(Okay so I tried to search your blog before asking this in case you’ve answered it before, but tumblr’s search is stupid and it wouldn’t work lol so sorry if you have already answered stuff like this!)
But I’m a little confused with something I keep seeing people talk about and I feel like you’re a good person to ask to explain this since 1. I trust your responses lol and 2. your answers are always simple and straightforward. What exactly is a bi/pan lesbian? And why do people dislike them so much?? Is the dislike warranted (like are they genuinely harmful etc?) or is it just more queerphobia? I’ve tried looking it up before but tbh every answer I read feels way too complicated for me to grasp it and it just makes me more confused. Are they just bi/pan with heavy preferences? Or is there a whole other explanation that I’m just not seeing/not understanding? I just really wanna understand, thank you in advance 🥺
so, thank you for thinking my answers are simple and straightforward. i usually feel like i’m making absolutely zero sense or being unnecessarily longwinded lmao. but yeah, i think i’ve posted something about this before, but nothing too detailed.
anyways. an mspec (either pan, bi omni, ply, etc.) lesbian is someone who uses both an mspec label and the lesbian label. there are a lot of different reasons why someone might self-identify this way. some of those reasons include:
being attracted to women and nonbinary people (this isn’t saying people attracted to women and nonbinary can’t be lesbians. it’s an acknowledgment of not all nonbinary people being comfortable being included in lesbian attraction)
being mspec-sexual and homoromantic or mspec-romantic and homosexual (this is a use of the split attraction model, and saying you’re, for example, “bisexual homoromantic” or “biromantic homosexual” is a bit more of a mouthful than bi lesbian)
using the historic definition of lesbian (lesbian was an umbrella term for all women attracted to women before it became known as exclusive attraction to women due to political lesbianism)
being unsure if you’re mspec or lesbian and trying out both labels
being attracted largely to women with very rare attraction to men
i’m sure there are other experiences amongst mspec lesbians, but these are just off the top of my head.
the “discourse” surrounding mspec lesbians (and mspec gays) is entirely new and queerphobic. this identity has existed for decades without issue. women have been identifying as bi lesbians for a long time. one of the more historic uses of it that isn’t very common now is that it represented women who were attracted to men and women, but socially were only involved in women/lesbian spaces, or were only interested in having relationships with women. it had more to do with the combination of their sexual and political identities.
people hate the identity so much because they don’t understand it and honestly, don’t want to. many people have been sent sources on it and they just ignore it. they have decided it’s somehow harming “real” lesbians and that’s that. they don’t want to learn otherwise.
they bring up the argument that the identity says lesbians can like men, which one) one person’s identity doesn’t say anything about someone else’s and two) some lesbians do like men. that’s just a fact. and always has been. there have always been lesbians who were attracted to and involved with men.
they also bring up the argument of if lesbians can like men, what do we call people who are only attracted to women (and sometimes some nonbinary people), and the answer is always, whatever those individuals want to be called. labels don’t exist for us to apply to others. they exist for us to claim for ourselves and give meaning to based on our personal experiences and feelings.
but yeah, this identity isn’t harming anyone. it has never harmed anyone. it’s simply a different way of good faith self-identification. if that’s how someone makes sense of their identity, which is not clear cut, black and white for everyone, then why does it matter? how is someone using a historic queer identity harm anyone? it doesn’t. queerphobes just fell for assimilationism and hate their own community when they queer in a way that’s different or confusing.
i think i covered most things on this topic. here are some links if you’re interested in some further reading:
a carrd with sources and info on mspec lesbians
a twitter thread of sources on mspec lesbians/gays
a twitter thread of historic examples of bi lesbians/gays (this one is by me!)
tumblr dedicated to bi lesbians, which has sources and info
i hope this helps you better understand! i feel like i wasn’t as clear as i could’ve been. please feel free to ask more questions if you have them!
