Decreasingly Ironic Transfem Separatist

Medb, 20’s, She/Her bi, 18+ only, TMA

[milfbulge]

Took-a-step-into-the-elevator —> milfbulge.

[dramatic-dolphin]

the fact that any athlete can be subjected to "gender testing" on a whim because osmeone thinks she is too strong, too fast, just simply Too Good to be a woman is so fucking antifeminist, how can these people not see it?

[strawberry-crocodile]

like fundamentally the concept of the femboy is what a transmisogynistic society wants out of transfems- for us to be skinny, white, and young, for us to put the maximum effort into passing but to still maintain and affirm the sexgender binary by identifying with our agab. and, of course, to be sexually available. they want us to do that or die.

[monkeybombergirl]

I can't find the post to add to it but it's gotta be said. Futanari as a fetish object isn't about intersex people. Many people will insist that "ummmm futanari isn't transmisogynist it's about hermaphrodites it's about intersex people" but that's completely wrong.

Futanari is about women with penises. People will go back and forth on whether a "true futa" must have a vagina but that's completely irrelevant. The point of the futanari is that she's a woman who, magically, has a penis. The vagina exists only to prove that she's also a real, genuine woman with a penis, as opposed to being a trans woman. Anything to prove that it isn't a tranny, anything to forbid trans women from existing as trans women within the context of porn.

[folly-of-alexandria]

Should also be mentioned that an extremely common variation of Futanari is drawing a woman with a penis and testes but no vagina. Or even just functionally drawing a trans woman and then calling her something else.

[athena-the-undestructible]

On most popular sites, even actual depictions of Trans Women are ALWAYS TAGGED AS F*TA

And that's if you're lucky enough where the site even recognises Trans Women because that is not common, the other tag is the default and a Trans Women tag is just a formality if we complain enough

[00himesaurus00]

futa, femboy, trap, etc. aren't even really cohesive categories either, like others have pointed out that the average femboy art account nowadays is drawing their subjects with moderate breasts, and while some would argue otherwise, its never been a hard and fast rule that a futa has to have a vagina. any time I've ever seen someone try and outline a set of rules for what is and isn't one thing or another, it becomes abundantly clear that they are the speaker's subjective rules and not objective ones. This, ultimately, runs back to the core issue that all of these terms are just ways to exploit transfems, and that the different terms are more about the general aesthetic trends and sexual position than any material traits of the subject themselves.

[importantdykery]

Also, just want to jump in and say (obligatory: as an intersex trans woman) - when fetish smut does specifically mention 'intersex' people? It's still overwhelmingly about trans women!

I see this a lot on ao3 - in f/f works, the tag "intersex" is used to mean that there is a woman with a sizable penis, who can and does use it for penetrative sex. Whether she also has testes, a vulva, and/or a vagina varies, but you almost always see the same description of her past - she was born and raised as a girl "with something extra," and has not had any kind of hormonal or surgical treatments, wanted or unwanted.

This is of course completely incoherent compared to the actual lives of intersex people. Length of the glans clitoris/penis at birth is literally the #1 deciding factor in sex assignment! The idea that anyone would lift up a neonate and say "Congratulations, it's a girl - with something extra!" is absurd.

But it's almost identical to the big theme of futa fetishism - here is a woman with a big old cock, but she's a REAL, 'natural' woman. Not a t****y. It's the perfect textbook example of the combination of disgust and fascination with transmisogynized bodies; the chaser gets to indulge in the fantasy of our bodies without acknowledging any connection to us. Love the girldick while still professing disgust for the d**kg**l, if you will.

This is very clearly not about fetishization of intersex people in general. It's just tr***ychaser porn with a different label slapped on, as if the denial of any connection to trans women and misuse of the word for another form of oppression somehow make it better.

