midnight reference

My main blog is beheadal. This blog does writing advice, art help, handy stuff, and very useful information. Feel free to contact me via ask.

[midnightreference]

Check if you're registered to vote in your state!

There's been an issue in some states (especially Republican ones) where people are "purged" from the voter rolls. Check whether you're registered before you go vote! Alabama: https://myinfo.alabamavotes.gov/VoterView/Home.do Alaska: https://myvoterinformation.alaska.gov/ Arizona: https://voter.azsos.gov/VoterView/Hom.do Arkansas: https://www.voterview.ar-nova.org/VoterView/Home.do California: https://voterstatus.sos.ca.gov/ Colorado: https://www.sos.state.co.us/voter/pages/pub/olvr/findVoterReg.xhtml Connecticut: https://portal.ct.gov/SOTS/Election-Services/Voter-Information/Voter-Registration-Information Delaware: https://ivote.de.gov/ D.C.: https://www.dcboe.org/Voters/Register-To-Vote/Check-Voter-Registration-Status Florida: https://registration.elections.myflorida.com/CheckVoterStatus Georgia: https://registertovote.sos.ga.gov/GAOLVR/welcome.do Hawaii: https://olvr.hawaii.gov/ Idaho: https://apps.idahovotes.gov/ YourPollingPlace/AmIRegistered.aspx Illinois: https://ova.elections.il.gov/RegistrationLookup.aspx Indiana: https://indianavoters.in.gov/ Iowa: https://sos.iowa.gov/elections/voterreg/regtovote/search.aspx Kansas: https://myvoteinfo.voteks.org/VoterView/RegistrantSearchMobile.do Kentucky: https://vrsws.sos.ky.gov/vic/ Louisiana: https://voterportal.sos.la.gov/Home/VoterLogin Maine: https://www1.maine.gov/portal/government/edemocracy/voter_lookup.php Maryland: https://voterservices.elections.maryland.gov/VoterSearch Massachusetts: https://www.sec.state.ma.us/VoterRegistrationSearch/MyVoterRegStatus.aspx Michigan: https://webapps.sos.state.mi.us/MVIC/ Minnesota: https://mnvotes.sos.state.mn.us/VoterStatus.aspx Mississippi: https://www.msegov.com/sos/voter_registration/amiregistered/Search Missouri: https://voteroutreach.sos.mo.gov/PRD/VoterOutreach/VOSearch.aspx Montana: https://app.mt.gov/voterinfo/ Nebraska: https://www.votercheck.necvr.ne.gov/ Nevada: https://www.nvsos.gov/votersearch/ New Hampshire: Can't find New Jersey: https://voter.njsvrs.com/PublicAccess/servlet/com.saber.publicaccess.control.PublicAccessNavigationServlet?USERPROCESS=PublicSearch New Mexico: https://voterportal.servis.sos.state.nm.us/WhereToVote.aspx New York: https://voterlookup.elections.ny.gov/ North Carolina: https://vt.ncsbe.gov/RegLkup/ North Dakota: https://vip.sos.nd.gov/WhereToVote.aspx Ohio: https://voterlookup.sos.state.oh.us/voterlookup.aspx Oklahoma: https://services.okelections.us/ Oregon: https://secure.sos.state.or.us/orestar/vr/showVoterSearch.do Pennsylvania: https://www.pavoterservices.pa.gov/pages/voterregistrationstatus.aspx Rhode Island: https://vote.sos.ri.gov/ South Carolina: https://info.scvotes.sc.gov/eng/voterinquiry/VoterInformationRequest.aspx South Dakota: https://vip.sdsos.gov/VIPLogin.aspx Tennessee: https://tnmap.tn.gov/voterlookup/ Texas: https://teamrv-mvp.sos.texas.gov/MVP/mvp.do Utah: https://vote.utah.gov/vote/menu/index Vermont: http://s3.amazonaws.com/vip-voter-information-tool/index.html Virginia: https://vote.elections.virginia.gov/VoterInformation Washington: https://weiapplets.sos.wa.gov/MyVote/#/login West Virginia: https://services.sos.wv.gov/Elections/Voter/FindMyPollingPlace Wisconsin: https://myvote.wi.gov/en-us/ Wyoming: Can't find

[amaipetisu]

A few tips everybody should consider. I’ve experienced all those and some more. I’m not good at english but I hope you get it. Go and support some artists out there and let them draw you nice shit. Not as nice as FairyNekoDesu but still will be cool so give them a chance and you’ll be surprised.

[shadyfolk]

THIIIIS.

All of these things.

Especially the deadline. If you don’t have a deadline thats way in advanced it’s not gonna get done by then. I am almost always taking on a ton of projects at once and sometimes need a break from it to: work on stuff for me, work on stuff for friends, search for jobs, be the work slave of parents, actually relax and try to relief stress, technical difficulties, researching on how to do stuff, ect.

