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Jules of Nature
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if i look back, i am lost
we're not kids anymore.
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@mightmansha
Imagine
You can sense and feel the other. You step out of your way to help them feel better about themselves.
In return, all you got is- being left alone, behind to rot because well! who cares!
There is rage running down my blood. I feel stupid about myself for being so much out there, available as per the need. But well I guess that was the problem- as per their need.
This is my time of need for myself, now on. Period.
A person is shot dead.
Boss (on phone): Where did the bullet strike?
Capo: On the body, boss
Unhappy: our end?
We belong to the species that takes pride in their capacity to think and speak. We have, in fact, regarded ourselves superior on this basis.
But, what are we really? A mere multi-cellular species of organisms. We are evolved to have the capacity to think.
However, note that, many species before ours has come, lived and become extinct, We are aware of only the ones which exist today or whose existence we can assume to predict.
I fear if our capacity to think might be the cause of our extinction. If our thoughts can make us big business men and amazing writers then, they also have the capacity to make us unhappy, sad, upset, and feel low.
The happiness index of India has just stooped so low that, I cannot imagine how can an unhappy population thrive, as a whole?
FUN FACT: Corona seems to have declared a pandemic. The number of deaths and infection amongst people fear us all. However, the number of suicides each year, across the globe was almost similar. And the unhappy and depressed people is almost the same as the number of people infected with coronavirus.
Love yourself, please!
What is it like to hate an entire city and yet continue living there? Well that’s what the pandemic has to offer me. I write this after a year of self-doubt and slow poisoning of my self-esteem (that I built with all my toil during college).
It’s not me who has the issue or my body (hair, size, acne, not so pretty, aggressive, egoistic, arrogant, misbehaved, etc.) It’s them who push me to my worse that I have ever been. I am not any of this and I know this for myself. I am and I will make efforts to always be the smartest person in the room. I am not any of this because I know myself.
However, unfortunately, I entered a dark phase where I was just not myself. I couldn’t write what I loved. It included things like my thesis over which I worked for a year and my entire batch knew how much I was passionate about it. I was confused as to what went wrong? I went around asking everyone I knew as to what do they think I could do to get back to how I was and how I worked.
They said, it’s normal for work efficiency to dip for anyone due to the circumstances given as a gift by the pandemic. I didn’t believe it for myself even after I heard the same thing from over 30 people!
Until this second that I write with a heavy chest, crying soul and eyes and a shivering body.
I am dipping because of the people I thought are the closest to me! Truly a kalyug for they managed to dip me to this. Writer’s block was actually my mental health and happiness blockade that I face because of them! I thought they loved me and so did I. But, I certainly, unfortunately, doubt all of it, for the first time ever.
How am I expected to be firm on my decision when everything I do is tagged flawed and miserable and condemned almost as much I murdered my annoying aunt!
How do you think it is like to be shouted at almost as if it’s my three course meal of a day! How do you think it is to be paroled like a prisoner of Tihar jail who has to report to the watchman outside who has to come to meet them, or who they want to meet or what they want to do? My doctor told me that they do this for my safety and out of love and care. But now I think, probably it is the love and care for the prisoner they are keeping in their jail for no fault maybe!
Dear reader, don’t misunderstand me for immature or misbehaved and an ungrateful living piece of the degraded gender.
I just write what I am feeling. I am not bad and I am not unworthy. I know my worth and as I near the end of this, I want to promise myself to get to myself, on mine and my capability alone, the best of the entre world. I know I deserve it. I know I deserve to be happy, whether or not someone makes efforts to ‘keep me happy’. Because, I am not selfish, just blossoming out of self-love. Call it selfish if you’re dumb, I’ll sympathize, if I find time.
Say what you want and I’m the new handicapped- deaf for you. Entering back to the best version of me. The happy one, self servant, dating myself and proud of myself.
love you yaar M!
What is it like to hate an entire city and yet continue living there? Well that’s what the pandemic has to offer me. I write this after a year of self-doubt and slow poisoning of my self-esteem (that I built with all my toil during college).
It’s not me who has the issue or my body (hair, size, acne, not so pretty, aggressive, egoistic, arrogant, misbehaved, etc.) It’s them who push me to my worse that I have ever been. I am not any of this and I know this for myself. I am and I will make efforts to always be the smartest person in the room. I am not any of this because I know myself.
However, unfortunately, I entered a dark phase where I was just not myself. I couldn’t write what I loved. It included things like my thesis over which I worked for a year and my entire batch knew how much I was passionate about it. I was confused as to what went wrong? I went around asking everyone I knew as to what do they think I could do to get back to how I was and how I worked.
