WELCOME TO THE VIXEN DEN

Basically an adult but I cant adult sometimes

[ancientsstudies]

How glorious a greeting the sun gives the mountains.

[sherlck-deactivated20140622]

wear a different perfume when you commit murder fuckin amateurs 

[feathery-soul-deactivated201408]

also wear shoes that aren’t your actual size and use gloves if you have to touch anything

[agnosticwitch]

what the hell is this here? A how-to-commit-the-perfect-crime??

[moontideempress]

[vimbia]

Wear a wig. Contact lenses . Change your accent . Change Hand when writing . Layer up to make you look big if your small n vice versa . Contour the hell outta your face.

[jazmynedrakeford]

Get your car interior thoroughly washed, then purposely dirty it up again.

[youhavearighttoyourwrongopinion]

Also use an icicle for the weapon because it melts away Buy a ticket to a show and tell as many people / post it on social media that u went to the show

[caribe-bby]

Y'all suspect af😂

[dookiediamonds-deactivated20200]

*adds 363,462 more people to list of that I will fuck never with*

[electricocelot]

Make sure you set up a solid alibi Pay for everything in cash

Or, for those of you who’ve read Roald Dahl’s Lamb to the Slaughter, feed the murder weapon to the police

[prismatic-bell]

Bodies should be buried vertically, not horizontally, to avoid the appearance of a grave. If you choose to dismember the body instead of bury it whole don’t forget to take a lighter or bottle of lye to the fingertips until charred or melted away, and use bleach on every surface that may have come in contact with blood splatter.

Also, don’t fucking brag about it later Jesus wept.

[harmonysama-deactivated20190724]

all this info is good for writing

but for actual real life, no one on tumblr has enough energy to get out of bed

ain’t no body on this website is gonna murder anyone

[thewelterschallenge]

Make friends with a pig farmer. A full grown nursing sow can eat an entire human body, bones and all, in about 6 hours.

[bloodforbones]

Shit that last one is more helpful than I wanted it to be, I’ll never look at pigs the same

[sweetgirlfriend]

Reblogging for *educational* purposes :)

[fluidityandgiggles]

This post is legendary and I’m so glad I found it. I love all the advice. Except the icicle. That’s technically impossible. Use a disposable knife instead and break the handle.

[nintendhoe-switchblade-deactiva]

use a glass knife with wooden handle for ultimate wounding. its gonna leave a severe fucking wound and u can burn the wood and melt down the glass if it doesnt shatter inside the victim.

[emilyelizabethfowl]

Thomas what did i tell you about making suspiious posts?

[ferntastic-m]

I love learning.

[srazars-main-blog-deactivated20]

IT’S ON MY DASH I REPEAT IT’S ON MY DASH.

[ratherinterestingmilkshake]

ON MY DASH

[infinitebadashianqueen]

Also bury the body deeper than six feet, so it can’t be washed up or smelled by hounds. Yes, that may mean you dig a 12 foot deep grave. Guess what? Murder is work.

[the-suriel-deserved-better]

Murder is work kids.

[krystal-prisms]

Too much work

[gay-vibin-girl]

Creating new jobs in America one murder at a time

[3-spoons]

Also work fast and no witnesses

[somany-fandoms-solittle-time]

THIS HAS OVER A MILLION NOTES WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!!!!!

[xakumi]

Also if you are planning to flee the country, get that figured out way in advance. At least a year or two in advance. And make sure everyone knows you’re moving, so it’s less suspicious than to randomly leave without saying anything. Perhaps it’s studying abroad, a job opportunity, or even meeting up with a friend and/or romantic partner?

[thegreenpea]

If you buey the body vertically don’t forget to leave a few feet above the head and place some animal bones on it so when the blood hounds sniff they will find the animal bones and the police would likely rule it as a false positive. Also globally the solving rate for murder is 45% so don’t worry too much

[unfortunatelyevent]

am I gonna get in some fbi list for rebbloging this? possible

do I care enough to not reblog this? absolutely not

[becausewhatiam-iswhatimnot]

Don’t forget it’s just a missing person case if they can’t find the body.

[guiltiest-gear]

Hmm

[dooflizard]

Dances with plans

[holding-infinity-and-a-book]

Helpful tumblr. Real helpful.

[warning-coffeeisexplosive-deact]

Thank you Tumblr. Now I have ideas :)

[daughter-of-hades1218-deactivat]

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[theoneandonlyredrobin]

@yashee-but-jiba youre in the hellsite hall of fame

[jeffthehistorian]

I love this. If I may add, wear shoes too big/small for your feet so the footprints font give you away.