Sometimes it’s done in a day. Sometimes it’s done literally a year later. But I always update the people I work with so they know I haven’t forgotten.

Do NOT rush your commissioner. Let them work at their pace and it will be worth it. Rushing them insures a rush job which will very likely make the quality decline.

[kennoarkkan]

All this is true. Also, ref sheets are the most important thing ever. I can’t stress that enough. They make the job A LOT easier (instead of having to compare 10 different pics between each other and see that everything fits, you just look at 1!!)  If you plan in commissioning your character a lot, or even if its not yours (like from an anime or something) Either commission one or look for ref sheets of the show (because there are!).

Also i strongly suggest not using Instant Messaging. Information can be lost pretty easily there and it’s hard to come back to it. Use emails instead. The info stays there, and it’s easy to search for it. It’s also an excellent way to keep track of the descriptions, so if either the client or artist made a mistake, you can see the email threads and see who’s right straight away. also pushy clients LOVE instant messaging. Pls no.

[ambris]

All of this ^

[askstalkerloo]

Oh god yes this.

[feynites]

Alright so since some people seem to need help with these things, I’m gonna do a PSA on common fanfic turns of phrase and what they’re actually driving at:

‘Humming’, as in, when a character ‘hums in agreement’ or ‘hums happily’, isn’t them suddenly breaking out a tune. It’s referring to an inarticulate sound, usually with the lips closed. ‘Mmhmm’ for example is a hum. ‘Hummed a question’ is less common, but generally means something along the lines of ‘hmm?’

If someone ‘moans in appreciation’ of something, like food or a good massage, that is usually indicating a lower ‘mmm’ noise than ‘humming’, with the tone being defined by the context of the situation. At some point actually writing out ‘yum’ or ‘oooh’ or similar became unpopular in fic, so describing the noise took prominence. The ‘mmm’ sound is fairly indistinct, and is technically a moan. It’s not actually an inherently sexual term, even though it’s used overwhelmingly in sexual contexts. (In older stories characters would even moan in pain, though that’s less common now).

Toeing off your shoes refers to taking off your shoes without bending down and using your hands in any way. You’re using your toes instead. It’s actually more common with slippers (which are designed for this) but can apply to any footwear that doesn’t need untying or unbuckling or something in order to come loose. Related to ‘kicking off your shoes’ but less dramatic in terms of the implied action involved.

Carding your fingers through something (i.e. hair, feathers) comes from a process (carding) for disentangling cloth or wool fibers (usually a special type of card-shaped tool was used for this, hence the term). It’s got nothing to do with playing cards or shuffling, and here’s the wikipedia article on the process, just for the skeptics. It basically means ‘gently disentangle’ in the fanfic context.

Thus concludes the PSA.

[foundlingmother]

[philosopherking1887]

I do know all of this… but the constant repetition can still make things sound silly.

[feynites]

This is true! But it’s also probably worth considering two points on that front.

One is that if you like fanfic, you’re probably going to read way more fic than published novels. So common turns of phrase or idioms that show up in fanfiction writing communities will seem even more repetitive. Because you are reading a ton of it. I mean, you could read nothing but fanfiction until you die and never run out of it, even if everyone stopped writing it today, and it’s all free and readily available so long as you have internet access. People binge reading fics and then getting sick of seeing the tropes or phrases most common to them is a bit like gorging on ice cream and then going ‘ugh sugar disgusts me now for some mysterious reason, why do people put so much of it in food???’

The other point is that, of course, fanfic writers are often amateurs. Repetition within a single story is gonna happen more often when the author is new to writing. It’s something writers just have to learn how to not do. Usually by building up broader vocabularies and learning how to pace things better, which takes practice. 

After all, while fanfiction serves many purposes, one of them is a practice ground for people who are still learning. 

So the two biggest reasons for perfectly serviceable and innocuous phrases to be ‘over used’ in fics are, themselves, pretty much just unavoidable and minor downsides caused by the unique status of fanfiction itself.

And if somebody just really dislikes a certain turn of phrase ‘just because’, and is not actually unfamiliar with it and picturing something totally bizarre, that’s understandable too. But really the best recourse to that is to just come up with alternatives and fling them out into the community. Writers are ALWAYS looking for new, concise ways to describe things and help fill out their prose. It’s one of the reasons why, when a useful turn of phrase comes along, it will catch on and start showing up in other fics. Trust me, when you’re trying to make thousands upon thousands of words flow, it’s way better to get more options than to feel like you have to avoid certain common turns of phrase.

[howtofightwrite]

Q&A: Firearms Training

While practicing shooting, what are the most common mistakes that could happen? I mean, like hurting your shoulder with a shotgun when you fire and that kind of thing.

It’s not going to be that, probably. Shotguns are fairly low power, so the recoil is surprisingly light.

I’m actually going to step back and make a blanket statement: while you’re practicing shooting, injuries of any kind are fairly rare. Firearms are quite dangerous if handled poorly, but mishandling is more likely to get you thrown off a well managed range before you have the chance to injure someone.