They said, it’s normal for work efficiency to dip for anyone due to the circumstances given as a gift by the pandemic. I didn’t believe it for myself even after I heard the same thing from over 30 people!
Until this second that I write with a heavy chest, crying soul and eyes and a shivering body.
I am dipping because of the people I called my family! Truly a kalyug for they managed to dip me to this. Writer’s lock was actually my mental health and happiness blockade that I face because of them! I thought they loved me and so did I. But, I certainly, unfortunately, doubt all of it, for the first time ever.
How am I expected to be firm on my decision when everything I do is tagged flawed and miserable and condemned almost as much I murdered my annoying aunt!
How do you think it is like to be shouted at almost as if it’s my three course meal of a day! How do you think it is to be paroled like a prisoner of Tihar jail who has to report to the watchman outside who has to come to meet them, or who they want to meet or what they want to do? My doctor told me that they do this for my safety and out of love and care. But now I think, probably it is the love and care for the prisoner they are keeping in their jail for no fault maybe!
Dear reader, don’t misunderstand me for immature or misbehaved and an ungrateful living piece of the degraded gender.
I just write what I am feeling. I am not bad and I am not unworthy. I know my worth and as I near the end of this, I want to promise myself to get to myself, on mine and my capability alone, the best of the entre world. I know I deserve it. I know I deserve to be happy, whether or not someone makes efforts to ‘keep me happy’. Because, I am not selfish, just blossoming out of self-love. Call it selfish if you’re dumb, I’ll sympathize, if I find time.
Say what you want and I’m the new handicapped- deaf for you. Entering back to the best version of me. The happy one, self servant, dating myself and proud of myself.
love you yaar M!
Some things are just so beautiful if perceived as a child even if you are 21!
Like having your favorite chocolate all by yourself and not sharing with anyone.
What’s “disabled” in a cultural setting?
Disability- a topic of petty and sympathy? The word itself presupposes and suggests that you are stopped from something. ‘Ability’ is being able and ‘disability’ is being unable! Does that not sound discriminatory and deeply influenced by the culture of origin of the word itself.
Why do we think someone as “disabled”? Because they are not able to do what others do. Meaning, being a part of the majority and the crowd is being- complete and able? I am sure, we would not want to agree to such a meaning. You ought not to agree to such a meaning!
Well, in that case, the people who we look at as “disabled” who lack something should not be looked upon as ‘incomplete’ beings. It is what they are blessed with at their birth. And, not being like the majority of the people does not make them any less able.
For example, we think being able to hear (or see or walk among others) is the normal. But, that is our popular understanding. Our understanding is insignificant and irrelevant and unrequired to judge the life. If someone cannot hear then, that is their natural. In fact, when I say “cannot hear” is itself indicative of being unable to do something. Thus, I’d like to correct “cannot hear” with “deaf”. But, friend, when you google the meaning of the word ‘deaf’, you will be directed to ‘cannot hear’. Our language is full of cultural understanding and discrimination
Week 5: Nissim Ezekiel: Making Modern Class 1 & 2
The poet highlights the irony faced by the majority of the people in the cities. The common thread in these people is that they all belong to the middle class earning group. For them, the city is no fancy place but, a place provided by capitalism for them to struggle. “Railway clerk” orates the life of a middle class man. He has to work endlessly without any acknowledgement from his surroundings. He tries to make both ends meet however, he could never satisfy his wife. “The healers” just adds to the irony of the city. The city which claims to have the capacity to heal is also the place which makes people vulnerable to its mundane life. Humans are rational and autonomous beings and they have the creativity and desire to pursue several things of their interest. However, it is just the summer dew. Something which is natura and comes only at the night time. As the day begins, people are pushed to fulfill their commitments on a regular basis. Their work consumes so much of their energy that, they cannot look beyond their work.
I understand such a city as a product of capitalism because it attaches a price to everything and everything is about more profit from more production and consumption of consumer goods. The workplaces in a city fulfill this capitalistic desire. This creates a culture amongst people to associate the aim of their life to earn more money and be able to consume more goods. In fact, the success and failure is popularly attached to their income. This makes me question if capitalism is for the benefit of humans or are humans a mere tool of capitalism? The morality of people in a capitalistic society is shaped around earning money. However, it is interesting to think about the utility of money. Immediate answer is- to be able to afford consumer goods. Which means, we return our hard earned money back in the industry for it to be able to function!
