the face and babbles something, pointing towards the stage. Hyunjin nods as if he can understand her, “Yes, that is a stage. I know it looks a little scary but once you are out there, it’s super fun.”
Jiye babbles something in response.
“Yes, Appa is going to perform there, but you can’t come with. You are too young to be on stage.”
You watch fondly as he responds to her babbling back and forth while unconsciously swaying her back and forth. The manager comes by again to give the five minute warning and that is your cue to take Jiye away. “Alright, time to go for real.” You try to grab her out of his arms, but she immediately clutches onto his hair and squeals.
“Ow, ow, ow.” Hyunjin pulls her back in his arms before she can rip his hair out. Holding her against his chest, he carefully removes his hair from her tiny fists. “Are you trying to ruin our stylists hard work?” You can’t tell if he is talking to you or Jiye.
“Hyun, you have to go. Let me hold her.”
He defeatedly tries to hand her over, but she doesn’t accept defeat so easily. She holds as tight as she can to his shirt as you try to grab her from him. Her screams echo through the backstage and you wince, trying to shush her, but to no avail. You get a proper hold on her, but she is still holding onto Hyunjin’s collar, pulling him inches from your face. Instead of being any kind of helpful, he just looks at you with a smirk, “Hi beautiful.”
You let out a frustrated sigh as Jiye lets out another squeal. “Would you stop flirting and help me?”
He locks back into the situation and gently removes his daughter’s hands from his shirt, but she clutches onto his fingers instead. “Appa!” She cries and you see Hyunjin break at the sound, on the verge of tears himself.
“It’s okay, princess. I’m right here.” He coo’s, gently rubbing his thumb over her tiny hand.
“Hyunjin!” Chan calls from behind him, “2 minutes!”
You see panic in Hyunjin’s eyes as he is torn between his crying child and his job. You secure Jiye with one hand and remove hers from his with the other. Thoroughly upset with you now, she sobs even harder, her tiny face turning as red as her dress. You start to back away towards the exit, “Go on stage. She’ll be fine. We’ll watch you from back here.”
Hyunjin stands frozen with glossy eyes, his hand still reaching towards his screaming daughter. She lets out another cry and tries to squirm out of your hold, but you exit back into the dressing room before she can which doesn’t make her or Hyunjin feel any better. Chan ends up having to yank Hyunjin over to stand in position. “You good man?”
“I think my heart just shattered into a million pieces,” Hyunjin whispers.
Chan puts a sympathetic hand on his shoulder, “You’ll be back with her in no time. This performance is maybe 6 minutes max and then you get to go back to her.”
Hyunjin nods and locks into his stage mindset. You are back in the dressing room trying to calm Jiye down who is still wailing. You bounce her up and down while walking circles in the room. Luckily there is a TV that is streaming the performance so you can still watch Hyunjin perform. The lights dim and music starts playing as the boys take their positions. You direct Jiye’s attention to the screen and it seems to help a little bit. Her wailing dies down to soft whimpers as the lights come up on stage. “Look, do you see Appa?” You point to where Hyunjin is standing on stage. She lets out a soft whimper and leans her head on your shoulder, eyes turned towards the TV. As soon as Hyunjin’s voice comes through the speakers, she perks up.
“Appa?” She reaches towards the screen that is now focused on him. As it zooms in on his face, she claps and lets out a happy screech at the sight of him. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding as she finally gets excited instead of upset. It hits Hyunjin’s dance break and she goes still, eyes wide as she watches him with awe. You manage to get a picture of her watching the screen, knowing Hyunjin will want to see it later.
As the performance ends and the lights go down, Hyunjin books it off stage back into the dressing room. He bursts through the door to find you happily dancing around with Jiye. You turn and Jiye locks eyes with him. She lights up and immediately reaches for him. He crosses the room in three steps and scoops her up in his very sweaty arms. However, Jiye does not like that he is sweaty and pushes back against his hold. She scrunches up her little nose in disgust, shaking her head, “Appa icky.”
Hyunjin looks at her, utterly betrayed, as you burst out laughing. She whines, reaching back to you and you gladly take her in your arms.
Hyunjin pouts, “What is this? One minute she’s crying over me and the next she doesn’t like me?”
“That’s kids for you,” You shrug, “She doesn’t like that you’re sweaty. Rinse off and then I’m sure she would love for you to hold her.”
Hyunjin quickly changes and wipes off the sweat, spritzing on some cologne. Once he is finally clean enough for Jiye, she happily collapses in his arms. Throughout the rest of the night, Hyunjin holds Jiye close and when they win an award, she proudly sits in your arms clapping and squealing for him, excited to join her father in his accomplishments.
Summary: They have to leave when their kid cries for them not to go —Hannie edition
Content: fluff! Han being dramatic
A/N: I am fully aware of the pun I made with his child's name. It was intentional. I do think Han would be the kind of person to make his kids name a pun.
Masterlist
It’s your son’s first day of preschool and Jisung is more nervous than him.
“Okay, does he have his juice?” Jisung asks, nervously pacing back and forth
“Yes.”
“His snacks?”
“Yes.”
“What about his favorite blanket. Oh! Maybe a change of clothes too.”
“Why would he need a change of clothes?”
“What if he falls and gets mud all over himself. Do you want him walking around in muddy clothes? All of the other kids will laugh at him and he’ll be scarred forever. You know what? This was a bad idea. He’s staying home. We’ll put him in next year.”
“Ji!” You grab your frantic husband by the shoulders. “Calm down. He will be just fine.”
He sighs, “It’s just…it’s a big deal. I want him to be okay.”
“I know you do, but I promise everything will be fine.”
He nods, not seeming fully convinced, but you’ll take what you can get. You guide your son, Duri, out of the playroom to the car and buckle him in. Han is tapping the steering wheel so hard the entire drive that you think his fingers might fall off. As you pull up to the preschool, Han looks like he is going to throw up. You gently place your hand over his, “Hey, it’ll be okay.”
