Moonfalls

Body is 24 | System | When saying Little we mean child alters, we specify regressed alters for clarification.

[moonfalls-system]

Added some more of our alters to our system save of tomodachi life 💖 we still need another expansion but idk if we can fill it up enough for that. hm. not enough space to build what we are trying to build (one of our comfort childhood places)

[moonfalls-system]

great i won't be able to sleep bc someone re triggered my struggles that resemble moral-ocd like symptoms.

and I don't know who to turn to about this & feel garbage venting about it more in depth bc of the thing that triggered it. but also it makes me want to rip my skin off SOS

[moonfalls-system]

I need song recommendations for songs about the human body in the sense of a nonhuman machine kind of. Idk. something something robogender & nonhuman identity.

Robot / Doll themes or similarly are good, stuff about assembling one self as well. I can't think of examples rn.

[polyamorousmood]

When I fantasize about coming out as polyamorous to my family, sometimes I explain and they laugh. "That's just like you," they tease, "you always wanted so much affection. Glad you're getting it somewhere other than me!"

But I know better.

If I explained, they'd roll their eyes. "That's just like you," they'd sneer. "You were always so clingy, always wanted to be everyone's favorite. We should have made you spend more time alone as a child, maybe you wouldn't feel like you needed to cheat now. To be cheated on, have you no self respect?" And I would be the one to laugh instead, bitterly, at being lectured about love by someone with three failed marriages.

[moonfalls-system]

ppl joking about how "Germans prefer efficiency" yet when I, a neurodivergent & sick German, try to ask what info is actually of use/relevant so i can efficiently give info & leave the doctors office then the doctor claims I'm ""not willing to give him info"". But when I give him the info I think is relevant he also cuts me off because he thinks it's irrelevant (hence me asking him WHAT info he needs).

Dude I don't want to be here bc I'm sick and at the verge of a meltdown. tell me WHAT you need so I can give you ONLY THAT and so I can LEAVE. You're being inefficient by shitting on me.

[moonfalls-system]

how to tell people irl to stop asking me questions and stop acknowledging my existence bc I'm sick and every word I hear out loud pushes me closer to a meltdown and I ALREADY tried making it clear I don't want to talk or interact I'm only here bc my documents were needed and if I hear one more word it'll actively make me want to kms

press search

[this-is-anti-religion]

re: https://www.tumblr.com/this-is-anti-religion/809270923954913280/is-it-anti-religion-if-my-friend-reacts-with-well?source=share

same anon.

re your reply; do you have resources about the inclusiveness of genuine Christianity?

All I have atm is a (German) translation of the Bible a teacher recommended once upon a time. And I don't have the money or space for it atm 💔

Post Referenced

Here's a good collection that I personally recommend!

Mattie Mae-Motl's Must-Reads: Resources on Progressive Christianity

If You Liked This, Try This One Next

[Plain Text: If You Liked This, Try This One Next]

Misogyny, Racism, and the Modern Evangelical

Formidable Foremothers: Saint Thecla the Queer Icon

Formidable Foremothers: Saint Phoebe the Deacon

Formidable Foremothers: Shiphrah + Puah the Deliverers

Is Premarital Sex a Sin: What Does the Bible Actually Say?

Formidable Foremothers: Huldah the Prophet

"Jesus's Entry Into Jerusalem Was Not Unlike That of a Drag Queen"

When God Had a Wife: The Fall and Rise of the Sacred Feminine in the Judeo-Christian Tradition

History's Vanquished Goddess ASHERAH: God's Wife: the Goddess Asherah, Wife of Yahweh

When God Was a Woman: A Transformative Guide to Reclaiming the Sacred Feminine in History

The Bible Says So: What We Get Right (and Wrong) About Scripture’s Most Controversial Issues

Discovering Christian Witchcraft: A Beginner's Guide for Everyday Practice

Discerning Christian Witchcraft: An Intermediate's Walk Through the Mystic Life

Where the Gods Left Off: A Dialogue with Jesus, Angels, Demons, Saints, and Gods About Our World

When Angels & Demons Collude: A Dialogue with Angels, Demons, Gods, Saints, and More About Our World

Edit:

Permission Granted: Take the Bible into Your Own Hands recommended by @church-on-a-lakeside

Be sure to check in with your local libraries, thrift stores, Facebook Marketplace, and eBay first if you can! It's important to reuse and buy sustainably when it's possible. 💕 Best of luck!