This is why I think, the poet observes how people enact in their regular lives. I feel sad about myself to be a part of a society which deals with their personal lives without enthusiasm of making it better and happy. Instead, which is overridden by the rut of capitalism and earning
profit. The poem “Hangover” shows how we have normalized the income disparity amongst people of the same society. One group of people is capable to afford products manufactured in various parts of the world and there is another group of people whose house is on the footpaths. Even Jibananda Das in his poem “These days and nights” highlights that the sky (which is the endless limit) of the poor is above the footpath. We have normalized this disparity and it is evident by the absence of any proper labor laws.
At a personal level, people are part of marriages where there is no love for each other. People follow rituals despite not having proper understanding of them. They think of society as a significant body to validate their choices. People think of their identity as a concept borrowed from the society. Thus, their morality, choices and decisions must comply to the society’s morals. Freud in his accounts of psychology mention that such people might be appreciated by the society. However, following the morality of the society limits these individuals from fulfilling their desires. Thus, he is not happy.
Weeks 6 & 7: Arun Kolatkar: Walking with the Ordinary Class 1, 2 & 3
There is an inexhaustible depth of philosophy in our surroundings. Much of specific details about a particular thing is forgotten undiscovered by most of the people. We are allured to do the extra- ordinary. We presuppose that it requires us to move away from where we are- our ordinary and regular- to be able to achieve something beautiful and better. It takes risk for an artist to reimagine the ordinary. Arun Kolatkar’s poems takes the reader on a journey in mind to rethink the events around us. A lot of our morals, virtues and cultural ideas are embedded in the ordinary and we tend to not realise them explicitly.
In the poem ‘Alphabet’, he emphasizes how people had created an absolute society which pre- determined the duty of individuals in a society. He also talks about the variation in gaze of people. What an individual observes is reflective of the environment her comes from. In case a city dweller comes to a village, he will notice the infrastructure and lifestyle of people, initially. However, Arun takes it upon himself as a challenge to appreciate a thing for itself and avoid the gaze which is amazed by the differences.
This sense of him about observation and perception reminds me about Charles Taylor. He mentions that a thought will be forgotten if it is not translated into language or shared with someone. Arun, in his poems, gives considerable amount of significance to the environment for itself and the need to observe and appreciate it for what it is.
Aesthetics is generally associated with art forms. We associate aesthetics with sensuous knowledge whose goal is to identify beauty. However, the standards of beauty are cultural creation. We are implored to think of the dirt and slums as the “ugly” part of the world which must be “dumped”. However, this is a reality which coexists with ours. A city is inhabited physically and a psychologically. There is a dominant sense of ‘mine’ and ‘not mine’ amongst us. What is not ours is thought of as unworthy of appreciation, inferior and dirt which must be thrown away. This dirt is soon associated with certain people.
Reading Arun Kolatkar’s poems helps us reimagine our concepts and understanding about several things as city dwellers. We are a part of a post colonized world. In few previous weeks, we studied that, everything in the city has a price. This suggests that everything has been turned into an affordable commodity. For someone to be rich, there have to be some poor; or at least, that is the kind of reality we are a part of. Thus, it is significant for us to rethink about the reason we associate something as it is. It is an easier way to imbibe readily what is presented to us. Kolatkar’s writing, however, acknowledges the reality of the immediate surroundings. This is carved out after careful observation and brainstorming reality with an open mind. This introduces us to the core ideas of the majority of the population of our civilization.
What’s “disabled” in a cultural setting?
Disability- a topic of petty and sympathy? The word itself presupposes and suggests that you are stopped from something. ‘Ability’ is being able and ‘disability’ is being unable! Does that not sound discriminatory and deeply influenced by the culture of origin of the word itself.
Why do we think someone as “disabled”? Because they are not able to do what others do. Meaning, being a part of the majority and the crowd is being- complete and able? I am sure, we would not want to agree to such a meaning. You ought not to agree to such a meaning!
Well, in that case, the people who we look at as “disabled” who lack something should not be looked upon as ‘incomplete’ beings. It is what they are blessed with at their birth. And, not being like the majority of the people does not make them any less able.
For example, we think being able to hear (or see or walk among others) is the normal. But, that is our popular understanding. Our understanding is insignificant and irrelevant and unrequired to judge the life. If someone cannot hear then, that is their natural. In fact, when I say “cannot hear” is itself indicative of being unable to do something. Thus, I’d like to correct “cannot hear” with “deaf”. But, friend, when you google the meaning of the word ‘deaf’, you will be directed to ‘cannot hear’. Our language is full of cultural understanding and discrimination
Isn’t it just cute to see your grandparents give each other a flower, regularly, just like that!! (?)
Welcome to the ‘crow society’
Who is she?
(Popular notions in patriarchy?)
1. Domesticated property 2. Pretty 3.Shame 4. Respect of family 5. Tender, kind 6. Self- sufficient 7. Caged as per convenience 8. To clean up your mess (at home and in society) 9. Calm and poise 10.