He takes a deep breath before stepping out of the car. You unbuckle Duri as Jisung grabs his Han Quokka backpack. As you enter the building, your son toddling in next to you, his eyes light up at all the bright colors. The walls have murals of animals and plants in fun colors while the chairs are all different patterns. It looks like a clown threw up on everything, but Duri seems enraptured. After talking to the lady at the front desk, you walk Duri back to his classroom, Jisung holding his hand the whole way. As you approach the classroom, the teacher is waiting to greet you.
“Hi! Welcome to your first day of class.” She crouches down to look at your son in the eyes, a bright smile on her face. “And what’s your name, little guy?”
“This is Duri.” You answer.
“Nice to meet you!” She tries to give him a high five but he just stares at her bewildered. She shrugs, standing back up. “That’s okay. We’ll get there eventually. I assume you’re his parents.”
“Yes, hi. I’m Y/N,” You stretch out your hand to greet her. “And this is Han.” The teacher reaches out her hand to him, but he is too caught up scanning the classroom. “Ji!” You elbow him in the side and he locks back into the present.
“Oh! Hi.” He shakes her hand a little frenetically.
The teacher just smiles at him, “First time, huh? It’s okay. Most parents are nervous. You can look around the classroom if you’d like.”
“Yes!” “No.” You both say at the same time. Jisung looks at you, a little betrayed, but you just ignore him. “I’m sure everything is fine. This school had amazing reviews, so I’m not worried.”
She nods her head, “Well, if you have any questions, just let me know. I can take any of his belongings and we’ll get started with class soon.”
You hand her the backpack after basically ripping it out of Jisung’s grip. You pick up Duri, who has been hanging onto Jisung’s pant leg up until now and lift him over the baby gate into the room. As soon as his feet touch the floor, he starts sobbing. Jisung basically lunges to grab him before you have to stop him from picking your son back up.
“But he’s crying!” He pleads, looking like he is about to cry himself.
“If you pick him up, he’ll never get comfortable here.”
“It’s very normal for kids to cry their first time.” The teacher smiles as if that is supposed to calm Jisung down, but it only makes him feel worse.
“I would cry too if my parents abandoned me with a stranger locked in a prison.” He dramatically crosses his arms before you hit him on the shoulder.
“This is not a prison, it’s preschool.”
“Same difference.”
“Ji, stop it. You’re being rude.”
“It’s okay.” The teacher reassures, “Parents are always more nervous than the kids. I promise he will stop crying and adjust soon.”
Meanwhile, Duri is sobbing and making grabby hands for his father, “Appa!”
Jisung looks at you with his biggest eyes, but you don’t budge. He looks between you, the teacher, and Duri, his heart broken in two as his son cries two feet away from him and he’s not allowed to do anything. “Can I give him one last hug please?”
You sigh, “Fine, but make it quick and don’t pick him up!”
Jisung nods as he step over the baby gate to crouch down next to his son. Immediately Duri collapses in his arms and starts sobbing into his shirt. Jisung hugs him tight against his chest, placing a kiss on his head, “I know buddy. Me too. But we’ll get through this together. We have to be strong for each other, okay? I’ll be back before you know it.” He squeezes your son one last time before letting go and stepping back out. Duri lets out another high pitched wail as his father turns his back. Jisung gives one last longing look to Duri before fully turning to leave. He grabs your hand and starts pulling you away, “Let’s go before I change my mind.”
You give one last thank you to the teacher before leaving down the hallway. Your son grabs the baby gate crying after you, and Jisung flinches when a broken “Appa!” echoes down the hallway. As you get back in the car, Jisung slumps down and you swear there are tears in his eyes. “I’m a terrible father. I’ve abandoned my son. I turned my back on him when he needed me most.”
You gently turn his head to look at you, giving the most reassuring smile you can, “You are not a terrible father. You didn’t abandon him. Like the teacher said, this is super normal. He will adjust and be just fine.” You press a reassuring kiss to his lips and some of the tension drains from his shoulders.
“Okay, but if he is crying when we get back, I’m never leaving him behind again.”
“Noted.” You nod before pulling out of the parking lot.
~
You get back that afternoon to pick your son up and Jisung is practically running down the hallway.
“Duri!” He steps in the room, scanning for your son. His eyes land on Duri playing with some blocks in the corner. He walks over and crouches down with his arms open, “Duri, look! Appa is here!” However, your son ignores him and keeps playing with his blocks. Han’s brows furrow with confusion. He moves so that he is more in Duri’s line of sight. “Buddy? It’s me.” But Duri keeps playing with his blocks. Han’s face drops as his son is clearly less hurt about the separation than he is. He scoops him up in is arms, earning a whine from Duri who was not finished with his block tower. His chubby fists reach back down for the blocks, despite Jisung trying to get his attention. “Duri, buddy. It’s me. Your Appa! The one you were crying about this morning.”
You walk over, trying not to be too teasing. As soon as Duri see’s you, his eyes light up and he reaches towards you, “Eomma!”
You can’t help the laugh that escapes you as you take your son from a very betrayed Jisung. “Guess you missed Eomma more than Appa, huh?” You coo, slotting him against your hip. He just gives a gummy smile and starts playing with your hair, “Or Eomma’s hair apparently.” You walk back over to the teacher and sign him out, “I’m guessing he adjusted well?”
“Stopped crying after about five minutes,” She smiles back, grabbing his Han Quokka bag.
“He forgot about me,” Jisung pouts next to you. “It’s because I abandoned him. He’s traumatized and blocked me out of his memory.”
You roll your eyes at his dramatics, “Yeah okay. Grab his backpack.”
“Reduce to his bag boy. What kind of father am I?” He takes the tiny backpack and slings it over his shoulder, best he can.
“A dramatic one. Now, let’s leave our nice teacher to clean up her room.” You drag Jisung back down the hallway, Duri still playing with your hair. Jisung continues muttering about his son forgetting him and how he is mad that you abandoned him this morning. It takes Duri finally acknowledging him when you get home for Jisung to snap out of his dramatics and back into his energetic personality.