(I don't like talking about being intersex, but of course, trans women who aren't intersex can't even fucking talk about this - or else all the tme intersex people on here whose idea of intersex liberation is "viciously attacking any trans woman in sight", and their followers, will dogpile her)

[frostops]

honestly its kind of impressive how successful the rebrand from "trap" to "femboy" that so many people, even a lot of trans women, buy into the idea that they carry different connotations, even though they are used by the same people in the same way. like they explicitly replaced "anything that makes my dick hard is a woman, faggot" with shit like "boys make the best girls because boys know what boys like" but still claim trap and femboy mean different things. both of those phrases are about the idea that feminine men are like women in that you can have sex with them because women are for sex, but they arent trannies though, and we're all supposed to act like this is any different than before. the transmisogyny is still there and still obvious. but they use a slightly less obviously mean word so we have to pretend its fine now even when they keep making the same "this person you thought was an attractive girl actually has a penis" jokes.

[mousidy]

mainstream drag culture and the "femboy" phenomenon really do prove that trans women are hated for being women don't they

[mousidy]

obviously further on the right you have people who don't even distinguish between these categories, but it's clear there's a large demographic of people more toward the middle-left who absolutely love when men perform femininity, but they do have to be men. when a trans woman performs femininity, the misogyny sleeper agent chips go online

[mousidy]

the demographic of transgender women famously has the exact same suicide rates as "boys who do anything feminine in high school"

I swear people lose all sense of scale and bend over backward to say cis people are just as oppressed the moment you start discussing transmisogyny. sorry it makes you uncomfy to be in a position of relative privilege ig???

[mousidy]

the whole "they hate us all equally" bit has really eroded the concept of intersectionality. I as a white trans woman obviously am in a position of relative privilege over trans women of color, and if I were to shut down their discussions of the transmisogynoir they face with "we all have it just as bad," then wouldn't you start wondering what I stood to gain by denying an obvious, unjust advantage that I have? come on now

[folly-of-alexandria]

A very clear indication of how people prefer femboys over trans women gets shown again and again whenever a femboy influencer comes out as transfem.

Every single time the moment the influencer says "I'm a girl and it's not a joke anymore." They get dropped like rotten milk by a large portion of their audience. Hell, it was demonstrated here with tumblr queers, when after two years of being obsessed with her, a bunch of people had no further interest in F1nn5ter the moment she said her femininity was who she was and not a punchline.

Like, it's impossible for me to believe people when they say that they aren't biased against transfems in comparisons to femboys when this keeps fucking happening.

[strawberry-crocodile]

also like i think the most diehard anti-femboy transfeminist can and will recognize and respect "i am nonbinary and tma i am not a woman"? like im sure there are some small "no nbs allowed" trans woman cliques. but ive seen a couple of "femboys are being coerced by transfeminists into calling themselves trans women even though theyre not women" now and i cant help but wonder if maybe there's some hyperbole here.

[strawberry-crocodile]

anon here is trying to distance themself from transmisogynistic femboys- the large group of people who are very insistant that their transfemininity is distinct from and better than trans women's- and at the same time... clearly carrying a chip on their shoulder in regards to the trans woman identity?

not to get armchair psychologist here but. the reason transphobic femboys are so vocally transphobic has a lot to do with resentment over the way that they are associated with trans womanhood- messy, unpopular, associated with the far left. for so many of these femboys, the identity is an attempt to distance yourself from that label, and the baggage associated with it. and when someone accuses a trans woman of "acting like 'trans woman' (quotes!) is the ultimate best term and im a bad person for not picking from the pre apprpved list of identities" for being critical of the word femboy, to me, that comes off as a similar hatred towards the label of trans woman.

and as for the first half of the message... that is just not how it works??? for one, i think the people anon is calling cis men are transmisogynized to some extent, they just cling to cisness as a way to reduce the transmisogyny they experience and direct it towards people who id as transfem. and for another... they exist! there's a lot of them! they are vocal, and very frequently dangerous! its just wildly selfish to me to demand transfeminized people not be wary of a word that often signals danger because you want to use it?

[0w0tsuki]

Hey can we stop pretending like the only feasible reason that a trans woman would not like the term femboy is because she's some puritan anti-kinkster or somehow against men being able to dress femininely?