[deadboytryingtosurvive]

If you feed a human body to pigs you have to remove the teeth first. Pigs can’t digest human teeth so if suspected the teeth can be found. I would recomend grinding them into dust and releasing it into the wind on a windy day :)

[starscence]

Remember: The authorities will know if the murderer faked their accent/foot print/whatever, but as long as they don’t find your actual features you’ll be fine

[blue-checkmarks-go-here-deactiv]

No body no murder, hide it well folks.

[viva-1a-resistance]

if youre gonna bury the body, hide it somewhere temporary first. leave the police an anonymous tip that its buried somewhere else. after theyve searched and not found anything, bury the body there. the freshly dug soil wont be as suspicious and theyre not gonna look there because they already have

also if you pierce the lungs the body wont float

and if youre gonna do anything else, take out the teeth and burn the tongue, fingertips, etc. this will prevent identification by dna

<3

[bigmickswingin]

It should be noted by any prospective murderers out there than dna can be recovered from any body tissue or fluid, so destoying teeth, tongue, fingertips, etc will not be sufficient.

[viva-1a-resistance]

so basically, dont leave a body at all or make damn sure its not gonna be found

[wholesome-dragon-lady]

Hydrochloric acid is also useful for disposing of flesh!! Just make sure you can get rid of the bones too xx

@princesscat01

[siriusblackinskirts-deactivated]

cover up any tattoos/piercing u have and wear fake tattoos

[floralflowerpower-deactivated20]

Make sure to have your location history turned off or cleared if you use google maps.

If not a bad person can use it to figure out your routine as well as your most recent / frequent stops.

This includes your home and work address if you have them saved as such in your GPS.

All they have to do is yoink your phone or clone it.

And now they know everything about you.

Protect your phones IRL please.

Though to my fellow writers go nuts with the information 😅💖

(I was in witness protection for a while up until my grandfather (not to be confused with my good one) died. He tried to murder my family and was an ex cop. This was some of the safety stuff I was taught.)

[elidyce]

If disposing of a body in water, ALWAYS go with salt water. More things that eat bodies, and the bones deteriorate a lot faster in salt water than fresh. Don’t wrap it in plastic, that is a rookie mistake. Wrap it in chicken wire or coarse nylon netting to keep bits from breaking off and bobbing up, while still allowing the critters to feast. It really speeds up the process. 

The official temperature required to cremate a body is between 800 and 1000 degrees Celsius. A good potter’s kiln can get significantly hotter than that. Make friends with a local potter and you’ll never have to bury another body. 

If suspected of a murder, never change your story in light of ‘new evidence’ unless you absolutely must. In cases without much physical evidence, most police rely on bullying, tricking, or manipulating suspects into making a mistake. Know your story, stick to your story. 

[unpretty]

i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.

[bandomfandombeyond]

This is the opposite of a creepypasta

[30spiders]

Comfypasta

[who-let-the-gods-outt-deactivat]

@upthawolves

[7eselt]

@alrtist

[vinceaddams]

The Welsh Viking is pretty cool! 

[vinceaddams]

He’s going to run 5 kilometres in his viking armour on May 9th to raise money for Stonewall!

[vinceaddams]

Oh my goodness this is getting a lot of notes! Since I see posts on tumblr about how a lot of people seem to think all historians and archaeologists are crusty old bigots I’d just like to add that this guy is an archaeologist. A very vocally anti-racist archaeologist who goes out of his way to be as inclusive as possible to queer people.

[teratomarty]

Reblogging to watch later!

[fixyourwritinghabits]

Always get your historical facts from anti-racist archeologists.

[educatedsavage]

Wait, how’d the run go!?

[vinceaddams]

Oh gosh I forgot to update on that! It went well, he was sore and tired but no injuries, and he raised over 1700 pounds! 

[vinceaddams]

[montereybayaquarium]

oh hi

(Please use the comment section below to tell our sweet, sweet rescued male snowy plover how good he is.)

[sixpenceee]

This is glorious and even thought it doesn’t fit in the range of all the paranormal, I MUST share

It works like this: You tell Kitestring that you’re in a dangerous place or situation, and give it a time frame of when to check in on you. If you don’t reply back when it checks your status, it’ll alert your emergency contacts with a custom message you set up.

It doesn’t require you to touch anything (like bSafe) or shake your phone (like Nirbhaya) to send the distress signal. Kitestring is smarter, because it doesn’t need an action to alert people, it needs inaction.

MORE INFORMATION

[crybourg]

reblogging because this is seriously amazing.

[theprideful-deactivated20251201]

every so often twitter just rediscovers tumblr

[dailyniall]

[bunnyfood]

[catsbeaversandducks]

“Just get in the car, Alice. I’ll explain on the way.”

[milkyowned]

The doll

I opened my eyes, and I was on my bed. 