With that said, if you’re renting your firearm, the most common issue (although it’s not really a mistake) will be non-critical mechanical failures.

Rentals see a lot of use, and in some cases they will start to suffer failures. This will usually manifest as issues like failure to feed, though the exact malfunctions will vary with the individual gun. “Limp wristing”a firearm can also cause failure to feed situations. This occurs when the user fails to properly brace the firearm against recoil, and allows it to recoil too far.

In rare cases, these issues can extend to catastrophic mechanical failures, but most reputable ranges would remove guns from use long before that becomes an issue. However, the occasional idiot will try to load their own ammo into a rental, with similar results. This is why most ranges that rent will require you to also buy the ammunition you intend to use, or will roll the ammunition costs in with the rental fees.

Many common mistakes arise from people who fail to follow the basic gun safety rules. Most of the time, these don’t result in actual accidents.

Another common mistake for shooters is proper finger placement on the trigger. This can result in the gun pulling to one side or the other. This affects accuracy, but won’t result in any injuries in a controlled environment.

I’m not going to harp on people with poor stance. I know this is a somewhat popular choice, but there is a truth to stance with firearms: If it works for you, and you can get solid placement, that is far more important than making sure your stance is textbook. In a live situation, shot placement is king, no one cares if you’re in a perfect Weaver, just if you lived through the night.

In fact, the only, “injury,” I’d associate with practicing on the range is sore thumbs from packing magazines. This is mostly a consideration when you’re dealing with high capacity automatics, particularly Glocks, where the spec mag capacity is extremely tight. Obviously, if you’re practicing with anything that doesn’t use detachable box magazines, or you pre-packed your ammo, this isn’t a consideration.

It is possible to bruise your shoulder firing high power rifles. It’s often advisable to start someone out with lighter recoil weapons like 9mm or .223s, but once in awhile you will find some idiot who really wants to start out on a .44 magnum, or an even more massive hand cannon. Not so much a common mistake, but it is a piece of good advice: start on lighter guns, and then work your way up to the beefier stuff once you’re used to recoil. Learning on a 9mm handgun or a shotgun is vastly preferable to getting your introduction to shooting on a .50BMG bolt action Anti-Material rifle. That said, there are plenty of ranges that will gleefully advertise their biggest and loudest, and there is an allure to being able to say you’ve fired an S&W .500. Just, maybe, don’t make that your first firearms experience. I’d also recommend avoiding fully automatic weapons until you’ve had some experience with semi-auto, and learned to control recoil for yourself. I’ve heard way too many stories of people accidentally killing themselves or someone else from uncontrolled barrel climb.

None of this is the most common mistake about practicing with firearms, though. That one’s very simple: Not doing it.

I’ll say this again for emphasis: The most common mistake most people make is not practicing with their firearm.

This, honestly, happens a lot. Someone will buy a gun for self-defense. They may go to a training course. That training course may even be good, and teach them how to properly operate and maintain their gun. And then they never practice.

We say this all the time, but it’s worth remembering. When you’re in a life threatening situation you do not have time to think. We also tell you, natural instinct will get you killed. You need to train and practice to create new instantaneous responses. Firearms are no different.

If you’re in a situation where you honestly need to use a weapon, taking time while trying to remember what someone told you seven years ago will get you killed. You need to drill those movements down until they’re your new instinctive response. At that point, it doesn’t matter if it’s a knife, a gun, or your own body. You need to practice until you can perform the necessary actions while your heart is pounding and your hands are shaking from an adrenaline rush.

Adrenaline is very important for keeping you alive, but in the moment it sucks. It makes precise actions (including driving and marksmanship) far more difficult than they need to be. Also, the aftertaste is horrible, though, maybe, that’s just me.

Immediately following this, the second mistake is probably not practicing enough. This one’s more understandable, ammo and rental fees are expensive, so that’s a factor. This is also less critical. In the case of getting practice, too much is preferable to enough, but getting some in will help.

If you’re unfamiliar with basic gun safety rules (and there are some variations) here’s an amalgamated list to start from:

Always treat a firearm as if it’s loaded.

Never point a firearm at anything you do not intend to shoot.

Never place your finger on the trigger until you are ready to fire.

Always remain aware of your target’s surroundings, particularly what is behind it.

Keep your weapon on Safe until you are ready to fire.

Always unload your firearm before storage. Never store a loaded firearm.

That’s not a comprehensive list, but it’s a good starting point. Also, always respect a firearm. These are incredibly dangerous tools, and misuse can have horrific results.

-Starke

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Q&A: Firearms Training was originally published on How to Fight Write.

[swordsite]

#Knife #Knives #Cuchillo #Faca #Couteau #нож #ナイフ #刀#pisau #سكين

Modern Knife Types / Blade Shapes

For sources: http://sword-site.com/thread/1111/diagrams-modern-knife-types

Sword-Site - The World’s Largest Sword Museum

[thegeekcritique]

Important for those who thought a Honing Steel was a Steak Knife.