[moonfalls-system]

"you don't belong in the adoptee community bc you had one half of your bio family" is a wild thing to say to somebody whose only bio family was abusive, who was denied information about or access to their other biological parent, whose present bio parent wanted to keep your step-parent adoption hidden from you & who is now basically essentially getting """adopted""" a second time by their great grandparents because of that abuse.

Edit: blocking me first "being annoying" (correcting you after you wrote a fucking fanfic fantasy about MY life) which results in me being unable to report your replies for harassment is also fucking wild

[moonfalls-system]

can't believe I need to say this but zionists are NOT welcome here.

especially if you try to go into guilt tripping things from history whilst ignoring that they are literally repeating that exact history.

[alteredpanel]

something from our files while i was digital spring cleaning

[moonfalls-system]

no idea when I was last main front. Don't care much rn either.

I'm mad and angry and hurt. And I know it's my job to feel those feelings; because otherwise we go down burning and crashing. Unfortunately it seems that already happened & our last hope of getting help was ripped from us. The thing that was finally helping us was taken away.

I'm very tired and done with it all. I'm done trying to defend organizations who are supposed to help us, only for them to backstab us. I hope these people come down crashing and burning the same way we have. I hope they suffer the same pain they put us through by taking this away from us.

We were right. We are nothing more than a number to ANYONE working within "mental health" or "reintegration" jobs. It doesn't matter if we are the client or someone else. they get paid regardless.

It just hurts to know that we dared to let down the walls and try to be vulnerable. try to trust them. They're all liars. And I hope they'll go down knowing they are hurting the ones they claim to want to "help".

[moonfalls-system]

also on to do list for next week or so; getting my hair re-cut bc I fucking need to do that

[moonfalls-system]

search engines are being FUCKING USELESS.

I want to figure out if pushing myself past my social, mental & physical battery limits to pretend like I can keep going is a form of emotional self harm but it keeps thinking I'm talking about physical self harm & suicidality.

I know that talking past my social battery is a side product of HPD & BPD and that it harms me. I know that purposely isolating myself is a form of self harm for me personally.

I'm trying to find out if what I'm doing rn is similar or not THAT'S ALL

[moonfalls-system]

Hey so. Let's not tell people if you split an introject of them - or especially of a piece/character they use to process trauma.

Especially if they're a stranger to you.

You can't control who you introject and split, but you can control how you go about it. And rule number one is to not tell a content creator about it if they're one??? You're feeding into parasocial dynamics.

Even with my friends I have long long stopped to tell them about fragments based off them. Let alone fully functional parts.

We tend to use a different name, not use their actual selves or ocs as "faceclaims" etc in order to avoid causing harm.

I have more thoughts but I'm not the creator in questio so I'll leave that here. It just feels very very gross so I had to say something on here. Some people genuinely don't understand boundaries or basic decency.

[moonfalls-system]

parentified sibling culture is "I can't file a restraining order until I'm like 40 or something because otherwise I'll loose access to my siblings, too" .

Love my youngest sibling to death but dear lord our age gap will force me to stay legally in contact with my abuser for a WHILE

[moonfalls-system]

I think the most painful thing to hear as the eldest sibling of a situation of parental neglect and abuse, is the accusation of not caring about your family. Not caring about your siblings.

Everything I did was for them. I cry regularly in pain about the fact I had to leave them behind to get out. I love my siblings. But my original plan was to stay until they all were 18+. I would've been over 30. I wouldn't have been able to deal with that. It would have killed me.

I want to be a good older sibling. I want my siblings back. I want our childhood back. I want to fix it. But I know I can't. I will never be able to undo the damage our parent caused.

Had I been an only child, I fear I'd have been long gone. Because my reason to stay were my siblings. I stayed for their sake. They deserved better than a sibling who couldn't even stand up to their abuser. They deserve better than a sibling who is still picking up the pieces, yet keeps getting distracted by some of them still caught in the web - blindsighted by manipulation, unwilling to listen. I want to put my foot down, I want to pull them out. Want to keep them safe. But that would make things worse. I'm unable to care for myself; let alone multiple other human beings.

I'm sorry for failing you, when you needed me the most. I hope you can get away soon. I'm glad the ones who are out got out. I'm hoping the rest can see it one day. I hope they understand why we are all angry at that parent.

I don't think any of my siblings will see this, they probably all float around German spaces online - and especially not in mental health spaces. But in case any of them see this, and somehow know it is me, please know I love you. Please know you mean the world to me and I wish I could have done better. You deserved better. I'm so so sorry.

[moonfalls-system]

I need to write down some feelings in the journal. but I need to clean my room, and do paperwork.... oughhhh