Summary: They have to leave when their kid starts crying, not wanting them to go — Channie edition
Content: fluff!
A/N: Part 1 of a lil ot8 series. Sorry I disappeared for a second but now that finals are over, hopefully I can cook up some more stuff. Got a big one I'm almost finished with 😈
Masterlist
~~~~
Your daughter is eating her breakfast when Chan comes out from the bedroom.
“Good morning, princess.” He kisses her on the head. “Good morning, love.” He kisses you on the cheek. He grabs some lunch you pre-packed him and puts it in his backpack. As he moves around packing his things for work, your daughter watches him like it’s the most interesting thing she has seen.
“Eomma! All done!” Yuna throws her banana covered hands up for you to come take her out of the high chair.
Grabbing a wet wipe, you walk over and clean her hands and face before settling her on your hip. She whines as you wipe her face, unaware that you are trying to help her and not smother her. Chan comes over and takes her out of your arms, “Looks like you missed a spot.” He places a big kiss on Yuna’s cheek where a stray piece of banana sits, eliciting a laugh from her.
“Did you pack everything you need?” You ask Chan who is lightly throwing Yuna in the air.
“She’s flying!” He coo’s, earning a satisfied laugh from Yuna.
You shake your head, knowing he is too caught up with her to hear you right now. You let him be and double check his work bag yourself. Rummaging through his backpack, you make sure he has extra food, snacks, water, liquid IV, charger, laptop, and all of the things he always seems to forget. Zipping up his bag you walk over to where he is now dancing around in a circle, rocking Yuna side to side on his hip.
“Alright, dance party is over,” you say, holding out Chan’s bag to him.
“Five more minutes,” he says, eyes locked on your daughter.
“You’re gonna be late to work.”
He sighs, stopping his dancing. He looks at Yuna with a pout, “Eomma is no fun.”
You roll your eyes, “You could quit your job.”
His eyes snap to you, “absolutely not.”
“Mhm, that’s what I thought. Now go before you are late and I get flooded with messages from the boys.”
He slings his backpack over his free shoulder as you reach for Yuna. As soon as you try to take her out of his arms, she starts wailing. Her tiny fists clutch onto his shirt sleeve. “Appa! No!”
“Come on, baby. Appa’s gotta go to work.” You try to pry her away from Chan, but her tiny grip won’t let go. Her face goes red as she cries with all her might. Chans heart immediately breaks at the sight of his daughter so upset.
“Oh princess,” He takes her out of your hands and pulls her back against his chest. Almost immediately she calms down, her head resting in the crook of Chans neck. “It’s okay baby.” He coo’s, gently rubbing her back.
You let him hold her for a minute before checking the time with a sigh, “Chan, you can’t hold her forever. You have to go to work soon.”
“I know.” His voice is a little broken, “Let me hold her just a second longer please.”
You listen, knowing it breaks his heart every time she is upset. Once she has finally calmed down, he kisses the top of her head and whispers, “Appa has to go to work now. But I’ll be back before you know it. Can you go with Eomma?” You reach your hands out for her but she shakes her head no. “It’ll be okay. I promise” Chan gently hands her over to you and she immediately starts fighting back. You manage to actually get her out of Chan’s hold, but she is fighting hard against you.
“It’s okay baby. He’ll be back so soon.” You try soothing her but she just wails and reaches for Chan. He stands there for a moment, looking utterly broken at the sight of his baby girl crying for him. You give him a reassuring smile, “She’ll be fine. I promise. The sooner you go, the sooner you can come back.”
He nods, swallowing down the urge to just stay home for the day with her. He steps forward and kisses Yuna on the head, making sure not to let her grab hold of him.
“Appa!” She wails, trying to squirm out of your hold.
“Appa will be back soon, okay princess. Be good for Eomma.” He turns and places a quick kiss on your lips. “Sorry I have to leave you like this.”
You peck his cheek with a soft smile, “We’ll be fine. She’ll find a toy in 5 minutes and forget all about it.”
He laughs, “Good. Glad I can be replaced by a toy car.”
You roll your eyes, “You know that’s not what I mean.”
“I know.” He takes one last look at his sobbing daughter and turns to leave before he can think any better of it. He closes the door, leaving behind a very upset Yuna and that shatters his heart into pieces. As soon as he gets to the studio he gets a message from you.
Turns out you are replaced by a teddy bear, not a toy car.
Attached is a picture of Yuna, content on the living room floor with a teddy bear almost as big as her. Chan smiles knowing his baby girl is happy again, but he will definitely be finishing work early to return to her as soon as possible.
Summary: When your relationship with Chan gets leaked, suddenly the world comes crashing in and there's no where to hide.
Content: hurt/comfort, angst, icky stalker fans behavior, some pretty mean comments, insecurities, lowkey scared for your safety breakdown moment, distressed and angry Chan, company not being helpful as usual, tried to throw in some nice stays cuz I would hope not all of us suck, silly moment with the boys
A/N: So idk what it is with me and Bangchan and getting mobbed by fans. Or I guess all of SKZ for that matter. Idk guess I just like the feeling of being protected. Anywaaaay, if the boys ever do end up in relationships, please for the love of all that is good and holy, don't be terrible stalker people. Leave them alone and let them be happy. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
Masterlist
~~~~
As you grab your bag and head out the door, you send Chan your usual good morning text.