[thatseanguyblogs-deactivated201]

happy fun time.

[nineprotons]

“Got the morbs” should be a thing.

[breelandwalker]

Victorian slang is AMAZING, and select phrases really need to make a comeback.

“Bitch the pot” - Pour the tea (HOW RELEVANT IS THIS!?)

“Bang up the elephant” - Absolutely perfect; super stylish

“Well, that’s shot the bale” - Something that has missed the mark entirely

“Church-bell” - A woman prone to gossip

“Chuckaboo” - A dear friend, a bosom chum

“Beer and skittles” - A great time (see also: Irish Gaelic “craic”)

“Butter on bacon” - Something overdone or too extravagant

“Cupid’s kettle drums” - Breasts, particularly large ones

“Gigglemug” - A cheerful smiling face

[thecuriousviolet-deactivated201]

All of these??? Make me smile??? They’re so weird and wonderful I love them??? Especially bitch the pot because that’s something I could totally hear myself saying…that and chuckaboo

[thebibliosphere]

I worked in a Victorian tea house in my youth and I’m telling you, you haven’t lived till you hear a the 98 year old lady (this was some 15 years ago) utter the words “bitch the pot” because it was what they used to say when the tea house first opened and it just sort of stuck through all the generations.

[of-another-broken-heart]

So the USA is trying to starve its poor to death. Not even an exaggeration. 

The SNAP program is getting some work requirements applied again which are expected to leave up to (or more than) a MILLION people without benefits. Of these people, 97% are at OR BELOW the poverty line. 

And the only way to “earn” your benefits - the way to “prove” that you don’t “deserve” to starve to death - is to work 20 hours per week, or 80 per month. 

Either pull a job out of your ass (earn your paycheck AND qualify for food assistance), OR participate in 80 hours of UNPAID labor (PLUS the expense and time of transportation to and from a set, unflexible location). 

And after working 80 hours (plus paying money you don’t have for transportation to get to the designated “program” location/s) for the state to “prove” you don’t deserve to die, you get… are you ready?

I’m gonna use the Florida figures, because that’s what I was reading up on.

Less than $200 in food assistance. The average is actually less than 150.

Care to do the math? 

$150 for 80 hours. 

$1.88 per hour. 

The USA is a fucking dystopia. 

[bloomingtears]

What the ever living fuck.

[selphinrose-deactivated20181217]

@fullten @lady-feral I…what

[bogleech]

Yeah, I was hit with this. We’re okay right now since we’re staying with family, though feeding us puts a strain on them as well.

I make some internet money that works out to about 125 a week so if I wanna keep getting my food assistance I have to itemize that so it qualifies as a 20 hour a week job, which it probably does, but it’s ridiculous that anyone has to do this and most people under the poverty line will not be able to.

I HAVE had real jobs. I’ve had enough real jobs that the taxes taken out of my own past paychecks already cover all the food assistance I’ve used and plenty to come. I have already paid for this food myself.

And every day a politician somewhere in this country wastes enough money to feed our entire fucking population.

[bogleech]

I WANNA ADD SOMETHING IMPORTANT for anyone who thinks they might need to sign up for food assistance, cause a few people just asked me some stuff about it.

In your interviews and applications, they are going to ask “do you ever eat with other people.”

This is a trick question.

You’re gonna probably think “well, technically, yeah, I had lunch with my friend last week…my mom made me a dinner….”

STOP

Answer NO. Always always answer NO. This question is designed to weed people out. If you admit to literally ever sharing a meal with another human being, that actually allows them to deny or alter your benefit amount. Even though this is legally referred to as “supplemental” food assistance and it isn’t enough to live on by itself, Republicans already don’t want anyone to have even that, and they want to consider it “fraud” if you both receive food assistance and EVER share food with another person, whether you’ve used your benefits to buy ingredients for someone’s birthday dinner or your mom made you a casserole one visit.

The correct thing to say when asked these questions is “I purchase and prepare my own food” or “we eat separately.” Even if you’ve already told them you live with family or a roommate.

Remember: Republicans don’t even want assistance recipients to be able to buy “luxury” items like fucking pasta sauce. They would limit you to nothing but gruel if they could. They’ve fought and pushed to load the benefit process with “tricks” and catch-22′s like these to treat as wide a range of people they can as lazy fraudsters and moochers.

[selphinrose-deactivated20181217]

Hey @fullten , this is some super important information from bogleech here. Sorry to bother you to post it again but I think this might save some people some pain in the future to see this.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Lee says: 

I’m in Target still, so here’s an example of the type of compression sports bra you want if you’re using it to bind! 

You should only get the sports bras that lay flat, if they have padding in them it’ll just make your chest look larger which we’ve had a few asks about. More info on binding is on this page!

