All right! *claps hands* I’m home from work and I have half an hour while the andouillettes are cooking/baking/roasting in the oven/doing their thing (edit: I took so bloody long this is now it’s an hour later and the andouillettes were delicious) so let’s see. (just fyi I saw this peeking on Tumblr at work and had to think Excel thoughts not to laugh out loud XD)
Honestly the “not throwing Jonathan into a river” part ultimately comes down to a lack of opportunity, because Ardeth has plenty of means and especially motive but unfortunately also a decided lack of river nearby, so. That falls through. (“What is it with you and impromptu river swimming, anyway, old chap?” “Do not change the subject. Orgies. Stop. NOW.”)
So anyway, after a telephone call to Evy and Rick (the wonders of modern technology, which means Jonathan doesn’t have to grab the brain bleach he’d undoubtedly need if THAT occurred). While Rick is laughing uproariously in the background, Evy puts Jonathan on hold while she searches through her vast personal library to find something related to Dionysiac orgies and, preferably, how to stop them. She finds a solution, of course, but refuses to go with her brother because it’s time he took his responsibilities for once and she doesn’t have any time for uncontrollable Roman orgies when she’s correcting the Bembridge Scholars’ mistakes on Manetho’s Aegyptiaca. (Jonathan sputters and thanks whichever deity might be listening that he can blissfully keep not picturing his sister naked, thankyouverymuch.)
Jonathan and Ardeth (in his quality of “weirdly not affected by the cursed orgy relic”) travel to Greece to put it back, have lots of shenanigans and comical misunderstandings, and once everything is put to rights they both breathe a sigh of relief.
“So,” Jonathan asks Ardeth afterwards, “why d'you think you weren’t affected at all? Besides the fact that you’re so dignified that relic probably took a look at you somehow and gave up trying?”
Ardeth very carefully Does Not Blush. Which is odd, because Jonathan has seen him handle the whole orgy nonsense without batting an eye.
“Luck, probably,” says Ardeth with a straight face, which is total bullshit, as evidenced by the massive smooch that occurs approximately seven minutes later. (Because misunderstandings are well and good but at some point a chap would very much like to smooch the love of his life within an inch of, well, both their lives.)
“Still want to throw me into the river?” asks Jonathan a few hours later, by which time they’re considerably less decent but also much happier.
Ardeth laughs and kisses him again to shut him up.
(I didn’t set out to practically write a fic but there you are :D Thanks a lot for the nudge! 💜)
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