angstober day 12 - hollow
A dorm room which housed four magical teenage boys was inherently an interesting place. Living in close quarters with one's best friends was like paradise, until the inevitable arguments and petty fights came along. Add in a romance between a Werewolf and a disgraced member of one of the most ancient and noble families in the Wizarding World and things were bound to get interesting.
When James Potter and Sirius Black fight like the brothers that they are, it's childish. They throw a punch or two each, rolling around on the rug or the Quidditch field until they're both equally sore and over it.
Sirius and Peter Pettigrew go on and on for hours, snide comments passed back and forth until someone intervenes and forces both parties to apologise.
Remus and Peter barely argue as they are easily considered the mild-mannered gentlemen to James and Sirius' wild adolescent whims.
When Remus and Sirius get into it, it becomes uncomfortable for everyone. As the dorm's couple, James and Peter are used to averting their eyes and pretending they don't notice when Sirius leaves his own bed to slip into Remus' and vice versa. They know if the two are in the dorm alone it's best to knock very loudly before entering or simply wait in the Common Room until one of them comes down for air; walking into them fighting or fucking was not advisable by any means.
Today, James had finished his homework early and had headed to the dorm to drop his books off before dinner. Last time he brought his Charms book to the dinner table he'd spilled gravy over the essay he'd spent three hours on. A quick cleaning spell had solved the problem, but you could never be too careful.
As he approached the door, he heard voices yelling and instinctively raced to turn the handle and diffuse the situation. The closer he got, however, the better he was able to hear what was going on. Sirius' voice was raised, forcing it's way out of his mouth in the sharp and slightly shrill way which told James he was both angry and hurt. Remus' voice was harder to place as he spoke lower, words pulled out as if it's strenuous. He barely seemed to be fighting back.
"Well if it's not going to last, why are we even together?" Sirius yelled, the question poisoning the air. James felt it even through the thick wooden door he was now up against.
"Sirius! That's not what I mean. I'm trying to explain."
"Can't you try a bit fucking harder, Moony?"
The force of the door opening nearly knocked James over as Sirius sped past him, tears spilling down his face and eyebrows drawn down in sheer determination and anger. If Sirius registered James standing there he didn't show it, instead scurrying down the stairs and away from the dorm.
Stepping into the room Sirius just fled, James scanned the area and found Remus sitting on his bed, utterly dejected with his head hung low between his shoulders. He was so tall and gangly that the sight was extra sorry as his spine rounded in shame.
Most would expect James to run after his best friend, but he knew Sirius like the back of his hand. If it was a nightmare or a panic attack, he would have sprinted to the ends of the earth to catch Sirius and hold him in his arms until he calmed. After a fight with his boyfriend though, he would no doubt be hidden in some corner of the Castle and needed to be left alone.
That's why James decided to focus his attention on Remus who was bound to draw inwards, shoulder the blame and choke on his own self-loathing.
He walked over to Remus, and sat down next to him. "What happened, Moony?"
Without looking up, Remus replied. "What do you think? I fucked up."
"We were just lying here talking about some Muggle movie and he got upset because I said that high school relationships never last."
James had to stop himself from grimacing.
"I saw the look on his face and tried to explain what I meant, that movies are just stupid stereotypes and real couples aren't like that, but it just got worse and I was digging myself such a hole, then he started crying and oh god," Remus covered his face with his hands. "I didn't mean us, James."
Sucking his teeth, James tried to reassure his friend curled next to him. The yelling made sense, now. Growing up in Grimmauld Place, Sirius was taught that sadness was weak. In the eyes of Walburga and Orion, weakness was the least profitable trait. To assimilate, to survive, meant anger was a much safer emotion. At least anger gave you the strength to fight back and guard your heart.
"Just give him a chance to calm down, look at the situation rationally. I'm sure he-"
"You don't get it, James," Remus interrupted, shaking his head. "There's something wrong with me. Sirius doesn't... He. He deserves someone more capable of actual human emotion."
James placed a hand on his shoulder, gripping firmly. "Mate, just because Sirius feels everything all the time doesn't mean he can't understand where you're coming from. You know what it was like for him growing up."
"At least he has a reason to push things down. It feels like someone scooped out my insides and I'm just hollow in there." James leaned down and put his ear on Remus' chest.
"Heart's still beating," he pronounces, then scoots further down to listen to his abdomen. "Stomach juices juicing. So this is how you break down all that food!"
Remus shoves his friend off him and can't help but smile a bit. James was the most loving idiot he knew. He didn't think he would ever know how to comfort people like he did. James was born to bring light to others. Remus sucked it in and snuffed it.
"Not what I mean." Remus muttered.
"I know, Moony. Sirius is pretty all-or-nothing, and it's hard for him to see other people's point of view sometimes. It's like his head is buzzing so hard with his need to be understood, he forgets to try understand the other side."
"I don't expect him to dull himself for me."
"He's not asking you to. That's why you guys work. He's loud and extremely annoying and wears his heart on his sleeve. You're quiet, a thousand times more pleasant, bit of a tougher nut to crack. Opposites attract, don't they say?"
"What if we're too opposite, Prongs? What if our feelings for each other are all we have in common?"
"That's bullshit, and you know it. Get out of that heard of yours. He's gonna calm down, and when he comes back you're gonna tell him exactly what you just told me. Sirius is so stupidly in love with you Remus, he just needs to hear you love him back."
"Of course I do, Prongs. More than anything. I don't know how to handle everything he makes me feel, after being numb for so long, it's..."
James listened to Remus sigh and the sound stung. "You'll figure it out. You're a forever kind of thing."
"Thanks. Do you mind if I just read for a bit?"
"Course not," James hopped up from the bed and pat Remus on the back before dumping his books on his own mattress. "I'll bring you back some food?"
"He'll go to the kitchens if he gets hungry."
"I don't want him to starve just cause of some stupid fight."
"Don't worry Moony, he's not that dramatic."