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Dysphoria when you have to sleep

Telling your parents you struggle with mental illness

The Trevor Project’s “Trevor Lifeline” - (866-488-7386); they also have a texting and online chatting service.

CrisisChat - www.crisischat.org (an online chatting service)

Crisis Text Line -  www.crisistextline.org (texting service)

Longislandcrisiscenter.org - (516-679-1111); they also offer online chatting services.

https://www.imalive.org/ (it isn’t open 24/7 but should work in every country)

New Hope online chat (24/7)

Samaritans email support: [email protected] (24/7)

Suicide Hotlines and Crisis Resources

How can I overcome my anxiety about calling people on the phone?

Our Dysphoria Tips Masterpost

Dysphoria that prevents you from leaving the house/doing activities of daily living

Disablity-friendly dysphoria tips

A coping tip

Body neutrality

Motivating yourself to socialize

Calming down when you can’t correct people who deadname you

Overcoming invalidation

Staying clean when you have dysphoria about showering

Shower dysphoria

WikiHow to cope with gender dysphoria

9 strategies for dealing with body dysphoria

How do I deal with dysphoria?

20 Small Things To Do When Gender Dysphoria Gets You Down

25 Things I Do To Make My Body Dysphoria Feel Smaller and Quieter

More on coping with dysphoria

Dealing with dysphoria

A post with suggestions for coping with dysphoria

Our dysphoria page has transmasc and transfemme and nb suggestions

General transmasculine resources

General transfeminine resources

Belly breathing

Awareness of unhealthy thinking styles

Distress tolerance skills

Distress tolerance activities

Panic list for distress tolerance

Improving distress

How to make a comfort box

Emotion regulation skills

Emotion regulation worksheet

Soothing grounding exercise

Physical grounding exercise

Mental grounding exercise

Grounding techniques

Problem goal framework

Mindfulness of your current emotion

Letting Go of Painful Emotions

Vicious cycle and alternatives

What will help?

Positive self-talk

Behavioral Activation

STOPP worksheet

Triggers

Coping with dissociation

Handling dissociation

10 Tips on How to Work Through Feelings of Social Isolation

An interactive self-care guide

[urfakegf]

UNDOCUMENTED FATHER WHO IS FIGHTING CANCER NEEDS YOUR HELP I don’t post much on here but this one’s important!! The father of my childhood friend was diagnosed with blood cancer and needs further treatment. The family is running out of means to help him and since he is an undocumented immigrant in Florida, it’s nearly impossible to qualify for health insurance and further medical assistance. Please boost this guys, he needs our help!! https://www.gofundme.com/8p8h56-help-our-family . gf.me/u/bkchvs

[theartoftransliness]

Coming Out to Parents as Trans*

Coming out to your parent(s) can be scary, particularly if you still live with or are financially dependent on them. Even if you’re pretty sure your parent(s) will be supportive, finding the words can be difficult. There are two major methods of coming out that we will cover-writing a letter and through conversation. 

Via Letter: 

Many guys choose to write a letter because it gives them time to carefully choose their words, avoids confrontation, gives their parent(s) time to think/calm down before responding, and can be easily done over long distances. These are some things you should consider including in your letter (if applicable)-

-How important your parent(s) and your relationship with them are to you and how much trust in them and courage it is taking you to write the letter. Assure them that you will always be their child (the same child who they know and love) and that you are not doing this to hurt them/it isn’t their fault. 

-Explain your gender journey. Remind them of how a-typically gendered you were as a child, how you refused to wear dresses, or how you attempted to change your name at a young age. If this isn’t your narrative, tell your own version! Maybe you started questioning your gender later in life or you identify as femme or genderqueer and have a different way of expressing your gender identity. Whatever the case, you don’t want your coming out to seem like it is poorly thought out or out of the blue. Give your parent(s) a logical basis for your identity and a little insight into the process that got you there. 

-Come out. Try to describe your identity as best as possible while catering to your audience. If you’re coming out to your parent who is a women and gender studies professor it’s going to be different than if you’re coming out to a parent who has never heard of the word “transgender”. For instance, “I’m a genderqueer femme FtM” might be over some parent’s heads and may be simplified to “I identify as female-to-male and wish to be seen as male, but I don’t always feel that way and sometimes dress and act more like a feminine man than a masculine one…but I don’t feel at home as female”. 

-Give them an idea of your transition goals. Are you interested in starting testosterone, getting top surgery, and/or having bottom surgery? You don’t usually need to go into detail (particularly with bottom surgery) unless your plans are imminent, but give them an idea of what direction you’re headed in. Also include in this section what you want them to do with the information you’re giving them. Do you want them to use different pronouns with you? Stop using your birth name? Help you come up with a new name? 