It must have been just a nightmare, but yet I couldn’t shake the feeling of dread sneaking up upon me like the tentacles of a monster. 

Reaching to the right of me, feeling the earth of my husband, I tried to calm my racing heart. 

That’s when I heard it. The giggles of a little girl.

It could have been possible if it came from above or below me since I lived in a flat. Sounds travels through these walls especially in the dead of night. 

But came from the direction of my headboard, which was supposed to be impossible. 

I squeezed my eyes tight. Hopping that whatever it was, that it would just leave me alone. I was too tired to deal with this now with everything that had been going on. 

I felt a tingle on the crown of my skull. Shivers traveled down my spine as my brain tried to understand what the hell was going on. 

Once again I reached to my right, feeling for my husband’s hand underneath the covers, trying to get back the sense of safety that I always had when he’s around. 

In the dark room, I opened my eyes and saw it sitting on my pillow even though no weight registered on the memory foam. 

A small doll-like figure which had a charred face and melted features blossomed before my eyes and before I could even think, it held a small plastic hand to my lips. 

I rolled my eyes and grabbed it by the waist, chucking it towards the direction of my feet where it bounced off the bed and on the ground. 

Laugher rang inside my head as it landed on the floor. 

I rolled my eyes again and tried to go back to sleep. 

Lying still for a good five minute, I wondered what was going on. 

“How long are you gonna just lie there? Climb up yourself.” I said to the doll. 

Playful giggles rang inside my skull once again as it floated to the foot of my king sized bed. 

“Don’t make me wake your father up. You don’t want to die again do you?” I hissed and hugged my bolster tighter before falling into a dreamless sleep. 

Then I woke up. 

[mindfulmountaineer-deactivated2]

Hey, everyone! I’ve had a lot of people contacting me and letting me know my Wattpad name isnt showing up for them. I forgot to let you all know it’s been changed. You can find me @thewildewriter.

If you are interested in the Humans Are Weird series, you can find them here on tumblr or on Wattpad. I will be finishing the second book on here but the third book and two novellas will be available only on Wattpad.

I will be back to posting regularly soon so make sure you follow me if you want to see that content!

[milkyowned]

Reblogging for IMPORTANT INFO

[billiewena]

HAPPY BELATED FATHER’S DAY, LET’S RANK SOME SUPERNATURAL DILFS

(aka the sequel to my milfnatural post)

[impalalord]

I just remembered that I have tumblr

[fueselwe]

Another one

Private Barry and the human recruit

Ba‘ri, a soldier in the intergalactic military (which is a thing that just exists),

was recently stationed to guard a training camp for new recruits. Nothing ever really happened, so he just watched the recruits all day.

One day came a recruit from the planet earth, which has recently joined the alliance and offered technological support in the war against the Teatyckahnmi. His name was Tom, he was the first human to enroll and he looked pathetic.

All species represented in the IM are tall, broad and resilient. Tom stuck out because of his short statue, thin and frail looking body and his pitifully short arms. His walk was what could only be described as a careful slither.

Now, Tom wasn‘t directly mocked. The IM values professionalism and respect, but the others still let it be known how little they thought of Tom, be it with their looks, their tone when talking with him or taking suspiciously heavier steps when near him -enough for him to jump-.

Tom started hanging with Ba‘ri, who at least didn‘t overtly judge and Ba‘ri at least liked the notion of spending time with this weak little fellow. Tom even nicknamed him Barry (an earth name), which he found cute.

When it came to actual exercises Tom handled himself surprisingly well; his body could be surprisingly nimble and his ways of movement bordered on ingenuity.

But still he was below everyone else. His feats were remarkable for his limited physique, but he was inferior.

One day came an assault from the Teatyckahnmi, both the stationed guards as well as the recruits were called to action. This wasn‘t too big for Barry, he had been in battles before, but he was sure Tom wouldn‘t survive and tried not to worry.

They fired from behind the barricades and while he survived, Tom still fell back in Barry‘s eyes. Yes, he could shoot and he hit things, but he was slower than the others.

Then it happened.

An explosion. A hole was blown into the barricades and the soldiers were spread out. Barry could hear Tom screaming in fear. Barry tried to focus on the battle when something heavy fell on him, trapping him. Barry frantically looked around when he saw Tom holding the front, but something was different about him.

He looked panicked, shivered a little, yet still he moved differently. He was faster, more precise, more methodical. It was as if something changed in him.

Tom looked over, saw Barry and started running towards him, screaming in worry: “BARRY!!“ Barry was heartwarmed by the gesture, but there can’t be anything Tom can do here. That piece of debris had to be around a ton, Barry accepted his fate when he looked up and saw Tom, the frail human, lifting the the rock even Barry couldn‘t, granting him freedom.