This is an art installation. I have tried to depict my understanding of women by majority of the population. What do you think should be the 10th pointer?
I am damned by the contemporary practices popular amongst people. I feel ashamed to say so but, if something happens in thousands in a day in every society then, it is inevitably a practice. A practice which enables the accused to feel powerful.
I am no anti- national. I am just being a citizen of a democratic country who is thrilled and weeping at being fooled by this government over and over. Past 6-7 months have just made it abundantly clear. I do not see any desire to relate myself to a country where it’s people are treated as trash!
The wealthy are having a good time at home. But, the majority is struggling to afford basic life inside homes. A constant fear hangs on top of their heads of falling prey to prolonged fatigue- a life long git covid-19 leaves with you in case, it leaves you alive.
I was taught in 6th grade Social studies text books that- media is the fourth pillar of democracy. The government and the media seems to have a symbiotic relationship where the newsrooms are wealthy and the government is running. However, the root of both of them- the people are contaminated with poison.
I feel like a fool for viewing the drug case of Bollywood. They are extreme wealthy actors who continue to entertain us during the pandemic. While we were busy chewing popcorns, the farmers of our country, the poor people, the helpless people- Muslims, Dalits, women, children drained into pothole! Our country has become a home to abusive environment thriving in this era. Probably it is time to realise that we are not just in the 21st century of technology but, the peak of Kalyug. I am reluctant to bring to the table the possibility of it worsening. I am hoping things to get better.
Just then, I wake up on 30th September 2020, Wednesday to read the horror sweeping across news. A 20 year old dalit woman was raped brutally died yesterday. Protests broke out at hospitals by activists and political parties. And 2.30 am, she was cremated by the police and the family was not even allowed to see her or touch her or according to the hindu rituals- be taken home for the last rites. The family of the dalit girl were treated as if they had no right to cremate their daughter. The police just cremated the girl without the presence of any family member. Readers- the police doesn’t just dreams of doing so. They are ordered by the higher officials for whom we have voted. Yes! The person you voted for has brought you to this day.
It is time for all of us to be bothered by this. It could have happened to anyone. Support as a nation is required to be shown now. Nationalism is not praising a government. It is about the unity of people coming from diverse backgrounds. Show your nationalism here or else do not ever yap again about the inefficiency of the government.
#Iamashamed
Week 2: Rabindranath Tagore: The Morality of Speed
Class 1 & 2
Rabindranath Tagore lived in the imperial age with his own understanding and the capacity to raise question. The concept of a city was not new to the Indian subcontinent. However, the capitalist version of city introduced by the imperial set up, blinded most of the world until now. In the name of modernity, capitalization, progress, growth and other gleaming ideas; human life has gone for a toss. The face of culture, anthropological and psychological have changed unimaginably.
People migrate to city in order to earn money and to experience the city life. This experience has its own highs and steep lows. It seems like a place for the rich because the economy is driven by the rich and the others work for them. In the light of financial power, human has forgotten the limitation of its power beyond nature. The city is hazardous for the rich and the poor. The power of the rich makes them want to control over nature and the poor wants to live without thinking beyond regular meals.
Human intelligence has made humanity capable of performing things nature did not equip us biologically with. Whether it is flying in an airplane from near to the Gods to the speed of travel measurable in seconds. The capitalistic view taught us, ‘the more the better’. Thus, overpopulated country, unending roads, all day running transportation in air and on tracks. Everyone is busy and everyone is going somewhere. Rabindranath Tagore describes the city in Bengal and I could imagine every detail despite of the fact that I am reading his work more than 70 years later. It resembled to the city- Mumbai.
The poetry- Railway station was written over 70 years ago in reference to a city in Bengal. It’s relevance stands unmoved. Till date in Mumbai, people’s lives are counted in seconds. Everyone is travelling. All passengers stand together with hearing devices clipped to their ears. They are surrounded by a crowd yet, no familiar face to smile back at. The people around them and the place they are at, is temporary and moving. Yet, there is a still world of fantasies and race inside them. This desire for fantasies make them strive each day. They want to earn money for their imagery ‘one fine day’. Although they left their family in the name of progress. But, a city is not a fairy tale place. The living conditions for the middle income earning groups invites struggle and unwillingly giving- up of desires ranging from lavish living to marrying the partner of choice. This has made humanity at large devoid of peace and time to appreciate nature. The desire to have something and have more has increased to a level that we are ready give away our responsibility to protect nature. The cost of our desires is paid by the environment’s degradation and it will ultimately, lead to our destruction. We are not distinct from the environment but, a part of it.