-Provide your parent(s) with definitions, descriptions, and resources. Define terms like “transgender”, “genderqueer”, “FtM”, “binding”, or “top surgery” if you use them. Give them the names of some good websites or books that they can look at (our suggestions-PFLAG, t-vox, Transgender Explained for Those Who are Not, and Transitions-A Guide to Transitioning for Transsexuals and their Families). If there’s a book or movie that you feel captures your identity and explains things well, consider including it along with your letter (for example, when I first came out to my mother as genderqueer I had her watch the documentary Gender Rebel which helped show her how I felt). Providing them with this information is very important, it gives them a way to learn and something to think on before responding to you. Even if you don’t think your parent(s) will do any kind of research, still include something (they may surprise you). 

Via Conversation: 

-Bring it up at a neutral, peaceful time. Don’t do it during a holiday, before a big trip, or during a particularly hard time for your family (or, for that matter, during a really positive event, you don’t want to steal your brother’s thunder on his birthday or during his graduation). 

-If you tell people separately, make sure you explicitly tell them who else you’ve told or if you want them to keep this information from another family member. 

-If you’re worried about rejection or a fight, have an out. Tell a close friend or other family member what you’re about to do and ask if they can come get you afterward for emotional support (or physical support if your family throws you out). 

-Bring it up by talking about something tangentially related. It’s usually good to put your feelers out, if you will, by talking about another trans* person or something you recently saw or heard in the media. Talking about Chaz Bono may be a good start, if your parent(s) seem receptive, push on, if they start spewing hate, maybe put the breaks on the whole coming out operation. Talking about a recent situation with gender (“wearing a dress the other day at Aunt Judy’s wedding was really hard for me, dresses have always been kind of awful for me”) or one’s childhood (“remember how I wanted to be a knight for Halloween instead of a princess?”) can also be a good start to ease into the topic. 

-Ask them to give you time to talk without interrupting, and then give them a chance to respond uninterrupted. This doesn’t work with all families, but whenever I approach my dad about anything even vaguely controversial I use this technique. This allows both parties to feel heard and make sure they’ve both said everything they want to say. 

-If you can, include everything we said to mention in the letter (how you came to the conclusion that you’re trans*, how you identify, transition plans, etc). 

-Try to remain calm if your parents freak out (sorry I keep bringing up negative responses, it’s always best to hope for sunshine but plan for rain). It often takes parents a bit of time to come to terms with their child’s coming out and many go through the stages of grief (denial, pain/guilt, anger, depression, and then acceptance). The best thing to do is leave them alone and let them process things. 

-Leave them a book, letter, page of websites, video, etc in case they refuse to listen or want something to look at afterward/want more information.

Misc Tips:

-Those who are religious are not necessarily transphobic or homophobic (I know an Episcopal priest, married to a professor of religion, who are both very supportive of their lesbian daughters). 

-Those who are homophobic are not necessarily transphobic (surprisingly members of my extended family who weren’t supportive when I came out as a lesbian embraced my trans* identity because it meant I was now technically “straight”). Basically you can’t always predict how people will respond.

-Remember that sometimes people take time to come to acceptance, and initial rejection does not always mean your parent(s) will never come around. 

-Therapy can always help. Invite your parent(s) to join a session with you, particularly if you’re already seeing a gender specialist. 

GOOD LUCK!

[theartoftransliness]

Explaining Your Transition to Kids/Younger Family Members

There’s an abundant amount of information and resources on the internet about coming out as transgender to parents, friends, and coworkers, but not a lot that takes into consideration the specific issues involved with explaining gender transition to children. Whether you’re a parent, older sibling, aunt/uncle, or work with children, it is likely that you’ll be put in a situation in which you need to discuss your transition with kids who are too young to understand your transition in the same way as adults. Here are some tips*:

1. Make sure you frame things in an age-appropriate manner. For preschool age children, just explain that “___ is really a boy/girl”, nothing really more complicated than that. For school age children, using metaphors like “born in the wrong body” or feeling “stuck” in your gender is a good way to help explain things. Young teenagers are usually pretty capable of understanding more of the complexities of gender transition and can usually handle an explanation similar to that given to parents and other family members (depending on their maturity level). 

2. Only give children the amount of information they ask for or seem to require. Don’t go into detail about hormones or surgery if the child doesn’t ask (it’s really probably too technical or gory for them anyway). Tell them the basic information and then see how they handle it. This is very much like telling children the “birds and the bees”, parents often assume children will want to know more than they actually do. Don’t pile everything on them at once, either. If you know you’re going to start hormones in the future, but not the immediate future, you don’t need to deal with that just yet. 

3. Younger children need to be reassured that this isn’t going to happen to them, and that there isn’t any way they can catch it. Stress to them that this only happens to a small subset of people, that it’s very rare and that it really isn’t that big of a deal. Keep it casual. Understand that the older the child, the more likely he or she is to see it as a big deal. Younger children are more flexible in the way they see the world, and are likely to accept whatever they are told. 