You: Morning! Off to work. Have a good day at the studio 😘
Channie: Have a good day at work, love ❤️
You look at his response with a contented smile. You’ve been dating for almost a year now and you couldn’t be happier. You were worried at first with all the sneaking around and hush-hush about it, but as you’ve settled into this lifestyle, you find it nice. It’s like you and Chan have your own little bubble, untouchable by the stressors of the world. As you walk out of your apartment, heels clicking on the floor, coffee in hand, you hear something odd. Something that sounds like a mob of people. You walk to the nearest window and almost drop your coffee. A crowd stands outside your apartment building. Photographers, fans, people yelling and holding signs that range from “Please tell Bangchan I love him!” to “Go to hell, gold digger!” You are impressed with their coordination. They stand out of the way of cars, along the sidewalk, keeping fairly quiet, so as to not cause too much trouble. That is, until the apartment building door opens. The crowd rushes forward with cameras at the ready. They push past each other, trying to see who it is. When they see it’s some random guy, there is a collective sigh and they move out of the way.
Your heart stops. Who are these people and how did they find where you live? Surely they aren’t here for you…
You audibly sigh, knowing that is a stupid thought. Unless there is some other girlfriend of some other famous Bangchan in this building, they could only be looking for you. You scan the crowd, looking for your car. Of course. They were directly between you and your car. Maybe they don’t know what you look like. Maybe you could smile and wave and they would move out of the way for you…
You pace back and forth, pinching the bridge of your nose. What are you going to do? You check your watch, “Shit.” You’re going to be late for work at this rate. Glancing between your apartment and the crowd, you make your decision.
—
As you climb down the fire escape, you start to regret your decision. You had to leave your coffee behind and take your heels off in order to shimmy down the ladder. Finally reaching the bottom, you land in a pile of trash. Some rats squeak and run away as if offended by your intrusion. You drag yourself up, slipping your shoes back on. “Great, now I’m late, uncaffinated, and smell like trash.” You brush yourself off and quickly but cautiously make your way to the bus stop.
Climbing into the packed bus, you reach for your phone to text Chan, but your hand hesitates. You aren’t sure who those people are or how they got your information, but now you feel on edge, like everyone is watching you. You decide it’s for the best to not text right now. You don’t want to get caught and accidentally cause him trouble, well more trouble than you probably already have. Plus, his company is on top of things, so they probably figured it out and have it handled. Chan is busy with work, trying to finish up for the holidays and you would hate to stress him unnecessarily. If you text him about this, you know he would drop everything to come see you at work, even if it’s just to ask how you are. You feel a small smile spread across your lips at the thought.
The bus screeches to a stop and you pile out with the rest of the passengers. You take a deep breath in, the cold winter air filling your lungs, and make your way towards work. Your boss is already going to be pissed at you for being late, let’s not add any unneeded stress right now. You can deal with this problem later.
—
Later has arrived and you aren’t sure you’re ready. You step off the bus and stare up at your apartment building looming over you. Curse being on the 4th floor. If you were on the first floor, you could just climb in the window. Alas, you have to find another way in. The fire escape is far too high for you to reach and you aren’t sure the rats will let you back over there again. You inhale deep, tuck your head down and walk towards the front of the building. Surely they haven’t been here all day. As you round the corner to see the mob (albeit slightly smaller) still there, you quickly hide behind the wall.
“What the hell am I supposed to do?” You mutter to no one. That’s when you get hit with an idea. A risky one, but maybe your only option.
You pull your hat lower and pull your scarf to cover your mouth and nose. You’ve never been more glad for freezing weather. Hopefully, it won’t look too suspicious to walk in like this. You wait until someone comes out of your building. As the crowd surges forward, you join the lump and push to the front. While all their attention is focused on whoever is coming out the door, you slip inside and book it for the stairs. You make a note to give your elderly neighbor, Mr. Hintachi, some thank you cookies later, even if he doesn’t know what he did.
You quickly slam and lock your apartment door, your chest heaving from running up four flights of stairs with heels on. Your bag slips off your shoulder making a loud thud against your wooden floor. You kick off your shoes, not even caring about putting them away. Looking around your apartment, it suddenly feels too open, like there is no place to hide. The air feels heavy and static, like the calm before the storm. You heave a sigh, picking up your things to go to your room. You shower and change into some comfortable clothes, resigning yourself to the couch. You pull out your phone to call Chan to let him know what’s going on, but you get distracted. People are blowing up your phone. You open your social media to see hundreds of notifications. All over your feed is a blurry picture of two people laughing together over coffee. You remember that moment. That was a few days ago when you and Chan went to grab coffee while on lunch break. You have done so before and he always does his best to disguise himself. You are careful to not order together (although he ends up paying you back for it every time) and to not hold hands. But someone recognized him and shot a blurry picture that has broken the internet. You open the comments to see thousands of fans spiraling through theories, asking for your name, and bashing you without even knowing who you are. You open your notifications to see hundreds of people tagging you on these posts. Somehow they figured out who you are and found your username. Now every post has it pinned in the comments. Your inbox is filled with message requests. You know you shouldn’t look through them, but you can’t help yourself. Fans are messaging you. Some are very sweet, wishing you the best and asking how you are. But most of them are people bombarding you with hate.
“You’re just doing it for the clout.”
“Go back to wherever you came from whore.”
“Our Channie deserves better than you.”
And those are the mild ones.
As you spiral deeper into this hole, you find more pictures. People posting pictures of you just walking around, the comments flinging hate. Videos of people explaining why you are ugly or are ‘only in it for the fame’ and how Chan deserves better. There are even posts where people have edited you into them, making it look like you were places you never actually were. Your heart stops when you come across a recent post. It’s a picture of you, on the bus, today. You feel your breathing getting shallow, pulling your knees closer to your chest. Suddenly you feel like you’re being swallowed by your apartment. There is too much space. Too many eyes. Too many ways for people to see into your life.
