Random Character Traits!!! Part 17
⟡ Speaks entirely in references that are three to six months old and tracks this precisely
⟡ Has strong opinions about people they have never met based on their posting behavior
⟡ Experiences news events primarily through the discourse about the discourse
⟡ Uses words in conversation that exist only online and doesn't notice when people flinch
⟡ Has been in at least one online argument this week they don't fully remember
⟡ Knows the lore of strangers on the internet better than the lives of people they see daily
⟡ Describes real events using the vocabulary of someone summarizing a thread
⟡ Gets attached to online creators and refers to them with a familiarity that surprises people
⟡ Has parasocial opinions about brands and treats their social media posts as personality reveals
⟡ Cannot watch something without simultaneously reading what other people think about it
⟡ Curates their feed with surgical precision and considers it a creative practice
⟡ Makes a reference and then has to explain the reference and then has to explain why it's funny
⟡ Processes emotions by finding out if anyone online has felt the same thing
⟡ Has a posting style that is distinct and recognizable and entirely unconscious
⟡ Goes offline for a day and feels like they've missed a cultural era
⟡ Knows about trends before they trend and is smug about this for exactly the right amount of time
⟡ Describes a real place they visited in terms of its aesthetic category
⟡ Has opinions on font choices, color palettes, and thumbnail strategies that they share freely
⟡ Finds out something is mainstream and has complicated feelings about it immediately
⟡ Has a folder of saved things they will never look at but cannot stop saving
⟡ Screen records things with no specific plan for what to do with them
⟡ Notices when an account changes their posting strategy and clocks it immediately
⟡ Cannot hear a song without knowing where they first encountered it online
⟡ Describes their own life using frameworks they absorbed from content they barely remember
⟡ Has different energy on different platforms and considers each one a separate persona
⟡ Gets unreasonably invested in comment sections on videos about things they don't care about
⟡ Mutes people rather than unfollowing as a form of relationship management
⟡ Knows the difference between ironic and sincere posting and navigates it effortlessly
⟡ Starts a sentence with 'so there's this person online' at least twice a week
⟡ Has bookmarked something to read later in 2019 and considers it still pending