hii. long ask, but i think you'll like it because it's about paninya. it's mainly paninya angst tho.
nobody really talks about paninya having ptsd. in the scene after she helps winry with the baby, she comes all shaken. she says how there's so much blood, and she can't do it anymore.
first of all, can we PLEASE check up on paninya? like i understand that there's a newborn baby in the next room, but paninya is on the floor. can we give her a hug? some water? can we tell her to name five things around her? because obviously she isn't doing well. also, kudos to her for helping out.
second, paninya was most likely having some type of flashback here. ofc anyone would look disheveled after being in a room with a bloody baby. knowing paninya's past, she saw a lot of blood from the accident.
what i'm getting here is that paninya's trigger is blood. considering that she ran with winry when the boys were leaving, she doesn't mind being around trains anymore. getting on trains is a whole different story.
the reason paninya loves to stay on high places is because it gives her a sense of security. when she's up high, she can see everything. she can always know when something's going on because she can see everything. paninya used to blame herself a lot when she was a kid because she wished she saw the trains coming sooner.
dominic had to tell this girl that there was literally nothing she could do. it was two trains coming, and nothing could stop it. even if she were up that high, what could she do? the trains were going to crash regardless of how things went.
speaking of this, paninya doesn't remember the actual crash. she can remember everything from that day except for the crash. all she remembers is the trains coming close and everyone being so confused as to why they're getting closer. black. then hospital lights. she remembers blood being everywhere, but that's that farthest her brain will let her get. if she thinks about it for too long, she'll start crying.
paninya also thinks about her life before it all happened. like she has clothes that she'll never wear again. there's food in the fridge that she'll never eat. all of her friends were probably wondering where she went. did she die? did they just forget about her? her house is literally frozen in time. it's not like she can get in. the key died right alongside her parents. and she's not getting on a train anytime soon to go visit.
my personal hc on how everything went down is that paninya's family was coming back from rush valley. her family was known to borrow money from people, but they always paid it back. the crash was so close to rush valley that they just sent everyone to the local hospital in town. paninya finds out that her parents are dead. doctors tell paninya that a local family member was going to get her. she sat outside for two days, and that family member never came. paninya ventured off into town where her wheelchair broke. she crawled into an alleyway, and she waited for her parents to pick her up. they never did because they're #dead.
paninya stayed out there for a good month until dominic picked her up.
ALSOOOOOOO, little paninya used to have HORRIBLE night terrors. my baby used to wake up screaming and crying. she would start hyperventilating and everything. dominic would come in to calm her down while ridel tried to give her water. satera is telling paninya that she's safe.
because of that, paninya would stay up for DAYS. she couldn't have bad nightmares if she didn't sleep at all. paninya would start hallucinating because she stayed up for three days straight. she would go back to sleep, and the cycle continued. it died out once she got older tho. she does have bad terrors still.
paninya also sleepwalks. she did it a lot when she was a kid. she would walk around and just mumble for her parents. someone in the house would wake her up, and tell her that they're gone.
SORRY FOR ANY TYPOS. I DID THIS WHILE I WAS HALF SLEEP LFMAKAOAKA.
baby 'ninya with night terrors..... I think she'd crawl into bed with Dominic, who'd pretend to be all affronted about it, but if she tried to deal with the nightmares herself he'd get all huffy and tell her not to do that. sleepwalking must've been a hell of an experience with newly attached automail. it probably fucked up her recovery and was a real medical concern.
the idea of a family member who was supposed to pick her up but didn't is HEARTBREAKING i cosign it, it makes sense. I dooooooo think a lot about little homeless paninya a lot, I wonder how she survived. I don't think she'd have the presence of mind to beg, if that makes sense? I think she was probably really Out Of It for that whole time period. while it's not a thing she rlly thought about at the time (bc of being Out Of It, aka dissociating big time), I imagine the fact that nobody except Dominic stepped in to help her haunts her afterwards. like that's gotta fuck you up. I like the idea of Paninya being friends with Rush Valley's homeless population and checking up on them at the regular so nobody ends up abandoned.
