big ben just fucking explodes
Peter Solarz
Show & Tell
Sweet Seals For You, Always
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
d e v o n
One Nice Bug Per Day
taylor price

JBB: An Artblog!
RMH
almost home

oozey mess

★
dirt enthusiast
Xuebing Du

blake kathryn
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

JVL
noise dept.
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Cosimo Galluzzi

seen from United States
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seen from Türkiye
seen from Canada
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seen from United States
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seen from Croatia
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@misschnandalorbong
big ben just fucking explodes
who needs bottom surgery when you have 80 interesting bear facts: #7
I was like “why that face as a reaction?” And then I proceeded to make that exact face
Introducing the British Empire Genre with Madagascar (2005)
Ah, the good old days of the British Empire. Fanning yourself in the sand dunes, slaughtering 27,927 Boers, torturing innocent Kenyans during the Mau Mau uprising. Memories.
It’s an interesting take, if you’re interested in horrific and entirely incorrect opinions. However, around the 1970s, an odd kind of film genre began to emerge with a nostalgic reverence for the ‘excitement’ of British imperial rule. Their directors tended to romanticise the quite literally named ‘Heat and Dust’ (1983) and use ex-colonised settings such as India to host tales of pretty white women incorrectly wearing saris and falling in love with a well-mannered coloniser called Keith.
Today, we take a trip down to ruined childhoods with Dreamworks’ Madagascar. Set primarily, unsurprisingly, on the African island of Madagascar (and yet always broadcast at Christmas for some reason) the film in fact begins in New York, where a lion named Alex (voiced by Ben Stiller) and his various mammal friends are living-up life with various gadgets and cutlery. See where it’s going?
We are repeatedly shown just how civilised Alex and co are, as they use toothbrushes and treadmills better than a Manhattan banker with a coke addiction and three hundred bail receipts. And yet Alex’s best friend, Marty (voiced by Chris Rock) yearns for open space and to see fields greener than Snoop Dogg’s ‘garage’.
What follows is a predictable mix-up which results in all four animals being stranded with the ‘uncivilised’ lemur tribes of Madagascar. Just like the exoticism that resulted from European explorers and subsequent fictionalised accounts, Marty finds himself ‘conquering’ the wild and eventually winning over the hearts of its understandably wary inhabitants.
Meanwhile, Alex bemoans the loss of his ‘normal’ Western comforts and wishes to return to New York where, presumably, the studio will reimburse him for this minor career blip. It’s up to Marty to convince Alex that the funny scary lemurs are really nice to play with. Kind of like watching Ivanka Trump being forced to support other women.
Ignoring the giant fuck-off u-turn that Dreamworks then takes the plot on, and the traumatic inner turmoil experienced by Alex when he tries to EAT his LEMUR FRIENDS - the moral of the story can largely be summed up to the Western viewer as: Come and tame Africa!
The British Empire genre has thankfully become outdated, but as Madagascar shows, it’s subtext has simply trickled down into various depictions of ‘foreign lands’ outside of Europe and North America.
‘I Like to Move It’ is a banger though. Respect to Real 2 Reel.
Introducing the Uncanny Valley with Sex and the City 2
First coined by Masahiro Mori, then a professor at the Tokyo Institute of Technology, the ‘Uncanny Valley’ refers to renderings of human faces which become more appealing in their accuracy- that is, until we hit a certain point, termed ‘the Uncanny Valley’.
Just like reaching the 2 minute marker in ‘2 Girls, 1 Cup’, the Uncanny Valley leads the viewer to suddenly experience a high level of disgust, anxiety, and constipation, as they perceive a passable, and yet discernibly false representation of the human body. Which brings me to Kim Cattrall.
Cattrell is one of the stars of Sex and the City 2 (Michael Patrick King) which has proved such a huge hit with film critics that UNESCO recently appointed it a World Heritage Site, with the description; “a large comedic goldmine which can be found in Hollywood’s more shameful hills.”
Released in 2010, the film received immediate praise for its poster design and ending credits music. Criminally, however, its revolutionary animation and outstanding visual effects went unnoticed - in what can only be described as a tribute to their skill and expertise. Thankfully, I can now exclusively reveal that almost 90% of the film was in fact CGI.
It is this knowledge that finally explains the feelings of discomfort and illness that plagued some viewers of the film at its premiere. As Carrie’s (Sarah Jessica Parker) heavily edited face smirks towards Mr Big, a man so dull he absorbs light, we can see that despite their best efforts, neither is truly, definitively human. Despite the best efforts of lighting, cinematography and some gentle angling; it soon becomes clear that no character in this film is 3D.
It’s evident even in the film’s promotional posters. Here, the Uncanny Valley comes alive as four hand-drawn faces struggle to hold their unblemished limbs like living, water-drinking homosapiens. It even leaks into the plot. All of the main characters’ issues and conflicts appear to have forced them to experience emotions. However, this has actually been caused by a lavish and stifling wardrobe, worn until all four women are oxygen deprived and view pouring bleach onto every rose-tinted memory of their famed 80s TV show to be a good idea.
There are some more major slip-ups. Designers of Miranda (Cynthia Nixon) appear to have been designated the lowest budget, and her feminist moment of standing up to her misogynistic new manager is as unconvincing as R-Kelly’s Wikipedia page. Here, an attempt at a genuine human woman is swiftly quashed as she quits her huge and well paid New York job in favour of her son’s dumbass preschool presentation. Mirandabot’s wires become noticeable as she instead edited into silly-lady-boss-who-learns-her-place-and-starts-breastfeeding-again.
For any travellers considering a trip to the Uncanny Valley this season, expect artifical lighting and a splatter of synthetic boobs in this Sony commercial repackaged as film, Sex and the City 2.
Ok, so I was reading this news story:
So far so normal, right? But then:
Like what. And then:
Like, I think Alaska State Trooper Ken Marsh wants to be a romance novelist.
well would you look at that
terrifying and incomprehensible to the human mind?
Cake: The Movie (2020) dir. David Lynch & David Cronenberg
I love porn acting.
Me irl
The concept of hannibal is so fucking funny to me I cant get over it. Like hmm we need to find out whos doing all these crimes. Now let me go to my friend Haggravated Lassault's house
imagine a rat using an airpod as a cane . imagine that
i’m thinking about it
i love this website
I’m sorry but I laughed way to hard to not share this