As worried as you feel, it isn’t until you see comments about Chan that you finally break. People have started ruining his reputation too. Posts and comments keeping saying things like, “I never liked him anyways. Maybe this scandal will finally get rid of him,” or “Guess he isn’t good enough to get anyone better than a gold digger.” People hating on you may be hard, but you could handle it. But people trying to tear down Chan and Stray Kids is what gets you. You close social media, deciding you’ve had enough when a message from your friend pops up. She sends you a blog article asking if it’s you in the pictures. Against your better judgement you read the article. It is a post talking about you and your personal life. Where you work, where you’re from, and all the reasons you aren’t good enough for Chan. You practically slam your phone down, deciding turning it off completely is the only way to get yourself to stop reading everything. Tears are streaming down your face, your breath shallow. You feel like the world is pressing in on you. You frantically get up and close all your curtains, double checking that windows are locked. You double check the lock on your front door and balcony door. You shut off all the lights and retreat into your room, shutting the door behind you. It feels like there are a thousand eyes watching you, waiting for you to emerge, just so they can tear you down. You hear the faint sound of sirens. Likely the police finally coming to kick these people out, but you couldn’t care less. You hide under your blanket, pressing a pillow over your head as if that will drown out the noise of the world. Curled up into a ball, making yourself as small as you feel, you hide away in the dark. Maybe if you stay here long enough the noise will go away. Maybe they will all forget and leave you alone.
Or maybe Chan will realize how much trouble it is being with you. Maybe this will be the breaking point and he will decide he has had enough. The confidence you had this morning in your relationship is shattered by the crushing weight of the comments. You don’t doubt that Chan loves you nor do you think comments will suddenly change his mind. Rather, you spiral thinking about all the ways being in a relationship with you is going to ruin his career, ruin the group…ruin him. You can’t do that to him. You can’t be the reason his world falls apart. So maybe, just maybe, if you hide away long enough, he won’t have a choice but to forget about you and his world will stay intact.
—
Chan sits in the studio, staring at his laptop under the low lights. He runs a tired hand over his face. It feels like he has been in here forever. But he is determined to get everything done before the holiday break so that he can give you his undivided attention. He checks the time and sighs: 5:12pm. He wanted to be done at a reasonable time today so that he could go have dinner with you, but it seems like work has a different plan. He moves to pick up his phone to text you when Han, Felix, and Hyunjin burst through the door behind him. He whips around in his chair, confused. The three boys are bent over trying to catch their breath. They start talking over each other, their rambling hard to understand.
Chan cuts them off, “Oi, slow down. One of you at a time please.”
Han starts, “We were making videos for tiktok and stuff right and we went to go upload it when the feed it was filled with pictures and videos and all this stuff and it’s bad.” His rambling is cut off by Felix, “It’s not just tiktok. It’s everywhere. The internet, Instagram. Even Facebook!”
Hyunjin continues the ramble train, “We know you’ve been in here most of the day so you probably haven’t seen anything but you gotta do something!”
Chan stares at them confused, “What?”
That’s when the rest of the boys show up. Lee Know hits all three of them. “Pabos! You didn’t even say what was wrong.”
“Don’t hit us!”
“At least we cared enough to run.”
“Yeah, I didn’t see you rushing over to do anything.”
They start bickering, forgetting all about Chan who still has no idea what’s going on.
“Hey!” Chan raises his voice over the noise, “Will someone tell me what’s wrong?!”
“It’s Y/N!” They yell in unison.
Chan is immediately on his feet, “What? Where is she? Is she okay? What happened?” His mind starts running through all the possible answers. He grabs his phone to see a bunch of notifications. Social medias blowing up, blog articles, texts, but nothing from you. “What the hell is going on!” His voice is strained, desperate.
Seungmin finally explains everything to him. The pictures, the comments, how they know your apartment building and they are worried your unit number will be next. Chan goes white, his brain static. What picture? He’s been so careful. You rarely go out in public and when you do, you are so careful to not be obvious. He keeps himself from holding your hand or calling you nicknames. He doesn’t kiss you goodbye or say that he loves you in fear of this exact thing. When the boys finally show him the picture, his blood starts to boil, “That’s not even clear! That is a blurry picture. How the hell did they get information off of that?! We’re just getting coffee. What, I can’t get coffee now?!” He explodes, unable to fathom how people can be so cruel. The boys try to keep him from seeing more posts or reading comments, but he beats them to it.
“She’s such a whore.”
“She’s not even that pretty.”
“Why would he ever like someone like her. She’s a nobody.”
His grip tightens on Hans phone as he reads through all the heinous things people are saying about you.
“Hey, you’re gonna break my phone.” Han squeaks, trying to pry it out of Bangchan’s hands.
It’s when he see’s a picture of your apartment building that he finally cracks. His vision tunnels, all his anger suddenly laser focused. He shoves Hans phone back in his hands before moving to grab his stuff. He shoves everything into his bag, not even caring that it’s unable to zip up. He turns to leave, but the boys are blocking the doorway. “Move.” His voice is low, calm but angry. Felix, Han, and I.N. shrink back from his anger.
Seungmin steps forward, “Hyung, you can’t leave right now.”
“I have to go see her.”
“There are fans flooding the street. You can’t even get out of the building.”
“I’ll go out the back. Now get out of my way.”
Lee Know speaks up, “He’s right. I doubt the company will let you leave anyway.”
“To hell with the company!” His voice is laced with venom, “I need to see Y/N.”
“It’s not safe!” I.N. pipes up, gaining some courage back.
“What, so I’m supposed to stay safe, locked up in here while she is thrown to the wolves? That’s the dumbest shit I’ve ever heard!” His tone is sharp with anger.
“I-I’m sorry.” I.N.’s voice is small, the little confidence he had shattered.
“Hey! Don’t talk to him like that.” Changbin steps forward, putting a hand on Chans shoulder, “Hyung, look. I know you are angry and scared, but you can’t lose your head right now. I know you want to help her. Trust me, we do too. She may be your girlfriend, but she is our friend too. You can go out there and storm past all the fans to her apartment, leading them all there and fan the flames. Or you can stop and gain some composure. Talk with the company and see how they plan to handle this.”
Something about Changbin’s steady presence breaks Chan. His eyes go glassy, “But what about Y/N? She’s all alone out there. I just want to help her.”
