jade

18 / pisces

[mindlessroses]

“Maybe I convinced myself somewhere along the way, that you actually cared for me. I mistook desperation for love.”

— I’m so over you

( @mindlessroses )

[mindlessroses]

“‪I love words but you say I talk too much‬.”

- I’m always too much or not enough

( @mindlessroses )

[mindlessroses]

“The universe is not against you. It knows what you need, not necessarily what you want. Every hard time comes around to make you strong and prepared for the rest of the world. No one will be as kind and constructive as the stars.”

- i trust you, universe

( @mindlessroses )

[mindlessroses]

I didn’t know how to be with you. And as hard as I tried, there were no words or ways to touch you to keep your mind from wandering afar.

- tell me how to love you

[mindlessroses]

“I felt fat. I felt ugly. I felt like I didn’t belong to this world anymore. Curled up in my bed, I cried like I had never cried before. I cried because I was lonely, I cried because I felt so unloved and empty, I cried because I was wasting my life, I cried because I was scared. I cried because, for the first time in my life, I was feeling. And feeling felt so unfamiliar that I wished to die.”

- something I read once that I wish didn’t resonate with me so well

[mindlessroses]

“Tonight I sat with my mother for hours, talking about life and how we came to be where we are. She told me it wasn’t without struggle and crying in the loneliest hours of the night, praying our situation might improve. She told me she wanted nothing more than for everything to stop, or at least slow down for a while. She told me her head was spinning and she couldn’t keep up. It was then I realised she knew the feeling of complete helplessness, the same feeling I’d endured in the loneliest hours of my nights. It was then I realised we weren’t at all that different and she’s the strongest person I know. If she made it, so will I.”

- it is selfish to believe i am the only one hurting ( @mindlessroses )

[mindlessroses]

“I’m so tired of crying over someone who doesn’t care enough to remember my favourite colour.”

- it’s red - ( @mindlessroses )

[mindlessroses]

“My heart is broken. It’s a disgusting, heavy pain in the pit of my stomach that I think I can just sleep off. It’s a recurring headache that I continuously take medication for and hold my head, praying it goes away. It’s sleepless nights, not understanding why my pillow is still wet because I was sure I had nothing left to give. It’s not eating. It’s not speaking. It’s not showering. It’s not doing anything in fear of doing it wrong. Because that’s how he made me feel.”

- make it fucking stop - ( @mindlessroses )

[imagination]

[mindlessroses]

“Shame on me, huh? Shame on me for thinking you were as serious as I was about us. Shame on me for not wanting to be the girl who gets crazy over your attention, or lack there of. Shame on me for trusting you and shame on me for ever thinking all my thoughts in the darkest hours of the night were yours to keep. I want to be angry, I want to scream and tell you all the ways you make me feel as though I’m not enough. But all that surfaces are tears behind a screen and words that make you think everything is okay, as I sit in darkness wondering. Will I ever be loved?”

- no, shame on you - ( @mindlessroses )

[mindlessroses]

“Look at all those people, pretending to know what the fuck they’re doing.”

- you’ll figure it out - ( @mindlessroses )

[mindlessroses]

No one ever got anywhere without being a little selfish.

this took me a while to understand

[mindlessroses]

I've got to keep reminding myself that everyone goes through this, everyone feels or has felt this at one stage in their lives, and I will come out the other side better and stronger than I've ever been.

- I can't wait for that day

[mindlessroses]

I'd kill myself if I didn't have such a low pain tolerance.

- none of this matters anyways

[mindlessroses]

I look in the mirror everyday praying to see someone else staring back at me.

- I can't help but hate the person I am.

[mindlessroses]

I wish I knew exactly what it was that I find so intriguing about you, so I can go and find it inside someone new. Someone, who isn’t you.

a work in progress

[mindlessroses]

Life is going to tear you down and twist you inside out. Be open and be free, experience life for what it is. The good, the bad and the worst. You need to learn how to feel. You need to break yourself down to nothing to know what it takes to become whole again.

take it all in stride, these moments are what make you who you are.