Like perhaps maybe the group of people who had to go through a phase of having to figure out and explore their femininity while being perceived by society as a man DON'T WANT to police the way men are able to present and express their genders? Like maybe WE DON'T want to make things even harder for transfem eggs. Like maybe we might have an interest in protecting transfem eggs and are speaking from the harm that we experienced as eggs ourselves?

Like maybe it might have to do with the fact that outside of Tumblr your average femboy is a trap fetishist? Like did we all forget the memes of "trying to figure out if the Astofolo icon is a trans woman or a fascist?"

Like some of us were discovering our transness during puberty in the early 2000s. You remember the early 2000s right? Where South Park and Family were at the height of their cultural influence, the R slur was a substitute for stupid, and bigotry was so common that "traps are gay" jokes could be made in polite company without having to worry about backlash. So imagine what kink spaces were like. Especially when you're a teenage trans girl just discovering herself.

I personally was so damaged by that experience that I began to believe that my gender-no my EXISTENCE was a fetish to be embarrassed and humiliated by and to be reviled for. I genuinely did not engage in relationships because I believed I was going to have to give in and tell them that they fell in love with a sex object. I did not believe that I was worthy of love. And it took YEARS of working through that for me to be comfortable with transitioning.

And after I worked through that I still have to deal with them. They haven't left kink communities they had their roots in. To this day there's a kink website I frequent that has community suggestions for tags IE: Unless the OP of the work goes back to delete this feature, anyone can "recommend" deletions or additions to the tags of the work. This is in place to make the proper labeling/searching/blacklisting of kinks easier to help curate content. In practice though it allows transmisoginists to basically graffiti any transfem artwork they come across. And let me tell you Femboy tags are getting added on right after they replace F/F with M/M on a transbians t4t work. And it happens so frequently that I have to check in about once a month to these trans tags to inform the most recent victim about what's happened to their works.

And outside of kink spaces I go into fandom spaces where I have had to deal with trap fetishists positioning themselves as fucking lore scholars when they harass trans positive folks about the Correct and Moral gender of the transmisoginistic character that they've got a fap folder dedicated. I got to see someone rise to twitch fame off the back of trap content turn into a “femboy icon” because he gave some of the trap money to trans charities and has a trans girlfriend. Who is still making trap content by the way.I've gotten to see reddit lose their absolute goddamn minds when the term Trap was banned from r/anime, shitting themselves so hard about it that they made their own separate website with transmisogynistic wojaks on the home page and everything. And then I got to see the fucking Bridget Debacle.

The reason I always talk about Bridgets trans confirmation is that it's the most widely recognized recent event where the exact shit I'm talking about was on full display. The reason why her being confirmed as a trans woman was such a big deal for trans girls was not just because she was one of the anime caricatures with her own folder in the trap enthusiasts masterbation portfolio. It was because she was GROUND ZERO for original coining of the word trap. And the EXACT same guys who deemed her a trap were now coming out in DROVES fuck EN MASS. But this time as self appointed femboys. We had so many examples of fucking Astofolo icon twitter facists trying to drudge up any type of left sounding argument using the femboy identity after having their initial arguments revolving around mistranslation were debunked. Crying that transfems were “stealing femboy representation” and trying to say that it was an “antitransmasculization force feminization trope” ironically. You know the cry of “Let men be feminine!!!!” y'all always bring out in defense of femboys. THAT'S who you're parroting! THAT'S who you got it from! We have had direct evidence of former trap fetishists dawning the term femboy when it became less cool to be openly transmisogynistic and then started appropriating leftist language to give their transmisogynistic arguments an air of legitimacy.

Like y'all need to understand that this magical space we got here is a FUCKING BUBBLE. Femboy communities in literally every other online space are former trap/sissy communities and are fucking cess pits of transmisoginy. I have seen posts by people who's only experience being around femboys was on Tumblr go out and check a place like r/mildfemboys to be horrified by the obsessiveness of the transmisogyny the femboys they interact with. And the femboys here aren't much better by treating being forced to acknowledge that these people exist and that is a still very active part of their community even if they don't personally interact with it as a personal attack on them and their gender presentation.