The battle was over and Barry learned something new: Humans **are** strong, stronger than most, but it only shows itself when it needs to.

I waited until the end to say this: Teatyckahnmi stands for “totally evil aliens that you can kill and have no moral issues”

[milkyowned]

IM totally reminds me of the UN but u know… on a galactic basis.

This guy TOTALLY NEEDS MORE NOTES LIKE HOLY SHIT

[threecheersmaka]

Being an anthropology major you get to see a lot of universal commonalities between cultures but the funniest thing about humans is their absolute persistence to eat things even when they’re borderline inedible. Spicy plants evolved their taste as a deterrent so people wouldn’t eat them but we literally genetically modify things now to make them as spicy as possible. Caffeine is also a poison but we made an entire culture out of making drinks from it. Almost every single part of tomatoes is poisonous except for the actual pulp of the fruit itself. Coconuts take an incredible amount of effort to open but we somehow figured out a way to break them open and make food and drinks from them. Durian fruits can kill you if they fall on you but humans saw them and were like ‘we’re gonna find a way to break those fuckers open and eat them.’ Honey is literally protected by bees which sting you if you make them angry but we decided we were gonna get that stuff one way or another. My favourite example of this though is lobsters and crabs. If you kill them in literally any other way than boiling them alive their bodies release a poison that makes them inedible but humans were so determined to eat these fuckers that they figured out a way to do it. Anyways we’re such a funny little species and I love us for it.

[niqhtlord01]

Humans are weird: Role Playing Online

( Don’t forget to come see my on my new patreon and support me for early access to stories and personal story requests :D https://www.patreon.com/NiqhtLord )

“I am the son of the blackened god,” the giant warrior bellowed to the gathered masses before him, “and I shall see your lifeless bodies thrown into hell in his name!”

The giant warrior was a tower of flesh and burnt iron; their shadow casting over the first five ranks of the enemy army before him. In his hands were a chipped butcher’s blade covered in blood and a rusted morning star lazily swinging in the breeze. They wore patches of armor held together by bits of leather and strands of skulls held together by what looked like hair. Their skin was a dark shade of bronze as if the being had been molded from raw metal itself and adorned a helmet of pitch darkness.

When Jorgora had accepted his school friends request to join her online this was not what he had expected as he stood next to the giant monster, clad only in a beginner’s tunic and holding a flimsy wooden stick.

 The game they were trying out was called “Hammer Fall: Gods and Men”, which was a full VR game linked to an mmo environment. He really liked her and wanted to be closer with her ever since he transferred to his new earth school, so when she invited him he jumped on the chance. What he hadn’t realized was that his friend had already gained a certain reputation in the game, resulting in the angry army of players now before them.

“Liz,” he meekly said as he looked out over the hundred or so faces of angry gamers, each varying races with different weapons and armor, “I don’t think we should be here right now.”

“I am Dark Bain, little flesh;” Liz said as she looked down at him, her soft pleasant voice replaced with a deep rumbling tone of despair; “and these pathetic sacks of wasted meat are nothing to fear!”

She let out a loud laugh and battered her butcher’s blade against chest with a resounding clanging that made the enemy army take a few steps back out of fear. From their ranks a lone figure stepped forward.

“Warriors!” the figure shouted to his comrades, “Do not fear this monster!”

This new figure wore armor of bright gold with a flowing cape of ocean blue. Clutched in their hand was an elaborate sword of pure silver and trims of ruby that made it look as if it was pulsating with life.

“We have gathered today to put an end to the wanton madness of Dark Bain, and by the seven lords by this days end we shall see him dead by days end!”

A chorus of cheers erupted from the army. Swords and shields were battered together while dozens of spears and feet stomped the ground. The very earth felt as if it was trembling to Jorgora.

“Join me, and together we sh-“

The golden figure gasped and crumpled to the ground, the handle of the butcher’s knife sticking out from their back.

The rousing cheers went silent as Liz began laughing.

“Oh no, I seem to have dropped my blade.”

She began twirling her morning star and slowly walking towards the army. “I guess I better go pick it up!”

She broke into a sprint as the front ranks of the enemy army screamed and turned to flee.

Jorgora watched in silent horror as the girl he had feelings for swept her morning star through players and drenched the ground in their blood. He quietly logged off as she ripped the head off one player and used it as a projectile to decapitate another.

[valec275]

Aliens and two-way sequins

Human: Hey! Check out my new shirt!

Alien: What are those round things? And the picture they have formed?

Human: Oh, these are two-way sequins. Watch.

Human: *Runs hand over sequins so that picture changes*

Alien: What the fu-