4. Understand that children may cling to the gendered familial terms they have used with you, particularly if they have spent years only calling you that. This is true particularly if you are a parent. Explain to the child that you will always be there for them, and play the same role in their life regardless of your gender. If the child can’t get used to calling you the gendered title that you’d prefer (uncle/aunt/mom/dad), try coming up with a gender neutral title together (my 4 year old niece calls me “T”), or allow them to call you by your first name. 

5. Explain to the child that this is a personal matter, not something to be talked about to grocery store clerks and other strangers. However, make sure to tell them that it isn’t something to be ashamed of or a deep secret, either. Make sure there’s another family member or other adult figure in the child’s life that they can talk to about this. Let them know you are open to hearing about their feelings if they are struggling with it. 

*These tips are based both on personal experience and asking my mom, who is a child developmental psychologist, for her input 

[transgenderbenders]

Hey, I'm Ftm and I was wondering how I might go about coming out at school, I'm only 14 and starting grade 9 but it's only a few days until school starts for me. What do I do please help :/

If you’re out to your parents, and they’re supportive:

Find out whether your school has any policies regarding trans kids so you can get a sense of how much cooperation you should expect. Get in touch with your guidance counselor (phone call if you want to get the ball rolling before school starts, or in person once school begins), or someone in charge who you trust, and let them know that you are trans. Tell them what changes you would like to have made (e.g. new name, new pronouns, using a different bathroom, etc.). The guidance counselor will often be willing to notify teachers for you, which takes some of the pressure off you and also makes teachers more likely to cooperate with calling you the correct name and pronouns. With the consent of your parents, you should also be able to get your name changed in the system so your preferred name can appear on your report card, yearbook, etc.

If you’re not out to your parents, or they’re not supportive:

This makes things a bit trickier. Find out whether your school has any policies regarding trans kids so you can get a sense of how much cooperation you should expect. Visit your guidance counselor in person, or someone in charge who you trust, and tell them you’re trans. Tell them you’re not out to your parents or that your parents aren’t supportive of you transitioning, and ask what can be done without your parents consent. Make it clear that you don’t want your parents involved in any way. Depending on your school, you may still be able to get teachers to use your preferred name and pronouns, and you may be able to use the correct bathroom. However, there’s also a chance that teachers will not be cooperative, so that’s something to be prepared for. Without parental consent, it can be harder to get the school to cooperate with your social transition.

Good luck! I hope it goes well!

-Jesse

[thespookyprofessor]

Template for Preferred Name/Pronouns Letter to Teachers:

Dear Professor [name],

My name is [Preferred name], and I will be attending your course [blank] on [days] at [time] this [term]. I am transgender and have not yet legally changed my name. On your roster is my legal name, [Legal name]. I would greatly appreciate it if you refer to me as [Preferred name] and use [pronouns] when referring to me. Thank you for your understanding, and I look forward to starting your course next week.

Sincerely,

~[Preferred name]

[thegenderbook]

PS- go read the GENDER book if you have questions.

Hope this is helpful to our friends heading back to school!

[theartoftransliness]

The Art of Transliness Guide to Being Read as Male

Most trans* people who are in the business of giving advice to others have a guide to passing or presenting (we’re avoiding using the passing from now on because it has recently come to our attention that it is a pretty problematic term). Some trans* people don’t care much about the way they are read (or don’t identify with the binary at all) or wish to change the way they dress or behave, but for others it can be incredibly important (because of dysphoria, safety, comfort, or many other reasons). For those who want advice on this matter, here’s what we have to say: 

-For some people, being read as male is easy. For others, it is hard. There is no fairness in this. Whether it be their naturally deeper voices, height, body shape, or bone structure, some trans* people just naturally have an easier time presenting as male before/without HRT. For other people, it can seem impossible no matter what they do. The reason I’m saying this is because you should not blame yourself or be down on yourself if you are misgendered. There are many variables that control whether or not someone reads you as male that you have no control of, including their expectations, if they previously knew you as female, the context they are seeing you in, etc. It sometimes helps to recognize this and realize that when you are misgendered it is a problem with the other person seeing you the wrong way, not a problem with you. 

-Dressing like a generic guy can often (though not always) increase your chances of being read as male. Many people are uncomfortable with the idea of getting a certain haircut or dressing a certain way because it really limits their self-expression. If you’re having trouble being misgendered though (particularly pre-T/not on T), blending in with a popular/typical haircut and clothes like what everyone else is wearing can really help. Look around you and try to fit in. Whatever the guys in your age group in your area are wearing, wear that. This means different things for different people. 

-When dressing, however, keep in mind that you’re not only dressing to fit in, but also usually to hide your curves. A plain white undershirt is a guy’s best friend, because layering helps conceal your chest and smooth out your curves. Slightly baggier jeans (like one size up) can also help cover your hips, but I would advise against wearing oversized clothes if that is not a style that is common in your area among your age group. Even if they are in style, avoid fabrics that are really clingy (like thermal shirts). Many trans* guys say that it helps to avoid cardigans until after they’ve had top surgery, just because of the way it can make your chest look. The best thing to do, though, is to try on a lot of different types of clothes with someone who will be honest with you and see what is most flattering for you. 