Y'all just want to pretend it doesn't exist and treat the idea that a Transfem might not WANT to interact with YOU(OH GOSH!!) because of it like it's some sort of personal judgement instead of something you're just going to have to accept happens when there's a large portion of people who share that title who are responsible for traumatizing them. But y'all got to go one step further. Y'all who go on about how femboys are our closest allies and about how “femboys and transfems are actually closer than transfems want to admit”. Y'all treat femboys like they're out little fucking brother in the queer community and it's our personal fucking responsibility to leave behind any personal baggage at the door in order to make them feel welcome.

Y'all can't handle the fucking idea that a trans woman might not be comfortable with sharing community with someone who's average member would call her a trap while jacking off to her selfies if he thought he could get away with it. That's she's not interested in playing the Astofolo icon game with them. Y'all gotta create a backwards narratives where she is against her own interests, where she is for making it harder for eggs in the future instead of you know. Asking for better from the communities those eggs are drawn too.

I have been forced to fucking put up with femboys in nearly every online space I've ever been in. And I

Am sick and fucking tired

Of putting up with femboys

[0w0tsuki]

This has got to be some of the most victim blaming bullshit I've seen. Ah yes every trans woman who's every expressed discomfort with a group who have done nothing but fetishize, degender, and dehumanize her are obviously just "valor" hogging bio essentialist gate keeper assimilationists trying to spout a "right way" of being transgender.

Because OBVIOUSLY the problem that trans women have with sissies is that they just won't come out and not. You know. They hang out in spaces that attract Transfem eggs that are just beginning to discover themselves that they are disgusting failed little faggot boys who have failed as men and the only purpose for their existence is to serve as dolls without agency for "successful men. Sissy kink is fucking transmisoginy kink. It's the idea that men are better than women and that the only reason a man would want to be a woman is that he's failed as a man.

Because that's what the sissy is to patriarchy. The transgirl who accepts her as the bottom of genders for daring to want to be something weaker. To the sissy kinkster transfemininity IS PUNISHMENT. Something that is meant to humiliate you that you should be ashamed of. The types of dudes who go after sissies are the exact same type of chasers who are attracted to "broken trans women with lifeless eyes who will depend on you and let you do anything to them". Speaking from experience.

Also OP seems to think the "harassment" is hypothetical sissies crawling into inboxes of Transfems and argue why they should except them and not. You know. The very blatant ignoring of boundaries to misgender and try to solicit sex from them.

But you know we're the bigots for not wanting to share community with your Republican uncle who stalks trans women to steal selfies for his sissy caption blog.

[0w0tsuki]

Duckduckgo how to kill people through the Internet.

[elfstrogenized]

The thing about reclaiming slurs is that

You need to actually be able to reclaim said slur

You can't fucking use it derogatorily it's not a free pass you're not reclaiming that slur you just called a stranger a faggot with no nuance

so so tired of people seeing "reclaimed slurs" and mentally assigning that as "slurs I can say with no consequences"

[elfstrogenized]

Seeing how this blew up I do want to reiteriate this extends to TME people trying to reclaim Femboy in any way. You can't reclaim that. You shouldn't call yourself that. You can just say you're a feminine boy it's a few extra syllables you'll be okay without your favorite slur.

[daughter-of-sapph0]

idk, when the history of the word femboy is that it was created specifically to replace "trap", when it's used as a slur exclusively for trans woman, when it's used to represent the idealized version of the tranny—someone who looks feminine but has no agency and demands no respect to be treated like a woman, when you look up the word femboy and are blasted with ai generated images of women with penises...

its not a word that tmes can reclaim. it never has been.

stop calling yourself it.

