hey Emily I know we haven’t talked in 5 or 6 years, how’s it going? kids doing good? pregnancy going okay for you? anyway I sent you this because some rando on the Internet thought you might be happier knowing you inadvertently reposted MLP fetish art. wait what’s MLP? well okay let me start off with saying I am a completely normal individual caught in the crosshairs of a violently loud subculture on the internet I am not actually a part of but I constantly bear witness to. secondly does your kid watch cartoons? well you might have seen
I left the chat because i was starting to become irate with things I had no business worrying my pretty little head over. I clearly have shit to work through. Perfect timing since i’ve decluttered my possessions.
Learning to manage my expectations out of my friendships.
I become really disappointed with the effort levels of my friends nowadays. They’re very select w/ when they seem to want to talk or see me and frankly, the effort only comes from the same two people. One of them, M, really disappoints me a lot. I hate admitting it. But I shouldn’t be disappointed- I should look to myself to see what I am actually looking for from our interactions. I think I have a predisposition to overestimate how much of a priority I am. High expectations (diff. from high standards!) can be detrimental to friendships.
According to the ‘How to Make Friends Podcast’, friendships should be an enhancement to my own self-worth and self-love.
Is there something I want from this friendship that I can just give to myself? Yes. I’m lonely as fuck lol and I like spending time outside the house.
How can I support my friends, after I help myself, if they have shifted priorities?
“Treat our friends the kings and the queens they are.”
Eliminating expectations comes down to what I can give myself. What do I actually expect, and how do they reward me? To be honest, I feel really sad when they don’t give me the attention and love I want to shower them with. I want my energy to be reciprocated. I expect them to tell me, without prompting them, about what’s going on in their life and what they’re learning out of it. I want us to struggle together and make it out together. I want them to know I care. The more attention they give me, the more loved I feel. The more worth their time and their money are.
My friends cannot be everything for me in one being. Only i can be enough for myself. They serve different roles in my life.
Self-Worth.
Friendships are never an indicator of how much I’m worth.
packed up the majority of my stuff so i can’t be bothered to unpack at this hour and find my diary. here’s some random thoughts.
This month has been going pretty good… and I really think redoing my room has something to do with it. Maybe redoing my room has put me in a more productive mindset.
Things I have accomplished this month:
Learned how to twerk
Decluttered my closet. Twice.
Donated clothes to a shelter instead of Goodwill/Value Village. It feels really good.
Obtained some very cute clothing pieces from my friends during a swap
Gotten comfortable with driving.
Decluttered my bookshelf.
Made a simplified resume.
Found a new podcast - How to Make Friends. The title says it all.
I left one of my main group chats a couple of days ago to take a break. I needed it. I really want it to count toward my growth this time.
Repainted and rearranged my room! I’m so happy what I wanted actually fits in this space.
Caught up with some friends I haven’t seen in months. They’re great company.
Kind of fixed my sleep schedule. I no longer get out of bed at 4:30 pm and instead get out of bed around noon.
vaporwave
blakekathryn
turnnoffyourmind
pixelskylines
2087
ellievsbear