“I know you do, but right now that looks like damage control. We need to clear things up and get this under control before giving them more things to say about her.”
Chan looks into Changbin’s eyes and gives him a small, understanding nod. Tears start streaming down his face, “Can-can I try calling her?”
Changbin looks at the others for support. Lee Know nods, “Unless there is some genius hacker wiretapped into your phone, that should be fine.”
Chan sets his bag down and grabs his phone. He pulls up your contact: no messages, no calls, radio silence. He sighs, pressing the call button. It rings…and rings…no answer. He runs a hand through his hair, pacing now. He tries again, the boys watching him with desperation. No answer. Three times he calls you with no answer. He frantically starts texting you.
Baby?
Baby are you okay?
I’ve seen the posts. Don’t listen to them.
Please answer the phone.
I love you.
Baby please answer me.
I need to know you’re okay.
Love? Y/N?
Tears start pouring down his face with every text left unread. Felix hugs him.
Chan starts shaking with sobs, “What if she’s not okay? What if something happened? What-“
“Hey, listen. It’s gonna be okay.” Felix’s deep voice is calm and soothing, “Nothing is going to happen to her. This is Y/N we’re talking about. She can take on thousands of people alone.”
“But she shouldn’t have to. I should be taking them on. I’m supposed to protect her.”
“You couldn’t have known this was going to happen.”
Chan is wracked with sobs, hardly able to breathe now when suddenly his phone rings. He immediately scrambles over to answer, almost knocking Felix over. He doesn’t even check the caller ID before answering. “Y/N?!”
“Um, no.” A male voice responds over the phone. Chans face drops as he looks at the caller ID and see’s that it’s their manager. “Look, I assume you’ve seen the posts by now. We need to have a meeting immediately.”
Chan wipes his face, trying to sound professional, “Yes sir. I’m at the company if you want to meet now.”
“That would be perfect.”
—
Chan walks out of the meeting around 8:30PM, his face unreadable. The boys stand up, awaiting the results.
“So?” Hyunjin carefully asks, nervously shifting his weight.
“They want us to not see each other for a few days until they can gain some control.” Chans voice is tight, barely keeping his composure.
“What?!”
“That’s stupid!”
“Let me talk to them!”
Several of them chime over each other.
“Guys, chill.” Lee Know turns to Chan, “What are you going to do about it?”
“They said we’ll talk more when they get it under control, but I kept saying I wasn’t gonna break-“
Lee Know cuts him off, “That’s not what I asked. I asked, what are you going to do about it?”
Chan blinks, confused, “What do you mean? I can’t do anything.”
“Oh really?” Lee Know cocks an eyebrow, “Because you were ready to tear down the whole city just a few hours ago.”
“What am I supposed to do?”
“Do you want to go see her?”
Chan pinches his nose, “You know I do, but I can’t. Fans are swarming the front and they are sending a car around to the back for us to leave.”
Seungmin smirks, “Do you trust us?”
“What did you do?”
The boys give each other a knowing look. Felix lowers his voice, “We may have come up with a plan while you were in there.”
This should be interesting.
—
This plan was…chaotic to say the least.
Step 1: block the road.
Their brilliant idea is to use the fans to block the drivers exit. How? Hyunjin and Felix “casually” walk around the side of the building while Han pretends to be a fan and yells, “Oh my gosh look over there! It’s Hyunjin and Felix!” Of course the fans go running after them, directly into the road that the driver needs to get out.
Step 2: switch cars.
Now that the road is blocked by fans and security, the car has no where to go. This is when Seungmin knocks on the car window.
“They’ve got another car. Quick, let’s go!” He pulls Chan out of the back and shoves him in a different company car. This car, however, is being driven by Lee Know with I.N. in the backseat.
Step 3: Get to Y/N’s apartment.
While the rest of the boys divert staffs attention, Lee Know, I.N. and Bangchan make their escape.
Han gives a salute as they drive off before being dragged back inside by concerned staff.
—
They pull up to your apartment, the streetlights making the snow on the ground glitter. It’s quiet outside your building, thank goodness. I.N. hands Chan a hat, glasses, coat, and mask.
“Thanks guys. I really appreciate the help.” Chan turns to I.N. “And I’m sorry for how I spoke earlier. You didn’t deserve that.”
I.N. gives him that signature dimple smile, “It’s okay, hyung. You were upset so I understand.”
“I know, but still-“
“Ya! Do you want to see Y/N or not?” Lee Know scolds through the rear view mirror.
“Right,” Chan steps out of the car giving one last thanks to the boys.
“It’ll be okay! You’ve got this.” I.N. encourages.
“Don’t screw it up.” Lee Know encourages in his own way.
Chan races up the stairs praying that you are okay.
He knocks once, twice. No answer. He pulls out the spare key you gave him and gently opens the door. “Baby?” His voice is soft as he peaks in. Silence. “Y/N? Are you here?” He calls, slipping off his shoes. No answer. Your keys are here so clearly you are here somewhere. He looks around at your apartment. A place that is usually welcoming and warm, lit with soft light feels cold and empty. All the curtains are closed and lights are off. Every possible entrance or window is blocked in some way. His heart breaks realizing that you were trying to shut out the world, get rid of the prying eyes. He should have been here. He should have come immediately. Before he can spiral, he see’s your phone sitting on the coffee table. He walks over and picks it up. You turned it off, understandably.
He sets it back down and wanders down the hallway, the silence feeling heavier as he goes. He notices your bedroom door is closed and gently knocks, “Baby?” His voice is tiny. After a second, he slowly opens the door and the sight before him is crushing.
Your room is completely dark while you sit curled up under your blanket, a pillow pressed over your head. You aren’t sure how long you’ve been like this, time blurring in the darkness. It’s been long enough that you can’t physically cry anymore. Once your body ran out of tears, it resigned to profusely shaking with shallow breathing. You are exhausted, your whole body aching, but you can’t even close your eyes. If you do, you fear all the prying eyes will finally break through. So you’ve kept them open, staring into blackness for hours. Your room is so quiet that you can hear your own rapid heartbeat.