[dogpuppy]

[under-my-bed]

can't leave this in the tags

[tlirsgender]

This has been said a thousand times before but the "kink contributes to rape culture" thing is so transparently #stupid especially when you take into account like. Our whole explicitly communicated systems of ensuring consent thing. Meanwhile the whole idea of Normative Sexuality is kind of inherently coercive on some level innit

[tlirsgender]

I have real thoughts about this but I'm too brainfoggy to articulate them further rn so you're getting a joke instead: I'm gonna start telling people you can't consent to vanilla sex under patriarchy

[tlirsgender]

The idea that there is a particular way you're *supposed* to be touched and like it sounds pretty bad when you put it like that doesn't it? I've had to thoroughly deprogram myself from cishetero normative ideas about what sex even *is* in order to feel remotely normal about my body & sexuality. Talking to more trans/lesbian/ace/kinky people (in any combination of the four) teaches you you're allowed to say no, to anything, for any reason. But carefully negotiated pre-planned theater riffing on real world power structures for fun is scary so it must be the deviant perverts that are the problem and not, like, normal men in real life

[tlirsgender]

& the thing about people practicing kink unsafely/under-negotiated is that it *does* happen but in the kink community these people are universally regarded as Doing It Wrong. And that type of behavior is still running straight people software (i.e. it's usually misogyny) & this violation of boundaries via assuming they can do whatever they want to someone else's body would still be just as bad if it was vanilla, actually ! Do you know how many people have problems with painful penetration and just go along with it anyway cause they feel like they have to ??????? God

[tlirsgender]

I've *had* a shitty little online-boyfriend doing kink wrong and having access to the broader community and actual Education about it etc has been infinitely more helpful than any amount of pervert-shunning discourse. Like the roleplay being freaky was kind of the least harmful thing going on there, actually

[tlirsgender]

Tapping the sign cause the notes are getting weird on a different post I made. Carefully negotiated pre-planned theater riffing on abuses of power could not be any further from how real shit works, actually. Especially the ones you don't like. The problem with sexual abuse is that it's *real* and *not consensual*. That's kinda the whole fucking thing, yeah?

[psychotic-gerard]

sorry i will never understand cis grief. your daughter is living her best life and going around with friends and feeling like a human being. your son doesn’t feel like he needs to crawl out of his skin anymore and can actually smile. your children are happy and no longer see their existence as the worst thing in the world. why are you grieving this lmao. grow up.

[analog-delight]

Petition to make every other month of the year Transfem Pride Month because June obviously isn't for us

[chilewithcarnage]

this is the second case ive seen of a black child going missing and then found lynched, what the fuck is going on

[glamygdala]

Her name is Juliana Nzita.

[d1anna]

Donate in MEMORY OF JULIANA NZITA, organized by Bueia Umba

Hi, my name is Bueia Umba and I am fundraising for Juliana Nzita. It is with deep sorrow… Bueia Umba necesita tu apoyo para Donate in MEMOR

her family’s gofundme!!

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

If you're comfortable accusing anyone of faking disability, you're not a real ally to disabled people

[teaboot]

One time when I was a kid a group of girls and I had to treat another student for hypothermia by ourselves because she had so many invisible health issues that the adults we asked for help didn't believe us. The student in question was actively hallucinating. When I finally ran for help the people I grabbed were slow as shit to respond, casually joking about how "dramatic" the person in question was.

The kid was picked up by an ambulance 30 minutes later.

Now as an adult working in security I get SO MANY folks- upper-middle aged mostly- coming to me to 'rat out' people they think are faking it.

I was once sent into a bathroom because a client demanded that the "fucker won't get out, so go drag them out"- I was NEVER going to do that, so I did a wellness check instead. You know who it was? A person recently released from the hospital after a car accident. They had a hole in their skull and major hearing loss. They couldn't answer the owner because they couldn't HEAR the owner.

Another time about a homeless man who got around town by kicking the ground from his wheelchair. "You know he doesn't actually need that thing, his legs work fine, it's just for pity points"- Oh, so he's not paralyzed, his wheelchair is performative? Funny story Dale, I actually know that guy, he was backed over by a truck and has chronic pain from his shattered pelvis. But sure, let's make him stand up and walk everywhere so nobody feels too bad for him and tries to help him or something.

"She doesn't need that scooter, I've seen her get out of it."

"Look how fat he is, because he just rides around and refuses to get up."

"She doesn't really need that cane- she comes here without it all the time"

Sincerely, truly, from the bottom of my heart- as someone who isn't physically disabled but hears this shit all the time- fuck off