-Again, many things that help people be read as male require dressing and acting in a way that may or may not be appealing to them or come naturally to them. It is up to you to weigh the options and decide how you want to incorporate these suggestions. Having said that, mannerisms really matter. A lot of guys get their hair cut really short, buy all guys clothes, bind, and pack, and still don’t get read as male 100%. A lot of times this is because the way they walk, gesture, or position themselves. Non-verbal cues are HUGE in determining how others see us, and they are also mostly unconscious things we do and so are difficult to change. The way other people perceive your gender is really complicated, and so these things generally do not override someone’s impression of you if you have otherwise strong male cues (for example, a beard), and so mannerisms are particularly important for those who look more androgynous (for instance, those who are pre-T/not on hormones or early in their transitions). Guys with “feminine” mannerisms who otherwise clearly read male are more likely to been seen as gay instead of as trans* men or as women. Watch other men to pick up on their mannerisms. Men tend to stand with a wider stance and not lean on one hip, tend to cross their legs at their ankles or rest their ankle above their knee, gesture less, and walk with their chests instead of their hips. 

-Verbal cues are also important. There are ways to make your voice sound deeper, but often it can be even more helpful to just change what you say and the way you say things. Men are more likely to talk in a monotone voice, whereas women are more likely to vary their intonation. This is just a stereotype, like a lot of tips like these, but it actually can help if you’re having trouble. Men are more likely to use fewer words to say things, and many men (particularly younger men) tend to mutter instead of speaking clearly.

-Details in general are important. Carefully examine the people around you and be aware of how you dress, move, act, and speak. This isn’t to say you should be gender policing yourself, but just that you should be aware and be able to adjust things accordingly based upon what would make you feel most comfortable. In many ways you are completely re-learning the gendered social script that most people acquire when they are very young children. Even if you completely reject the gender binary, it can serve you well to understand the social script and societal expectations behind it so you can blend in if needed. While it can be frustrating, following these types of guidelines and modeling yourself off of other men can really help. Once you have started being read correctly more regularly or have started developing clearer male cues, you may find that you have more freedom to break these rules and still be read as male.

-Finally, Confidence is key. This is a missing component for many people. Be confident and expect others to see you as male. Trans* guys usually have a much easier time once they’ve been on testosterone. Part of this is because of the physical changes that provide clear male cues (facial hair, vocal changes, fat redistribution, structural changes to the face, etc.), but also because it tends to increase guys’ confidence and help them feel more secure in their masculinity. 

[honeysuffer]

please take a small amount of time to read this if u can

hi 6 weeks ago one of my best friends was sexually abused by a disgusting human she thought she could trust. unfortunately being only 15 she was unaware of rape kit, morning after pill, etc and has fallen pregnant to her rapist. because of her young age and strict catholic parents she has to go through the abortion process by herself which is extremely stressful for a traumatised 15 year old. so far we’ve gathered $200 towards the abortion fee but we still need $500 as she doesnt have medicare because her parents arent knowledgable of any of this. i decided to make her a go fund me, if you have a place in your heart to donate to a poor 15 year old who is undeserving of everything that has happened to her please donate here https://www.gofundme.com/ugwaf i hate to have to ask this of you guys but its our last resort and i cant stand seeing my friend so helpless and lost. even if you cant donate just a reblog will give us some kind of hope

[micknagerie]

Plush Commissions!!

Hey guys! I’m short on cash right now, what with just having moved and life just generally being horrible. So I’m opening up a few slots for Custom Plush Commissions!

These slots will range between $60-$90 (pretty cheap for a custom plush!) and be for a plush which is 6"-10"

Since these will be cheap commissions, I will be taking creative liberty with the designs and I can’t do anything too complicated (like lots of markings or clothing). I will also be taking them at my discresion, so if a character would just be too complex or something for this price range I will let you know!

First up is custom Dragon Hatchlings or Solbeasts:

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These guys will be a flat-rate of $60, just send me a message with what creature you would like to commission, and what colors you would like, use the following templates:

Dragon Hatchling - Eye Color: Body Color: Accent color: 

Solbeast - Body Color: Mane & Tail Color: Horn Color: Eye Color:

You can also commisssion a custom plush of an OC or favorite media character, these will range from $70 to $90, depending on the complexity of the design. For these, send me a message with reference images, preferrably with multiple views of the character. Here’s some examples of what these sort of commissions can look like:

(Commission of Margaret the Badger warrior from the upcoming video game Margaret’s Blight)

(My characters Mica the Gargoyle and Kitty & Mouse the Kesterels)

(Finny the Dragon)

You can also check out www.etsy.com/shop/micknagerie for more examples and pre-made plush!

Please reblog and signal boost!