Suddenly you hear soft footsteps in your room. You stiffen, terrified. Who got in? How did they get in? You should have locked that door. You don’t have your phone so you can’t call the police. You feel the weight of a hand on your shoulder and immediately shoot out of bed, falling on the floor. You quickly grab the nearest thing (it happened to be your heels from this morning) and scramble to turn around.
“Y/N?”
You look up with wild, bloodshot eyes. Your ears recognize the voice before your vision can catch up. “Chan?” Your voice is broken and hoarse, barely audible from the hours of crying. Bangchan’s heart shatters at the sound of his name. Your voice shaky, laced with fear and desperation. “Channie, is that you?” You feel like you are hallucinating. Did you finally fall asleep and now your mind is playing a cruel trick on you?
Chan carefully steps over to you, “Yes, baby, it’s me.” He kneels down in front of you and reaches for your hand. You flinch, making his heart break, the fear and exhaustion radiating off of you. He tries again for your hand, this time you don’t move away. As soon as you feel his warmth against your skin, you collapse. He swiftly catches you, scooping you into his arms. You start sobbing, your body somehow finding enough water to make tears. Your whole body shakes in his arms as heart wrenching cries fill the room. Chan holds you tight against him as if his hold is the only thing keeping you together. Tears start pouring down his face, “Shh, baby. I’ve got you. I’m here now.” His voice is soft and comforting, touching the inner most parts of you. One hand gently strokes your hair while the other rubs soothing circles on your back. Your face is pressed into his chest; your knuckles white from gripping his shirt.
“They know-they know where I-I live-“ You choke out through the tears, hyperventilating.
“I know. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” His hold on you tightens as his tears soak into your hair.
“I-I’m scared.”
“Shhh, I’m here now. It’s okay. You’re going to be okay. I’m not going to let anyone touch you.” His voice is laced with tears and determination. You know he means it and that starts to shine a little bit of light into the darkness.
You sit there in the dark, holding each other on the bedroom floor. Time fades into the background as your tears mix together. Eventually your body gives out and your sobs turn into weak whimpers. You’re still shaking with exhaustion, but some of the tension has released.
Chan carefully speaks, his voice barely a whisper, “Baby?”
You just press against him tighter in response.
“Can we move onto the bed?”
You give a small nod and Chan very gently adjusts his hold on you. He lifts you up into his arms and carefully sits on the bed. Your grip never loosens on him. He slowly adjusts so that you are lying down with your head on his chest, pressed close to his body. He pulls the blanket up to cover you, wrapping you both in a small cocoon. His hand moves back to gently stroking your hair. Slowly your breathing syncs with his, your heartbeat slowing to a regular pace. You feel the exhaustion hit you like a truck and your eyes start to feel heavy. It doesn’t take long for you to fall asleep in Chans comforting hold.
—
You pry your swollen eyes open feeling the deep ache in your bones. You look over to see the spot next to you empty. You immediately start to panic, head shooting up to look around, “Chan? Chan?!” Your voice is desperate. Was it all a dream? Is your mind really that cruel to you?
Chan quickly runs in, his eyes wide with concern, “Hey, it’s okay! I’m still here.” He climbs onto the bed, pulling you into his lap. You immediately latch onto him, your heartbeat slowly relaxing against him. “You’re okay baby. I’ve got you.” He kisses the top of your head, lightly rocking you back and forth.
You press your face into his chest, “I’m sorry.”
Chan immediately pulls back to look at you in the eyes, “Hey, no. You don’t need to apologize for anything.”
“I just woke up and you weren’t there and I thought,” You feel the tears prick at your eyes, “I thought it was all a dream and you weren’t actually here.”
He gently wipes the tears from your eyes, “I’m sorry, love. I was just going to get you some food and water. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He pulls you back into his chest. “You’ve used up a lot of energy, so you need some nutrients. Is it okay if I go grab you some food and water?”
You know you should say yes, but you can’t bring yourself to let go of him. The thought of letting him go even for a second makes the anxiety grip your chest. “I-I really don’t want you to let go.”
Chan feels his heart squeeze at the sound of your small voice, “Okay, then can I take you with me? Is that okay?”
You give a small nod expecting him to set you down. Instead he picks you up, so that you are straddling his waist. Your face is pressed into his shoulder while your hands wrap around his neck. He carries you effortlessly to the kitchen and grabs a plate of food and glass of water without ever setting you down. He walks back into your room and, setting the food and water on your bedside table, he settles back onto your bed. He gently moves your head to look at him. His heart breaks as the effects of yesterday are written all over your face. Your swollen, bloodshot eyes sag with exhaustion. Your face is pale and tear stained. He gently presses a kiss to your lips, the taste of salt lingering from your tears. “You’re dehydrated from crying. I need you to drink some water for me, yeah?” His Aussie accent thickens with care. You nod, not having much strength to speak. He gently brings the cup to your lips and helps you drink some water. “There you go. Good job.”
He helps you drink more water and eat a little bit of food, although you can’t stomach much. His attentiveness and gentle touch slowly puts you back together. You spend most of the day sleeping in his arms. It isn’t until later that night that you finally have enough strength to talk.
“Channie.” Your voice is hoarse, but Chan smiles nonetheless. He’s just glad you have enough strength to talk.
“Yes, baby?”
“I’m sorry.”
His smile drops. “Why are you sorry?”
“Because I caused all these problems and you had to spend all night with me.”
He gently tilts your face to look at him, “Don’t say that. This is not your fault. And I can’t imagine being anywhere else than by your side.” His voice is firm, but gentle.
“But now everyone hates you…because of me.”
“I don’t care what anyone else thinks. As long as you love me, that’s all that matters.”
“But your career. Everything you’ve worked for. The boys…” your voice breaks at the thought of hurting them with all of this.
“Hey, listen.” He leans his forehead on yours, “This has nothing to do with you. This entire thing is because of stupid people being horrible and jealous. They are rude and hide behind anonymity to hide their insecurities. It’s not your fault. You are my whole world. My career, the fans, it all means nothing without you. You didn’t ruin anything or hurt anyone.”
“You shouldn’t call STAY stupid.”
“Anyone who hurts you is not a STAY because to hurt you is to hurt me and if they were truly STAY’s, they wouldn’t do that.”
Your chest tightens at his confession. You lean in to kiss him, all your fears and worries releasing. He pulls you closer deepening the kiss. You breathe each other in, all of the hurt and fear melting away. You pull back, looking him in the eyes, “What are we going to do?”
He tries to keep his voice steady, but you can hear the slight shake of fear. Yet his eyes hold a sort of determination, a protectiveness that lets you know he won’t go down without a fight. “I’ll figure that out. But first you need to rest and recoup. I’m not doing anything else until you are better.”
“But-“
“But nothing. You are my top priority. Everyone else can wait.”
You melt into him, your confidence from yesterday morning coming back. Because you were right. He did drop everything to make sure you are okay and you know he will every time.
—
It takes a few days for you to finally recuperate. Chan never leaves your apartment. Unless one of you is in the bathroom, you are always connected. Whether holding his hand while he cooks or sleeping next to him in the bed, you are practically glued together.
Chan informs the boys about everything and they promise to cover for him at the studio, although the constant messages from his manager shows they aren’t doing a great job.
You’re sitting on your couch, your head resting on Chans chest when his phone starts ringing for the fifth time today. “Channie.”
“Yeah, baby?”
“You should answer that.” You hand him his phone.
“They can wait.”
“They’ve been waiting for days. At this point, they’re going to send security to come and get you.” You scold him, but he just smiles, glad that your energy is back.
“I dare them to try and take me away from you. Over my dead body.” He tightens his hold on you, causing you to giggle. The sound of you laughing makes his whole soul happy.
“Well, I don’t want you to die, so could you please answer it. For me?” You give him the biggest puppy dog eyes you can muster.
He rolls his eyes, but the smile on his face gives him away, “Fine.”
He calls his manager back and ends up in a very long phone conversation. You don’t want to eavesdrop, but it’s hard not to when he’s sitting right next to you. They go back and forth about meetings and how he needs to come back to the company to figure this out. As stubborn as he is, he doesn’t want to totally disrespect his manager. He ends up settling on going back to the company to figure things out and promises to be back by dinner.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” He asks for the umpteenth time.
“Yes, I promise.”
“And you will keep the door locked?”
You can’t help laughing at his protectiveness, “Yes.”
“And you will text me if you need anything?”
“Oh my goodness, yes. Now go before they get even more upset with you.” You lightly shove him towards the door. He catches your hand and presses a kiss to your palm. He peppers kisses up your arm until you are in a fit of laughter. “Baby, you need to go.”
He pulls you in for a proper kiss, not silly or playful, but deep and intentional. He pours all his love into it as if it might give you some protective shield. It is a reassurance that he is here and will protect you, no matter what. He pulls back a little to look you in the eyes. “Hey, I’m serious. If you need anything, just call.”
“I will.”
“I love you.”
“I love you too.”
He leaves the apartment, pulling on his disguise, even though he’s just walking down stairs to a company car waiting for him. He wants to be extra cautious and that makes your heart flutter. His sincerity and determination to protect you is the reason you can feel okay without him there. You know that he means every word of what he says. He will fight for you, no matter what.
—
Later that day a notification pops up on your phone. You’ve been hesitant to check any social media since this whole thing began, but the notification says ‘Bangchan has started a live.’ You click on the notification, brows knit with confusion. Chan pops up on your screen. You didn’t realize how exhausted he looked until now. In the light of the studio, over the phone, you can see the toll that all of this has taken. You feel a slight ache in your chest knowing that you had something to do with that, but it quickly goes away as his voice comes out of your phone.
“So, as I’m sure you have all noticed, there has been a photo going around.” The comments start going crazy. “I am here to put all of your questions to rest.”
You feel your heart twist a little, that insecurity popping back up, telling you that he is about to say you don’t exist. Which is fine. That’s what you want right? To keep your little bubble intact.
“That picture was of me. I was in that coffee shop that day. As for the person sitting across from me, that is my girlfriend.” Your eyes go wide, not actually expecting him to say it. The comments explode. “She is very important to me and if you are truly a STAY you will treat her as such. Anything harmful you say about her, you are saying about me. I will not tolerate any sort of rude behavior or harassment. I will not hesitate to bring in my lawyers if I need to. So, treat her with the respect she deserves. Because she is beautiful, smart, funny, kind, and my entire world. If you care about me or Stray Kids at all, you will treat her with the respect and kindness she deserves. You understand? Good.” He ends the live without another word.
Your jaw is dropped to the floor. You aren’t sure what you were expecting, but that was not it. You decide to wait for him to come back before saying anything.
—
The door creaks open and Chan is almost knocked over by you hugging him. “Woah, hey there.”
“Christopher Bahng. What is wrong with you?!” You scold him, lightly hitting his chest.
“I’m getting mixed signals.” He jokes.
“You went live to all of STAY to tell them you have a girlfriend!?”
“Did you want me to do something different?”
“Yes! I mean, no. I mean—I don’t really know what I expected, but that was not it. Does the company know?”
“Yes, they know. They will release an official statement soon with rules about defamation and what not.”
You are taken aback by that, “Wait really?”
“I told you I’d protect you, didn’t I?” He kisses your forehead.
“So, does this mean we get to go out together and like not have to worry about people seeing us?” You sound a little too excited.
“We can even hold hands.” His big dimpled smile breaks across his face.
You launch into his arms, peppering kisses all over his face. Tears start forming in your eyes, but this time they are from happiness, “I love you so much.”
He spins you around before giving you a long kiss, “I love you more.”
